Would you work a job you don't really want to for the opportunity to move out of your parents house?

I've got a minor crisis gang

At the moment, I do about 28 hours a week as a teaching assistant. Super comfy job that I like. However, there's just opened up a job at the bargain booze that I live next to that my mum wants me to apply for to boost my hours.

I actually quite like the shop, but I don't like the idea of working split shift hours. I know I'll work in school from like 8-2, then I'll have a few hours off, then back into work at the shop.

She says it'll be good to earn the extra money, and that it'll keep me busy in the summer holidays (6 weeks paid vacation from school), but I really don't want to work at another shitty retail job. I did it once, and I don't want to go back to doing it again.

But I know if I don't apply, she'll give me a hard time about it and be dissapointed

What would you do in my shoes lads?

Work your way out of it. Complete independence from anyone else is a formative thing, It will probably improve your work ethic and give you boosted self-esteem through a sense of accomplishment and the very fact that you can provide for yourself. I would recommend it if this arrangement is temporary and you have better employment prospects in the future. It is scary as hell, but I found it to be very rewarding.

Depends on what kind of living situation you've got going on at home and how badly you really need the money, I guess. And it really sucks if the school doesn't pay you enough to get by with working 28 hours a week.

I guess move out with your current income if you can. If you can't, then get that extra job and enjoy the endless possibilities provided to you by being able to walk around naked in your house whenever you want, eating whatever you want and fitting your toilet paper roll the right goddamn way around.

I'm actually pretty well off for money at the moment. I spend such a small amount of my wage every month that I've managed to save a few thousand pounds so far. I think the main reason my parents want me to get the job is so that I'm busy during the summer holidays. It's a 6 week break, and I know I wouldn't want to do anything during it. Maybe a week here and there to see overseas friends, but that's it.

I know I shouldn't be beholden to what my parents want, but when you live with them still, it matters.

@matoya: If you've got "a few thousand pounds" saved up and six weeks off during the summer, then I'd highly recommend spending as much of that time and money traveling somewhere. A grand should allow you to spend a full month interrailing around Europe, for example.

It'll be the best use of your time and money, I promise. You'll gain so much more than just the money you'd get from a summer job.

I'll be honest, I've truthfully considered that.

The only problem is that I don't have a passport (Not that big of a deal, I'm currently in the process of applying for one) but in addition to that, I've never left the UK before. I've not really got any friends, so I'd have nobody to go with. The idea of a first time travelling alone leaves me with such anxiety it's unreal

Working a shitty job you don't like to pay the rent is the unfortunate reality for most people in a capitalist economy.

If you can afford to move out without increasing your hours you should really do that. Living at home is wank.

That's the thing- I don't think I'd dislike the job. It's only a small shop, so pretty little work, and I've dealt with customers plenty when I worked retail in a supermarket.

I guess I'm lucky in that I actually really like living at home. I've lived out a few times though in the past and fucking LOVED it

Yes. If it will help you move out of your parents' place, do it. Travel is great, and arguably important, but come on. Living at home is pretty shitty.

Yes. From the time I was like 5 years old I've believed that the point of working a job isn't to be happy; it's to make enough money so you can be happy in other areas of your life. At 24, if I was still living with my parents like some of my friends are, I would be completely miserable. I love my family, but there comes a time to leave the nest.

Applying for the job. I've sent my CV to my mum at work, who's printing it off and bringing it home (We dont have a home printer)

Gonna drop it in the shop tomorrow. I can't say I really WANT the job, but the extra money would be perfect. Plus it'd be a 20 second commute

I'd take the extra job if I were you personally. I did a summer where I didn't do that and chose to stay at home (wasn't an issue as far as my parents were concerned because I'd worked my ass off during the year and helped at home) and while it wasn't the worst thing I can see in retrospect that I didn't do myself any favors except maybe read a few more books and watched more movies.

@matoya: ultimately you're the one working the job and not your mom so decide accordingly.

Okay, a few things.

• Do you pay rent to your parents?
• Do you buy your own food or chip in?
• Are you saving for something, you say you are well off, so is there a THING you are saving for?
• Is your only job year round the teaching assistant gig?
• If you pay no rent and don't chip in for food electric, cable, mortgage, or heat...well, you could do more.

I would get a second job, see if the school system has something for after your assistant job...coaching even. Right now the ONLY reason to not be paying rent is saving for school. If your formal schooling is over get a better job, or get a second job. Then move out or start paying your share of living expenses.

Yeah as in this time and age, it is hard to find a job as well as money and putting food on the table. People rent these days. Not buy.

Working a dream job from the get go is a rarity.

Work the two jobs and see how it hits you. Chances are it'll be a short term situation anyway that'll see you well in pocket.

If she wants you to work towards leaving the house, and you don't want to disappoint her (a parent's approval can be the most powerful motivational factor), then you should do that. If you don't, you'll lament seeing her around the house for fear of facing her judgment or disappointment. Don't turn your home into a prison.

However, I wouldn't work at this shop. You live NEXT to it? Don't work somewhere so close to your home. Here's a scenario: emergency at the shop. Alarm goes off at night, or another employee calls out sick. Boss will ALWAYS call you first, cuz you can "just walk over". Let there be a buffer of time and space between your home and your work, or you're going to basically always be (or feel) on-call. Find a different second job, or, probably better, find a better-paying single job. Whatever you do, don't do nothing. You'll probably regret it.

If it gets that way, make up something about still working at the school late.

Do what makes you happy.

Seems like a bad plan unless you are stuck in your current job with no chance to get 40 hrs there or advance. I don't see how that second job would help your career and I think those hours would make you miserable. It might negatively impact you at your main job.

Sounds like your mom wants you out of the house, so if you don't apply I think you ought to show her what you plan to do to make that happen. Maybe see if you can get more hours at your school.

I haven't read the full thing but, with regards to travel.

I've always travelled as a couple, so I don't know anything about travelling solo first hand. I'm confident enough now to travel solo if I wanted. However, I have a number of friends who've done solo trips - maybe look in to a tour or something. Contiki tours can seem trashy but I know people who've done similar things and they've loved it.

If you can, save enough aside to sustain yourself outside of the family home when you return and work from there.

I don't get it. If you have a stable job as a TA, why are you living with your parents? That should be more than enough to move out.

I really can't think of a single reason why living with your parents after 18 is a good idea unless you're in complete financial ruin. You'll grow so much more as a person if you learn how the real world works as soon as possible.

There are only a handful of major mistakes you can make in your 20s that you can't bounce back from, and your parents will always be there to move back in with if you really fuck things up.

Nothing wrong with living with your mom

Solo travel is the best. The sense of freedom is unparalleled and it ends up being a more social experience, because you are sort of forced to meet new people and make friends along the way. I've done a couple of trips with friends, but much prefer seeing the world on my own.

I'd highly recommend going somewhere for a few days, staying at a hostel where you'll meet people and seeing how you feel about it all.

But this is all a bit off-topic. Feel free to PM me if you've got any questions about setting off on your first solo trip.

@hunkulese: Stable as in isn't about to lose his contract, I can't imagine there's a single TA in the country who's living independently on that wage.

It's less that I can't earn enough on that wage, it's more that I only have a 26hr contract.

Full time TA jobs (As in 32+ hours) are rare

I was getting 3/4 days a week on supply living with my parents and was earning fine, but then two years of full time teaching and living on my own destroyed my finances, but I'm hardly the best with money.

I totally understand your situation btw, I enjoyed living with my parents, but they gave me a hard time over the summer holidays

There are people getting by on less.

I worked as a TA and was able to live on my own. I had quite a few friends that were TAs and none of them lived with their parents. I guess it's a generational thing, and I'm officially old. Kids these days would rather live with their parents than give up being able to start every day with a $7 cup of coffee. I'm actually not sure I knew anyone that didn't immediately move out when they graduated high school.

@wlleiotl said:

Perfect example of why living with your parents can come back to bite you on the ass. It's better to learn how to manage money as early as you can when there are no stakes.

My parents moving into a smaller place was what triggered me to move out and never look back. If you're lucky enough to find someone else who wants to move, you can split the bills and figure out whether you can handle the finances and living away from home.

Personally, I think independence is a big deal, though I'll mention that's probably due at least in part to the fact that I have a weird/not always healthy relationship with my parents. There's no way me living with my parents would work for either of us (although it might somewhat alleviate my Mom's empty nest syndrome; it would inevitably lead to her trying to control my life, something she already tries to do too much of as it is). That would end poorly, as I am no longer seven, nor should be treated like I am, as a responsible adult. I would move in with friends or even strangers before I moved back home. I'd work three jobs if I had to. However, that's me and my situation.

As others have said: Do what makes you happy.

And yes that is coming from someone who still lives at home. Am I proud to live like this? No. Do we get along fine? Sure. Does she want me to be independent? Yes, but apparently not at the expense of me being homeless. Did I make enough money to move out? I could probably afford to rent a room somewhere.. But that also means I'd have to give up my passions in life and.. IMO, what is the point of all this if you're not doing stuff that makes you happy? lol I'm not okay with working a job I hate just to pay to have a roof over my head.. just to go work a job I hate. Not my thing. I'd rather be homeless and free to do as I please. She also doesn't agree with that of course, being from a different generation. It's all about school, then a career, then making a family, and that is all there is to life.

My Unrealistic Goal: To find a job that pays decently and is either something I like or something I can learn new skills from. Pays enough so that I can afford to save and still maintain my sanity with my interests. Maybe someday I could afford a two car garage/shop with a loft over it. I don't want a big house. I could live in a single room. But I need a place to store/work on cars.

Anyway, do what you want /thumbsup If you rather not work that second job then 100% don't do it lol That'd be like my mother telling me to go to summer school while regular school was out. F that with a 10ft pole haha You need that vacation away.

If you can manage to do it and you don't think it would make you super miserable, I'd say go for it. Mental health issues are preventing me from jumping on job opportunities right now and it's absolutely killing me, because I've moved out of my folks' place a couple of times before (once for college and once again after that). My soul is dying to live, play music, and be independent, and knowing I'm technically capable of working and moving out on my own but having crippling mental illness holding me back is extremely frustrating and degrading. Medication seems to help some days and other days not at all. Trying to keep my head up.

Living at your parents' house past a certain age is merely a financial advantage. Having the personal freedom to do whatever you'd like in your residence should far supercede that at some point, even if it's not necessarily the most prudent move from a mental health or financial advisor's perspective. I washed dishes for 12 hours a day as my first job that had me out of my parents' house, and at the moment I head the bar program for one of my city's leading restaurants. It takes a first step to make a second.

That said, if you have that freedom, that lowers the stakes significantly. I did not, as I'm someone who likes to stay up late, drink, watch, play and listen to various forms of entertainment at all hours and generally be free of reprimanding or criticism for the things I choose to do in my free time. If you don't have those burdens living with your parents, I can understand it being a tougher decision to make. But my point still stands that living by someone else's rules is less preferable than living by your own.

I'm willing to work a job I don't like in order to avoid matricide