Went to Five Guys for the First Time, Left with a Broken Brain

  • 84 results
  • 1
  • 2
Avatar image for starvinggamer
Posted by StarvingGamer (11360 posts) -

Ok, sorry, I just need to get this out of my brain. Bear with me.

I've always been an In-N-Out guy, there was one two blocks from my high school which should be illegal, and was actually completely oblivious to the existence of Five Guys until I started coming to Giant Bomb. After moving to West LA earlier this Summer I finally found one of their locations in a nearby mall and today I decided I'd see what all the contentious bickering was about.

Transcending history and the world, a tale of Swords and Souls eternally retold
Transcending history and the world, a tale of Swords and Souls eternally retold

So I go there, I'm checking out the menu, and I'm thinking to myself "Awesome, look at all those toppings. I love toppings!" I go up to the guy and tell him it's my first time eating at Five Guys. He tells me the standard burgers come with 2 patties so I order a cheeseburger with everything plus green peppers and BBQ soss. Now if I was only hungry enough for a sandwich, everything would have ended hunky dory. That was not the case.

You see, as a lifelong frequenter of In-N-Out, I've become a devoted fan of fries served "animal style." For the uninitiated, animal style fries are fries served covered in cheese, grilled onions, and In-N-Out's secret sauce (namely Thousand Islands dressing). So you can imagine how intrigued I was as a topping lover, eating a joint that seemed to be all about the toppings, when under sides I see I can order my fries "Five Guys Style."

FRIES MOTHERFUCKER
FRIES MOTHERFUCKER

In eager anticipation I asked the guy, "So what are 'Five Guys Style' fries?"

He looked at me, looked sideways at the menu, and said, "Well, for the 'Five Guys Style' fries we put salt on them."

I tried to force my brain to hear an ellipsis as I waited for him to regale me with the cornucopia of toppings my fries could bring me if I ordered the fabled "Five Guys Style" fries, but no more words came. That was it, nothing more, Full Stop.

Have you ever had a time when your brain was having so much trouble reconciling reality with common sense that you burst out in mad laughter? Well, I can tell you I barely kept my shit together as I completed my order, paid, then abandoned my fiance waiting for the food to find a place to change my daughter's diaper.

I mean, what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK? They might as well start calling their fountain drinks "Five Guys Style" because they put them in a cup with ice. Are their burgers "Five Guys Style" because they're made with meat? FUCK. Putting salt on your food isn't a "style," it's cooking 101 ie "seasoning your goddam food so it doesn't taste like shit."

Look out fellas, you're all jockin' Five Guys's
Look out fellas, you're all jockin' Five Guys's "Style"!

Anyways, the food was alright but I think I'm still an In-N-Out guy. Toppings are great, but not 2.5x the cost great. Thanks for reading, I needed to get that out of my system.

Oh, and I got the cajun fries instead.

Avatar image for starvinggamer
#1 Edited by StarvingGamer (11360 posts) -

Ok, sorry, I just need to get this out of my brain. Bear with me.

I've always been an In-N-Out guy, there was one two blocks from my high school which should be illegal, and was actually completely oblivious to the existence of Five Guys until I started coming to Giant Bomb. After moving to West LA earlier this Summer I finally found one of their locations in a nearby mall and today I decided I'd see what all the contentious bickering was about.

Transcending history and the world, a tale of Swords and Souls eternally retold
Transcending history and the world, a tale of Swords and Souls eternally retold

So I go there, I'm checking out the menu, and I'm thinking to myself "Awesome, look at all those toppings. I love toppings!" I go up to the guy and tell him it's my first time eating at Five Guys. He tells me the standard burgers come with 2 patties so I order a cheeseburger with everything plus green peppers and BBQ soss. Now if I was only hungry enough for a sandwich, everything would have ended hunky dory. That was not the case.

You see, as a lifelong frequenter of In-N-Out, I've become a devoted fan of fries served "animal style." For the uninitiated, animal style fries are fries served covered in cheese, grilled onions, and In-N-Out's secret sauce (namely Thousand Islands dressing). So you can imagine how intrigued I was as a topping lover, eating a joint that seemed to be all about the toppings, when under sides I see I can order my fries "Five Guys Style."

FRIES MOTHERFUCKER
FRIES MOTHERFUCKER

In eager anticipation I asked the guy, "So what are 'Five Guys Style' fries?"

He looked at me, looked sideways at the menu, and said, "Well, for the 'Five Guys Style' fries we put salt on them."

I tried to force my brain to hear an ellipsis as I waited for him to regale me with the cornucopia of toppings my fries could bring me if I ordered the fabled "Five Guys Style" fries, but no more words came. That was it, nothing more, Full Stop.

Have you ever had a time when your brain was having so much trouble reconciling reality with common sense that you burst out in mad laughter? Well, I can tell you I barely kept my shit together as I completed my order, paid, then abandoned my fiance waiting for the food to find a place to change my daughter's diaper.

I mean, what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK? They might as well start calling their fountain drinks "Five Guys Style" because they put them in a cup with ice. Are their burgers "Five Guys Style" because they're made with meat? FUCK. Putting salt on your food isn't a "style," it's cooking 101 ie "seasoning your goddam food so it doesn't taste like shit."

Look out fellas, you're all jockin' Five Guys's
Look out fellas, you're all jockin' Five Guys's "Style"!

Anyways, the food was alright but I think I'm still an In-N-Out guy. Toppings are great, but not 2.5x the cost great. Thanks for reading, I needed to get that out of my system.

Oh, and I got the cajun fries instead.

Avatar image for ds8k
#2 Posted by ds8k (431 posts) -

As someone that regularly visits Five Guys, I have never heard of "Five Guys Style."

Avatar image for hailinel
#3 Posted by Hailinel (25787 posts) -

Five Guys Style fries?

???

Avatar image for nadril
#4 Posted by Nadril (638 posts) -

Sounds like you asked for a stupid thing so he gave you a stupid answer.

Avatar image for slay3r1583
#5 Posted by Slay3r1583 (733 posts) -

Five Guys Style is code for shitty limp fries. Their burgers are pretty good but every time I've been to one the fries were crap.

Avatar image for thegreatguero
#6 Posted by TheGreatGuero (8881 posts) -

Sir, you just made my night. I live in LA too so naturally I'm a fan of In-N-Out as well. I have heard rumblings of this Five Guys and it's journey westward. I cannot deny it, I have been intrigued. Until this very moment, that is. WESTWARD HO!!! TO IN-N-OUT, WE GO!

Avatar image for bravetoaster
#7 Posted by BraveToaster (12636 posts) -

He probably had a hard time from laughing in your face as well. Then again, he's probably used to getting odd questions at work. I've had In-and-Out once and it just okay, maybe the one I went to was sorry.

Avatar image for thatfrood
#8 Edited by ThatFrood (3471 posts) -

I don't even understand what you're trying to say here. They have fries at five guys, yes, not "five guys style" fries. Arguing over fast food burger joints to appeal to some sort of local pride ranks pretty high on a list of things I have never undestood, and I really like burgers.

Avatar image for mcghee
#9 Posted by McGhee (6128 posts) -

You should imagine that the Five Guy's guy was thinking, "they're just fries, you dumb fuck," because, well, that's exactly what he was thinking.

Avatar image for castiel
#10 Edited by Castiel (3277 posts) -

@StarvingGamer said:

I've always been an In-N-Out guy

Hmm something about this sentence sounds... yeah I'll just leave it at that.

Avatar image for imhungry
#11 Posted by imhungry (624 posts) -

To all the people bewildered over the Five Guys Style fries, I believe OP means that's actually on the menu.

Just did a quick check http://www.fiveguys.com/menu.aspx and it is apparently. If they really are just salted fries that is the dumbest thing ever.

Avatar image for mlarrabee
#12 Posted by mlarrabee (3849 posts) -

If "Five Guys Style" is a jab at "Animal Style," I love it.

If not, it makes no sense.

Avatar image for ghostiet
#13 Posted by Ghostiet (5832 posts) -

I don't give a shit, they gave me the best burger I ever ate. ALL-IN DOUBLE BACON CHEESEBURGER ALL THE FUCKING WAY

Avatar image for hizang
#14 Posted by Hizang (9358 posts) -

They don't have them in the UK, in the UK all we got is McDonalds and Burger King as the big branded stores. This is all making me want to go out and get some burgers now.

Avatar image for egg
#15 Edited by egg (1667 posts) -

Judging by the menu, being that there are only 2 choices for fries, Five Guys Style is just what they call the normal (i.e. not Cajun) fries.

Avatar image for kyelb22
#16 Posted by Kyelb22 (307 posts) -

Have only moved to CA a few years ago, I don't understand all of the hype about IN-N-OUT. I love my burgers with bacon, cheese, and BBQ sauce, so I find their burgers to be boring. And their fry's are ok, for the first 5 minutes, then they go limp and cold immediately. IMO, Five's Guys is a much better place to eat, and I'm ok with it being more expensive.

Avatar image for dystopiax
#17 Posted by DystopiaX (5661 posts) -

@Slay3r1583 said:

Five Guys Style is code for shitty limp fries. Their burgers are pretty good but every time I've been to one the fries were crap.

I like me some soggy ass fries. Love me some five guys.

Avatar image for superjoe
#18 Posted by SuperJoe (1087 posts) -

The Grill Em All food truck drives around Southern CA and offers Primate Fries, which is their take on In-N-Out's Animal Fries. Otherwise, I'm a fan of the fries at The Oinkster in Eagle Rock which offers a more affordable alternative, Piggy Fries. I can't vouch for either because I just like plain-ass fries.

Avatar image for earlessshrimp
#19 Posted by EarlessShrimp (1849 posts) -

You go to five guys for the burgers, but hot damn those fries are amazing looking. I don't know of an In-N-Out in my area though, so I'll just sit here salivating all over that picture.

Avatar image for terramagi
#20 Posted by Terramagi (1167 posts) -

I went to Five Guys once.

I still have fries in that bag.

Avatar image for demoskinos
#21 Posted by Demoskinos (17325 posts) -

This is the best thing I've read all day.

Avatar image for akrid
#22 Posted by Akrid (1391 posts) -

It's just the default. They're "Five Guys Style" because they're fries from Five Guys, just as McD's cooks their fries in their own "style". That dude was just messing with you on the salt part.

Avatar image for phatmac
#23 Posted by Phatmac (5930 posts) -

Fuck the fries man they still make a mean burger.

Avatar image for deathbywaffle
#24 Posted by DeathByWaffle (779 posts) -

Five Guys is great, and the fries are great.

Avatar image for rtslord
#25 Posted by RTSlord (1235 posts) -

Oppa Five Guys Style?

Avatar image for mideonnviscera
#26 Posted by MideonNViscera (2269 posts) -

This thread gets my seal of approval.

Avatar image for starvinggamer
#27 Posted by StarvingGamer (11360 posts) -

@ds8k: @Hailinel: @ThatFrood: It's on the menu at the one I went to. It literally says, "Five Guys Style."

@Nadril: @BraveToaster: @McGhee: Are you guys honestly trying to suggest that I should have assumed their signature style fries were completely devoid of any signature or style? Why even list it on your menu like that then? Maybe I've fallen into some sort of alternate dimension because in my experience, claiming to serve an item in a signature style indicates that there is something, anything about the way the food is prepared that sets it apart from similar menu items at other restaurants.

Avatar image for supersoaker
#28 Posted by Supersoaker (86 posts) -

Five Guys really just fills the void in my life and heart with all sorts of goodies. Never been to an In N Out, though. I plan to change this someday.

Avatar image for qawsed
#29 Posted by qawsed (171 posts) -

smashburger yall

Avatar image for jmood88
#30 Posted by jmood88 (416 posts) -

In-N-Out is extremely overrated. They make some ok burgers for pretty cheap but it's not the heaven on a bun that people act like it is. Five Guys makes good burgers but they're overpriced.

Avatar image for bog
#31 Posted by BoG (5390 posts) -

I don't really like Five Guys. I actually like the fries, but I've never had a burger there that was truly satisfying.

In N Out is the greatest thing to ever happen to fast food burgers.

Avatar image for metalgearsunny
#32 Posted by MetalGearSunny (7469 posts) -

Salt on fries? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? That's insane! What an original style!

Avatar image for kerned
#33 Posted by Kerned (1185 posts) -

Here in Michigan we have neither In-and-Out nor Five Guys, but let me just say this: I have never met a fry I didn't like.

Avatar image for negativecero
#34 Posted by NegativeCero (3141 posts) -

I haven't been to them very often so I haven't really noticed that. I think your reaction is completely warranted though. But now I really want a burger from them.

Avatar image for godlyawesomeguy
#35 Edited by Godlyawesomeguy (6421 posts) -

I'm pretty sure he was just fucking with you for thinking "Five Guys Style" was an actual thing that they do.

Then again, I've never been to Five Guys.

EDIT: Oh, there was a literal "Five Guys Style" on the menu? Well, shit, maybe the guy was just being a dick or telling a poorly executed joke.

Avatar image for mikkaq
#36 Posted by MikkaQ (10296 posts) -

Who cares about the fries when the burgers are so damn good. Also you get fries in quantity. I ordered like 5 small fries to feed my production crew after some burgers, I was given a massive takeout bag that took a 5 of us a while to go through before we even saw the actual cups for the french fries. Hell we were full before we could realistically take a cup of our own out and eat some. That's gotta mean something.

Avatar image for ramone
#37 Posted by Ramone (3080 posts) -

I wish we had ridiculous fast food chains in the UK.

Avatar image for algertman
#38 Posted by algertman (871 posts) -

I like that no matter what size fries I order they give me 10 lbs. of them.

Avatar image for deactivated-57beb9d651361
#39 Posted by deactivated-57beb9d651361 (4541 posts) -

@Hizang said:

They don't have them in the UK, in the UK all we got is McDonalds and Burger King as the big branded stores. This is all making me want to go out and get some burgers now.

Edinburgh (can't speak for anywhere else) also has the holy trinity of Wannaburger (which is considerably more shit than it used to be), Homemade Burger Co and Gourmet Burger.

If you're looking for a real burger, not some flimsy, fast-food shit, hit up one of those (I'm assuming they have restaurants elsewhere in the UK).

Avatar image for oscar__explosion
#40 Posted by Oscar__Explosion (2951 posts) -

I don't understand how everybody isn't as confused as the OP is on this issue. The menu itself says "Five Guys Style" which makes it sound like they do more that just put salt but it turns out they don't. Why the fuck would you call that your "style" when it's just the standard way of making fries?

Avatar image for godlyawesomeguy
#41 Posted by Godlyawesomeguy (6421 posts) -

@Ramone said:

I wish we had ridiculous fast food chains in the UK.

Well, you should and you shouldn't. You should because when you're eating at a place such as Five Guys, it is God's gift to mankind at the time of actually consuming it. After eating five burgers, however, you are pretty sure death in imminent.

Avatar image for laiv162560asse
#42 Posted by Laiv162560asse (488 posts) -

As a non-Yank, the following is my only other source of info about Five Guys. He seemed pretty happy with things.

Loading Video...
Avatar image for jakob187
#43 Edited by jakob187 (22932 posts) -

Five Guys sucks. I don't understand how people like them.

Personally, the best burgers I've ever had came from three local locations: Kitok's, Dave's Burger Barn, and Kim's Burgers & Shakes. Then again, people keep telling me to check out Double R, and I've yet to do so. Might have to make that trip this week.

I would also like to point out that Kitok's serves Oriental Fries. As far as I know, Kitok's is kind of the one place in the country that does them.

Avatar image for starvinggamer
#44 Posted by StarvingGamer (11360 posts) -

@Spoonman671: Have you ever, ever, EVER, eaten at a restaurant that listed a menu item as a signature style item when the way the food was prepared was completely standard?

Ever?

Avatar image for zombiepie
#45 Posted by ZombiePie (6891 posts) -

I have both, but I don't go to the Five Guys because my sister's ex-boyfriend works there...also I find it really weird that their default option for onions are grilled onions and not raw onions. 

Moderator
Avatar image for starvinggamer
#46 Posted by StarvingGamer (11360 posts) -

@ZombiePie: Well, a lot of people don't abhor raw onions, but I don't think I've ever heard someone object to grilled onions specifically.

Avatar image for zombiepie
#47 Posted by ZombiePie (6891 posts) -

The default version of onions on a burger should be raw and you can get grilled if you special order them.Also when I want onions I want them raw, that's just my philosophy.

Moderator
Avatar image for nightriff
#48 Posted by Nightriff (7116 posts) -

5 Guys is the best burger period, but it is expensive

In-N-Out is the best burger for the price, great burger and easy on the wallet

But when it comes to it I would pick 5 Guys any day over In-N-Out, expensive or not 5 Guys is the best burger I have ever had

Avatar image for extomar
#49 Posted by EXTomar (5047 posts) -

I haven't had a fast food hamburger in years. In fact the last time I went to one was a Five Guys and only because it was a trip and a special treat where it would be rude to turn it down.

Avatar image for ravenlight
#50 Posted by Ravenlight (8057 posts) -

You need to get In-N-Out fries Animal Style because they're so bad on their own. Five Guys fries, on the other hand, are robust enough to only need a sprinkle of salt before they're perfect.

This edit will also create new pages on Giant Bomb for:

Beware, you are proposing to add brand new pages to the wiki along with your edits. Make sure this is what you intended. This will likely increase the time it takes for your changes to go live.

Comment and Save

Until you earn 1000 points all your submissions need to be vetted by other Giant Bomb users. This process takes no more than a few hours and we'll send you an email once approved.