How Microsoft will rule the Universe.
By Belonpopo 36 Comments
So In case you haven't noticed Microsoft likes money.
Since Infinity Ward had their boys fired for talkin' back to Bob Kotick, people seem to think that Microsoft is going to buy Infinity Ward. The real question is: What isn't Microsoft going to buy? Is Microsoft evil, are they greedy, and most importantly are we safe? Microsoft is the most powerful company in the world of technologist if not the entire world, they also have the drive to lead them to world domination. Don't fuck with Microsoft. Being the person that I am devised the plan that Bill Gates will use to conquer us all.The Battle plan
Stage one: Operation infinity.
Microsoft. Are you scared yet? The very word strikes fear into the heart of Steve Jobs, the last hope for humanity. By the time your done reading this blog Microsoft has already bought Infinity Ward. By this time IW has released the new Modern Warfare game, the Swan Song of Infinity Ward. Using the stupid amounts of income from the over hyped IP, Microsoft releases the Xbox: Blu, featuring Blu-ray. "Hey, Sony owns Blu-Ray!". Not according Microsoft. After forty-two court sessions and ten casualties, Microsoft sues Sony over Blu-Ray, Microsoft has invented Blu-ray. Sony cannot bounce back from the lawsuit, they also cannot counter Blu-Ray. Sony is now dead. Dead.Stage two: The last days of Apple
Steve Jobs is the proclaimed "Hero" of the world. We have realized that the Ipod, the last true piece of technology that Microsoft cannot "invent' themselves or top is the only thing that cannot slow down the Microsoft assault. Apple releases the Ipod: Swarm. The idea around the Swarm is to make it so cheap that everyone would own one, regardless of the profit margin. The plan at first, works. But after The Black Eyed Pea's plane "accidentally" crashes into Lady Gaga's mansion killing everyone. The Itunes market collapses, Itunes fails. Apple soon follows.Stage three: Microsoft pulls America's ass out of the fire!
America's dept is at a staggering OVER 9000!...trillion. Microsoft then makes the biggest financial move in the history of forever: they bail out the states, except Nebraska (You'll see why later). Before this deal happens they is an under the table deal in Washington. In exchange for Microsoft bailing us out, they get unlimited use of the military. Nebraska is enraged over the deal, they riot, conform and go anarchy. Nebraska's actions are not tolerable, this what Microsoft has been waiting for. With Bob Kotick leading them Microsoft sends Death squads into Nebraska, killing everything in site. Microsoft buys Nebraska, flips it, then sells it to Haiti and Chile for a generously low rent.
Stage four: Blade Runner
Americans' are pissed. Why would any do such a thing to fellow Americans? To make people believe in Microsoft, they promise this: "When people cooperate with their Microsoft Overlords, I mean "leaders". We will allow the release of the new Blade Runner". The world, shuts the fuck up. Microsoft is in fact evil, Blade Runner is never released.Stage five: Pull a Joseph Stalin.
Our new Overlords are scared that the CEO's and Executives are growing in power, both political and inside the company. Following the "great" Joseph Stalin they arrange their deaths. Bob Kotick is no more. Microsoft brings in new blood, NASA.
Wait, what?
Yes, NASA. Microsoft hires NASA at gunpoint to work with them in there intergalactic relations. Microsoft plans to buy the fucking Moon! What they plan do is turn the Moon into a highly advanced military base, Congress opposes, Congress dies. After they establish the base, they put a giant blanket over the moon, blacking out the moonlight. If the world wants moonlight they most pay Microsoft a nightly charge on it.
They own space now.
Microsoft put the "Gatesgun" on the surface of the moon, pointing it at the Earth. Microsoft owns not the Earth, but the area around Earth, also charging Earthlings for that too. Microsoft now owns the entire solar system, they even invented sunlight and sued the Milky way because the owned the candy bar first.