I have spent my whole life trying to be a good person, keep to myself not rock the boat. But now I'm here. 26 no job about to lose my apartment, no friends or family to call on for help. If I don't come up with rent in a few days I don't know what will happen Ill be on my ass I guess. I just want to live life without it being a competition. I don't like competing because I know i will lose cause I'm not as good as everyone else. I'm missing something that everyone else has. I don't know what it is and I don't know how to get by without it. I just want to live and be happy but I guess that is too much to ask from the universe. I wish there was a place for people like me who weren't meant for this world. I wish I had someone who would tell me what I need to do to get my life back together. Everyone just gives me advise which sounds simple on paper but never works out when I try it. I am too afraid to kill myself but I don't know what else i have left. I just wish I could start over knowing what I know now. I feel like each chapter of my life has been bad and worse than the last.