By bonbolapti 4 Comments
The 3rd annual Overwatch anniversary event has begun which gave another handful of fun/silly skins for a bunch of your favourite shooty game buffoons. That also means that not everyone is going to agree with the skins each time they’re made.
Perhaps you feel uncomfortable with the sudden knowledge that Mei’s got a booty that won’t stop, D.va doesn’t break the internet as much as you’d hope, or you’re also appalled by the idea of Brigitte being a cop.
While we’re not going to argue the low-hanging-fruit-semantics about a video game that is solely focused around an organization of future police. It would be fun to shed light on all of the characters to see which ones are actually cops or not.
As a founding member of Overwatch, and a real impressive sniper. Ana was always on call to protect her home and her people. When she was shot in the face by a professional dancer and Overwatch disbanded, Ana turned vigilante under a different alias.
Being wanted for espionage, assault and theft (like most officers of the law clearly do when they lose the job they love), she bumps into Jack Morrison one day and decides that justice is the way to go, and adopts a new alias as a cat person.
Is Ana a cop? Yes. But like, a grizzled detective at this point.
Rich and surrounded by white privilege, Ashe committed crimes at a young age because when you’re young and wealthy you ain’t got time to be told what to do. When she met McCree they shared a love for being urban cowboys and crimed so much that it got McCree into trouble.
Since he went legit, it only made Ashe crime even harder. She lives her days bossing people around, stealing, causing havoc and wishing she wasn’t so notorious so she could attend the Met Gala at least once.
Is Ashe a cop? Far from it. Basically the opposite of a cop, but clearly the sheriff of her little gang of thugs.
One of many children orphaned because of Omnics, he grew up wanting a better world for himself and others. So he joined the military as a way of doing so. When his service was over, he didn’t know what else to do. Since Talon was recruiting he joined in hopes of being a cop, but he was really more of a bad cop.
Once he realized that Talon were the bad guys, he said “No Thanks.” BUT Because he knew too much, Talon tried to stop him. Since he has so much army skills, it’s really hard for Talon to stop the guy. Currently living his life on the run like he’s Jason Bourne or some shit.
Is Baptiste a cop? I think for all intents and purposes sure. That seems to be the only kind of job he thinks he can get. But maybe he’s also a chef somewhere. I hear he likes food.
Without even thinking too hard about it, Bastion is part of an oppressive force that wanted to put human beings in their place. He was on the front lines, fighting a war that he was programmed for.
Though, ever since he met a bird, he’s been trying to make up for all that killing by wandering around and noticing how beautiful life is. Despite him turning over a new leaf there will forever be a group in protest, always bringing up his past over social media. He’ll never be able to live it down, he might even get triggered. The guy IS a walking sentry gun.
Is Bastion a cop? I don’t really think Bastion is anything anymore. But if he did want to be a police officer now, he’ll probably have to change his ammo to rubber bullets.
Clearly since she now has a skin where she’s in full Police riot gear it’s safe to say that Brigitte is a cop, or at the very least aspires to be one. Hearing stories from uncle Reinhardt all throughout her childhood, has only inspired her to be a knight in shining armour. Basically behaving like most people who get into the police force in their first year.
But you JUST KNOW Brigitte will be in a situation where she’ll screw up and put a civilians life in danger. Do you see how she swings that mace around? I don’t think she actually knows what she’s doing and is honestly kind of a bully.
Is Brigitte a cop? She’s such a cop! But one of those good cops that you read about in the news where a duck is stuck in a storm drain, so she goes to help it out.
A story as old as time. Girl gets gud at a video game. So gud in fact, that the Government of South Korea wants her and a group of other game savy youngsters to be part of their ELITE TASK FORCE to protect the city from Omnics.
Given her history with the Omnic threat, I guarantee you D.Va will be on the front lines waiting to throw tear gas at those protesting for Omni rights. (Well I guess if some of those people were Omnics, what would be a tear gas equivalent for them? Some sort of EMP?)
Is D.Va a cop? Without question. And she’s played a lot of shooters that prepared her for making the wrong decision at the wrong time.
The heir to a prosthetics company (which is great because he lost an arm in the Omnic crisis). He trained in martial arts in what you would hope was for good, but Akande was brought into Talon under the previous Doomfists’s wing… or arm.
He trained as a mercenary, hoping to do good things for the organization, ultimately he betrayed that Doomfist and took up the mantle to lead Talon into a more aggressive and fearful direction.
Is Doomfist a cop? The opposite of one, but likes to punch cops all day. One time he even punched himself out of prison.
Being the youngest son of the Shimada clan, Genji had no interest in illegal arms dealing. Instead he lived a life of luxury doing ninja shit and being a playboy. Once their father died, Hanzo got all uppity that Genji didn’t take the family business seriously and almost killed him.
Overwatch swooped in and saved his life in exchange for him basically working for them. He did so, but didn’t like it and wandered the earth to find meaning in his life. When he crossed paths with Zenyatta, the monk told him all about the Iris and Genji was finally at peace. Would probably work for Overwatch again if it meant getting all cozy with Mercy.
Is Genji a cop? Genji is all about that ninja lifestyle that I guess you can say he is a cop. As long as what he thinks he’s doing is just.
The oldest Shimada brother and the one bound by the duties set out by his father. Hanzo took over the family business, of selling arms and illegal substances, because business was good. It wasn’t until his fight against Genji that he couldn’t bare working anymore, and was branded as an enemy by his own clan.
Though he’s going to be spending a lifetime trying to right his wrongs, he’s stubborn to think that will ever happen. At the very least it won’t be done as incense offerings on the anniversary of his brother’s “death”.
Is Hanzo a cop? No, but most likely the guy that sold weapons to cops as well as the bad guys. Will say “no comment,” every time he’s asked on the matter.
Okay, seriously. Of course this guy’s not a cop. He builds explosives without thinking about it and has robbed places here and there (getting to be on a number of most wanted lists). But since he considers all Omnics to be terrorists, would ramble on some story about starting a neighbourhood watch for finding and killing them.
With him, everyone’s lives would be in danger at all times. A far-right leaning lunatic that abides by the ‘open carry’ law.
Is Junkrat a cop? Even if he wanted to, would not be able to pass any tests.
Lucio grew up poor, but became a Social Justice Warrior through the power of his music. Though not the type that you would find on tumblr. This guy is super positive and always uses his celebrity to inspire others, and to eat a balanced breakfast.
When the Vishkar company came to town to suppress people with their ‘sonic technology’, Lucio stole it and created wicked cool DJ sets, that encouraged people about the virtues of activism. His music became so popular that he now tours the world.
Is Lucio a cop? No, but has probably used a police siren for one of his tracks.
As stated earlier, this frisky bad boy frequented in a series of crimes with albino-mean-girl Ashe. Then Overwatch came along and said “Be part of our Black Ops group or rot in prison forever.” Clearly chose the former and had it pretty good up until he watched Reaper kill a man for no reason.
Even though it went downhill from there, McCree owed so much to Overwatch and went full on vigilante after it disbanded. Always showing up at the right place at the right time, doing the right thing.
Is McCree a cop? Yes, probably even a Narc.
A happy-go-lucky climatologist taking part in Ecopoint initiatives to fight climate change. This scientist was part of a team that studied climate manipulation in key parts around the globe. She was stationed in Antarctica.
Sadly became the only one to wake up from a nine year cryo sleep. Overwatch was no more, and the planets climate had worsened. So with her little robot buddy on her back, she logged all the data hoping to do something with it, and walked out of Antarctica all by herself.
Is Mei a cop? No she’s a scientist. And one that apologizes for every little thing that she does. Not even close to cop material.
This advocate for peace was the best doctor at her hospital. So good in fact, that Overwatch wanted her to join them as a combat medic. But while she was there, she disagreed with what the organization was doing in terms of it’s weaponizing of research she was taking part in.
Once it disbanded though, she felt better for it and traveled the world as a doctor, helping out those in need.
Is Mercy a cop? Never in her wildest dreams, because they do nothing that she stands for. Would likely take part in a riot but only to help those who were hurt by anyone’s actions.
The biggest science nerd with all of the controversial opinions. Moira once published a paper that detailed the methods for customizing your genes. While other like minded people were appalled by what she wrote, Overwatch hired her because there is no way that what she wanted to do was ever going to be a bad idea.
So she experimented on Reaper making him the man he is today.
Once Overwatch disbanded, she became the scientist she always wanted to be in Oasis, but clearly had already been supported by Talon for years. Even has a seat on their council. What could go wrong?
Is Moira a cop? Again another scientist, but would not shy away from helping out police in her favour.
When a series OR15 police robots were destroyed by Doomfist in Numbani, a little girl took all the discarded parts and created Orisa. Programmed to be a good Omnic, with a good heart and to be the hero the world needs. Orisa also can’t help but fanomnic over heroes of old, and really likes Lucio’s music.
I guess it’s important to note that Orisa is basically a robot through the eyes of a child. So she likes to have fun and learn, but doesn’t exactly understand her own strengths quite well.
Is Orisa a cop? Although she’s quite “new to the world” Orisa is still a cop at her core. Will always think she’s “doing the right thing”, and “knows what’s best for people.”
Pharah is the biggest girl scout in the game, with a penchant for awkwardly flirtatious lines. Always wanted to join Overwatch just because her mom was a part of it, even after the whole “disappearing from her life” thing happened. She joined the army and rose up the ranks and after her service she was hired at a security firm.
Though Overwatch was no more, she was still determined to make a change around the world, but because she worked in security detail a lot of her work involved putting AIs in line. Real boring stuff.
Is Pharah a cop? Of course she’s cop, if only by her own hubris. Like I said before, she’s the biggest girl scout. Not only would that make her a good cop, it would also make her pretty insufferable.
A founding member of Overwatch and eventually became part of the ‘dirty cop’ unit known as Blackwatch. Gabe was part of the same super soldier program as Jack, but obviously went down a different path in life.
Maybe being part of a Black Ops unit just does that to a person. Because he soon led a rebellion against Jack that split the organization in two. Eventually he donned the moniker ‘Reaper’ and did bad things for Talon. In which he was obtaining data and using it to eliminate Overwatch agents.
Is Reaper a cop? For the sake of arguing he’s definitely a cop for Talon. Always does the dirty and protects the organization and their interests.
A soldier of the German Armed Forces that fought against the Omnics the first time around. Was too full of himself in his earlier years and almost got him and his squad killed. But since he’s the guy in the big armor, he took his MVP skills to Overwatch where he befriended a dwarf, and filled far fetched stories into the minds of Torb’s children.
His overactive imagination is what keeps him going, and his armour is guaranteed to be his deathbed, but as long as he’s crushing his hammer through the skull of his enemies, I suppose life is good.
Is Reinhardt a cop? I can’t really imagine Reinhardt having a headline where the phrase “Police brutality” isn’t involved.
After the Omnic crisis, and the Australian government not giving a shit, Mako became a RUTHLESS KILLER™. I suppose, if you think killing Omnics makes you a ruthless killer? It might even be fair to call him a racist? Regardless he’s very big and very dangerous.
At some point, he agreed to be Junkrat’s bodyguard where they agreed to have a 50/50 split on any riches they stole. The rest is basically history I guess.
Is Roadhog a cop? How about, most likely to be called a cop killer.
Soldier: 76 is the biggest boy scout in the game. Jack was also the first official commander of Overwatch and big player in protecting the world. Used to have it all: a loving relationship, super soldier bod, was the perfect role model. Then once he started disagreeing with Gabe it all went to shit and basically faked his death to become an asshole vigilante with a gun.
Him and Ana still hangout to this day, doing that old people thing where they reminisce about their glory days.
May or may not have the phrase “I’ll cry when I’m done killing,” if you ignore the fact that’s actually from a GTA game.
Is Soldier: 76 a cop? I guarantee you he still thinks of himself as one, but all he’s doing is going around hurting people for the “greater good”.
Another one of those “Orphans” thanks to the “Omnic crisis”. Sombra did what any other shut-in would do, work on her mad h4xx0r skills. Well, probably the reason why she decided to in the first place, is that amazing film from 1995.
She hacked Lumerico, Vishkar and Volskaya so well that it caught the attention of Talon that saw her as a tremendous asset. Little did they realize that she joined for herself in the hopes of taking all of their data.
Is Sombra a cop? No, but in the likelihood that she ever gets caught big time, may just end up working for the FBI.
Symmetra is a hard-light engineer working for Vishkar Corp. But also does nefarious things for her company, like stealing things to blackmail competitors. But she’s the best she is at what she does and that may or may not be due to the fact that she’s on the Autism spectrum and has a tough time in social situations.
At least she has a sense of humour even though she can’t seem to make up her mind on whether or not what she’s doing is good. Or what her abilities should even be.
Is Symmetra a cop? Sadly no, but I suspect she would be really good at interrogating someone. So possibly a consultant.
One of the greatest weapon-smiths in the world who joined Overwatch for exactly that reason. Long time ago he had a small part in what would eventually become the Omnic crisis, as he helped design the Bastion units. People thought he was crazy for thinking sentient robotic intelligence was a bad idea but he certainly had the last laugh.
He even lost an arm and an eye. Afterwards when Overwatch did their best impression of peacekeeping, He was ahead of the game in R&D and still wanted to put an end to bad robots everywhere. That is, Until he met the Bastion unit that he helped design. Now he only likes that one.
Is Torbjorn a cop? Yes, but like... The engineer for the cops where he makes all the weapons for them, whether or not they turn out the be bad ideas.
Ms. Lena Oxton was a young girl that signed up for Overwatch’s experimental flight program which went horribly wrong and she ended up with Chronal Disassociation. But thanks to her old-buddy-old-pal Winston, he designed her a device to keep her molecules in check.
Now that they had this on their hands, Overwatch trained her to be an OFFICER OF THE LAW. But if you think about it, thanks to her plucky attitude, would be great at PR for the company should anything go wrong. Right?
Is Tracer a cop? YES! Even after the disbanding of Overwatch she’s a walking unauthorized neighbourhood watch that nobody can seem to catch.
Once a dancer and beautiful wife to a big player in Overwatch. Amelie was kidnapped by Talon and turned into a sleeper agent. A sleeper agent that killed her husband in his sleep. Only to be taken by Talon again to be the best gosh darn sniper in the business. Once shot Ana in the face and killed a robot monk beyond repair.
Even though she’s a cold hearted killer that takes out anyone she’s told to, she would still visit her husband’s grave. Which I guess could mean her heart is still there, even if it’s incredibly tiny.
Is Widowmaker a cop? No, but there’s cop potential. Like one of those CBS shows about a dancer who turns out she’s pretty good with a gun. (And then as the seasons progress she uncovers secrets about her dark past, then maybe at the end of the 4th season it ends on a cliffhanger where they want you to believe she’s the bad guy now.)
A real smart space ape, genetically engineered on the moon, who escaped to Earth once the ape uprising happened. Once on Earth he was welcome by Overwatch as a chief scientist. And would help out with missions, R&D and was generally happy to be there.
When Overwatch disbanded, he went into seclusion working on science things all by himself, waiting for the day he could slap bad guys around again.
Is Winston a cop? Though he works for the cops, he isn’t much of one himself. Might also just be a bad idea since he’s prone to bursts of rage.
A real smart space hamster, genetically engineered on the moon alongside Winston. But once he escaped to Earth with Monkey boy, Hammond went down a different path. Landing in Australia he modified his escape pod and took part in the mech arena battles over in Junkertown.
It was there he gained fame as the #1 fighter, and I guess that’s pretty much all he does with his time.
Is Wrecking Ball a cop? Who’s got time to be a cop when you’re too busy bullying Australians with your large rolling mech?
The world’s strongest Athlete from Russia, who sacrificed personal glory to fight against the Omnic crisis. (Also a noted Omnic racist.) Would basically drop everything to fight for the glory of her country even if that means, ending her career as a professional bodybuilder.
Basically had to come to terms with the fact that Volskya was dealing tech with Omnics, but after going on a mission with a robot man, eventually got over her bullshit.
Is Zarya a cop? I’d wager she was born to be a cop, narc, snitch and detective for her country.
He wanders around seeking spiritual enlightenment. Don’t kid yourself, dude is not a cop. He helped Genji find peace with his half-human/half-robot body. Cops aren’t capable of that.