Bravo to whoever wrote this........

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#1 Posted by deathstriker666 (1349 posts) -

Looking at Jeff's wiki page, I noticed this......

Jeff Gerstmann’s Temporary Paralysis At E3 2010


During a long exhausting road trip to E3 2010 on day 0 Jeff Gerstmann arrived at his hotel where he took refuge from the burning summer heat at his hotel room. It was there deeply exhausted and unable to go sleep with out taking a daily shot from the film “ The fast and the furious Tokyo Drift” on HD DVD ever since his first viewing  and while watching he mistakenly took a few cans of Drank for his favorite energy drink.

After consuming the “anti energy drink” he became a lethargic shell of his alert and awake self and he stammered into the E3 show floor looking the Microsoft press conference, and wandered into   E3’s “ Kentia hall ” where Members of the associated press where having sneak previews of the hottest new 3 party wii peripherals.

It was there in Kentia hall E3 2010 Jeff Gerstmann’s life was forever changed for 12 to 15 hours as a soccer mom journalist for the New York Times was testing a prototype wii Olympichammer throw Accessory   for the Nintendo wii .   The deadly plastic wii accessory   then suddenly “Without Warning!” slipped out of her greasy hands striking Jeff Gerstmann’s in the head while returning from the Kentia hall E3 2010 hot dog stand while on his quest to find the Microsoft’s press conference. Dazed and stunned from the massive impact he accidentally stumbled off balcony and fell one level onto a hard linoleum floor the injuries sustained from falling leaving him paralyzed from the arms down.  

  Jeff Gerstmann’s  temporary paralysis and recovery with Microsoft’s Kinect.    


 Jeff Gerstmann did make it to Microsoft’s booth after he obtained a wheelchair from a local used medical equipment dealership in downtown L.A slums. After leaving back to E3 2010 Jeff Gerstmann found his savior the miracle device known as Microsoft’s Kinect the device that makes “ You are the controller!”.  From then on Jeff Gerstmann then decided that night this is how he would recover from his paralysis and began an extreme physical therapy and rehabilitation technique with the device spending minutes maybe even hours playing The Kinect fitness and water rafting games. He even went as far as dancing in front of the Kinect and holding up his hands onto nothing but air to steer a car in a racing game also shown on display all while playing the Rocky theme and “You are the Best around” from “ The Karate Kid on his MP3 player.

  As helpful as these fitness and dancing games where in his road to full recovery it was the mental animal companion ship he received from he Kinect amd Xbox  360 powered pet Tiger Skittles in Microsoft’s Kinectamals that was also on the E3 2010 show floor that powered his Miracle recovery, Boosting his mental state of mind with a Iron fortitude of a mount Everest climber and warding off a deep mental depression that would have lead him into a downward spiral of drugs and alcohol. Hospitals world wide have used animals on people recovering  from sickness to great   success for years and this would be the same for his paralysis.  

Jeff continued E3 2010 fully recovered and never looked back at his disability however he  writes his Kinectamals Tiger a fine letter always packed with a new catnip infused toy to this day.

A little incoherent and confusing in some spots, but it's hilarious :D

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