"You're gonna look so sexy with a real job."

Let's get real off topic, you sons of Mitches. The title is a quote from the movie Don Jon, and it made me think, how important it is for a relationship that there be financial security. How much weight do either guys or girls put on such a thing when engaging in a more serious relationship?

As a student on the way of becoming someone with a "real job," sometimes I feel like the weight is put on guys in monogamous straight relationships to be "freaking successful." Like, "hey, I love you, but if you had a real job..." I haven't heard this from anybody, but still, the way I've heard girls talking with their girlfriends they make it sound like a wet dream to be taken care of by a strong, mature man who has everything figured out. Even the strong independent types salivate at the thought.

My hypothesis: Dough makes guys sexier. I know, revolutionary.

Am I fair in that assessment? I am as feminist as a guy can get, but this has just been my first hand experience with the girls around me. Maybe I have to meet more people.

I don't even want to think about it.

Financial security is helpful for long term relationships, as financial challenges can make things even more difficult. A steady job also shows stability and responsibility, and many people are attracted to that.

But a lot of people also don't care about that as much. So, it depends. I personally like when someone either has some steady income or has plans for the future, but I also like free spirits. It isn't just a black and white, one standard fits all.

@artofwar420: I'm sure a girl will prefer a guy thats financially stable to someone who has to choose if they're going to buy a game this month or eat something other than instant noodles.

Not sexier; but it is a factor. The ability to generate money is as important today as being able to hunt and kill animals was 5000 years ago, natural selection at work.

That's a more positive way look at it, thanks for the perspective.

In my field, and at the position I'll hold when I graduate, I will be nowhere near "freaking successful". It'll be a steady job with good benefits, but it would never be enough to support a couple alone. I feel that it's healthiest to support each other with combined incomes, and that you should both learn to plan for a secure future. It will strengthen the relationship and build up a hell of a lot of trust.

I don't know that this helps, I'm ramblin' over here.

If I could get into a relationship I would tell you. Right now I'm trying to get past the part where women are terrified of me and think I'm some kind of disgusting creature they need to kick to death or run away from screaming for they're lives.

You may be amazed to hear this but different people have different priorities so it may not matter at all or it may matter a whole bunch.

@weegieanawrench:

I agree, trust matters a hell of a lot more than anything.

What the fuck do you not have a face or something?

What is your priority? That's what I wanna hear.

Being able to take care of yourself is very often important because people who have no money are a burden, and are, frankly, depressing.

However, people who can take care of themselves, but have no responsibilities or drive to do anything, are just as much of a burden and are just as depressing in a relationship. They need your attention, not your money, more than is fair to you.

Money gained from work is, GENERALLY, a representation of effort and skill. These are things that make people interesting. That is one of the most important parts of this whole equation: powerful people are made interesting by their power, as well as the things about their personality that got them their power. Some people find them more interesting than others, but everyone is at least somewhat interested in powerful people.

Additionally, making a lot of money can be reflective of that person being needed, or desired, and people who are needed or desired are often made more desirable by that fact alone in the eyes of most.

'freaking successful'=/= has a real job. 'Real job' = a pretty basic indicator of 'has their shit together'.

The Man Born Without A Taint

The Man Born Without A Taint :'(

(i'm being facetious here the no face thing is probably right)

Of course "dough" is attractive in a male. It's the same kind of attraction some guys get when a girl is independent, or the opposite. It's not an end-all-be-all scenario, but for a general stereotype it is true.

I know plenty of people planning to get married that don't have great jobs. Down the line, of course, it's a necessity to find something stable. Especially if you're planning on children.

A man provides.

I don't date a chick unless she has racks of cash and ain't no chickenhead. Y'hear?

I think it is something really important to serious monogamous relationships, especially with the financial crisis. People want to feel secure money-wise with their partner, especially women.

Welcome back artofwar420!

I'm in a position in my life where I'm happy to have a job aleast. I remember just roaming the streets trying to find some form of work. I'm one of the people where it got harder to get a job, all because of bad decisions I made when I was a teen. Anyway, since I am making income I want to improve myself for the better. Its been challenging and I feel like I got no idea how to go about doing things. Though the last thing I want to do is give up.

I swear when I gave up on crucial moments when I was a teen. My life only got worse and worse as I lived on. As an 21 year old adult giving up isn't an option at this point. As for relationship I'm not looking for one at all. I'm just focus on fixing my life so I can be at peace with myself when I die. Then again I got no idea what will happen in the future. Hell I could end up with some chick that I develop feelings for, but I really don't want that anytime soon. Last thing I need is to get a chick pregnant when I haven't fix the problems in my life. At that point I'll probably consider erasing myself from existence.

@artofwar420: you know some hoes. And I think Don Jon portrays said superficial women.That shit about "the man providing" is some outdated horseshit. In the future, it's "we provide." And anybody who gives someone shit for not having a traditional 9-5 can fuck off.

Money stress has ruined most of my life, if that helps at all.

@jeust: Glad to be back! Any interesting stuff happen around the forums in the past.... year and half?

And nobody watched The Real Husbands of Hollywood? Mitches.

I've got a real job. It's stressful, thankless and I have no time for women let alone my own friends. I still love it, but financial security doesn't mean shit compared to mental wellbeing. That's what I learned in the last six months. Your own happiness is the most important thing. I think if I were happier with myself, I'd be better off in my personal relationships as well.

@mikkaq: You're a fucking hero, brother!

No, money isn't really that important. If my boytoy were a poor artist or something. I'd still love them all the same, you just have to make adjustments in your standard of living. It's not what you have that is important, but who.

Be your own boss. Boom. Money. Probably maybe.

In my opinion most people who say money isn't important have never had to struggle to pay their mortgage and dealt with the accompanying stress it puts on all facets of life. From one of my favorite flicks...name it without Googling and you get a gold star:

"Anyone who says money is the root of all evil doesn't fucking have any."

@artofwar420: I don't think it's fair, but also don't think you're entirely wrong. It's a stereotype, but it doesn't mean it isn't true for some women. Kind of like how some men are shallow for basing their opinion of a woman on how attractive she is (like Scarlett Johansson).

I know it shouldn't be an issue, but sometimes I become insecure about my current situation. I don't like talking about myself to Internet peeps, but anyway...

I got my Bachelor's over eight years ago. Roughly around the time before I graduated, I became very sick with a condition that would have eventually killed me. It went undiagnosed for years since it's supposedly rare. Also, I developed hypothyroidism around the same time, which threw some doctors off from the bigger problem. After spending weeks in the hospital after finally having a major crisis, I rehabilitated for months before I could be well enough to have a part-time job. Around this time it was 2008 so the market was having a crisis of its own, and I was 25-26 with zero experience in my field. I eventually became full-time at my work, but I decided to get my MBA as well, since I didn't want to be stuck in the service industry for the rest of my life. I recently graduated, but I'm still terrified because I'm in my 30's now and I still have zero experience. I'm at a point where I'm doing internships on my days off just to be noticed, and I'm exhausted. (This is the first time I've posted in a couple of weeks and will hope to continue not posting in the future).

I haven't had a steady girlfriend in five years. I've dated, but sometimes I feel like my job is a turn off for some. There have been a few awkward conversations with women who automatically assume I'm more important than I actually am before I can even get a chance to describe myself. Obviously, I wouldn't want to continue dating women like that, but it's still frustrating.

I'm not too bothered because I'm fairly independent and I'm more focused on beginning a career than anything else.

It sucks, but there are men and women who think that everyone who works in a position that does not require a college education are only people who weren't smart (or dedicated) enough to go to college.

Ryan Davis passed away.

I had never heard of that show? Is it good?

Cheers

@mb said:

In my opinion most people who say money isn't important have never had to struggle to pay their mortgage and dealt with the accompanying stress it puts on all facets of life. From one of my favorite flicks...name it without Googling and you get a gold star:

"Anyone who says money is the root of all evil doesn't fucking have any."

Yes, yes, yes, AND YES.

Money and financial security is EXTREMELY important. I wish I could go back to the days when I bought games without worrying about how much it cost, people say living with your parents sucks, but I disagree, it's like a fucking vacation.

how important it is for a relationship that there be financial security. How much weight do either guys or girls put on such a thing when engaging in a more serious relationship?

As someone who grew up in a household with constant financial issues getting brought up, yelled about, and never solved, it can seriously fuck things up. My parents never did divorce, miraculously, but I will die happy if I never have out-of-control issues with money.

People might hear and think the aesop "money doesn't make you happy". That's not true at all, and it's foolish to believe it. Making enough money to pay your bills, provide for your family, and comfortably enjoy yourself is most definitely key to enjoying life. Not having those things makes life absolute hell and puts a huge strain on relationships, not only between parents but also between parents and their kids. I'll leave it at that.

Seriously?? I thought my looks were enough. Guess I should find a job already.

Ohhhh my god, women don't make up some sort of alien hive mind. The Collective does not get together in a monthly tupperware party and decide our new stance on dudes and their dough. Every person, woman or otherwise, will have different opinions on what makes a guy attractive. It does no one any good to make lump judgements.

It definitely helps to have a steady income and prospects for better.

Maybe income (and perception of it) shouldn't matter as much as it does, but I've seen it be a major factor in just about every relationship I've been a part of or observed.

I KNEW there was a Collective! GAHHHHHHH

Hell yea money makes me look sexier. Strippers don't take food stamps and a couple of dollars ain't gonna get me anything.

All about that foldin' money in a money clip.

And now I'm running down another mental checklist. Let's see... What do I got?

Financial stability? Nope.

Emotional stability? Nope.

Prospects for a better future? Nope.

Am I at least pleasant and/or fun to be around?

...

Uh oh.

...I fucking love that image. At least I have that.

It's definitely not that she had a steady job.

I think the key is having enough money to support yourself and her. I would hope most women don't care what job you have as long as it is enough to pay the bills with some left over to have fun with. It's basically a matter of survival honestly. If you can't pay the bills then it doesn't matter how much you love someone. You need a place to stay and food to eat. If a couple is unable to provide those things then the relationship won't work.

Okay, everyone has different standards, we know this much. So you take a bunch of rich girls from LA who only ever hung out with other rich girls from LA and only have aspirations to hang out with other rich people from LA... they're probably going to think a guy needs to have a Porsche at bare-minimum. A BMW is ookie gross gross loser stuff.

Take some girl who went to public school in Brooklyn and had similar friends... she might see herself settling with a guy who doesn't even drive, but at least can afford to pay half the rent on an apartment and keep himself clothed. I guess that's where your other qualities come into play: can you sex good? Do you have cool friends? Are you fun to be around? In other words: a normal person with normal wants. Don't date gold-diggers. In today's world I have a hard time imagining people actually expecting stable jobs. There aren't many.

Why does it have to be just the guy who is sexier with a job? I've dated and nearly got married to a woman that couldn't keep any of her goddamn money and that eventually ruined our engagement as I had to keep covering her shortages and I couldn't see a life happening with her. The way the question is presented is like women are just fishing for the whale, to use free-to-play terms, and some are, just like some dudes are, but I think most of the time it's more of a practical accounting. You can get dates broke, you can even get married broke. But you can't get old broke, not really, and you HAVE to get old. That's why it's important to us, both men and women. If we are gonna get old together, we don't want to become or take on a financial burden that with grow into resentment and kill the love.

are they a polygamist?

People that are successful are more attractive. This applies to women as well. Main reason i lost interest and left my my ex was because she was such an underachiever.

Nothing sexy about being a loser.

I can afford my own Dr Pepper and crisps. Any time I want.

So yeah...ladies.

Holla.

Money creates options, freedom and choice has always been attractive.

On the job accidents forced my parents out of work for years at a time and piled a nice dose of medical bills to pay off on top of the loss of income. Similarly, they never got a divorce but I do remember noting the difference versus the salad days prior to the broken backs.

It could be you're taking the proverb a little too... literally? The true value lies not in the face value. "Money can't buy happiness," points to such a profound underlying truth about the human condition when you consider the deeper implications.* Also, let us be fair, the proverb could also be taken stupid literally in that happiness the ephemeral concept can't be bought like fruit, or whatever. We can't (yet) buy over-the-counter happiness by the pound, although some might argue we come close with modern (and not so modern) drugs!

There is a fun, pseudo stand-up-comedian-philosophy style, point to be made in shooting down this proverb that is of some value too. I just don't agree that the proverb lacks any truth and only the foolish believe it. I could agree that that believing in it and applying it blindly is foolish. So I think I understand your point. Sometimes poking fun this way, we get people to think, which is very valuable, in my opinion.

*I know, this probably reads like overly simple platitudes but I don't want to come off preachy or go too far in-depth on what I think the proverb means and the truths it points too.