" I hate to put your username into a targetted pun but... sounds like you're in a bit of a friend zone bind. "
Oh okay. What makes you say that? I open to seriously hear your answers. "
What he's trying to say is that you are not going to be able to go out with that chick.Because she wants you to stay "Just friends" because she "Values your friendship" "
Basically, she values the unconditional attention you give her, and in this situation, you are the "biggest loser" (get it? I chuckled). Well, that's how the generalization goes anyway. Don't let that get you down if you think you actually might have a shot.
I know what he means by the Friends Zone. I'm no fool. But is that just an automatic thing that happens when you hang out with a girl for a long time? Why does that happen?
If you really like the girl, just staying friends is the best idea. Try and go out with some girl you aren't going to get pissed off if you break up. Then see how your relationship with Girl A is after awhile.
In the words of a woman, if she has a boyfriend and keeps you around, it is because she is comfortable with you, has fun and if things go sour with her boyfriend, she has you, which is not a bad deal. Now the game is totally different if she doesn't have a boyfriend.
" In the words of a woman, if she has a boyfriend and keeps you around, it is because she is comfortable with you, has fun and if things go sour with her boyfriend, she has you, which is not a bad deal. Now the game is totally different if she doesn't have a boyfriend. "
" Sounds like you are into her but she isn't into you. "
Why does it sound like she isnt into me? "
Maybe because she has a boyfriend? "
I realise she has a bf but he made it sound as though there was other information that meant she didn't like me. "
Here I'll put this into some sort of perspective that all of us can relate to.
You are eating a delicious bowl of moose tracks ice cream. You just bit into the peanut buttery center and had a taste bud orgasm. When eating the moose tracks your friend hands you the tastiest looking Hamburger you have ever seen. Remember watching that spongebob marathon and you were starving your ass off, and sponge bob whips up like 30 krabby patties and feeds it to those little sardine guys, and you say to yourself "wow I could really have one of those they look delicious"... yeah that kind tasty. Now while eating the Moose Tracks you really aren't in the mood for that Hamburger becasue it would be a little gross, but later you could really go for it, but in your mind you really have no notion to go for it at all because of how good the moose tracks are. Imagine you are the hamburger.
At least I hope this girl your talking about isnt as big as the ones that hang out at the food court at the mall, otherwise this analogy may not be so far off.
@biggest_loser: See that thing that just went over your head? That was the opportunity to date her. Welcome to the friend zone, coffee's in the back, Tim brought in kleenex if you feel like crying...I think it's over by...Hey Tim where'd you put the Kleenex?...Oh ok thanks...yeah it's over by the ping pong table. I think you'll like it here.
@biggest_loser: Sit back and respect the friendship. Enjoy it, because if things don't work out for her current boyfriend, it helps build something greater in the future. I know it sucks to play rebound, and that's probably because you don't want to be "just another guy," but don't wait around for her to break up or something. If anything, support her in her current relationship -- you guys are friends!
I'm speaking from personal experience, but Auspiciousqueue had some good words as well.
dude take it from me your barking up the wrong tree, shes keeping you at an arms distance to keep her bf doing what she wants and uses you as a threat to him. Seen it happen time and time again. walk away dude.
" @biggest_loser: Sit back and respect the friendship. Enjoy it, because if things don't work out for her current boyfriend, it helps build something greater in the future. I know it sucks to play rebound, and that's probably because you don't want to be "just another guy," but don't wait around for her to break up or something. If anything, support her in her current relationship -- you guys are friends! I'm speaking from personal experience, but Auspiciousqueue had some good words as well. "
Yeah, in all seriousness this is pretty much where it's at.
" dude take it from me your barking up the wrong tree, shes keeping you at an arms distance to keep her bf doing what she wants and uses you as a threat to him. Seen it happen time and time again. walk away dude. "
" dude take it from me your barking up the wrong tree, shes keeping you at an arms distance to keep her bf doing what she wants and uses you as a threat to him. Seen it happen time and time again. walk away dude. "
I don't think thats the case. "
Randiolo is right. That is exactly what is going on - she is using you.
" dude take it from me your barking up the wrong tree, shes keeping you at an arms distance to keep her bf doing what she wants and uses you as a threat to him. Seen it happen time and time again. walk away dude. "
I don't think thats the case. "
Randiolo is right. That is exactly what is going on - she is using you. "
Yeah, but if she came over to your house right now and said that she had dumped her boyfriend and wanted to be with you, you would jump at the chance right? That's what you've been waiting for all this time, am I right?
" Yeah, but if she came over to your house right now and said that she had dumped her boyfriend and wanted to be with you, you would jump at the chance right? That's what you've been waiting for all this time, am I right? "
Not the entire time, no not at all. I have started thinking about this most thoroughly recently. Like in the last couple of weeks.
I am not stupid. I would look at the circumstances of the break up to ensure it wasn't a rebound.
You're missing the point. Think about it from the other angle.
If you went over to her house right now and told her that you wanted her and wanted her to leave her boyfriend for you, she would tell you that she thinks of you as "just a friend" and that's all you will ever be. Even if she was single, that's almost definitely the response you would get.
" dude take it from me your barking up the wrong tree, shes keeping you at an arms distance to keep her bf doing what she wants and uses you as a threat to him. Seen it happen time and time again. walk away dude. "
I don't think thats the case. "
Randiolo is right. That is exactly what is going on - she is using you. "
I just wanted to quickly state that these are assumptions. To me, I don't think that's the case. It very well could be, but it's not like I (or any of us) know these people. I wouldn't get worried over your friendship with the girl, biggest_loser. Why would you walk away from something simple? Heck, she might even break up with her boyfriend and still just keep you as a friend. I've seen that happen before, and I'm glad for it. Maybe they'll get married and have several kids. Who knows? As said before, respect the relationship as it is. Just friends.
Regardless, it's a little unfair to judge in this case.
" @MB said: I just wanted to quickly state that these are assumptions. To me, I don't think that's the case. It very well could be, but it's not like I (or any of us) know these people. I wouldn't get worried over your friendship with the girl, biggest_loser. Why would you walk away from something simple? Heck, she might even break up with her boyfriend and still just keep you as a friend. I've seen that happen before, and I'm glad for it. Maybe they'll get married and have several kids. Who knows? As said before, respect the relationship as it is. Just friends.Regardless, it's a little unfair to judge in this case. "
You have misunderstood us I think. We are not saying stop being friends with her or don't ever talk to her again. It is, in our experiences, situations like this always end up with the two simply remaining friends as the girl has no interest in the guy. If she was interested in him, she would not be with someone else right now.
True friendship with someone of the other sex is brilliant, you get so much insight into what can help.
*EDIT* And stupidly I think I may have misunderstood you, oh well, point remains valid.
" You're missing the point. Think about it from the other angle.If you went over to her house right now and told her that you wanted her and wanted her to leave her boyfriend for you, she would tell you that she thinks of you as "just a friend" and that's all you will ever be. Even if she was single, that's almost definitely the response you would get. "
So how does that relate to what you said before about her supposedly using me?
"So how does that relate to what you said before about her supposedly using me? "
I think the term "using you" may be being misunderstood. She is not "using" you at her will and taking advantage of you. We were merely trying to explain that she sees you purely as a friend.
" dude take it from me your barking up the wrong tree, shes keeping you at an arms distance to keep her bf doing what she wants and uses you as a threat to him. Seen it happen time and time again. walk away dude. "
I don't think thats the case. "
Randiolo is right. That is exactly what is going on - she is using you. "
We've been friends for nearly a year and a half? "
dude ur under her spell. its hard to see i know and youv got feelings for her. BUT DUDE, if its been a year and a half and shes got a bf then its time to call it a day, sure be freinds with her but dont sit there n hope they break up so you can step up. and if they did break up.. know what shes gona say.. " but i see you as a freind and i dont want to loose that coz i care about you" . In that time you could have found a better chik thats single and with bigger boobs. dont kid urslef.
She's not using you. If you really like her as a friend, then keep the friendship going. From the sound of it, it sounds like you and her are great friends. Why get rid of that?
@randiolo: This would completely solve his problem. He gets his one night of awesomeness to see if he's into her for real. Plus he then has some leverage over her. As George Constanza would say; he would have hand
In essence, everyone is trying to say being friends with her is not bad, you if the stipulation is that you do not want to be with her and you just want to be friends. It becomes a problem when she has given you no clue that she wants to be with you but you think you have a chance. It would be horrible of her to allow you to be hurt if you think you have a chance. If you are happy being her friend and never romantically being with her, then that is what you will be. It comes back to the larger picture of if you have ever considered or talked about dating. Macro topics!
PS: Fellas, I'm just trying to work out if she likes me. I'm not going to do anything rash since she has a bf. I will probably do nothing at all. But we can discuss this here.
u know what would make you feel all better? playing braid its the best game 4 people who are depressed and have relationship problems :D sry i brought games in2 this, but evn if she dumps her bf and she wants 2 go out with u DONT DO IT, cuz it wont be her personal feelings itll b 2 make her ex jealous
Did you know her before she met her boyfriend? Move on, it ain't happening.
Did you meet her after she started dating her boyfriend? You might maybe have a chance. But you're still a dick for trying to still a fella's lady. Unless he is a dick, then you can take moral high ground. Or if he looked at you funny maybe one time.
Until you find out I'm here boyfriend and you freak the fuck out.
If you want a serious answer... ask questions, but don't just say "Do you love me?!" Mention her boyfriend... if she something good about him... well your fucked. If she says there having problems... capitalize!
And do you know her boyfriend? Are you guys friends? Does he have the strength to beat the shit out of you? Could you beat the shit out of him? Does she spend more time with you than him? (I assume not, but you never know) Do they live together, do they live far apart? I could go on.. unless you be REALLY specific it's hard to really help..
But the bottom line is... she doesn't hate you. So that means you have a chance and you two may hook up some day. Or.. you may not. But if you really turn down any other decent girls because you got this other girl in the back of your head... you're probably over obsessing.
Hope this helps.
EDIT: Another really valid question just popped into my head. If you learned she didn't want to be together would you still wanna be her friend? Think about it dude. Are you only her friend because you're holding onto the only chance you got to date her later on... do you even wanna be her friend at all, or are you just hoping the so called "friendship" will transform into something more than just a friendship. Just a thought. I may be totally off. Don't get pissed off if I'm totally wrong.
@wealllikepie:
u no its rly hard 2 understand wut ppl are saying when they type in ridiculous ways.. and its rly fucking annoying. n he nvr said he was depressed either man..
Seems like you're trying to question everything in regards to her not being into you, and encourage anybody that wants more details, because you think it'll enlighten people as to why she likes you. Sounds like you're totally into her and in denial about not having a chance. Trust me as somebody who has had a blurry best friend /ex girlfriend line for around 5 years; don't worry about if she likes you, she has a boyfriend and that means she's out of bounds. You can explore whether or not you should get together when both of you are single, but don't hold your breathe. Don't live by what might be, live by what is. If it's supposed to happen and the time is right things will. You're a terrible friend if you're going to start scheming behind her back how to be the rebound when this next relationship ends.
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