Gonna need to call you out a little bit
@kowbrainz. Not because you're wrong but rather to examplify why the situation as a whole is fundamentally flawed.
Personally I do agree with you, in parts. However, saying others to "stop approaching the way they do" is a similar negative approach. Don't assume how non depressed people act, rather you have to look at the situation as a whole and you will quickly realize how far from truth your argument regarding "gatekeeping" really is.
@kowbrainz said:
Depends where you draw the line for romanticising. Some people do make a hasty jump to claim depression during a slump without having seen a doctor first, yes.
What if I tell you that quite a whole lot of people, which a significant amount of percentage of people with actual diagnosed depression, actually are on the nose with self-diagnosing it first and foremost, even with slight inaccuracies?
So much in fact that they had to change the ICD throught the years in slight manners, because it lead to a curious development where the diagnosed had a better grasp on the potential results than the one performing the diagnosis. To examplify what the ICD can mean now, even a "slump" can be considered a whole subset of symptoms, going way ahead of what F32.0 dictates and concludes. Calling temporary phases of "feeling sad" a slump does in no way indicate the fundamental nature of the cause.
@kowbrainz said:
But for an invisible illness I think it should be talked about more, and people should be free to vent about it as a coping mechanism if they feel the need.
Thats another fundamental problem when people talk about it. Depression is far from invisible. In fact, its easier to recognise someone who feels slightly "down" and behaving that way rather than looking at someone who has a flu.
However, what you said is true when someone has depressive psychosis. Which can manifest even without "looking" sad. A lot of seelingly happy people can have such an disorder and its also one of the major reasons to call for proper diagnosis (or in laymens terms, telling someone to "go to the doctor" so to speak). However, there is not "true" way to tell a person to seek professional help. Rather the most important thing a mentally healthy person can do towards someone who has a slight depressive phase is not to lie or act. Being yourself can help a (minor) depressed person to reflect upon themselves and their environment.
@kowbrainz said:
I'm not going to police whether or not your symptoms are clinical because at the end of the day if you're feeling shit, you're feeling shit and there's no need to play the comparison game like some sort of mental health gatekeeper.
But here is the thing, a very important thing in fact, most if not almost everyone of these people don't have this sort of "mental health gatekeeping" in mind. Rather they're just curious and want to adapt to the new situation. With communication, you have to keep the other side in mind as well.
That is the side who doesn't know anything about depression, but still wants to do good, of course. This has nothing to do with telling others that their own feelings, or even their wellbeing and mental health is "wrong". This is nothing but a minior discrepancy of understanding each others positions. What you're doing is basically the same of what you think others are doing, telling people to "stop doing something they (you) don't feel is right", but that sort of thing is far from true. In fact, a lot of "mental health gatekeeping" simply looks that way because people are worried, in context, a lot of people don't jump the gun and don't say "go to a doctor if you're having problems" because they're nice and want to help the suffering person rather than implying dismissal by acting strict or cold-hearted.
Its a deeper problem than we're both saying. Its a fundamental failure of not educating our youth in matters of general empathy.
To understand where I am coming from I suggest that you read this simple wiki article, its one of the fundamental pillars in human communication that not many people seem to know about: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four-sides_model
In a way, the FSM shifts when we're dealing with depression, which is what causes this discrepancy in understanding the affector with the affected. There has been some good steps into dealing with this sort of thing, fighting depression from an scientifically sociological standpoint did made some great steps in the last 5 years.
@kowbrainz said:
I think it does more harm to police people on when they can and can't say they're depressed though - for someone who hasn't been diagnosed it may cause them to avoid seeing a doctor if they feel guilty about their symptoms not being "as bad" as someone else. So I just let it go.
Even considering that "policing" is the worst application of the term. What you've said is true, but only if the person who does harm is intentionally knowing that they're doing harm. A lot of people are acting out of compassion and don't want to tell others to see a doctor because it may look as emotionally numbing and cold. Especially if they're knowing the person who is suffering for a while (either privately or through work), but cannot quite grasp the ways in which the depressed have to suffer through.
Seldom a person will tell a depressed person to "stop acting", in fact this is only the case if the person had intentional harm in mind, which has no basis for empathetic action. These people will keep acting as "gatekeepers of what should be considered as normal" regardless. However, I can argue you can educate at least some people who hold this mindset.
In fact, this sometimes leads to a more subtle realization that a person may suffer from depression themselves as their surrounding is behaving differently than what past memory dictates. Usually the next steps will decide if a person is willing to go to a professional or not. This mostly depends on individual perception. Depressive people have a different way on how to percept what others think of them. Sometimes even a slight social gesture can break this self-constructed barrier of which a person believes they're stigmatised. Both the affector and the affected have to reach out to each other in the ways they're capable of. Rejecting each other is considered the worst potential outcome.
Again, this is a both sides issue. Everybody whom I had the privielege to meet who has suffered from all kinds of depressive phases didn't grasp that specific point of understanding the situation of those close to them beforehand and they had to learn it by going to a psychologist in one way or the other (which that said, it can sometimes takes years to meet a professional, too). On the other hand, mentally healthy people who never knew what it means to have depression have to learn/practice a basic understanding of what depression can be seen and how it can affect the depressed but also the people around them.
With this said, telling others to "just let it go" is almost exactly the same as "turn a blind eye" to the one who is suffering through a depressive phase and tell them to go meet a doctor, which even in goodwill can totally backfire and make things worse. Sometimes it needs and even in some parts requires a misunderstanding beforehand in order to realize what is really happening. From experiences that other people have told me, depressive people don't even know they're having (major) depression until they notice the change in their environment.
@boonsong said:
But people who do it might just do it as some sort of coping mechanism.
This is 100% true, however keep it in mind that everybody has some sort of coping mechanism, even people who have never suffered through any form of depression sans the assholes who're just acting like bad people.
In a way, social media exist because people have the desire to reach out in some way or the other and to make themselves heard. Or as you said, as a sort of coping mechanism of what they think is wrong (with them, or others). And again, this even includes people who never have suffered through depression as well.
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