I'm sitting here with steam coming out of my ears cause all my friends are playing COD right nwo, thinking, "how can they like that stupid game". I think part of the reason I cant get into cod is because they they come out with new ones too often. I remember having a blast with the first Modern Warfare. But its just the same damn game every time. I get such a limited amount of time to game it just sucks seeing my friends online too but playing something else. I wish I liked COD.
I got a gold membership when it first became a thing along with the big live live show live. As of this week ive gone down to a free membership.
I just moved out of my parents house. I'm broke as fuck! I literally have none of the things that people should have. I just got a microwave today. Still need a toaster and lots of other shit. I don't even own a hammer or any other tools that I probably need. Thank god for dollar stores anyway they had alot of the basics.
I feel like I spend more time reading about videogames and searching for new ones to play than actually playing them. Its kind of rare that a game will hold my interest for more than a few hours. I wish there were some drug I could take to make me more into videogames, I feel like I have a sickness that needs to be cured. And dont say weed, thats not what I was talking about. I'm legitimately concerned that I'm losing touch with the only hobby I have ever loved.
Anyway, This topic is about life's little curveballs that it likes to throw at you. Basically, I just got this new job. I have a few things I need to pay off and such. but I also have to save up money before the mid point of september to get an apartment with my girlfriend. Which I want to do more than anything. But, I feel like everything is happening so fast and out of my control. She has to take a few more credits to graduate from college. Its too late for her to get another student loan to pay for her to stay in the dorms. So we HAVE to get an apartment together. obviously hindsight is 20/20. If I could make it so, she would stay in the dorms and I would continue to live with my father until she got the last few credits she needs for her degree and I would save as much money as I could in the mean time. at wich point we could get our own place. But thats not possible.
I don't even know if this new job is gonna work out yet. I mean I think I can make it work. But I don't know. I'm the kind of person who likes to be 100% sure before I make a decision about something. and the fact of the matter is if She cant get a job while shes also busy being a student and also doesn't even have a drivers license or a car, I have to provide most if not all of the cash needed to sustain us. And I cant even be sure that I'm going to get the hours needed at work to make that kind of money.
I think that if I'm lucky I can make enough to keep a roof over our heads, but what if my car breaks down? What will I do? I have to get to work to get money.
I love her, but I don't know if we are prepared for what is about to happen in our lives.
I blame my dad for some of this shit. I mean he threatens to kick me out constantly. I'm on the defensive, Ive been preparing to move out the best I can but all this other shit is happening at the same time. If I just had a little more time to save up and prepare it would be ok.
If she gets a job we might be okay, she cant even start applying for jobs until after we get an apartment because she lives in another city and has to commute by bus, it just seems like such a longshot to me.
Two weeks into my new job after a year of unemployment. Things seem to be going well. my co-workers seem to be cool. the store manager is a store manager so no one likes her, not surprised. I will try to keep my head down for the time being while I continue to learn the ropes.
I am in the tech department. which means that I have the same responsibilities as everyone else but I am required to sell more stuff than everyone else(protection plans and what not). but I also get more hours than most people, which I feel bad about cause i'm so new. I dont know wtf I'm doing half the time. but every day things make more and more sense.
I got a flat tire on my way home today. so I had to put on that little ass spare tire that was in my trunk. hopefully it will last two more weeks until I get paid.
I finally got a job. Not a great job but a job none the less and its full time at that. 32+ hours per week.
BUT, my last remaining bank account has been closed due to being negative. I was unemployed for almost a year. There was nothing I could do about it. A week ago my account was fine, negative $25 but still active. I at the earliest possible time set up my direct deposit(today) only to find out that my account was closed a few days ago. I'm fucked. chexsystems has me black listed. no bank will allow me to open an account. How do I get paid. How do I pay my bills. How do I become a real person now? I'm trying to become an adult but everything is working against me. my only "mistake" was having a bank account while not having any money. WHAT FUCKING CRIME IS THAT?
I know I am a good person, so why is this happening to me?
[venting off steam]
I know I come off looney. I'm just so frustrated. my life is supposed to be changing for the better. I'm trying so hard.
I applied at an office supply store. Had two interviews. First with the assistant manager and another high ranking employee. The latter really seemed to like me, very encouraging so I think he will be in my corner when the decision is made. Then I had a second interview with the manager, she was pretty cool too though I was alot more nervous during that one but i just played off it and I think it went well. I guess I should get a final decision in the next few days.
Ugh, I really need this job. I'm running out of good will with my parents, I've got to start making my own way very soon. I really want my own space anyway, I hate mooching off my parents. My damn car is falling apart too, so it will be nice to be able to fix him up. I should write a separate blog about cars some time. I have pretty unusual views on automobiles.
I have alot of so called friends. Mostly they just ignore me like I don't exist. Even my best friend for the last 12+ years treats me like crap. I haven't hung out with a friend of mine in years. I don't know if there is something wrong with me or not. There is one person who I think I would be pretty close to but he moved to another city so we don't get to hang out very often. I don't know what to do. I always had this dream that as I became an adult I would get to have all these awesome adult frienships like on "How I met your mother" or something. But other than my girlfriend I have no real day to day friends. I mean there is this long list of people who I love and would do anything for, but I don't think that they feel the same way about me. I don't understand what I am doing wrong. I offer up everything I have, and get nothing in return.
I need a job. I am in love. I am happy, but I have no money.
Ive spent so much of my life believing that I would eventually commit suicide because I was so unhappy. But I'm not unhappy. I'm so happy it confounds me. I don't know what do to with myself. I wish I could actually work out the money side of my life so that I could get my own house and start a family. I'm in love with an amazing girl, but at the same time I feel naive and stupid. Like its not yet my time to be happy. maybe I have been brain washed by too many romantic comedies or something. I feel like I am still a stupid kid. I'm 23, by the way. I feel like I'm in one of those bad movies where the nerd falls in love with the hot girl at the end.
I just want to ride this high for the rest of my life.
and in the end I feel like anyone in "love" would say the same.
Also, I'm drunk and will probably regret having written this tomorrow.
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