TL;DR.

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Still_I_Cry

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Edited By Still_I_Cry

Not much to say beyond this: If you don't feel like reading something kind of long then run away, run far away.

To those that do read it, I hope you like it, I did a lot of editing. I am trying to make it just right. I am not sure if I have reached that point yet. I may edit it more, although I don't want to over-edit. I will have to look at it tomorrow, I suppose and see if I still think it is ok. And the format got messed up..so it loses that..

Anyone know how to make paragraphs work in here ?

:)

---------------------------------------

Thump. A chasm opens.

The beast’s mouth gapes, inching towards me.

Grey eyes glisten hungrily-

Closer! Look closer!

Just a door. Calm down.

Not much more.

Thump. The darkness comes.

Ashen tendrils reach from the depths

Of corners unfathomably deep-

Twisting and twirling in the air,

Writhing along the floor.

I hide my face under the covers.

Supportive, soft, white.

My only shield,

I shall not yield!

Creeeek.

Cowering, the unborn fetus in it's mother’s womb.

I hold my shield true.

The Darkness slithers along the floor; I dare not peek.

Dust fills my mouth; I dare not speak.

Thump!

Quiet! Quiet! Why must you beat so loud?!

[Bravery. A gift of which I was not endowed.]

Escape!

The frightened deer, I make my move.

Vaulting and stumbling up the mountain, the stairs,

On my heels the shadows swallow the dull nightlights,

[Safety fleeting and shallow]

The gateway to heaven lay ahead,

I’m almost there; the safe haven awaits the frightened deer

Not a year beyond seven.

The light shimmers brightly as I

Stumble in, sputtering and shaking.

The shadows burst like bubbles at it’s touch.

Safety is here.

Greeted by a tender embrace, gentle hands

Wipe the dew off my face.

They cannot slither in here.

In here, there is no fear.

My mother, a beacon of light,

A mighty Valkyrie they dare not challenge-

Creeeek. They come [a decade gone].

I cower again. The aborted fetus. Malformed, limbs bent.

They swirl and whirl outside my shield

[A thin grey sheet, once white, so many years ago].

This time, I fear, I shall yield.

I try to

Scream out in fright.

Beg to banish the night.

A gentle hiss

Slips out into the nothingness.

A whisper, light and lisping,

Airy and vacuous,

Lights upon my ears,

“The Valkyrie’s bravery has all been spent”

Fear.

It’s grip tightens around my throat.

I pushed her away, my Valkyrie.

She withered, shriveled and was blown away.

A stifled whimper escapes my heart.

The last sigh of a drowning woman

Enveloped in a sea, viscous and grey-

Gentle laughter echoes hollowly,

A thousand tiny voices.

They know she can no longer save me.

They know.

The haven lay in ruins, the home of shadows now.

The shield,

Too weak to hold them back

Falls under relentless attack.

I beg anyone left to save me [please hear!]

But no one is there..

No one is there..

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Still_I_Cry

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#1  Edited By Still_I_Cry

Not much to say beyond this: If you don't feel like reading something kind of long then run away, run far away.

To those that do read it, I hope you like it, I did a lot of editing. I am trying to make it just right. I am not sure if I have reached that point yet. I may edit it more, although I don't want to over-edit. I will have to look at it tomorrow, I suppose and see if I still think it is ok. And the format got messed up..so it loses that..

Anyone know how to make paragraphs work in here ?

:)

---------------------------------------

Thump. A chasm opens.

The beast’s mouth gapes, inching towards me.

Grey eyes glisten hungrily-

Closer! Look closer!

Just a door. Calm down.

Not much more.

Thump. The darkness comes.

Ashen tendrils reach from the depths

Of corners unfathomably deep-

Twisting and twirling in the air,

Writhing along the floor.

I hide my face under the covers.

Supportive, soft, white.

My only shield,

I shall not yield!

Creeeek.

Cowering, the unborn fetus in it's mother’s womb.

I hold my shield true.

The Darkness slithers along the floor; I dare not peek.

Dust fills my mouth; I dare not speak.

Thump!

Quiet! Quiet! Why must you beat so loud?!

[Bravery. A gift of which I was not endowed.]

Escape!

The frightened deer, I make my move.

Vaulting and stumbling up the mountain, the stairs,

On my heels the shadows swallow the dull nightlights,

[Safety fleeting and shallow]

The gateway to heaven lay ahead,

I’m almost there; the safe haven awaits the frightened deer

Not a year beyond seven.

The light shimmers brightly as I

Stumble in, sputtering and shaking.

The shadows burst like bubbles at it’s touch.

Safety is here.

Greeted by a tender embrace, gentle hands

Wipe the dew off my face.

They cannot slither in here.

In here, there is no fear.

My mother, a beacon of light,

A mighty Valkyrie they dare not challenge-

Creeeek. They come [a decade gone].

I cower again. The aborted fetus. Malformed, limbs bent.

They swirl and whirl outside my shield

[A thin grey sheet, once white, so many years ago].

This time, I fear, I shall yield.

I try to

Scream out in fright.

Beg to banish the night.

A gentle hiss

Slips out into the nothingness.

A whisper, light and lisping,

Airy and vacuous,

Lights upon my ears,

“The Valkyrie’s bravery has all been spent”

Fear.

It’s grip tightens around my throat.

I pushed her away, my Valkyrie.

She withered, shriveled and was blown away.

A stifled whimper escapes my heart.

The last sigh of a drowning woman

Enveloped in a sea, viscous and grey-

Gentle laughter echoes hollowly,

A thousand tiny voices.

They know she can no longer save me.

They know.

The haven lay in ruins, the home of shadows now.

The shield,

Too weak to hold them back

Falls under relentless attack.

I beg anyone left to save me [please hear!]

But no one is there..

No one is there..

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Shindiggah

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#2  Edited By Shindiggah

tl;dr

In all honesty though it's decent. Not very impressive structurally, but I like the tone of it.

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Still_I_Cry

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#3  Edited By Still_I_Cry

@Shindiggah said:

tl;dr

In all honesty though it's decent. Not very impressive structurally, but I like the tone of it.

Thanks, hard to do structure when I don't know how to do paragraphs.

It looked the way I wanted it to before I hit "post blog."

:(

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Shindiggah

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#4  Edited By Shindiggah

@Still_I_Cry said:

@Shindiggah said:

tl;dr

In all honesty though it's decent. Not very impressive structurally, but I like the tone of it.

Thanks, hard to do structure when I don't know how to do paragraphs.

It looked the way I wanted it to before I hit "post blog."

:(

I understand that part of it, I meant basic line structure honestly at parts the contrast between the lengths of it's meter is nice, but at other parts it just kind of disrupts the flow in my opinion. Overall I really do enjoy it though.

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Still_I_Cry

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#5  Edited By Still_I_Cry

@Shindiggah said:

@Still_I_Cry said:

@Shindiggah said:

tl;dr

In all honesty though it's decent. Not very impressive structurally, but I like the tone of it.

Thanks, hard to do structure when I don't know how to do paragraphs.

It looked the way I wanted it to before I hit "post blog."

:(

I understand that part of it, I meant basic line structure honestly at parts the contrast between the lengths of it's meter is nice, but at other parts it just kind of disrupts the flow in my opinion. Overall I really do enjoy it though.

Oh, I see. Thanks for the feedback!

My line structure honestly is abysmal, I am surprised it turned out as ok as it did. I am going to try and work on it!