This last week has been something of a nightmarish blur. Between getting sick, playing 45 or so hours of Monster Hunter, watching EXCEPTIONALLY questionable garbage anime that at 3 in the morning (which I will not specify, lest I lose whatever shred of respectability I have left) and at one point sleeping for 12 hours and missing all of my classes, it’s fair to say that I’ve had a weird time over the past 10 or so days. So, in order to ground myself I finally sat down and turned to something I’ve been meaning to do for a while; namely finish Bound By Flame after not touching it for a month. At some point I’m not sure if I’m doing it for me, for you or for our dark masters beyond the pale of human understanding, but all I know is that this written blog is the only way I’m going to feel alright about spending time and money on this instead of finishing Wasteland 2 or Dragon Age Inquisition. But maybe I should mention some things about some other things first?

Hey guys, I still like Resident Evil. Enough that I totally pre-ordered Revelations 2 once I found out I could get it for $10 off on Green Man Gaming. But while that is another (likely self-flagellating) blog for another time, I’d just like to briefly ruminate on the recent re-release of the gamecube remake of the first game, which I played on PS3. Surprise surprise! It’s still really good! While I think people who use the “modern” controls are absolute monsters and I will still haughtily sniff at those who complain about limited inventory space (those same people carrying ink ribbons and the knife everywhere), there’s no doubt that the old Resident Evil games are not for everyone. This remake is especially uncompromising at times, what with all the zombies you have to decapitate or burn, an early game that is decidedly stingy with ammunition and healing items and Chris’ 6 inventory slots and lack of grenade launcher making his side notably more difficult. If I have anything else to say, it’s that the HD-ifying made an already great looking game even prettier and that I can really appreciate the economy of efficiency that the story of the original Resident Evil has. While the voice acting is still cheesy but not iconically terrible as the original, the cutscenes in this remake last as long as they need to with no real bloat or filler. Mansion, Zombies, Umbrella, Lab, T-Virus, Wesker is a bad dude. Done. It’s a nice change of pace from… what the series currently is. I figure I’ll talk about Persona Q as its own thing once I get that last dungeon all done with, either in another blog or a formal review. I’ve also gotten somewhat back on the League of Legends train since my last blog, though dodgy apartment internet and the ever-present threat of carpal tunnel have made that less of a crippling addiction than I initially feared. Yo, League of Legends is still fun.

The Main Event

I’ve been trying to figure out a metaphor that works for Bound by Flame, and the best I can think of is that it’s the Eragon of RPGs. For those of you who didn’t read too many mediocre fantasy novels in Middle School the same way I did, Eragon is a fantasy novel (the first in a quadrilogy) that borrows heavily from the likes of Star Wars (the first book is basically A New Hope but with Dragons and poorly-written prose) and Lord of the Rings (The same way every fantasy thing from the last 60 years has borrowed from tolkien, but worse) all while passing itself off with complete earnestness as if its the most original thing in the world. Makes sense then, that Eragon was originally written when the author was 15 and Bound By Flame was developed by french studio Spiders, whose other noteworthy game has been Mars: War Logs. But whereas I dropped Christopher Paolini’s novels after I got old enough to realize they were all sorts of dumb, I found a certain ironic, twisted pleasure in Bound By Flame’s earnestness, even as I was cursing it the entire 15-ish hour run time. Don’t consider that a recommendation; I’m just sort of broken.

There’s a certain stereotype associated with RPGs developed on the European continent, namely that they’re mechanically ambitious but janky romps that punch above their weight with mixed results depending on the title in question. Sometimes it leads to games that confuse and intimidate me but people seem to enjoy, like Risen! Sometimes it leads to games I genuinely like despite their obvious flaws like the first Witcher or Two Worlds 2! Sometimes it leads to quick look fodder like Raven’s Cry! Bound by Flame does not really buck that stereotype. Mechanically, it’s a third-person action RPG with a combat system that I’d describe as being ill-fitting for the situations you find yourself in. With a heavy focus on dodging or parrying depending on if you decide to go daggers or swords, you can sort of see what the developers were going for, but it doesn’t work that way at all. Instead, screwing up on a dodge or parry usually leads to enemies ganging up on you and death by stun-lock, so the “real” tactics for success involve getting way too good at dodging, or (as I started to do by the end of the game) cheesing your way to victory by kiting fools around and placing traps everywhere. The RPG systems are nothing special, albeit with a heavier-than-usual emphasis on crafting because crafting is a thing I guess. Incremental percentage improvements as a substitute for interesting abilities has never been very compelling for me.

That’s most of the game, but there’s also the part of the game that wants to be like Mass Effect or Dragon Age. That is where my “so bad it’s ironically hilarious” defense comes in. Bound By Flame’s writing is mesmerizing amateur-hour fantasy at its least self-aware. Your character, Vulcan (whom you can rename but everyone still calls you Vulcan so why bother) is accidentally possessed by a fire demon as part of a last-ditch effort to save the world against the dark hordes of the ice lords (who are evil and icy because the NPCs tell you they are when spouting exposition because why show anything). The supporting cast also tries to borrow from the Bioware formula, but whereas the best written supporting characters in Bioware games have things like nuance and subtlety, the supporting characters in BBF are all some variety of one note. There’s the guy who talks entirely in the third person and that’s totally wacky, right? Or what about the prim and proper undead guy who talks all posh? Or the Elf dude who has no discernable personality? Or the other girl? You can talk to them and they will deliver their backstories with all the effort of reading a grocery list. Don’t get me wrong, they’re useless in combat on a Jade Empire level, but that all leads to the true star of the story: your main character Vulcan, who I imagine is supposed to talk like a tough mercenary dude but comes off more as a somewhat petulant teenager trying really hard to be a badass with hilarious results. The poor quality of the writing and voice acting really elevate Bound By Flame to unintentionally hilarious farce, but the handful of “moral” choices you make also help. Instead of Mass Effect level “Do you wish to pet the dog or murder the dog?”, the moral choices in this game are usually “Do you want this clearly evil demon to possess more of you for better fire magic, or do you want to be able to wear helmets?” with the ending sort of obviously reflecting those choices. It’s, as I said, completely amateur-hour in a way I have not seen from a modern attempt at RPGs. And it’s on all the current-gen consoles too! I bet some people bought it just because they needed something to play on their PS4/Xbox One and they paid $60 for it. I feel really bad for them, I really do. I don’t feel bad for myself because I knew what I was getting into.

There are mediocre and bad games I can recommend under specific circumstances, but unless you’re a self-loathing glutton for punishment (I am) or want a venerable gold mine of a video game to laugh at for the wrong reasons (I did), I’d steer clear of Bound by Flame for any amount of money. I’m sure you can find the funny bits on youtube if you really want to, but the actual game part is sort of terrible and there are better ways of spending 15 or so hours of your time. You could do what I did and play way too much Monster Hunter! Speaking of which, I have to grind a Gravios for his animal parts, so I’ll see you later. Here: Have the best speedrun from Awesome Games Done Quick.