http://www.epsilonprogram.com

http://www.twitter.com/EpsilonismToday

The Epsilon Program is a religious cult (and Scientology spoof) based in San Andreas that R* also used to tease GTA: San Andreas. It was referenced a bunch in-game by characters and on the radio. I believe some of what's on the site is from the 2004 campaign for San Andreas, but I'm not totally sure. The Twitter account is certainly brand new and starting to build up followers already. Some pretty funny stuff on the site, though.

Even though it's not technically new info on the game, I'm excited just because of the absolute drought of info after that initial trailer (and the two screenshots I suppose). Hopefully this means something is brewing.

1. The world is 157 years old - FACT!

2. Dinosaurs are a lie that people believe because they are weak - FACT!

3. You are happy, you just don’t know it - FACT!

4. We all come from the same tree - FACT!

5. Everyone is related to everyone else, except for people with red hair - FACT!

6. Sperm does not exist - it is a lie spread by biology teachers - along with everything else you have ever been told - FACT!

7. Men are supposed to lie with nine new partners a week. Women are supposed to lie with six, except for in July, when they must lie with five men a day - FACT!

8. Aliens exist and are present on earth. If you have a birth mark, you may be descended from Kraff, the famous Emperor of the 4th Paradigm - FACT!

9. Trees talk, but only some people hear them - FACT!

10. People who believe in something live much longer than atheists, and they have eternal life thrown in for good measure - FACT!

11. If you believe this and turn you hands and wallet over to EPSILONISM, you’ll live a happy life. Otherwise you are doomed - FACT!

12. KIFFLOM - HAPPINESS IS YOURS! KIFFLOM!

If you didn't know this, maybe you should read the Epsilon Tract.

Are you sure the twitter account isn't just a fan who got an idea?

@Aegon said:

Are you sure the twitter account isn't just a fan who got an idea?

Nah. The website (which loads content from "rockstargames.com" if I watch the bottom of my browser) has a link for the Twitter. Seems like it's legit.

Dose the campaign consist of giving your cell phone number to a guy, and him constantly call you to go bowling?

I send them an e-mail:
 
"Dear Soon To Be Brothers,

As i was told by a tree, i traveled through the dawn to the pass pictured in your brochures. I looked for a red truck with a dent on the right fender, raised my left hand and recited the words: "Take me to to my father-father, brother-uncle. Kifflom.". I even brought a blindfold, but nothing happened. Why you didn't took care of the rest, soon to be brothers? Where i was wrong?"

I remember back in San Andreas there was some mystery around a specific pedestrian w/ a backpack who yelled "KIFFLOM!" Naturally, there were all kinds of elaborate rumors about attending a secret Epsilon cult meeting, but like the legendary sasquatch myth it was never confirmed to exist. I wonder where Rockstar's headed with this Twitter account.

I don't know, Rockstars satire just seems kind of lame and juvenile now.  I''m not sure if it's because I've grown up, or if their brand of humor has become a bit cliche and feels faux-edgy.

@Spoonman671 said:

I don't know, Rockstars satire just seems kind of lame and juvenile now. I''m not sure if it's because I've grown up, or if their brand of humor has become a bit cliche and feels faux-edgy.

Or just neither. Since humour is subjective....

@Spoonman671 said:

I don't know, Rockstars satire just seems kind of lame and juvenile now. I''m not sure if it's because I've grown up, or if their brand of humor has become a bit cliche and feels faux-edgy.

You're confusing GTA with Saints Row.

Scientology will sue.

@Cincaid said:

5. Everyone is related to everyone else, except for people with red hair - FACT!

Oh Southpark, what have you done...

I believe it to be common knowledge that Ginger's do have a soul... and that GTAV will revv up for its patented 2-month hypecycle for a late October/early November release, starting at GamesCom in Cologne, which happens on the 15th of August through the 19th.

It's definitely legit http://www.rockstargames.com/epsilonprogram/

To be honest, the two things I hope for at gamescom now are more information about GTA V and a PS3 price drop. I think the time is right for both.

5. Everyone is related to everyone else, except for people with red hair - FACT!

I think Rockstar needs to make a choice between satire and grim drama, because both existing in fucking GTA4 made that game a complete non-sequitur for me. Yes, you're this intense brooding man who has had to lead an amoral life in order to get by, and you just want to start over in America... land of Republican Commandos and tw@ and all the other ridiculous stuff. How are you supposed to be grounded in reality if every one of your mission characters are complete over-the-top satire of something you want to poke fun at? It works for Saints Row because that game has left reality behind.

I either want a wild and crazy Saints Row style game where you make fun of the Scientologists... or I want a serious look at their cult and the grim truth of it all.

@dudeglove said:

That's cool and all, now how about they make the game fun?

That'd be nice.

Eh. All the jokes seem really uninspired and not at all funny.

I actually really liked the mismatched nature of the super moody and grim story with the over-the-top satire and down-right stupid jokes in GTA IV. I guess the incongruity made it funny and it actually felt like it fit in a weird way.

This just feels shitty. Like completely unoriginal and just not funny. Maybe it will work better in the game, but I find this kind of off-putting.

@face15 said:

This just feels shitty. Like completely unoriginal and just not funny. Maybe it will work better in the game, but I find this kind of off-putting.

They didn't just shit this out last week. They used the Epsilon Program to tease GTA: San Andreas eight years ago. And then there was this whole easter egg surrounding certain NPC's in GTA: SA that would spout random things from the cult's tenets. There were also some possible connections to it in GTA IV (like when one of the talk radio interviewees signed off with "Kifflom!").

Bringing it back is kind of a nice nod to San Andreas, imo.

While I thought the story itself had a lot of funny moments, the humour littered throughout the radio stations of GTAIV were terrible and lot of it was centred on women being whores. Which I wasn't offended by or anything, it just felt really lazy and they strung those sorts of jokes across so much; Lazlow's material in particular was dreadful compared to the 'Chatterbox' days. Honestly I never bothered with any of the talk shows for too long in GTAIV. Unfortunately those sorts of quotes for this viral thing don't quite tickle my funny bone, either.

Yet despite this I still find a lot of the satire in Vice City and GTAIII to be pretty funny, so it's got nothing to do with me moving beyond that sort of humour, nor was it because I felt it stood out against the oppressive atmosphere of the story. I still really enjoyed the soundtrack in GTAIV, though.

Funny thing is that some people are so stupid that they will take this seriously.

I turned the website off because I absolutely hate anything that forces you to listen to music of any sort and does not control the volume correctly.

I love when a game has this long drawn-out marketing scheme when all I want is to actually buy and play said game. Now. Less money spent on stuff that isn't the game and more spent on the game. That's the ideal.

@dudeglove said:

That's cool and all, now how about they make the game fun?

You suggesting GTA 4 wasn't fun?

I hope this is a character in the game.

@Fjordson: I feel like that could have brought it back but used jokes that weren't shit.

Dose the campaign consist of giving your cell phone number to a guy, and him constantly call you to go bowling?

The first site is from the original San Andreas' ad campaign. But yeah, Twitter account is definitely new. Which might mean that Epsiolon will play a role in V (?)

@TaliciaDragonsong said:

@Cincaid said:

5. Everyone is related to everyone else, except for people with red hair - FACT!

Phew!

Quickly! To the ginger corral! We must stop this heinous non-red haired inbreeding!

KIFFLOM!