It's right around the corner, that long awaited cowboy game Red Dead Revolver 3: Red Dead Redemption 2. Rockstar recently flew out a bunch of press and influencers to preview the game and while I didn't personally go (mostly because I don't work in games media and because nobody watches my YouTube channel), I did read a lot of previews and re-watched the trailers so many times, that I started having weird fever dreams about this upcoming open-world wild west extravaganza.
As I tossed and turned in my sweat-drenched sheets, with visions of shrinking horse testicles and cowboy NPCs giving me detailed descriptions on where to go to see said horse testicles, I had several premonitions which were so vivid that they have to be true. So without further ado, here are the 8 best features in Red Dead Redemption 2, that I dreamt up and got out of bed to hastily jot down in my notepad. This will blow your mind so hold on to your hats 'n spurs!
Bathroom breaks
Arthur will periodically need to go to the bathroom and will indicate this by gradually walking more and more funny as he tries to keep it in. If you are in a combat situation, Arthur will alert the player by exclaiming ”I can't shoot that cowboy right now. I need to go to the bathroom”. Fail to catch these subtle hints in time and spend the rest of the game being referred to as ”Arthur Poo-Pants” by every NPC you meet.
Historical figures
On your journeys through Red Dead Redemption 2, Arthur will come across many interesting sub-stories and characters, including historical figures such as one Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone. Arthur will acquire one of the only phones in existence and will periodically receive calls from Alexander, asking him if he wants to go bowling.
Real-time world
The world of Red Dead Redemption 2 takes place in real time and as night falls, Arthur will require some much needed sleep and will alert the player to this by yawning or exclaiming ”I can't shoot that cowboy right now. I need to get some sleep” if you are in a combat situation. Since the Wild West took place in America, players in a European time-zone like myself won't be able to play between 7 pm and 3 am while Arthur is sleeping and will instead be met by the picture from the end of Super Mario Bros 2 where Mario is sleeping, but someone crudely drew a cowboy hat on him and wrote ”Come back later” on a sign in the background. Very cool!
Improved Dead Eye system
The new and improved Dead Eye system expands over the course of the game, not only revealing weak spots on your enemies where you can hurt them with your bullets, but also where you can hurt them emotionally. Find yourself pitted against a bandito who is embarrassed about his hat? You can make Arthur say ”Nice hat, idiot!” for extra points and get the ultimate high score!
You can find distant relatives of every Rockstar employee in the game
In what must have taken years of research and a bit of tricky programming, Rockstar have traced every employees family tree and put their period-appropriate ancestor in the game. Even cooler is that you can track down these characters and kill them to end their bloodline and make a Rockstar employee vanish in real life. Every physical copy of Red Dead Redemption 2 comes with a group photo of the developers, which will change as you kill their great-grand parents, like in Back to the Future where they will slowly fade out until they are completely gone. See if you can find them all in the game!
Catch them all
Red Dead Redemption 2 boasts over 200 different species of animals, birds and fish, but what Rockstar hasn't told you yet is that Arthur is able to catch every animal and pit them in battle against other cowboy animal catchers from around the world. See if you can catch them all!
Arthur has nut allergy
Better watch what he eats or it'll quickly be Game Over
Weapons can have names
Arthur's guns are are fully customizable, allowing you to add visual upgrades such as new metals, wood, varnishes and engravings, along with more practical upgrades such as extended mag and red dot scope, but you are also able to name every weapon in the game. Even cooler is that there is a library of over 2000 weapon names which Arthur and NPCs will audibly mention in the game. In a combat situation you might hear Arthur yell ”Howdy pardner! Prepare to get shot by my gun 'Excalibur 2'” or you might ride past NPCs who say ”There goes that infamous Arthur with his gun 'N00b pwner'”. If you name the guns something that isn't in the games vocabulary, Arthur will instead say stuff like ”Ima shoot ya with my Special Gun” while NPCs will say stuff like ”Here comes Arthur and his Special Gun”. Rockstar has promised that they'll constantly be patching the game to add the most popular names to the ever expanding list.
Red Dead Redemption 2 is set to shock the open-world genre when it comes out on October 26th.
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