By Crono 16 Comments
I don't like to use two-dollar words too often. With inflation I suppose they're now four-dollar words though and somehow that makes it even worse - so I try to avoid words like "nomenclature" a word I only used with a vague amount of understanding and chose because I didn't want too long of a title; I realize that many people don't have the attention span to read a long forum title but I fear that in shortening my original title of "Why does the video game industry have such strange naming conventions?" with its current form I have already scared off most potential readers and with this overly long digression of an introduction I have just lost even more. That said, I have been thinking about the way things are named in video game industry and I figured, why not write it down? Who knows, maybe one of you might actually enjoy reading this. If not, at least I got some satisfaction out of this. Maybe I am too late with these musings, but I still claim them as my own since I came upon them independently. That is my disclaimer by the way - don't take this too seriously and it might be fun! Oh boy!
So to kick things off, take for the Xbox 360 for example. People call it the 360. When you see that, you don't say Three-hundred and sixty. You say Three-Sixty. But why wasn't it the Thirty-Six-Oh? What about the the Three-Six-Zero? I mean people call Robert Bowling's alias Four Zero Two. They say each number, why's that guy get special treatment of having each of his numbers pronounced and the 360 is shortened to two numbers when spoken. Also, does anyone else find it somewhat ironic that three 60s would actually be 180? Probably not, but I do. The fact that when I say Three-Sixty out loud and I think of three instances of sixty and, when added together, create only a 180, half of 360, I can't help but find that kind of ironic.
Beyond that, why is it called a 360 anyway? The only instance of a circle in its design is around the gigantic power button that it uses to indicate whether you are player 1, 2, 3, or 4. Also, if you do a 360, you end up where you started - is that really what we want out of a new device?
What about the PS3? It is the third of the PlayStations - but outside of video game consoles, how many electronic devices are there that get "sequels" to their originals? I guess the term sequel isn't very good use of the word because it would indicate that there could be the possibility of a prequel and I doubt we're going to see a Playstation .5 at any point. That said, I still don't get it. I mean, sure, I realize that PlayStation is a recognizable brand now. A name that people know, even old people who don't understand things. It's a household name. But guess what? So is Sony. Why is Sony stuck on the PlayStation name? Nintendo has changed their console names up a bit. In the beginning it wasn't so, but they are now. PlayStation just sounds so generic and they know it, too. Why do you think they insist on calling it a Pee-Ess-Three instead of calling it by its full name? Acronyms and abbreviations rule the day anymore and a good name should be no more than 3 characters long. That is why I am shortening my name from Crono to just Cro. Since it ends in an O with no closing vowel (like an e) that makes it look even more catchy. Damn I'm cool.
So now we get to the Wii and well, would you look at that? It has three characters in its name too! So now we have the 360, the PS3 and the Wii. I hate looking at that name by the way. The Wii just doesn't look right. Sure, that works in their favor. People see the name "Wii" and think, "How fucking corny can you get?" And Nintendo is fine with that because they're laughing all the way to the bank and back again. It is obvious why they picked the word "We" but why they made it look so atrocious is beyond mii. I think they did it, quite honestly, just so they could make the 2 "i"s look like little people bowing like dipshits before their God, the Wii.
You know what? I think that's brilliant, really, because have you ever seen some of these people play a Wii? I have friends that don't play games all that often - but they own a Wii! And they DO treat it like a God. They swear by it! In fact... I'm not certain, but I think I caught one of my friends kneeling before it before. He claims he was changing the disc, but he only owned Wii Sports at that time - anyway I digress. People that don't play games too often but have "experienced" the Wii or own a Wii treat it as though it is a God and I find it kind of strange. I guess the name Wii works great in this regard though because, if you say it enough times (go ahead and try it!) it really does start to sound like a religious mantra or chant. Anyway, I really hope I am not the only person to have seen this sort of person before - if I am, I feel like I am associating with bad people now and I'll hope you forgive me for that.
But think about how dirty that name sounds. Wii. "I'm gonna go play with my Wii!" "I can't wait to get home and unwind by playing with my Wii." I realize my jokes here are becoming more and more infantile but I can't help but get strange images in my head when people talk about playing with their Wii. I don't think of it as "Weeeee!" like a sound a child might make being swung by their arms through the air, and I don't think of it as "We" as in, us, collectively, when people talk about "playing" it. It sounds like something they shouldn't be doing - or at least telling others they're going to go do. And this is a console that is marketed mainly to children but also considered a family console and great for old people... so now we have children, families and old people playing with their Wiis with reckless abandon; don't people know you can nearly go blind if you play with your Wii too much? Ok, I think I have made enough cheap masturbation jokes to make my point.
TL;DR version - You suck and have no attention span. Now go post your one liner and be gone.