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As simple as my ass: A blog about two different views


Hello giantbombers, I had a pretty interesting day today, well, basically, I was just chillen with my dad (or, at least trying to chill with him, fuckin asshole) at my cousins baseball game, and, if you don`t already know, i`m a bum when it comes to sports, that`s why i`m not in any, I have tried swim team, but I fail, but anyways, he was just sitting there telling me what every douchebag dad would say to his lazy son, “ Why don`t you stop being a bum and play some football at the school? “, and I answered “ Dad, i`m not the athletic type, so please stop asking me to do something I don`t want to to “. So, after that awkward conversation, he added, “ Try baseball, it`s simple “, and my instinct came to do what it felt, and by mistake I replied “ Yeah, as simple as my ass “.


Now, a “ good “ parent wouldn`t let they`re child swear like that, but, he just laughed and said “You are simple, simply retarded,that`s probably why your mother always watches you, retards need more attention”. To me, that was really mean, after her pretty much burned me with that,as much as I don`t want to admit, really funny comeback, we took my cousin back to his place, on the ride there, I was just trying to experiment how my dad would react to me cursing a little more, so, me and my good o`l cousin were talking and then, a huge bump in the road made the car bounce, and with thinking about how I could use that as an excuse to swear, I yelled “ Oh shit! “, and guess what, he didn`t give a holy fuck, I was just, amazed, he doesn`t care? Well, I can`t really tell if this is because he`s cool or because he doesn`t care about me growing up to be a “bad” grown up.


Well, we came back home, and I was just curious, I wanted to ask him if he cared if I swore or not, but as soon as he entered his house he left straight for my, mildly attractive, step mom, they left into the room, and they did, well, whatever they felt like doing (probably sexy time, but that`s just MY guess). So, I decided, what if I did something that would, you know, disturb their “time” together. I had to think quickly before they got so much into the sexy time to the point to where they don`t give a fuck about what happens to their belongings. Without hesitation, I decided to go ahead and bring my dad`s awesome German Shepard inside the house, and this dude is like, crazy hyper, i`ve never seen him sleep, that`s how crazy this dog is. So, we were chillen, doing the regular boy and dog bonding shit, and then, next thing I knew, he pissed on my step mom`s carpet, now, this is the first time I was confident and sure that my dad would not care, but I wasn`t too sure, my dad can be unpredictable sometimes. So, after they were doing the sexy dance with each other, I was outside with my old childhood friends before I moved with my mom, and next thing I hear is my dad yelling my name, “ ( insert name here ), GET YOUR ASS IN THE FUCKING HOUSE “, I was like, “oh shit”, so, my good o`l friend nick gave me some quick advice, he told me, look him in the eyes and have no fear, so, that`s exactly what I did, I walked calmly into the house, and there he was, step mom probably knocked out or passed out from the uh, “pounding” my dad gave her, and raising his voice at me, he yelled “You better hope that`s lucky`s piss or else i`m gonna make you sweep this up with your tounge”.


Now, lemme tell you what was wrong with that sentence he said, now, can you guess what was wrong with that? It`s not because he threatened to make me clean up the piss with my tounge, not because he raised his voice at me or anything, what`s wrong with that is he would actually think I would piss on the floor… yeah, if I said this once, I said this a billion times, my dad is a fail. Does, he REALLY think I would actually do that, does he think i`m THAT retarded (keyword THAT, i`m actually a little bit of a dumb ass). I remembered what my friend Nick told me, stay confident, NO FEAR, so I told him back “Make me”, and boy, did this seriously piss him off, he yelled back “I know you didn`t just talk to me like that” I was surprised I made it this far without getting my ass whipped, so, I replied back, “ What are ya gonna do? It`s not like I did anything wrong, if your gonna beat me, then do it, but if you do, that just proves you have no brains to fix your problems .“. For a second, he stayed silent, and then smirked, “ So, you don`t think i`m smart huh? “ and me, relieved he didn`t go chuck norris on my ass replied “Well obviously not, I mean, you don`t know how to clean up piss from the floor”, he laughed, and started joking around saying, “Get your ass and clean it”, so, I went to the kitchen, and he threw a shirt at me and said “here, use this”, so, with great risk I replied, “ Seriously? Dude, it`s called a rag, stupid”.


He laughed, yeah, it was a pretty interesting day that was, now, if your wondering what point i`m trying to get at, basically, the question is, does my dad, or any dick dad out there want there child to grow up a douche bag, because I was acting like him, and he respected me, well, you know, in a way, i`ve never bonded with my dad like that in a long time. But yeah duders, today I learned that, sometimes, you gotta see views in different ways, I use to think that my dad was just all in all, a bum, but we kinda related to eachother today.


Yeah, that was my boring, and time wasting blog, thanks for reading and feel free to troll and all that good stuff, haha.