This is something I posted a few days ago on NeoGAF, I figured I might as well post it here too.

There will be spoilers for the whole game

So I was lying in bed last night, as you do, but instead of sleeping I just thought about this topic and the idea of making a thread about it. Suicide is something I have a close relationship with, my father did it 9 years ago, my sister has attempted it numerous times and I am routinely plagued with thoughts of doing it myself. So N:A struck a chord with me in how it approaches suicide very much unlike pretty much any other game out there.

To start, I'll go over one of the first overt instances you encounter, the Machine Lifeform cult in the factory. What initially seems as the Machines experimenting with religion quickly becomes a death cult with the "death" of their Leader, Kierkegaard. You're chased through the factory as the Machines scream at you to "become as gods", as they've come to the conclusion that death is the final salvation. When you run through the areas of the factory you saw in the prologue, you witness numerous Machines jumping into fire, yelling that they will be "freed from their torment". It's an unnerving sequence of events, and the main character 2B and her partner for this section, Pascal, are mostly just confused. There's no condemning and there's no praise for the things they witnessed, much like most things in the game.

Later in the game (Route B to be exact) you encounter a small number of Wise Machines perched atop high structures. They don't respond to your attempts to communicate, but 9S can hack into them to hear their inner thoughts. They're plagued with thoughts of worthlessness, that "none of us in this world are loved", that their existence of just being cogs in a fruitless war has no meaning. Some of these thoughts have mirrored my own, and the effect of hacking also causes 9S to start to mirror these thoughts as well. But the conclusion these Machines come to is self-termination, as the fling themselves from their perches and explode on the ground below. 9S is incredulous, how could a being just choose to end it? I've had the same thoughts as well, did my father have the same ideas? Was everything truly not worth it? Did he think he wasn't loved in this world? I'll never know.

Flash forward to Route C, and 9S has quickly deteriorated mentally, following 2B's infection with a virus and subsequent suicide via unit A2. If you do the Gathering Keepsakes sidequest, in which 9S is tasked with finding the remains of a Resistance member's friends, it ends with 9S going to Emil's sanctuary and placing a grave for 2B. After finishing, he remarks that he'll "be with her soon", revealing that he doesn't plan on living after his goal of killing the Machines and A2, whether he dies by their hands or his own. Only his rage keeps him going, with death being the only relief.

But Nier: Automata ends with hope. The Machines leave the planet, in hopes of finding a new world, hopefully one where they can escape the cycle of death and war, and find meaning in their existence. 2B, 9S and A2 are given a second chance at life, a chance to move forward in the world, a chance to maybe make the same mistakes they already did but by their own free will. And the person playing the game fights for their sake as well during the final hacking minigame, where after numerous defeats you are given help by other players. When everything is at its worst, there are still other people who are willing to give a hand. Don't give up, keep fighting. That's what I'm going to do.

NieR: Automata is a very personal game. It really depends on the person playing it what they get out of it. To quote a Machine from the game, "How much you enjoy something depends on your own heart". This was just a sample of some moments that really left a mark on me.

A superb rant my duder/dudette. Thank you for sharing a part of your life with us.

First and foremost, its great that games speak to people in powerful ways and are such a accessable medium. Theres a lot of books, television shows/documentaries and movies about this topic but video games and their far reach have helped a lot of people to win their fight against depression and its often grim aftermath. I think a lot of people strugle with that and I've read some comments about how video games helped a bit and thats always heartwarming to read.

If you ever feel the need to talk about your life in private, feel free to hit me up with a PM and if you wanna know about some games that tackle dread perhaps a better way than Nier:AM did in my opinion just tell me duder :).

Thanks for sharing this with us. It was really powerful and moving to read. I imagine it isn't easy to share something as personal as this. It's amazing what art can do for us when it is relatable and personally moving. Wish you the best!

There's also that big robot, I forgot what it's called the huge robot, some of his body is stuck in the middle of the map. You do fetch quests for him. Between the fetch quests, you have conversations with him about 'sin' and by the last fetch quest, he becomes guilty that he killed so many people in his life, that instead of letting you repair him with that last piece you needed, he asks you to donate it to survivors. He lets you know this is his way of repentance.

By the end of the game it's revealed there is an Ark (just like the Ark in SOMA) with everyone's consciousness uploaded into that and it was due to being shot into space at some time. In the A2 ending she destroys it while saying "I'm coming" - speaking to her now dead comrades. So it was interesting that she destroyed her comrades while thinking that by doing so she will be with them again. Perhaps she thought those conscious fragments in that thing were not really them, reminiscent of the protagonist in SOMA screaming "they're not us!" at the end.

But the 9S ending, while he's dying he finds out somehow that 2Bs consciousness is in that thing and he says "so that's where you've been".

Thanks for sharing. Suicide and death are a constant in NieR: Automata. In some ways it feels like it is more than those two things, but failure or things going wrong when trying to find purpose. Like:

• The Machines who set up their familial unit fail.
• The Machines who try to bring joy and happiness start to turn into the zombie Machines.
• The Machine (I forget her name) that tries to find love by winning over Jean Paul with her beauty becomes distorted.
• The Forest Kingdom is based on a king who dies, and they worship an entity that will never take its place.
• The Machines that find religion turn into a death cult to escape this world and pursue salvation.
• Pascal's village that is based on peace and empathy also has fear and decides it is better to die at their hands instead of living in fear and facing the other Machines.
• 2B and 9S are trapped in their cycle where 2B has to kill 9S over and over whenever he becomes too smart or self aware.
• And then there is the Yorha cycle that is designed to perpetually kill off the Moon base and start the war between the androids and the Machines again and again forever.

That's all to say, that's why I found The End of Yorha to be so powerful. The fact that the player sees so many lifeforms die or fail to establish their various social structures, it is still worth fighting for and trying again to make things better by working together with everyone. It is a strange ending, to fight against the credits, but it is impacting to have other people help you out and receive those messages of encouragement. Especially during the End of Yorha version of Weight of the World, with the chorus and the different lead singers singing different parts of the song. I have gotten emotional a couple of times just by listening to that song and thinking about how we're all in this together and how I gladly deleted my save to help someone else.

So yeah, Nier: Automata is a hell of a game.

Great post and replies. I sorta came off Nier: Automata not really impacted in a major way. I think a little of that was because I felt the plot was flying right over my head towards the end, but also it might be because my life and mindset is so removed from things like rage, depression, and suicide, that it was harder for me to understand and connect with those narrative elements. So, I find myself hovering back and forth on how I feel about Nier: Automata as a whole. Reading your posts, and reviewing how well Automata handles those difficult topics, definitely makes me consider the game in a better light.

The game does rely heavily on the Existentialism, it will definitely mesh well with someone like who me has had misgivings about my own existence and place in the world. Some people never have that, and that's okay. I envy them. I'm 31 years old and I feel like life has sometimes moved on without me, and I'm stuck in the past with no clue where to go in the present or the future. It's really how the characters in Automata are, as well. They've been left behind by the world (and their creators), and they struggle to find/earn/create a place in a world where they feel they have no purpose.

Anways, thanks for reading, I'm glad I helped shed some light on the workings of Automata for you.

Thanks for sharing.

There's one scene that really stuck with me. It was was after Pascal's village's is attacked. He first wants to kill everyone that's been a threat to his village after being a passive person. That was really strong, but it was after that when he sees all the kids killed off. He's at his last whims and all he can think of is having his memories deleted. That really messed with me because that's basically mind suicide.

I just hope @alex and @benpack fight hard for this game come GOTY

Downloading now. Thanks for the post, really hit home for me.

Good post. Its very hard for me to open in the ways you have, even though I understand what you mean.

The innate sense of worthlessness, of just not truly belonging, the game captures that. Its just a great game.

If you are interested and have the time, Waypoint Radio (Austin, Patrick, with Alex as a guest) talk about some of these topics and side quests. Here's a link. By the time I finished B, this game got me hooked. However, after between finally finishing this game, listening to that spoilercast, and just sitting around thinking about the game for like two or three days straight, I appreciated its story and characters more. There's definitely a lot to process and it's not for everyone, but the more I've thought about it, the more I think this game is special.

Thank you for sharing that, rubberluffy.