My Kid brother stresses too much over playing video games, so what should he play to calm his soul? PS4

Hi all,

My little brother is 11 and has a PS4. There is a lot of pressure on him from school kids to be playing the latest thing and he's desperate to keep up to speed. After much persuasion (and all the other kids in his class had it) my parents let him get Star Wars Battlefront. Playing the game isn't such the issue, but he gets super stressed out easily afterwards and the game itself gets him so wound up that after it takes hours to recover.

Now everyone in his class are getting ready for Overwatch and obviously we're really skeptical of going down this road and getting a game that he's going to turn him into the Hulk after a few hours.

So i'm asking for advice really on PS4 games we should be pushing him towards or if anyone has experience of something similar to this. It's a tough one.

I think the cold turkey approach is a harsh one, but we need to find a game to ween him off FPS's for a while, or until he is confident he can play with no side effects.

Cheers

A

Hmmmm. Have you considered playing a more casual FPS? Like if you do a co-op game with him in a really relaxed setting. I think the best way to stress out less about anything is to get more comfortable with it. Taking out the competitive side might be enough where he'll get better at shooting without being too worried about it. Borderlands maybe?

Aside from just removing competition, having a trustworthy calming presence next to you does a whole lot. And co-op games are a fun way to bond with siblings!

Flower? Fire Watch?

I'm posting to say "Bloodborne" because someone in this thread is going to get there anyway.

In all seriousness, if he gets so wound up, it seems like the type of thing that needs proper working through and discussion with him to learn some better coping mechanisms and stress management strategies. Enforce restrictions - make him take a 15 min break every hour, have a glass of water, come in and have a chat to you or your parents.

Yeah - I'm not one for re-masters but Handsome Jack Collection might be the go.

Just tell him to git gud

But actually though

Looks like his friends are all talking about competitive multiplayer games specifically. Battlefront doesn't have a single player, and neither does Overwatch from everything I've seen. From what you've said, it seems like he has the idea that if he doesn't have the top score in each match, he's somehow inferior to his friends who, probably, are bragging about them being waaaaaay better than they really are. I'd sit down and have a talk with him about how full of shit his friends are, how much practice and skill it takes to be good at any particular, especially multiplayer, game. Losing is an okay thing to do, and it will happen. A lot. No avoiding it. That's a good attitude to have with anything in life, but it's especially true here. I suspect he'll be a lot less stressed out once he doesn't think he's not living up to expectations because either those expectations don't exist, or he has shitty, toxic friends which is a whole different sort of problem

Maybe something that emphasizes co-op over competitive play? Destiny? Battleborne? I mean there are games out there that are super chill, but not many of them would probably appeal to someone that's primarily interested in FPS games.

If any of the Lego games are from properties he enjoys they're a solid choice. You can play them co-op too so you and him or him and your parents could play them and keep an eye on him if he starts getting worked up.

Terraria and Minecraft are two other choices which feature local coop and are pretty chill.

Hohokum is about the most chill game going. There's not much to it but it's very relaxing to play around with.

If it has to be an FPS then one of the Borderlands would be a good choice as again, there's a co-op component to them that lets you monitor him and stop him going off.

He might just have general anger issues with losing. I used to get really, really worked up when playing WoW arena, so I stopped and played their other PVP modes instead where I didn't care so much about my e-Ranking in something that doesn't matter.

What are you asking exactly? You want games like Overwatch but not actually Overwatch? Isn't part of the reason he wants to play those games peer pressure? Why would he go for something that isn't the thing everyone else plays?

Otherwise, just let him play a few different games and let him pick his favorite? Develop his own preferences and such.

I agree with the people in the thread advocating playing a co-op game with him, and I also STRONGLY advocate taking breaks.

I have panic disorder, and am prone to high stress, so I understand how your brother feels, to an extent. If I can feel a game stressing me out, I set it down for a cool 10 minutes, and do something else. Many of my favorite games are hyper-difficult, like Super Meat Boy, Bloodborne, etc., and this has helped me a lot. What I would NOT advocate is avoiding it all together, which I know sounds tempting. Learning how to deal with what is stressing you out is the only way to get better. Avoidance is how you become agoraphobic.

But playing something with him, so you can help him through a high stress episode, will probably help a lot.

Bloodborne

Just joking. Maybe play with him for a while. figure out where he is having issues and help him out like a cool big sibling that you sound like you are. I cant relate to or stand to be around my family so I have no real advice.

Watch Inside Out with him and give him lots of hugs.

On a more serious note. It might be a good idea to make him take breaks. Ask him what causes him to stress out at games and then work with him on that from there. From the games you've mentioned, it's clear the competitive aspect of the games is what is setting him off, not the FPS genre. It might be a good idea to get him a single player game to play instead. Something like those new Telltale games (Tales From The Borderlands or Wolf Among Us).

Also, as other have mentioned, playing stuff with him would be good.

Make him play Hohokum for 15 minutes and any stress he's got will melt away.

I fucking love Hohokum.

If he's so angry, maybe he should take some time away from videogames. You know it's the right answer.

Maybe play some puzzle games with him. Something like Portal (1 and 2). Maybe what he needs to play something that isn't super action-y for a moment.

Seems like he's into FPS games, but you're painting it like he's being influenced by the other kids in his class to get these competitive shooters that are stressing him out. If that's the case I think it would not only be a good idea to have him play something a bit more casual in the genre, like Borderlands or maybe even Fallout 4, but to have either you or your parents sit down and talk to him about peer pressure.

If he only wants to play competitive FPS games because that's what is friends are into then maybe he shouldn't be playing them, or at least not trying to take them as seriously as his friends are (who are probably all bragging when they get a lot of frags, which could be contributing to the stress your brother experiences while playing these games). Try to make him understand that if he loses it's not the end of the world, and if he's not as good as his friends at a game it doesn't mean hes inferior to them. This might take a while to sink in, cause he spends a lot of time at school with his friends, but just trying to impart the message might get a ball rolling in his head that could lead to him not getting as stressed.

EDIT: Or you could do what @fallen189 is suggesting and have him stop playing games for a while. That's probably the easiest (and arguably best) course of action.

This isn't a trolly comment, but maybe step away from videogames for a while? Not "cold turkey" just limit the time. Then when he does play try skipping FPS entirely.

Clearly the correct responses.

If it were my kid brother, I'd recommend a healthy dose of fun stuff (other than gaming) to alter his perspective.

nailed it.

I would just choose from the plethora of non-competitive FPS games. I, to, suffer from anxiety when it comes to playing competitive games; and I'm 27. It sucks, but I have found that the longer I play competitive games and end up "losing," the more I get frustrated and worked up. It sucks and, as of now, I have not found any kind of therapy to fix it. Just for reference, I really like to play Heroes of the Storm, but have found that after 1 or 2 games my blood pressure actually rises even if I'm winning and performing well. Maybe a performance anxiety?

Maybe sit down with him and help him build confidence in himself. I know that a lot of times when I played, as a teen, with some of my more mellow friends I enjoyed myself a lot more.

EDIT: Just to clarify, I don't get "angry" or "upset." I just get overwhelmed. It's kind of like stage-fright but in video game form.

@kilroyandy: Moved to the PS4 thread. Please try to keep all threads in their relevant areas when you create them. Thanks.

Teach him to stop paying attention over what his school kids are telling him to play. I know it's easier said but if you don't his high emotional state will develop into bigger problems.

Now back on topic. I will mirror the other users who have suggested to maybe step away from video games for a little while. Take him out to the movies. Maybe an amusement park if you have one close by. Play some fun board games. Try to see if he has any interest in comic books.

However, if you insist on video games, try to get coop games you can play with him and take the competitive nature out.

Good luck.

I would recommend taking breaks. He can play games, but make sure he gets some time outside doing silly kid stuff.

You should also talk to him about peer pressure and try to relieve him of this drive to keep up with the other kids' gaming habits. He's young, so right now it's about video games, but as he gets older kids will start pushing him towards more harmful things. You don't want him to develop the habit of just following along with whatever his friends are doing.

Other than not playing too much and not getting peer pressured, Plants vs Zombies 2 maybe? Cheerful shooter with co-op.

Just make him stay away from the Call of Duties and Battlefield's. Too much bullshit in those games to wind him up.

I am just going to echo some posters' sentiment that the solution for your brother's issue with games is not more/other games. I'm not saying you should cut him off from games (though some of the more high-stress / violent ones are probably not helping); what I am saying is there's likely another underlying issue at play here. Maybe take a nice long walk with him or have a family sit-down, and talk with him about the issue; listen to what he has to say; help him as best you can. Get him help from a third-party if necessary (if there is a counseling / medical aspect that might be of help).

I mean absolutely no disrespect, but your OP question sounds like someone asking what different kinds of booze would be best to treat their family member that has a problem with alcohol. It doesn't work that way. You need to try to find the other root issues that are causing the problem.

I'm gonna again echo the "take a step away from games" sentiment here.

I had a similar issue when I was young. I would get way too into games and when I had to step away I was stressed and irritable. This was when I was around 7 or so, and my folks saw it was an issue, so they sold our Super Nintendo and the only thing left in the house that could play games was a PC, and that was regulated with a time limit anytime I was on it. There wasn't a console in my household until I was starting middle school, where we got an original Xbox. I think the time away from heavy games really helped my mental development at that young age.

Sounds like he needs some stress management and to not be peer pressured into buying every new shooter. If he's not enjoying these games, then to be honest he should be playing something else besides twitch-based shooters, taking long breaks, or get into a different hobby. That sounds kind of harsh, but it's not really healthy to be stressed out to the point where he needs to unwind for hours after playing and that sort of aggression unchecked at that age can lead to other negative effects in his life. I think you should try gauging how he and his friend act while playing versus how he acts when he plays without his friends. It could also just be the people he's playing with are just toxic people that take the game way too seriously.

I get the peer pressure thing alot because it seemed during the 360 days of xbox live I was getting every new shooter to just play with friends. I think throughout my whole high school life I did nothing but play gears, cod, and halo while also trying to fit in other games my friends weren't as interested in, like racing games and such. It just got to a point where I didn't think it was worth spending full price for a game to play for less than a month or two and then move onto the next thing, so I focused on games that I was more interested in and looked for communities that shared that interest. I picked up the occasional game that was on sale to play with friends, but the rule that I made for myself after that experience is "Do I think this game is something I can enjoy myself without the reliance on friends to create enjoyment?"

It sounds more like peer pressure and anger management than games in general.

@uninvincible said:

Haha this and Proteus were my first thoughts.

Like others said, breaks is probably the way to go though. Snack breaks are always fun to have.

He will love playing League of Legends!

The community is so nice and friendly, and the game is free to download for now, you better get him playing quick!

Don't push your brother towards any video game.

You can show him trailers / gameplay of games you think would interest him. The only time to interfere is if he's going to buy a garbage game.

If you really think the solution is more video games then my suggestion is going for single player. Maybe a Gravity Rush type thing. Colourful games with a nice atmosphere are relaxing.

Open a new profile, and have that as his practice profile. He can play more with less expectations and stress.

He might get better at the game and it will condition him to getting used to not raging.

I don't know, this doesn't necessarily sound like an issue with games. Maybe he should talk to a counselor. Maybe this is something he will mature out of.

At the end of the day, games are (generally) supposed to be fun. It sounds like there may be a larger issue, whether it is anxiety, dealing with peer pressure, or just general surviving through your middle school and high school stuff, but if it can take up to an hour for him to calm down from a hobby, then something else should be talked about or he should play fewer games.

That said, Overwatch is a damn good game. I know that is more outside of this conversation. But man, that game is pretty great.

See, I feel that there is a deeper issue here than what games he's playing. I'm not a child psychologist, so I can't really offer advice, but I think you guys should look into what sounds like an incredibly stressful social environment he's in at school. Are the kids at his school from relatively affluent families? Because this sounds as much like a "we need to have the new bright, shiny, and expensive" as much as it is about kids wanting to play a video game, if not moreso.

Because what I would suggest is maybe scale back the violent video games, but that isn't going to fix his social dilemma of not keeping up with the other kids.

@kilroyandy: I empathize with your brother, because I'm in a similar boat. I've bought games I have zero interest in purely out of peer pressure, and I've given myself a hard time for not being as good at video games as I imagine everyone else is (or due to the belief I was letting my whole team down). I was using games to relax, but really, it just stressed me out more.

Maybe watch Let's Plays of people who are really bad at the games he's playing, so he feels less alone? Do some of his favorite games have offline practice modes where he can learn the game better before hopping online? Remind him in the long run also that it's just a video game, and that people who only use you as someone to compete against aren't really your friends.

This is going to sound facetious, but it genuinely isn't meant that way: get him out of the house. Quite literally, the one thing that I always found with my brother and I was that we would only wind down and get happy if we turned the game off and went outside, took a ride on our bikes, and just didn't sit in front of a TV or surround ourselves with technology. Granted, this was the '90s, but nonetheless, it still works to this day. Whenever a game is stressing me out, I just stop playing, go outside, and find stuff to do.

It's the one suggestion I give to everyone. Sometimes, you just need to get moving, get the blood flowing, breathe in some air, and remember that it's just a game and move on.

No offense but if a child is having adverse long-lasting effects from playing a video game then maybe you should turn to a psychologist instead of a video game forum for advice.

Thanks everyone for your words of advice! This is why I joined this community in the first place! Thanks!!

That new doom game is very theraputic

But seriously though if he gets that riled up over video games you should seek some psychiatric advice.

As much as I would hate to hear this at 11, maybe a break from games in order.

@avantegardener: Not a bad idea. Channel that rage/frustration into some physicality.

My kid rarely gets worked up, but when he does it's during a competitve game.

Maybe a coop game without harsh death penalties. For example, Rainbow Six or Battleborn will just shrug and say game over (frustrating) whereas Halo lets you respawn quickly and where you left off (low-stress death).

On the PS4, the first game that comes to mind is Nidhogg. My kid loves that game and it's almost fun to die. It's not co-op, but it's super fun. I've also played some Battleborn against bots with him, as the bots are easy pickings and the characters are fun. Destiny co-op and Plants vs Zomies 2 co-op are also low stress fun without being potentially objectionable for kids.

Give him a crash course in 80s-90s gaming. Once he's properly raged at a few games from the quarter-sucking era, a few bad matches in the latest shooters will roll off his back like nothing.

(probably not actually a good idea)

I'm going to carefully suggest a few things:

• Talk to your kid brother's teacher. Is every boy in his class focused on video games or are video games your kid brother's only connection to other kids? How does your kid brother behave during class? During recess? Depending on what you hear, you might want to talk to a counselor.
• Take the time to watch your little brother. Are video games his only emotional outlet? How does he behave when friends are over? How does he behave when he's at a friend's place? Does he show an interest in things outside of video games?
• Talk to your parents. Has he always been like this? Is this a recent problem or did this always happen, no matter what activity? Did they notice this too, or do they consider this a phase, that you might've had too. Compare him to you at that age. Is he noticably different?

Depending on what you hear and find out, you might want to talk to a child psychologist.

I'm with everyone else saying co-op games, he could have a really good stress-free time with like a Borderlands or something like it.