Crono's forum posts

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#3 Posted by Crono (2762 posts) -

@andrewb said:

I like the attempt to over up the spoiler for the Avalon video even though you immediately afterward spoil it in plain text.

Brad's power has invaded this post... dear god, it may already be too late!

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#4 Edited by Crono (2762 posts) -

THE CLAIM: I submit that @brad is an actual wizard. I know this sounds crazy, but hear me out on this as there is a lot to substantiate this claim.

THE EVIDENCE: Way back in the year of 2011 Giant Bomb's GOTY series reproduced FMV games as part of their presentation of their awards. Ryan was a Mad Dog McCree style character, Jeff was a space egyptian, Vinnie was a stereotype, and Brad? Brad was a fucking wizard. It seemed innocuous then. No one could have been any the wiser to suspect that this was the real Brad we were looking at...

Just a picture of a Wizard.
Just a picture of a Wizard.

Fast-forward a few years and it didn't click with me until I saw him playing Gauntlet and Avalon. In the Gauntlet QL, surprise surprise, Brad "Merlin" Shoemaker picks the Wizard to play. He does not even give the other participants a chance to seize the awesome power of Merlin. He is so power-hungry that he claims the Wizard for himself before any of his hapless coworkers even have a chance to react. Why would Brad want to withhold the power of Wizardry from his fellow adventurers?

In Giant Bomb's Unplugged: Avalon video, we find out that Brad is Merlin not once, but twice!How did Brad end up being Merlin twice? Magic. He's a fucking wizard, damn it. A lot has happened before 2011 and since. I am sure Brad has clued us in to his real identity in other videos and venues as well. Unfortunately, I cannot recount them extemporaneously (perhaps some sort of mind-hex has been cast upon me by Merli -- err, Brad). But consider the following: Brad is a proud sesquipedalian who is no stranger to invoking uncommon words and phrases in speech. Some might think that this is because Brad is verbose or just has a fondness for words, but I submit that Brad is actually casting an incantation that is merely (Merlinly?) disguised as an innocent use of the English language when it is in fact a string of words ordered so as to unlock the raw potential of his magical abilities. Now why has Brad done this? One word: Emails.

For years Brad has hungered for the throne to the podcast so he could control the flow of information that reaches our innocent ears. Any long-time listeners of the Bombcast will know that there was always a hunger in Brad's belly for more emails. You can hear it in his voice. In fact, it is one of the few times you can hear in Brad's voice his calm, cool-as-a-cucumber, collected self, gets discarded and he release his true nature. The email is his true desire - he is insatiable - and we have all seen what he has done with his position of power.

THE CONCLUSION: Brad has conned us all. Where many of us had long assumed he was just a natural-born human, we were all wrong. He is a magical entity that survives on emails and has even teased us over the years of his plan, almost begging us to try and stop him. We failed. Now Brad controls the Bombcast and has enslaved the others to his will - they must deal with the emails of his choosing, being fecal-related, sexual, or (hopefully) both. While there once was a begrudging attitude amongst the dais when Brad initially seized control of the emails, he has since broken their will and now listeners can make out a bit of Stockholm Syndrome as the dais now cheerfully responds to any and all emails chosen by the Wizard. Can Brad be stopped? Of this I am uncertain... It may be too late, dear reader.

"Evil wins when good players do nothing."


@trilogy said:

I think you're on to something...Remember when Brad, Patrick, and Ryan played Trine? Brad played as the wizard. I remember because Ryan and Patrick were hilariously goofing off/trolling Bradley Merlin Shoemaker as he tried to cast his wimpy wizard spells.

@spoonman671 said:

You're neglecting the source of Brad's "I'm not a wizard!" claim. He endlessly denied his sorcerous ways the entire time he was playing Demon's Souls, and yet he chose the most magic-oriented starting class and used Soul Arrow and an enchanted sword throughout his entire playthrough.

@village_guy said:

And don't forget that he was clearly a wizard in the Demon's Souls run. Even if he will deny it to his grave.

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#5 Edited by Crono (2762 posts) -
@rayeth said:

@tajasaurus said:

Did they add controller support?

You do not want to play this game with a controller. It might be possible to play on a controller at a basic level, but in order to compete effectively the controller cannot possibly have enough precision to make all the tiny adjustments you need to be a strong player. Things like animation cancelling (useful in many ways including tricking opponents or reacting to immediate changes), queuing abilities, and other things like that would be outright impossible.

I think playing a game like dota might be possible with a controller (Drew said that iPad one was pretty good I think?), but actually playing Dota that way would be a terrible experience.

Totally. Would have to be built from the ground up for consoles. But I honestly wonder if the experience would just become so compromised by making it more suitable for a controller that it would just end up being a rather "meh" game that makes console gamers think "I don't get the mass appeal this has on PC."

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#6 Posted by Crono (2762 posts) -

Sorry to hear it, Jeff. For all that I have gotten from Giant Bomb, the least I can give is my condolences.

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#7 Posted by Crono (2762 posts) -

Wow... working seven years towards ultimately nothing? Sounds like my love life! Hey Blizz, are you still hiring?

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#8 Posted by Crono (2762 posts) -

I would really like to see how Microsoft intends on getting a return on their investment without ruining the franchise. I really don't think it's possible. Minecraft worth $2.5 billion...? Crazy shit.

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#9 Posted by Crono (2762 posts) -

I am suddenly inspired to make a kid's game in a terribly limited coding language.

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#10 Edited by Crono (2762 posts) -
@quipido said:

I am all for the comunity created stuff, but I have to say this looks cheap and kind of bad. No, I could not have done it better myself, so I am here only to poo poo on other peoples' work (in this case), but that is my honest opinion.

You're not alone. I feel the same way about it.