Where are you supposed to meet people in 2018?

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sombre

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#1  Edited By sombre

Hey gang!

So lately, I've been pretty lonely. I moved into my own place, and although I am enjoying it, I do feel a bit melancholy. I still see my family once a week, but I don't know if it's enough social interaction. I just feel super lonely lately, and I'd like to meet new people. But I guess I don't know where to meet them!

I had a girlfriend about 7-8 years ago, but we met at our University anime society. Obviously, as a 29 yo male, I can't hang out there anymore! I'd like to know where you guys would recommend to meet new people my own age? I've been talking to people on a pretty quiet discord, but it's just not enough. I work in a school, but both work and my place are super rural. We're talking an hour to get into the nearest city, which is Manchester (UK). I don't have a car, and it's a big trek to get into anywhere dense with people.

Ideas gang?

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JonDo

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it's overrated

i wouldn't recommend it

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Hamst3r

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Time to play World of Warcraft.

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TheZardoz

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I met my fiance that I've been with for over 5 years via online dating which I was not a fan of conceptually before I tried it. Might be worth a shot. I will say try not to use anything that costs money if you don't have to. There's plenty of free dating apps with perfectly normal people on them.

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sombre

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@hamst3r said:

Time to play World of Warcraft.

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Way ahead of you

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SchrodngrsFalco

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Most game shops will do open game nights that have been very friendly and inviting at every shop I've been to. They usually have a ton of games you can use for the night from the shop and there's often groups inviting new players.

When I've gone alone, I'll just walk a bit until something catches my eye and ask a group if they mind that I watch, cause it looks interesting. Ask some questions here or there about the game, have conversations if not obtrusive to the playing, and hopefully even get in on the next match/round whatever. A large circle of my friends, now, I met through a game night that I almost didn't go to and I'm glad I met them all.

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loafofgame

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Being a bit of a loner, I have a small circle of close friends who live relatively nearby, so this has never been a real issue for me. I also never lived in a very rural place. I reckon people your age (and my age, I guess: I'm 31) tend to live in cities or suburbs. Aren't there apps that can help you find people to meet? And I don't mean just dating, but also hanging out. I thought those existed.

Maybe ask where the cool people hang out in your local pub or grocery store. ;-P Also, every hole in the UK has a football pitch, right? Maybe some cities have outdoor activity clubs (cycling, walking, boating) that go rural near you in the weekends. Might be something you can join from your hometown. I'm trying to think of better stuff, but where I'm from (The Netherlands) the infrastructure is good enough and the distances are short enough that it's relatively easy to get where people are. Maybe you should seriously consider investing in a car.

Wish I could help. Feeling lonely sucks. :-/

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Quarters

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I met my wife through OK Cupid, and most of my friends through community theatre. You've just got to get creative. Find things you're interested in, and see how maybe that can lead to meeting new people.

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TheRealTurk

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*sigh*

Somebody post the picture.

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BallsLeon

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#11  Edited By BallsLeon

I've been out of the game for awhile, but WoW Barren's chat used to be bumping.

But seriously, get way into your hobbies, and you will meet like minded people. I love to bike, and have met lots of people through bike shops/trailheads/etc. Not all of them turn into friends, but a few have!

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Captain_Insano

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Do you play sport or have any interest in sport? A local sports team or hobby club could be good. You mentioned that you're in a rural area but i imagine that low grade football or cricket is probably still somewhere in the area. Even if you aren't particularly skilled it can still be a good way to meet a few people. Unless you have absolutely zero interest in sports, then it's tougher.

I've made a few friends through Board Game meet ups as that is one of my hobbies. Most people I just know somewhat in passing, but I've made 2 or 3 good mates out of it.

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John_Wiswell

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It really depends on your area. I live in a small rural town. There is a bar that gets very little turn out. The local library has regular functions where you can meet folks. There are plays at the local high school, and sports games. There's a church with regular Sunday services. The local supermarket has a cork board where people put up ads for cook-outs, concerts, and public events. Our neighborhood has a board of directors that also allows for some socializing, although recently they discontinued the annual cook-out.

Each of these is an opportunity to meet people. You can usually find these even in the smallest towns congregating around resources.

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mach_go_go_go

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Volunteering. Chicks dig dudes who teach kids to read.

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FacelessVixen

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DaPinkTerrorist

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You're not alone, I'm in a similar situation. Graduated from university earlier this year and moved for my job to a new place where I know nobody. It is in a major city, but it is still super difficult for me to put myself out there. I've dealt with depression before, but it has really flared up over this last month. It amazes me to think that back in the day before the internet people did this all the time and managed fine.

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wollywoo

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Ugh, trying to find friends in a new city when you don't know anybody there and you're done with college is like fucking impossible. That's why I'm temporarily moving backing home and contemplating calling up a high school sweetheart...

uh, yeah. So, try meetup.com.

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Zleunamme

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The dark back alley with no phone reception that was mentioned on Craigslist.

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deactivated-5e6e407163fd7

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Im drunk (fyi). If you are in a new city and need a job and need to meet someone get a job at a call center. You will meet a lot of people just through training let alone once youre on the floor. QUIT IMMEDIATLEy. After you meet some people quit before your respect for your fellow man is totally destroyed. Otherwise find a meet up online for an interest you have. You will be surprised how many meet ups there are for random shit if you have hobbies outside on screens

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deactivated-5e6e407163fd7

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Ares42

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I mean, you moved to a place without a lot of people, so... But disregarding that, the traditional way to meet people as an adult is through getting friends at work and then using that as a spring board to meet friends of friends etc. If not that then you can start going to events. County faires, cooking classes, local concerts, sports events, hell even town hall meetings (or even church). And ofc there's the good old pub alternative.

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The_Greg

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It depends what kind of person you are. If you're a bit reclusive and just like gaming, maybe the internet is your best shot. If you're more of a social butterfly, get yourself out there.

Manchester is your best bet as it has an amazing nightlife. If you're into going out on the piss, I would suggest just going out for drinks a lot and get chatting to people in smoking areas. You might need to stop over in a hotel or at a friends house if it's an hour away, but I've done it many times.

Go to Warehouse Project as much as possible because it's brilliant, not even for the people, it's just a great night.

I like 42s nightclub because it's massively indie and suits me down to a tee. People there are generally quite alternative and very friendly, so you don't need to be a big pumped up bro to meet nice folks.

I live in Sheffield. I've been in a relationship for years now, but before that, I was 'dating' girls just by meeting them in town.

Where do you live, if you don't mind me asking?

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Godmil

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#26  Edited By Godmil

I once did some film courses run by a local art house cinema, they also did a quiz night.. that was a great way to meet a small group of film fans.

Alternatively....

... *whisper* Have you thought of letting VR into your life?

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sombre

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@the_greg said:

It depends what kind of person you are. If you're a bit reclusive and just like gaming, maybe the internet is your best shot. If you're more of a social butterfly, get yourself out there.

Manchester is your best bet as it has an amazing nightlife. If you're into going out on the piss, I would suggest just going out for drinks a lot and get chatting to people in smoking areas. You might need to stop over in a hotel or at a friends house if it's an hour away, but I've done it many times.

Go to Warehouse Project as much as possible because it's brilliant, not even for the people, it's just a great night.

I like 42s nightclub because it's massively indie and suits me down to a tee. People there are generally quite alternative and very friendly, so you don't need to be a big pumped up bro to meet nice folks.

I live in Sheffield. I've been in a relationship for years now, but before that, I was 'dating' girls just by meeting them in town.

Where do you live, if you don't mind me asking?

I live just outside of Bury. I know there's meant to be an amazing arcade there, which I'd be really into, but it's the anxiety that kills me. It's the same reason I haven't started doing yoga, or swimming, or going to the gym.

The anxiety just runs my life. I can't go outside of my village because I assume the worst will happen. Thank God I have games atm or I might go crazy

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nutter

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Go places where someone you’d want to meet would go. I don’t know what sort of companionship you’re looking for, but figure out where that type of person might be and go there.

Just keep in mind that depending on where you go, folks may or may not be interested in meeting people.

Bars, clubs, music venues, social clubs, volunteering organizations, local sports, local government opportunities, etc.

Even small towns need to be run. They have less people, but people still need do do things. I know you mentioned anxiety, but if something doesn’t already exist, maybe try to guage demand and start it.

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The_Greg

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@sombre: Anxiety is absolutely crippling, I totally understand. I have what I would consider 'mild' social anxiety, but I find that the more I throw myself into uncomfortable situations, the easier it is.

That being said, don't go out of your comfort zone if you don't want to. Just do the things you like to do.

I just googled arcade in Bury. Is it that Arcade Club? Looks immense! Largest 'free play' arcade in Europe, apparently. Man, you should definitely check that out, just out of sheer curiosity.

Honestly, it's hard to say what's best because everyone is different. All I can 100% recommend is that you don't stay in the house/flat. Just go out and do as much as you can.

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monkeyking1969

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Meeting people is a muscle, you have to stretch it and work it out. If you are low on time or cash it can be very hard to stretch those muscles...just like the cash to go to a physical gym is pricey. But there are generally some way to meet people that are free. Volunteering is a good way to meet people, even if it is just old people or young people...or people you have nothing much in common with...it IS good practice. Chances are if you went back in time you woudl find that one friend introduces you to other friends, you never made friends alone. That mean making one connection can lead to other connections, and those connection lead to still more. You never know if the old lady you befriend as a musinusm volunteer doesn't have a grandchild your age.

There are "meetup" nerd groups for certain organizations - 501st Legions, Rebel Legions, Dr Who Clubs, etc. There are "meetup" groups for many medium and large cities. Some bigger comic stores have groups for D&D, video game and anime. Joining a gym can and taking a class can be a good way to get into a running, biking, or rowing group.

Take a class at a local library! It’s a fact: people who read are just more interesting....but libraries have more than books and movies! Most libraries have adult classes, book discussions groups, and crafting classes. Hell, some libraries have 3D printers where you could start to make you Star Wars cos-play costume! And , spread you wing maybe you don't KNOW if you like knitting, book binding, or sewing with a s machine.

The biggest advice is this: People are OUTSIDE your home. You will VERY RARELY meet someone you don't already know in your own house. Get out of the house.

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nutter

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@monkeyking1969: If you do meet a stranger in your own home, make sure to strike first and strike hard...

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wmoyer83

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This is my hot take but here I go

Your not really lonely, your bored

If you truly wanted to meet people, you can just go out to a bar or meetup.com or whatever.

The reality is, when you start feeling alone, you actively feel anxious about it, and it’s displaced energy. It will start to bother you. What I think should be the focus is self improvement and filling your time with goals.

One physical, like lifting weights or bike riding.

One mental, learn something new, by attending a class or reading a book.

One spiritual, which is something fun that you can enjoy. A hobby, a sport gaming.

Stay focused on these three things and then the social void will be filled after. Just keep yourself as the main drive for what you are doing. Going to a gym and joining a weightlifting class? It’s because you want to improve your self. Meeting people at gym class? That’s just a potential bonus.

Once you prioritize yourself, everything else comes together.

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HansBak

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Enroll on some course, like, foreign language or something. There are always people willing to make friends there, why would they go otherwise?

You can do a lot of traveling around that area. Not having a car is not supper handy, but you can get a bike, rent one, for example, or get a second hand one.

Get a dog, idk, mine makes me a people magnet.

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Big_Denim

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I just moved to a house in a somewhat remote area. It's not in the middle of nowhere, but I'm by no means in or around a city. The best places for me to meet new folks is: local pub and introducing myself to my neighbors. Sure, they may not be great friends of mine (I still hang out with buddies from highschool and college every couple of weeks), but it's enough to get social interactions out of my system on the regular day-to-day.

And, as crazy as it sounds, like others have said - get a dog. Not only will that make you feel WAY less lonely at home, it's also a good conversation starter if you go places with the dog (like the pub for instance).

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personandstuff

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Meetup is okay. I go to some board game meetups but it kind of always feels like making acquitances, rather than friends. That might be my own social anxiety at work though.

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monkeyking1969

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@nutter said:

@monkeyking1969: If you do meet a stranger in your own home, make sure to strike first and strike hard...

My first thought was check to see if you are having a stroke...but yes, after ruling out a stroke, swing first.

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csl316

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You really just need to meet one person. If you get along, if they mention some weekend group activity ask if they could use some extra company. Go out with them, be yourself and be friendly, and before you know it you'll have a group of friends.

Basically, just say yes to any social invite if you have nothing else going on. Being alone at home can be fun and comfortable, but if you want a social life you gotta do different things than you've been doing.

Join a club, join a team, go to some event that will get you to meet like-minded people. There are plenty of options for meeting people in 2018. More than ever.

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2Mello

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Try going to events that you're interested in or joining an ongoing group. I really think that getting to know just one person while attending an event can lead you into a whole new friend group, and all sorts of opportunities.

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DrSpaceLove

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I move around a bunch for retail and usually you just get to know people you work with. I will say do not try to meet people at bars most of the time it's an expensive waste of time with the best case scenario sitting in some dudes basement smoking pot and listening to white people attempt to rap. 2/10 would not recommend.

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deactivated-5d6f0f4262550

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There is good advice here. But if you can't find someone within a year, I would highly recommend quitting and moving somewhere more populated. Don't let people guilt trip you if you want to quit because you're miserable.

I found VR actually helped me cope when I was stuck out in the sticks for jobs.

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Max_Cherry

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@sombre: also, as a 29 year old male, who looks young enough to pass for 17 if I really insisted on it and my hairpiece stays on -- I mean I'm no Patrick Klepek-- that would be crazy, I think you could go back to that university anime club and start making more connections now if you wanted.

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Slaps2

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#42  Edited By Slaps2

@sombre: Develop a hobby. Anything you're interested in? Also, becoming a gym rat always fixes the melancholy. Also, grad school is a thing.

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someoneproud

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Pubs is the only advice I have, I live in a pretty small industrial town but I meet new people pretty regularly if I go around the pubs and talk shit with folk.

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sombre

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@sombre: also, as a 29 year old male, who looks young enough to pass for 17 if I really insisted on it and my hairpiece stays on -- I mean I'm no Patrick Klepek-- that would be crazy, I think you could go back to that university anime club and start making more connections now if you wanted.

It'd probably be weird. They're 18 and I'm 29. They'd probably put me on some sort of list

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fledeye

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If you work in a school, do you like kids?

What about volunteering for a charity like Scouting, Guiding, Prince’s Trust etc.

You’ll get to meet loads of new people, learn new skills and there’s usually something going on however rural the area.