Me: Hello and thanks again for doing this interview. I can imag-

DOOM: I AM RETRIBUTION INCARNATE.

Me: Um, ok. As I was, saying, I can imagine that your schedule is quite full from the reception you’ve been getting lately. You came out of nowhere and everyone seems to love you. How does it feel to be back in the spotlight?

DOOM: IT WAS PROPHESIED THAT MY RETURN WOULD BRING BACK NO-NONSENSE SHOOTERS AS WELL AS THE END TIMES. IT’S NO SURPRISE THAT YOU MORTALS WISH TO SUCKLE ON MY UNHOLY TEET. I AM YOUR SAVIOR AND DAMNATION.

Me: Yes, yes. Hell and all that. But what really got me interested was your lean and focused gameplay. You seem to know that your strength is creating carnage and all of your systems double down on that fact.

DOOM: ABSOLUTELY. YOU’D THINK THAT THE DESIGN PRINCIPLES I ESTABLISHED IN 1993 WOULD FEEL OUT OF PLACE OVER 20 YEARS LATER BUT ALAS NO.

Me: You do feel quite distinct from modern shooters. I mean, you don't have regenerating health, reloading, a cover system, or even a sprint button. The risk seems to have paid off, but were you ever concerned that the audience wasn’t there for a throwback?

DOOM: FUCK NO. DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I INVENTED THE FIRST PERSON SHOOTER. THERE’S ALWAYS PEOPLE THAT WANT TO RIP AND TEAR THROUGH HELL AND MARS.

Me: Hold up, I wouldn’t say that you invented the first person shooter.

DOOM: OH REALLY?!

Me: I mean, Wolfenstein 3D came first, right?

DOOM: FINE. B.J. BLAZKOWICZ WAS KILLING NAZIS SLIGHTLY BEFORE I ANNIHILATED HELL.

Me: He also seemed to have kicked off the throwback shooter trend a few years back with the well-received Wolfenstein: The New Order. That game embraced modern shooter design a fair bit more than you did. Did that game’s success tempt you into making the campaign more character and story focused?

DOOM: I RESPECT THE SHIT OUT OF WOLFENSTEIN. I’D HAVE RUN OUT OF DEMONS A LONG TIME AGO IF IT WEREN’T FOR BJ KEEPING HADES STOCKED UP WITH DEAD NAZIS. BUT DOOM WAS NEVER ABOUT THE STORY AND I MADE IT A POINT FOR DOOMGUY TO BE ANTAGONISTIC TOWARDS ANY POSSIBILITY OF A REAL NARRATIVE.

Me: The economy of storytelling is one of the things that most impressed me about you. Here’s Doomguy emerging out of a stone sarcophagus after this facility becomes completely overrun by the forces of hell. He’s the emergency button to press when there’s a demonic invasion and that’s really it. He doesn’t talk and actively disdains subtlety. He’s turned brutality into a language.

DOOM: I MADE SURE THAT HE FIT COMPLETELY IN THE SETTING I WAS PRESENTING. NONE OF THIS LUDONARRATIVE BULLSHIT. I WANT YOU TO FUCKING EVISCERATE SOME DEMONS AND THAT’S COMPLETELY IN LINE WITH DOOMGUY’S CHARACTER. THE PLAYER IS NEVER GIVEN A CHANCE TO BREAK FROM HIS PERSONALITY PRECISELY BECAUSE HE EMBODIES WHAT I’M ALL ABOUT.

Me: It’s something that’s come into stark relief for me after recently playing Uncharted 4, a game that’s practically the poster child for ludonarrative dissonance. In that game, Nathan Drake as a character wishes for a quiet life as a married man but his in-game actions are diametrically opposed to that. You, on the other hand, built this world that exists precisely to get the player into arenas filled with enemies to shoot, and you keep that world consistent.

DOOM: YOUR POINT?

Me: No point, just wanted to give you a compliment.

DOOM: UH... THANKS.

Me: Anyway, let’s talk about your new features. While you do have a stripped down and straightforward design, that doesn’t mean you haven’t incorporated some innovations. For instance, I was surprised to see such an extensive upgrade system. What was the thinking behind that?

DOOM: MOST SHOOTERS CAN’T EVEN SNIFF THE CHAOS I PROVIDE. BUT ON OCCASION THEY COME UP WITH A HALF DECENT IDEA THAT I’M NOT OPPOSED TO STEALING. THE UPGRADE SYSTEM HELPS TO ENSURE A SENSE OF PROGRESSION. IT ALSO INCENTIVIZES EXPLORATION OF MY LARGE MAPS.

Me: You also make the upgrade system feel very organic to the experience. Unlike other games’ incremental progression, each of your upgrades feel like a big step up in arsenal and combat options.

DOOM: THAT’S KEY TO MAINTAINING THE FEELING OF PLAYER EMPOWERMENT. INSTEAD OF JUST GETTING A DAMAGE BOOST TO YOUR MACHINE GUN YOU GET MOTHERFUCKING MISSILES.

Me: Another feature that I totally loved was the Glory Kills mechanic. Essentially, to get back health you need to stagger demons with guns and then finish them off with a melee kill. It seems like such a Doom answer to the problem of health maintenance in shooters. What was your motivation to include Glory Kills?

DOOM: I FUCKING HATE REGENERATING HEALTH BUT I GET WHY IT BECAME A THING. BACK IN THE DAY YOU’D GO THROUGH AN ENEMY ENCOUNTER AND THEN WOULD HAVE TO HUNT FOR A HEALTH PACK TO HEAL UP. BUT WHEN YOU’RE DOING THAT YOU CAN’T SATISFY YOUR MURDERLUST. REGENERATING HEALTH FIXES THAT BY ELIMINATING HEALTH PACKS. BUT THEN YOU GET THE OTHER PROBLEM OF SITTING BEHIND COVER WHILE YOU RECOVER. ONCE AGAIN THE MURDER STOPS AND I CAN’T ABIDE THAT.

Me: So the Glory Kills are there keep the flow of combat?

DOOM: LOOK AT THE BEST GAMES EVER AND WHAT DO THEY HAVE IN COMMON? THEY IDENTIFY THE THING THAT’S THE MOST FUN AND ENSURE THAT YOU’RE NEVER BLOCKED FROM DOING THAT THING. THE MOST FUN THING FOR ME IS UP-CLOSE DEMON SLAUGHTER. SO WHY NOT TIE MY HEALTH MECHANIC TO THAT? GO FUCK UP SOME ENEMIES AND GET YOUR HEALTH BACK. IT’S ALMOST ZEN-LIKE IN ITS SIMPLICITY.

Me: This bridging of the old and new has really struck a nerve with a great many players. The old-school Doom fans are ecstatic about you, but you also appeal to people like me that don’t have the same reverence for your legacy.

DOOM: WAIT. YOU NEVER PLAYED THE OLD ME?

Me: Well, I was a bit on the young side when you first came out and my Mario-addled mind wasn’t ready to deal with demons and hell. I did eventually play some Doom 64, though.

DOOM: CHRIST THEY KEEP GETTING YOUNGER. MY NINTENDO 64 VERSION WAS ADEQUATE SO I’LL GIVE YOU A PASS.

Me: Thank you. But getting back to the neophytes, it’s astonishing how they have come to appreciate your style of gameplay without having nostalgia or context. Why do you think you’re getting all this love from a demographic that cut their teeth on Call of Duty or Halo on the consoles?

DOOM: PART OF IT COMES FROM THE FACT THAT DEMONCIDE IS TIMELESS AND NEVER REALLY GOES OUT OF STYLE. THE OTHER PART COMES FROM THE NATURE OF MODERN GAME DESIGN. I’M NOT JUST ON PC BUT ON CONSOLES AS WELL. BECAUSE OF THIS I HAD TO MAKE SURE I PLAYED SMOOTHLY ON A CONTROLLER AS WELL AS A MOUSE AND KEYBOARD. WHEN YOU MAKE SOMETHING ACCESSIBLE AND FUN PEOPLE RESPOND.

Me: That makes a lot of sense. I admittedly come from a console background but got your PC version. Playing on max settings, blasting the heavy metal soundtrack while I’m hunched over a desk is a simultaneously empowering and draining experience.

DOOM: GLAD TO HEAR IT. IF YOU DON’T WALK AWAY FROM A PLAY SESSION WITH AN ADRENALINE HIGH AND BAD POSTURE I HAVEN’T DONE MY JOB.

Me: I don’t want to take up too much more of your time, so to wrap this up are there any closing thoughts you’d like to share?

DOOM: IN THE HEART OF EVERY MORTAL LIES AN UNQUENCHABLE THIRST FOR MURDER OF WHICH I AM THE MANIFESTATION. FOR AS LONG AS THERE ARE HUMANS THERE WILL BE DOOM. I AM THE ALPHA AND OMEGA OF BUTCHERY AND YOU WILL ALL BOW BEFORE ME. DOOM OUT.