Motion-Controlled Molestation: A New Form of Griefing

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Posted by CharlesAlanRatliff (5726 posts) -

Shhh, it's over now. 
Shhh, it's over now. 
 

It starts out innocently enough. You want someone to play Kinect Adventures with, so you head online to find a stranger wanting to do the same. The game's matchmaking system finds a partner, placing you both in a glass case under the sea, where various creatures intent on your demise crack holes in your fragile little box, all in the hopes of drowning you. You both work quickly to patch up the leaks, and all seems well, until your newfound friend suddenly stops. "What the hell is he doing?" you ask yourself.

He takes one step to his right, placing him within reaching distance. His hand slowly rises and starts carressing your back, moving it lower and lower. It stops, and you realize his hand is now groping your firm, polygonal buttocks. This ... this is weird, you think to yourself. Then you remember that somewhere, there is another human being, a person you don't know, performing these actions with their actual body. You quickly disconnect. Well, as quickly as one can disconnect using the Kinect interface.

Yes, this actually happened. I was there, man. Motion-controlled molestation is a new form of griefing, a thing that I'm sure is happening every day - right now, even.

And now ... a confession: I was the groper. But look, it wasn't my fault! OK, maybe a little, but it was just one time! I ... I had to test out the limitations of the Kinect, you know? For knowledge and stuff. Knowledge I have passed on to you in hopes to quell the perversions of anonymous Kinect owners.

That was a lie; I'm sorry. I actually just thought it would be amusing. And it was. But never again, OK?

 

Probably.  
 
 
 
 
-------  
<------Valve's Christmas Gift 
Gnome Chompski------>
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#1 Posted by CharlesAlanRatliff (5726 posts) -

Shhh, it's over now. 
Shhh, it's over now. 
 

It starts out innocently enough. You want someone to play Kinect Adventures with, so you head online to find a stranger wanting to do the same. The game's matchmaking system finds a partner, placing you both in a glass case under the sea, where various creatures intent on your demise crack holes in your fragile little box, all in the hopes of drowning you. You both work quickly to patch up the leaks, and all seems well, until your newfound friend suddenly stops. "What the hell is he doing?" you ask yourself.

He takes one step to his right, placing him within reaching distance. His hand slowly rises and starts carressing your back, moving it lower and lower. It stops, and you realize his hand is now groping your firm, polygonal buttocks. This ... this is weird, you think to yourself. Then you remember that somewhere, there is another human being, a person you don't know, performing these actions with their actual body. You quickly disconnect. Well, as quickly as one can disconnect using the Kinect interface.

Yes, this actually happened. I was there, man. Motion-controlled molestation is a new form of griefing, a thing that I'm sure is happening every day - right now, even.

And now ... a confession: I was the groper. But look, it wasn't my fault! OK, maybe a little, but it was just one time! I ... I had to test out the limitations of the Kinect, you know? For knowledge and stuff. Knowledge I have passed on to you in hopes to quell the perversions of anonymous Kinect owners.

That was a lie; I'm sorry. I actually just thought it would be amusing. And it was. But never again, OK?

 

Probably.  
 
 
 
 
-------  
<------Valve's Christmas Gift 
Gnome Chompski------>
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#2 Posted by the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG (4312 posts) -

what if that was an 8 year old?  oh god!

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#3 Posted by Maajin (1171 posts) -

Wait, which part was a lie? The one about knowledge, the one about you being the groper or the whole thing?

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#4 Posted by Video_Game_King (36564 posts) -

It's only a matter of time until somebody just makes a porn game for Kinect. At that point, people will stop looking at the facial recognition so innocently.

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#5 Posted by CharlesAlanRatliff (5726 posts) -
@theplatypus: About knowledge. Sorry for the confusion! 
 
@the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG: Hey, man, they had the body of a grown man. Not my problem! 
 
@Video_Game_King: I'm sure there are porn games out there that you can play on the PC using Kinect. I actually remember seeing some kind of article about it a few months ago.
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#6 Posted by Tim_the_Corsair (3053 posts) -

Bahahahahaha

I like you Vito, I really do.

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#7 Posted by the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG (4312 posts) -
@Vito_Raliffe: hahaha this is actually pretty hilarious
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#8 Posted by sparky_buzzsaw (7965 posts) -

It's creepy shit like this that gives legitimately creepy guys like me bad names! Some of us didn't have those newfangled video arcade machines to do our groping! We actually had to go out in the field and do it ourselves, with real hands, like real creepy men! Son of a bitch!

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#9 Posted by CharlesAlanRatliff (5726 posts) -

@Tim_the_Corsair: @the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG: Don't encourage this kind of behavior!

@Sparky_Buzzsaw: So ... so you're saying this technology can be used for good? That, perhaps, it could curb one's need to act on their desires in real life, protecting the innocent? Whoa, this just got DEEP.

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#10 Posted by Claude (16651 posts) -

Hey Vito...I have virtual candy. Wanna play a game?

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#11 Posted by sparky_buzzsaw (7965 posts) -

@Claude:

...said the man in the chomo van.

But, uh, seriously, candy? You maybe got some Skittles?

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#12 Posted by CharlesAlanRatliff (5726 posts) -

@Claude: I would love to try your virtual candy. Just let me slip into something a little more ... Kinect-friendly.

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#13 Posted by McGhee (6128 posts) -

HAHAHA

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#14 Edited by wolf_blitzer85 (5441 posts) -

Just Dance has up to four player support......now we have a party.

Well I guess not in the same sense since there isn't direct control. Either way I'm glad to see that people out there are always trying to expand the capabilities of technology.

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#15 Edited by ZombieSpace (286 posts) -

Could you point on your avatar where the bad man touched you?  
 
well i would have to remove my master chief helmet. 
 
Dear god.

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#16 Posted by CharlesAlanRatliff (5726 posts) -

@ZombieSpace said:

Could you point on your avatar where the bad man touched you?

I was originally going to have an image at the bottom with this caption!

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