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Endure This! Run! Part 14

Endure This! Run! Part 14: Like Hitting Rocks With a Sword, Because That's What You're Doing

It really has been months since I last did one of these? Wow, I am a terrible person for prioritizing other things over this Let's Play/Endurance Run, I know. But the show must (eventually) go on...

When we last left our heroes, Rush yet again got scammed by a "Mage-like Girl" and overpaid for common items (that he can't even use yet), and then led an expedition into the catacombs hidden beneath the temple in Elysion to find his dad. Then his dad burst into flames and ended up giving away the magic tablet to the evil Wagram, accomplishing nothing more than the slaughter of several albic midgets and freakishly-large bugs. With daddy currently out of the picture, it's time to go mining for mommy.

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But first...a sidequest!

"But thou must!" Kiss my ass.

So how about this one? In the throne room of Balterossa we are told of an ancient force that is regrouping to strike the land.

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Psssh, I'm pretty sure we can handle a few mobs of dumb monsters.

Yeah whatever, just point me at the enemy and have my bags of gold ready when I...

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Oh...

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Shiiiiiiiiiit.

Okay, that didn't work out so well. Let's try another one. We head back to Athlum and find ourselves another merc with a mysterious past.

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Say hello to Nora, the angry woman with a giant hammer. That's...pretty much it. Well, in any case she comes in handy in a fight.

A merchant group is trying to map out a route from Athlum to Balterossa through the Gaslin Caves and they need your help to escort the guy.

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So now the Surveyor will walk slowly towards an uncharted route of the cave, and it's your job to act as his shield.

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At five different points, he'll ask you to make a binary choice. One choice will throw you into a fight with Jhana warriors. The other will let you safely pass them by. You can probably use a FAQ if you want to find out which one does which, but I just answered them at random. 2/5 resulted in fights. There are also some treasure chest-remnants and digging points along the way if you want to collect them.

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Yes, you can have this shiny piece of equipment but you can't equip it and you can't give it to any qsiti in your group unless the AI asks for it. Thus making this weapon a...well, you can guess the punchline here.

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Eventually we reach our destination. It's a desert.

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Rush: You're paying me in rocks? Really?

Surveyor: Well, you can use these to help blacksmiths in town craft better weapons.

Rush: But I still have to pay for them!

Surveyor: Yeah, well, maybe you should take up some smithing lessons yourself, boy!

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Instead we decide to sell our captured monsters to this weapons seller. I guess he owns a butcher shop on the side? Rush just takes the gold, gives him cages full of monsters from hammerspace, and doesn't ask any more questions.

Rush suddenly gets the feeling he's forgotten something important.

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Oh yeaaaah. The whole "going to meet his mom" thing. We talk to Emma and she takes us into the Numor Mines.

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Excuse me. Numor Mine. Singular.

Emma: Ah, this place brings back memories.

Rush: You've been here before?

Emma: The Honeywell family has a tradition, that in order to pass into adulthood we must search for our own Remnant.

Rush: So...like a Bat Mitzvah but with more magic involved?

Emma: It was here that I first found your mother so long ago.

Rush: That's good and all, but how does that help us now?

Emma: Well, the Academy's after her, so she'll probably be in her old home before she met your father. Let's go.

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Rush: So why only two of us?

Emma: Because I don't think the others would fit in here.

Rush: Wait a minute, I thought you were the smart one? Have you seen how big this mine is now? And how many man-eating monsters there are in here?

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Emma: Simple strategy for that, don't fight more than one at a time if you have to.

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And so Rush and Emma descend into the incredibly large and aerated mine with its own little manual mine elevator. You'll find plenty of digging spots and treasure chests around the area, including one that contains a decent sword. If you can't dig for any more loot, then don't worry, you can always come back to the mine later.

Also, don't fight more than one monster at a time with only Rush and Emma, because there's a very high chance you will die. Especially in the PC version.

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Eventually you'll find your way to a locked door and a slightly difficult boss battle.

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Emma: This thing nearly killed me before...but not this time!

Namul Sin and Niram Sin, Siamese Twin Rock Monsters who apparently just chill out in the mine, waiting for someone to beat into a bloody pulp. They have one unique attack called "Heavensflight" that will damage you for quite a bit. Just keep healing and whacking away at the rock monsters and eventually they will break down while your blades remain surprisingly unchipped.

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Rush: Uh Emma? They're forming into rock monsters again!

Emma: Well we'll just have to keep hitting them until--

Rush: Until what?

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Emma: Thought you would never show up!

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Introducing Rush's mom, Marina Sykes! A woman who can apparently unbind Remnants with her bare hands. One wonders why they even need the tablet to do that if both she and her daughter can already do it on their own.

Rush: Mom! Omigawd there was a giant monster and Irina got kidnapped and then there was a white mage and he tried to suck us in to a black hole or maybe a white hole and then I

Marina: Calm down, son. Deep breaths.

Rush: *gasp* *wheeze* and long story short they set dad on fire and took the tablet he was researching and it's all my fault!

Marina: ...step into my house.

Emma: I still don't know how you managed to find this house at the bottom of a mine, let alone one with adobe walls and woven tapestries.

Marina: Well, that's a woman's touch, dear. So son, isn't she a little old for you?

Rush: MOM!

Marina: I know, you're trying to show off to your mother, but she's already got kids of her own! You need to find someone a little younger to settle down and start a family with...

Emma: Y'know what? I'm going to get some fresh air, you two have fun.

Marina: But we're at the bottom of a mine--

Emma: Fresh. Air.

Emma leaves the room with a cup of...whatever. They never show what is in the cup. But she senses a flashback incoming. After she leaves, Rush and his mom begin a flashback.

We find that Marina was an orphan who was raised by the Director of the Academy at the time, whoever he was, and repaid it by studying hard. Both she and Irina possess "Marion's Blessing," or the same power of the legendary Marion Marshall, the power to essentially unbind Remnants and then rebind them to herself if she wants.

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Marina: Oh, why did I raise my daughter to be intelligent? Why couldn't I have encouraged her to take up cheerleading and find a nice man someday? Now all these perverted old guys at the Academy want her for her brains! It's all my fault!

Rush: (oh, what would Dave say in this situation?) Um...uh...mom?

Marina: *sniffle* yes?

Rush: Look, we've got half the family back together again! You have me, and dad (though he's kinda unconscious right now)! We just need to get Irina back! If what you said is true, then they won't kill her!

Marina decides to stop crying in front of her son and toughen up, giving Rush a necklace to take to Irina before he leaves the underground house.

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Emma: So why didn't she come with us to explain everything in Athlum?

Rush: Because we have enough trouble fighting off monsters with just the two of us?

Emma: But there's a teleporter, right there! We can just teleport back to Athlum and she can stop speaking in cryptic riddles!

Rush: Well if you're so smart, how come you didn't just teleport to this room in the first place? And why did you insist on going alone with me when all you did was leave the room anyway?

Emma: ...you shut your filthy mouth.

Next Time on Endure This! Run!

  • Saber-rattling!
  • An Invitation to Nagapur!
  • Hopefully I don't die on the next sidequest!

Cutscenes!

Considering the summer job I'm about to take on soon, I can't confirm how often I can come up with these things now, but I'll shoot for the weekends. We'll see.

3 Comments

Endure This! Run! Part 13

Endure This! Run! Part 13: Indiana Sykes, Raider of the Lost Temple of Doom

Rush got swindled by a mage, then made up the difference by helping Baron Nielsen reclaim his escaped fiance. Unfortunately, the game gave me a not-so-subtle reminder to get back to the story when I tried to follow-up with the runaway bride, so back to Elysion we go!

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Waaaaaait a minute...that Mage-Like Girl looks familiar again.

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Rush claims to have refused, but later found 1500G missing and some bombs, a disposable cell phone and a map labelled "Embassy Row" with several X's on it shoved in his backpack instead. He totally had no idea how those things got there. David is starting to regret letting him hold the Official Backpack of Athlum.

So to recap: After the whole kerfuffle over the Ark, David heard that Rush's dad might be located in the Temple, so to the Temple we go!

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After careful negotiating, Rush and co. gain entry.

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TO THE CATACOMBS! Another dungeon/battlefield level right in the heart of Elysion that you can visit whenever you feel like...or have to for a sidequest...or if there's an item you missed...look, just get in there.

Despite the doorman letting us in with little pause, the residents of these catacombs seem to have missed the memo.

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These catacombs are apparently home to a bunch of "Albic Qsiti" that decided the evil Albino from the DaVinci Code was a good role model. These guys aren't that hard to handle, but they are annoying and they will stab you with their knives. What they lack in size, they make up for in devotion, confidence, and the Bindbreath technique.

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An area-of-effect attack that can also "Black Out" members of your team, interrupting their attack or defense if they are still in the fight. Though annoying, it isn't really that bad compared to other status effects (unless your turn is still happening, in which case, FUCK THOSE GUYS).

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Emma: I swear to the Based Remnant God, Rush, that your father better have the Holy Grail when we find him.

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Rush: What was that? I think a bug is gnawing on my leg!

Emma: Oh for the love of--

Hey, an empty hallway!
Hey, an empty hallway!
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Okay, so the Qsiti can spring traps now. That's thinking a step ahead.

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Too bad we still wreck the shit out of them.

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Mr. Diggs has been gettin busy lately, getting himself all these perks so he can get me my minerals. And I wants my minerals.

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OHGODWHATISTHATTHING

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KILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKIIIILLLLLLLLLIIIITTTTTTT!
KILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKIIIILLLLLLLLLIIIITTTTTTT!
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Fuck these giant-ass butterflies and their palette-swapped cousins with their giant slap maneuver that somehow functions as an AoE attack just fuck them all with their pollen-spreading wings FUCK THEM.

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Look, I'm not going to ask why you need the meat from a butterfly, but please don't snort that dust. You don't know where it's been, man!

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Wow, Solid Snake was a goddamn pussy. Who needs gas masks or gas-dispelling magic? Just march on through that shit!

Also if I ever write "Solid Snake was a goddamn pussy" unironically, you (the reader) have the permission to slap the taste out of my mouth until I repent

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Anyways...after slaughtering yet more albic qsiti and other annoying wildlife that has slithered into these catacombs, we finally reach the door to the research lab.

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What might that bright light be?

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Mr. Sykes is watching the latest episode of Ore no Imōto ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai in his dark room.

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He quickly switches it to a family picture upon hearing people approach.

John Sykes: Holy crap! Uh, Rush? What are you doing here?

Rush: Me? How did you get in here without having to fight all those midget albino frog-people and giant bugs? I mean, seriously?

John: [ignoring him] You, you're the Marquis of Athlum!

David: I heard you have something for us?

John: Oh yeah, just got this thing, let me open up the box...

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John: This...is what Irina's kidnappers are after. It has the power to pull Remnants into...a deep slumber. Your mom developed it.

Rush: Mom? Where is she?

John: Trying to lure away that white mage with the false promise of an open mic and free booze.

Rush: Are you serious?

John: Trust me, with this thing on our side, as long as it doesn't conveniently fall into enemy hands through some contrived plot device, we'll be able to get Irina back easily.

Torgal: Look, let's get back to the embassy now. We can talk about the context of this situation later.

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For those of you who played Final Fantasy 2/4: you remember the times where your party would fight their way to a magic crystal only to inevitably clear the path for the bad guy to snatch it away from them while they just stood there slack-jawed and watched? Well, just keep watching...

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John Sykes spontaneously catches on fire, yet seems strangely non-chalant about it after the first few seconds.

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Wagram: Your wife lied to me John! Not only was there no open mic, but they charged 10G for a tall glass. 10. Gees. Now you will be paying that back, one way or another.

Rush: You just lit my dad on fire! What the hell?

Wagram: Well, if he didn't want to be a test subject for my next routine, maybe he shouldn't have tricked me!

Rush: How is spontaneously bursting into flames supposed to be funny?

Wagram: It isn't?

Rush: No!

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Emma: No Rush, he may be an awful comedian, but don't throw that at him! We all risked our lives to get that tablet!

Rush: Wait, what?

Rush has little time to contemplate it before the Flaming Dad smacks it out of Rush's hand.

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Wagram: Aha! Proof of my first official heckling! I'll be sure to use this tablet as a stepping stone on my path to stardom!

Rush: Wait, we actually need that!

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Wagram: No backsies.

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Well, so much for all that work. Rush's dad is unconscious and we lost the one thing he was working on that could have helped us save Irina and/or the world. All we have to show for it are a slew of dead albino midgets and giant bugs. GG, Rush.

One convenient teleport to the Athlumian Embassy later...

Rush: So how's my dad?

Pagus: Well, he's not dead. Apparently fire doesn't actually kill people anymore, but he's in a bit of shock from listening to Wagram's bad jokes.

David: Much as I hate to say it, we'll need to find Wagram if we want to find Irina and that tablet...but what did he mean about Ms. Sykes distracting him?

Emma: I might have an idea about where Rush's mother is.

Torgal: You're telling us this now.

Emma: Yes. I would like to travel there alone with Rush.

David: Why?

Emma: [...]

David: Well, it's clear I have no say in the matter. Be safe.

Torgal: But...you're the Marqui--

David: *AHEM* OH GEE IT'S A SHAME I CAN'T DO ANYTHING HERE! Have fun, you two.

Next Time on Endure This! Run!

  • Mining for Mommy

Cutscenes!

10 Comments

Endure This! Run! Part 12

Endure This! Run! Part 12: We Interrupt This Presentation of Romeo x Juliet...

Wow, it really has been that long since the last time I posted one of these, huh?

Anyways, when we last left our heroes, The Conqueror's army marched through the streets of Elysion just as David finally attended Congress. After being distracted by a woman wearing a very impractical outfit, Rush discovered that a older and more muscular version of Liquid Snake was the real The Conqueror. However, now that Congress is in recess, we can get back to the important thing: sidequesting!

A reminder to interested parties that you can still vote for Jorgen's job!
A reminder to interested parties that you can still vote for Jorgen's job!

So we stop off in Celapaleis. Guess who's there?

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Rush thought he was getting some sweet Khrynia Kush for that price. Unfortunately, it's just some simple medicinal herb that you can buy in a legal shop in town. Rush makes a mental note not to get swindled by her again...

Anyways, Rush decides to stop in the bar, thinking about what he's going to say to his dad, when he spots another classy gent.

Guess you didn't rate very high with her target demo huh Nielsen?
Guess you didn't rate very high with her target demo huh Nielsen?
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Dude, you're a Baron, you can have any woman you want with that cash and that 'stache. Nonetheless, Rush is tempted by the idea of slaughtering monsters and winning back the 1000 G that he...misplaced a minute ago.

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Oh hey look it's a giant fucking monster. Just chillin. Unfortunately, this is not a rare monster to be destroyed for a quest, but all the same we must kill it. Not because it is easy, but because it is there. Or something.

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Being a large-ass monster, allied units cannot flank it, but only engage in multi-deadlock. Also, that Dust Devil attack is annoying with the ability to hit a larger area in front of the monster.

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Rush can now shock people and wildlife with even greater force after killing that monster. Huzzah!

The Baron should've paid us in more than Something Awful forums accounts
The Baron should've paid us in more than Something Awful forums accounts
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Yeah, some grandeur, being forced to run to a monster-infested battlefield in the smallest not-town map in the game.

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Rush: Well, yeah, he kinda did, he was worried about...

Gabriel: Dios mio! And los diablos too? You are a fearsome boy!

Rush: Wait a minute, what do you mean?

...oh
...oh
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Violet and Gabriel join up to help us beat down a few Unions of the weakest enemies in the game. I don't know how they coordinated their attack so well, but apparently they forgot the whole strength aspect of their team.

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Rush stops listening and uses the Fulton Recovery system to teleport back to the bar, where Baron Nielsen is ready to receive us.

I had to stop her from falling down the stairs so much, you see.
I had to stop her from falling down the stairs so much, you see.
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Afterwards, Baron Nielsen returned to his home to render judgment on the newest play, The Tale of Gregory, Allen. So mad was he at it that he didn't notice his fiancee slipping out a window to elope with Gabriel again.

Oh crap, we forgot all about Rush's dad, didn't we? Guess we better get back to that...

10 Comments

BlazBlue 3, anime adaptation in the works next year?

Straight out of an exclusive interview with Japanese gaming magazine Gemaga, when asked what his goals for 2012 are, Blazblue producer Toshimichi Mori responded that he wants to make Blazblue 3.

[snip]

Immediately after revealing his desire to make the next game, Mori added that he wants to make an anime as well. While it seems he's half joking and half serious, he then went on to request that studios please contact him.

Source

Another interesting note: nitroplus has been animating scenes in the updated story mode for BBCSEX. Then again, I've not-really-joked that BlazBlue is essentially a fighting game married to a visual novel, so it figures that an anime adaptation would be the next step.

Look, Mori, here's my wallet. Just take whatever you think is fair, and I will buy the sequel and the anime if they actually pop up by the end of 2012.

2 Comments

Endure This! Run! Part 11

Endure This! Run! Part 11: He's called "The Conqueror," not "The Negotiator"

For those that care, voting is still open for Jorgen's class (see the end of Part 10 for details)!

In the last episode, David headed to Elysion to meet with the Congress, but a couple of Dukes were late, so he and Rush ditched the city and got some sidequests done. But eventually, we have to continue the story, so eventually we head to Elysion so Pagus will stop nagging us.

This is totally not important at all.
This is totally not important at all.

Rush decides to check in on the Academy while he's got the time.

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Rush: Okay, so let me into the Remnant Ark, and I'll find my parents!

Haruko: I'm sorry, but we can't do that.

Rush decides to head over to the ark himself to see if he can bypass the woman.

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Rush: ...blah blah blah, let me see my parents!

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Despite having a sharp weapon and several armed combatants with him, one NPC thwarts his plan. Rush throws his hands up and walks outside. Guess who's there?

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Ah ha, the plot thickens! The Warrior Woman finally has a name and a likeness similar to our dear Emma. What could this mean? We'll find out eventually. Anyways, head to Tula Street to trigger the next plot point. If no cutscene pops up, try talking to some NPCs and exploring all parts of the city, then go back to the Street. Took me a little while before I finally triggered it myself.

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Giant fellow in heavy armor with a horned helmet leads a bunch of faceless soldiers down the streets. The unlookers think he's the Conqueror with this show of force. I'm reminded of something...

No, that's not it...

Close, but not quite. Let's see what...

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Oh hey, incredibly impractical armor girl! Just when I thought that most of the females in this game actually had decent and/or useful outfits in this game, Square Enix remembered that this was a JRPG! Does this crotch have a face?

The Conqueror wanted to give her a second pauldron, but blew the budget on the giant's armor.
The Conqueror wanted to give her a second pauldron, but blew the budget on the giant's armor.
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The girl's name is Roeas (pronounced "Roy-ass"), and she brings forth a message from the Conqueror. Or maybe more of a threat, that he's come to take a Remnant that was promised to him by the God-Emperor.

God-Emperor? Wait a minute.

Ah! There we go! That's the theme song I was looking for.

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Blocter: Oh come on, that's a horrible reference! Everyone knows the power of Chaos would've destroyed the Imperial Guard by now if Games Workshop didn't put that bullshit Plot Armor on the fucking Emperor and his chosen people all the damn time!

Emma: Why are you telling this to me?

Pagus: Perhaps we should be a little more worried that the Conqueror was allowed to bring an army here into a sovereign territory. I thought this was supposed to be a diplomatic mission?

Torgal: Maybe The Conqueror's got something on the Emperor? Naked photos? A blade to the throat?

Pagus: Hey Rush, what do you think?

Rush: What? Uh, yeah, Imperial Guard all the way.

Pagus: You seem distracted, was it that scantily-clad messenger?

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Rush: Well, either Liquid Snake really grew up or I'm being watched by a muscular gypsy.

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Rush: Also, my talisman's glowing! That means he's important to the plot somehow.

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Then with a whoosh, he disappears!
Then with a whoosh, he disappears!

Rush: Oh c'mon! Now I gotta find him!

David: You do that, I've got a conference to get to.

Torgal: You're not going to pursue that Roeas girl, are you?

David: Would you blame me if I did?

Torgal: Considering her choice of clothing and that she has a giant backing her up? Yes, I probably would.

Quote from an old person after they found you playing Bible Black at 7am.
Quote from an old person after they found you playing Bible Black at 7am.

So Rush decides to run around Elysion, trying to find this mysterious old man who set his talisman aglow.

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David heads off with this Court Lady to go to Congressional Business.

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He's still listed in your roster for some reason. In any case, Rush leads the gang in paying another visit to The Ark when...

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Oh boy. This can't be good.

To sum it up: old-Liquid Snake just bound The Ark by himself. According to the reactions of the various characters in this cutscene, that's apparently a big thing. And now we are transported to "The Sacred Lands." I'd like to know what happened to all the guards, the tourists, and the tour guides that were there mere seconds ago when I tried to get in the Ark. Either this dude is really that powerful, or Elysion is neutral as fuck.

You walk through the Sacred Lands here. Technically David is still listed on your roster, but it doesn't matter as you won't be doing any fighting here just some flashbacks.

I get the feeling we're on the set of a music video here.
I get the feeling we're on the set of a music video here.
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Our crew doesn't know where the man in red has gone, but they did find some sort of hovering kayak.

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Suddenly, the man reappears out of nowhere, and forces Rush into the most unholy of places.

Yes. It's a flashback zone. Rush vaguely remembers his mom crying while he was a child. That's the problem with hover-kayaks these days, too easy to bang your baby's head with them.

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Rush collapses on the floor. Even he has his limits on lame story cliches.

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When Rush awakens, Emma seems less than pleased that Rush passed out from an overused literary device. While Rush wakes up, the man is finally identified as the real "The Conqueror." Well, that explains a bit. Eventually, Hermeien shows up with David and a bunch of other people. Politics happen.

Hermeien: Mister The Conqueror...

TC: Please, just Conqueror.

Hermeien: Why are you here?

TC: Well, it's very simple. You've received my letters right?

Hermeien: Yes. I think you said something along the lines of "Give me a title and a Remnant or I will fuck you up. Signed, The Conqueror. CC: The God-Emperor. PS: Not Joking." The God-Emperor doesn't have power anymore, we're a democracy now! I told you we would get back to you on that.

TC: When?

Hermeien: We were going to get to it as soon as we finished appropriating the budget so that we could get a two-thirds vote in the Congress in the affirmative!

TC: And how did that go?

Hermeien: Well, a couple of the members have decided to put a hold on it until they could insert their own amendments where--

TC: Look, my name is The Conqueror, not The Sit-And-Wait-For-You-To-Finish-Your-Handwringing-Bullshit-Excuser. You were stalling for time, so I just took the Ark. I'm going bye now.

Hermeien: Okay! Fine! We'll make you a Lord and give you a Remnant, just...leave the Ark here? Please? It draws in money for Elysion touring tourist season!

TC: See? Was that so hard?

After The Conqueror leaves, Hermeien tells the Lords that Congress is in recess until further notice, and urges everyone not to take any action, especially the Marquis of Athlum.

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The crew retires to the Athlum embassy, and goes over what they know.

David: Okay, so what do we know about the Conqueror?

Everyone Else: Not much.

David: Great. Thanks. You guys are a big help. While you all were staring at his muscular, shirtless bod, I was off actually getting clues.

Rush: Wow! What did you find?

David: Well, remember that awful comedian we found? He's the ringleader of a secret group within The Academy. They've been trying to invade Athlum and they kidnapped Irina at the same time for some sort of experiment.

Rush: Seriously? That asshole! Where's my sister?

David: Unfortunately, Hermeien kept his mouth shut.

Torgal: Still upset about that time when you puked on his pack animals, huh?

David: On the other hand, I did overhear him say that Rush's dad is doing some research in the Temple.

Rush: He is? I'm going to find him! Seeya Dave!

David: Okay, but we're going with you.

Rush: Why?

David: Remember what we discussed last time?

Rush: *sigh* "Despite what the fantasy novels say, no one person can take on ten men by himself."

David: Good, you're not totally braindead. Let's go.

Next Time on Endure This! Run!

  • Some actual gameplay!
  • Another familiar face!

Cutscenes!

Sorry for the lack of interesting content this go-around, folks, but that's how it went this time. Lots of cutscenes and cryptic clues and possibly something involving Rush and his mom being important to The Conqueror. Hope you folks had a good Xmas/Hanukkah time. Tell me how awful my jokes were in the comments below. And remember, you can still vote for Jorgen's job!

15 Comments

Endure This! Run! Part 10

Endure This! Run! Part 10: You're in the Wrong Line of Work

In our last update, we explored the wonders of the Athlum army recruitment system, and how Rush has essentially been put in charge of a royal guard of Athlum's finest, just without most of the decision-making. Also Emma killed a bunch of dudes.

Now we set off towards Elysion!

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Rush stops along the road to admire some artwork. This area is possibly the shortest dungeon/battlefield in the game, as unlike the others, it doesn't expand as the story and sidequests go on. Still, you can find a few treasure chests and maybe some rare beasts along the road if you know where to look.

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After a brief trip through the Ivory Peaks, Rush and his posse teleport to the city of Elysion, home of the world's Congress, the oft-mentioned Academy, and some religious sites including a gigantic Remnant called The Ark.

Hey Pagus what are you staring at?
Hey Pagus what are you staring at?
Oh. That.
Oh. That.

Yep, that's The Ark. According to Pagus, "its power keeps the world in balance."

Pagus: A thousand years ago, the great Marion Marshall bound herself to the Remnant, marking this as the birthplace of Remnant culture.

Emma: (to Rush) I thought you were born in Elysion?

Rush: Yeah, but we moved to Eulum when I was young.

Torgal really wants to get to the gift shop.
Torgal really wants to get to the gift shop.

There's a little bit of cutscenery as the gang heads to the Athlumian Embassy, except a couple of Dukes are late to the session. So David tells Rush to start looking around the Academy while he does whatever it is that Congressmen do. I assume it involves the ceremonial naming of teleporter Remnants around the continent after famous dead people and taking money from the Academy's funds to finance another slave-trading expedition in the Gaslin Caves.

...now, I'm not racist or anything, but you know what
...now, I'm not racist or anything, but you know what "those" kinds of people on Tula St. are like!
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Wait, you've seen Mr. Sykes? Where is he? What is he doing? This is important information, as Rush would very much like to see him!

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Oh, I forgot, you're a nameless NPC. Never mind.

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Fem!Shep just chillin, and biding her time off the set of Mass Effect 3. I tried to ask her if her third act was going to be even better than the first two, and all she muttered in response was, "Seth Green...and a fembot...and Cerberus...why would you do this to me?" I decided to leave her alone.

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Rush: Quit harshin my buzz, man. Why are you so gloomy?

Gloomy Man: Look man, he'll give you cash! Just take the damn thing to him!

Rush: *sigh* fine!

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Rush: Yeah, I should, but I'm not gonna. Tell me when the plot advances.

Pagus: Well it's not going to advance if you...hey!

In any other JRPG, this would be a "But Thou Must!" moment. Strangely enough, after closing this text box, the game lets you go to the World Map. You can dick around for as long as you want until you eventually head back to Tula Street and trigger the next plot sequence.

In this case, I decided the cartographers needed to open Balterossa. So a slaughterin we go.

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Oh yes, you can grab more powerful formations from treasure chests. I could go into the details on formations, but it's too early in the game for them to matter all that much. What I can tell you is that they somehow affect the stats of your Unions and on some Area of Effect attacks they can either help or hurt you depending on how spread out your units are. As I've said before, you don't control how they face the monsters in formation, so that point is mostly up to the Random Number God.

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Having braved the Southwestern Road, we arrive in the desert land of Balterossa.

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Once again, Rush tries not to sound like an idiot in front of this warrior woman who looks a lot like Emma. And fails.

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Rush: And I've been waiting for an excuse to get out of Elysion. Now give me my money!

After pocketing the change from the Cheerful Man, Rush sees a classy gent dressed in armor..

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Classy gent: I mean, she told me to come out to Mojcado Castle. It's a bunch of ruins crawling with feral monsters and miscreants...do you think you can accompany me to make sure everything's all right?

Rush: Sure, not like I have anything better to do.

Pagus: *ahem* Did you forget the Congress at Elysion?

David: Hey, it serves them right for insisting that I show up and then not even appearing on time!

Torgal: But you were never invited t--

David: To the castle we go!

One teleportation later...the classy gent now has a name, and as such we'll be able to pick him up from a guild office at some future point.

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Suddenly, a scream comes from off-screen! Or at least it's inferred in text, considering you never really "hear" anything.

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Paris joins us as a guest union, smacking fools left and right with his giant, classy pimp cane.

Sucka plants betta recognize who the real Pimp is here.
Sucka plants betta recognize who the real Pimp is here.
Who knew the hides of Jhana fighters were so rare?
Who knew the hides of Jhana fighters were so rare?
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What's behind the mysterious Locked Door? We won't find out, because we haven't gotten that far in the story yet. Just head North-ward from the start, and eventually you'll end up here.

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Paris: My beloved is in there, but wait, what are those other men doing with her? She can't possibly be...

David: Maybe there's another explanation?

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Mr. Diggs offers his own opinion on Paris's girlfriend. Also now he's more likely to find some gold on his digs. Hypocrite.

Eventually, we make our way to the "Oath" section of the ruined castle, where the "Acquaintance" has some choice words for us.

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Paris: That was quite unclassy, good sir! I shall protest your language with the use of my pimp cane!

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Luckily, this Hitman is not completely without manners, as he allows this generic soldier to target his head with a mystic missile, having already finished his attack.

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Hitman: Ah! My newfound sense of respect had led to my downfall! What cruel irony! You hath bested me this day, young Pimp Paris!

Paris seems to know the dead Hitman from somewhere, but doesn't tell us who it is. Rush doesn't care though, as they all teleport back to the pub in Balterossa. Unfortunately, Paris has some classy pimp things to do, and thus cannot join our cause just yet. He does pay us though.

Before we leave the pub, a less classy but mysterious fellow catches our eye.

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Who could this Jorgen be?

Guess what, folks, it's another sidequest! But this time, YOU get to determine Jorgen's past! The way this sidequest works is that there are eight items of Remembrance scattered throughout the land, and bringing a different combination of three of them back to Jorgen will make him "remember" his class info and what weapon or weapons he was carrying. Fellow duders of Giant Bomb who are still reading this ET!R!, pick one of the classes from this list.

  • Warrior
  • Adventurer
  • Sage
  • General
  • Raider
  • Aristocrat
  • Djinn

Whichever one you pick, I will get the items and grab Jorgen as a member of that class. Do keep in mind that the bottom four classes require the Shield of Remembrance, which cannot be obtained until much later in the game, but Jorgen's base stats will be stronger for it when we do pick him up from Balterossa. So it's up to you...make the right choice! In the event of a tie, it will fall to the Random Number God. And if no one votes, it'll be whatever I feel like.

Next time, on Endure This! Run!

  • Oh yeah, we forgot about the Congress.
  • Enter: The Conqueror!
  • Cutscenes, cutscenes everywhere!

Cutscenes!

4 Comments

Eff your "Best of" list, here's my "Worst Games of 2011."

I've been seeing these "Best of 2011" lists littering the forums and blogs around Giant Bomb, so I figured I would follow suit, but with a twist: I'm going to post the games I just hated in the year. The utter disappointments, the money-grubbing releases, and the just plain bad games that should serve to all game designers as a lesson in "What To Not Do" when making a game. Also, I guess because not enough people are pissed off at me yet, so let's go with that. 
  

  
 
As always, my opinions are serious business and 100% fact. Blah blah blah enough talk, let's get down to business.

#1: Mindjack

 
    Oh Donkey Kong, what did they do to you?
 Oh Donkey Kong, what did they do to you?
A game I merely rented instead of bought, and I still felt ripped off. I wrote a rambling review of it on this site back in February if you want to take a look at it here. But I'm just going to sum it up: The story is awful, the characters are stupid, the graphics seem to have been ripped from a PS2 title, the so-called Artificial Intelligence of both allied and enemy NPCs is so bad that you could legally call it Artificial Retardation, the boss fights are pointless, the checkpoint system is bad and the multiplayer, while good in concept, only exists to allow the enemy side to troll anyone trying to progress in the story until they ragequit in frustration. Yes, that was a run-on sentence, but it was more than this game deserves.

 
It takes some skill for a game released near the beginning of the year to stay at the top of the pile of bad games (that I have played) to take the number one spot on my list, but Mindjack is just that amazing.

 

#2: Brink

   1, 2, 3, what are we fighting for? Don't ask me I don't give a damn...
1, 2, 3, what are we fighting for? Don't ask me I don't give a damn...
This game had two unique selling points: It would have parkour that you (the player) could use anywhere on the map, and it would have an overarching story that would keep people interested in playing it. You could join the Resistance movement or the Security aboard the not-too-magical land of the near-future known as The Ark, and fight for what you thought was right. The hype for this game was pretty big, being an original IP being developed by the minds behind the Enemy Territory games at Splash Damage and with the support of none other than Bethesda Softworks.
 
Then it actually came out, and all that hype disappeared. I myself waiting until a free weekend came out to play this game, and I was unimpressed. The much-hyped "SMART" parkour system worked as advertised, but there was almost no reason to use it, as the levels were mostly set in tight corridors or wide-open spaces with little in-between. The entire game was focused around chokepoints, and practically all the weapons were interchangeable and had largely no impact thanks to the magical power of TEAMWORK. It was less like modern warfare and more like civil warfare, with both teams forming firing lines and shooting bullet after bullet until enough of the other team fell down that the victor could push forward a few feet to their own objective before the process restarted itself.
 
As for the story, it was rendered to extra material and nothing you do has any affect on it whatsoever. There are flashes of a very good story just waiting to come out, but it never comes. Outside of Captain Mokoena or Brother Chen growling at you over a comlink, there's no sense that what you're fighting for is actually worth suffering through the lame gunfighting action, especially since your Resistance character can be instantly switched to the Security side and vice-versa without warning when you enter a server. But you can at least build a specialized character, right? Sure, as long as your team doesn't need a Medic when you're all specced out for an Assault, then you're just screwed. Also, the Operative class was by and large a useless class. Imagine the Spy from TF2, now imagine he can't backstab or cloak at all. That's how useful he was.
 
So take out the story, and take out the parkouring, and all you're left with is a massively watered-down TF2 clone that takes itself too seriously. If BethSoft wants people to play this game, they should take a page from Valve and make it free-to-play with microtransactions for funny hats and clothes. Also, when someone shoots a guy in the head with a sniper rifle or a magnum pistol, they should be dead. That's the only way more than 5 people will still play this game once the free weekend is over.
 

#3: Dragon Age II

Blame the rush job and executive meddling all you want, but this game was a very, very big step down from its predecessor. The world of high fantasy that was painstakingly constructed in the first game was all blown to shit so the writers could get their own self-insert Dragon Age fanfiction characters turned into game heroes. The combat of the first game was frustrating, true, but it provided a good challenge. So for the second game they decided to replace that with trash mobs of multiple weak enemies instead of a handful of enemies that could actually put up a fight no matter who you were. It got boring real fast and I couldn't even bring myself to finish the game.
 
I could also get into how the graphics got even worse than before, how there was no real story outside of every character telling us how AWESOME Hawke was just because, how none of the choices really mattered because you still got railroaded into one of two paths, how the writers apparently don't even know the basics of "show, don't tell" that is drilled into every beginning writer's head from grammar school, how none of them seem to have an idea of what a "relationship" is outside of the ones portrayed in most anime, or the several different pieces of DLC were shoved at the player in one form or another...instead I'm just going to post this video.
 
  
   
I'm hoping it turns out that this game was all just a wild exaggeration of the story that Mr. Chesthair told Inquisitor Whatsherface, because if this is the norm instead of the exception over at Bioware then I fear the worst for Mass Effect 3.
 

#4 Duke Nukem Forever

I don't like to say "I told you so," but...I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO.
 
*ahem*
 
The reason this one isn't higher on my list is because unlike the previous three games listed, I fully expected this game to be an awful mess preying upon the misplaced nostalgia of a crowd of gamers with too much money and/or time on their hands. After all, it took over a decade, changed hands and game engines and plotlines multiple times, how it could it be anything but that? Guess what? It was! Filled with so much disjointed "plot" and forced humor you'd swear that the writers were the illegitimate children of Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia. When they weren't giving you the equivalent of a two-year-old giggling "cacapoopoopeepee!" in your face, they poked fun at stupid video game staples like invisible walls, steam-valve puzzles and regenerating power armor...and then forced those gameplay elements on you anyway! Does no one understand what "satire" means anymore?
 
Sure, Bulletstorm's writing was about as immature, but at least it was fun to play, and at least you could carry more than two guns on you at any one time, and at least there was a tiny bit more consistency in the transition between levels!  Duke Nukem Forever should've stayed as vaporware. Forever. For those of you who still think that maybe Blizzard could bring life to Starcraft: Ghost outside of a crappy tie-in novel by Keith R.A. DeCandido to a game that may never exist, games like this, WET, and Dark Sector are my arguments for why it should stay dead.
 

#5 Red Faction Armageddon

Hey, remember all that cool stuff you did in Red Faction Guerilla? How you could take down entire buildings and army outposts with naught but a sledgehammer and some good ol Ameri...er, Martian know-how? Well how about we take away most of that, and instead have you shoot at cave aliens instead in a crappy third-person shooter? Any takers? Anyone? What if we throw in a tie-in SyFy original movie? It has Ianto from Torchwood and that one guy from Stargate Universe in it! Hello? 
 

#6 Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds

This is going to sound really petty when compared to the rest of the games on this list, but fuck it, might as well piss off the one contingent of game fans I haven't pissed off yet.
 
Honestly, I thought the VS. series was the one where Capcom wouldn't use their nickel-and-diming scheme, and while the game was fun to play with friends, it was severely lacking in content and decent netcode that came standard with the original Street Fighter 4, let alone the "Super" edition. So I bought into the hype and preordered a limited edition. I was told it would come with a comic book that put the beginning of the story together. The steelbook case was nice, but the "bonus" I got for preordering was a tiny little booklet containing 8 mini-pages of comics that told about as much story as the game itself (by which I mean "use your imagination!") and another 8 pages of concept art that I already saw online. Sure, I got a code for the two DLC characters, but I don't use them that much. 
 
So I guess while Capcom did kind of screw people over by putting out what was essentially a $60-70 public beta, I have only myself to blame for buying into the hype (and the game), and then watching as they went ahead and released a brand new retail version of the same game with more characters, stages, some content and a spectator mode that they accidentally forgot to include in the vanilla MvC3 while my copy is now an obsolete coaster. I learned my lesson, and now if I do decide to buy the Ultimate edition I'm going to wait to buy it used for less than MSRP. Or if they announce the upcoming release of Marvelous Super Ultimate MvC3. Whichever comes first.
 
On an un-related note, anyone want to buy a nice, shiny coaster with a picture of Iron Man and the MvC3 logo on one side? C'mon, I'll even throw in a free booklet.
 

That's a wrap!

Yes, there were plenty of games I liked playing this year, some were even released in 2011! But I just felt that there weren't enough "Worst of" lists, so I thought, why not add one. Feel free to give me your anger, give me your RAAAAAGE! in the comments below.
  
  
Oh Raging Raven...you're such a tease.
51 Comments

Endure This! Run! Part 9

Endure This! Run! Part 9: Rush Sykes Has A Posse

This one will probably be a little shorter, as I'm dealing with a couple projects that take precedence over this series. Still, I thought I should update you folks on my journey through The Last Remnant, as it's been almost a week since the last one.

In the last episode, Rush faced a fiery idol and it turns out that one of the biggest leaders of the known world hates women and/or children. Jager got some cool points, but has otherwise stuck around these assholes out of loyalty and/or money. So fuck him for now.

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So now we can recruit generic soldiers for our army? Hurrah...

Note that if you are still playing the 360 version of this game, this is all but required if you want to stay alive, because there is a restriction on the number of named "Leader" units you can have in the field at any one time. Though even on the PC version, it doesn't hurt to take a few of them with you to plug a few holes that you can't fill with Leader units yet.

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Aw fuck, I thought I had taken a shot of the process, but apparently I have to add it later. Anyways, you'll find a generic mitra soldier standing in Athlum, providing a list of soldiers you can add to your army. At the moment most of them have basic techs that vary from unit to unit. Some are focused on magic, others on healing, others on beating people with weapons. Pick the ones that fit you best.

Like your leaders, each unit also has a "unique" stat that I'm told can affect battle, but i have no idea if that's actually true and hidden in the programming, or something the developers thought of adding but didn't have time to implement outside of a worthless stat. Some of the unique attributes you'll stumble across include:

  • Crybaby
  • Daredevil
  • Wiles
  • Laziness
  • Trivia
  • Tomboy

Seriously, someone tell me how the fuck these affect anything, because neither wiki nor Google has turned up any answers, other than to say that these unique attributes exist.

Anyways, after pressing a few Athlumian soldiers into your army, you'll also start to see this once you get into a city or world map.

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Every so often a named unit will bug you to help them collect (x item), with a simple yes/no dialogue box. Honestly I don't think this matters either, except to notify you that you should collect (x item) so that they can upgrade their equipment. Of course, they never mention how much of it they need. From what I see they just forge the upgraded weapons/equipment on their own when visiting a town. You can tell them "no" but they just get depressed and will probably ask you again anyways. So just say yes. You'll usually pick up the items they want if you slaughter certain monsters, dig with Mr. Diggs, or acquire them from shops in town.

In a similar vein, every named unit will also ask you at some point whether they should focus on mystic arts, combat arts or a balance of both. This will affect how they choose to upgrade their weapon in the future and also some of the techniques they will learn later. Unfortunately, that's about the extent to which you can control their development. There's only so much they trust Rush (and by extension, you) to do.

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Rush stops by the Guild and says bye-bye to McGrady, as we've found someone with a dark and mysterious past to take with us instead. Whenever you see a text box description above their name, those are the unique Leaders you want to take with you and can build a rapport with (and occasionally a sidequest). Like Baulson, he charges a one-time fee. Unlike Baulson, his voice is annoying, like his VA was trying to do a sneering imitation of a bandit and went too far. Having said that, he does come in handy in a fight, so now he comes with us.

Valley girl speech text aside, she has a point.
Valley girl speech text aside, she has a point.
Her salesmanship is awful, but Rush is sold.
Her salesmanship is awful, but Rush is sold.
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This girl has a habit of popping up once in each city, selling you basic items at about 10x their face value, and then disappearing. However, if you do pay her off once in each city she stops in, she will then become a possible party member. Or so I hear.

Rush ponders trying to resell the potions as hot new cures for alcoholism in the Warrior's Honor pub when he sees Emma leaning against a pillar.

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Rush: Well, you aren't exactly my type. Then again, you do look like my sister from far away...maybe this could work?

Emma: I have half a mind to slap the taste out of your mouth for that.

Bartender: Look, Rush, can you get her out of here? She's scaring away customers.

Emma takes the initiative and drags Rush out of the bar into the public street for a private chat...it makes sense to her somehow.

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Emma: Rush...I wanted to ask you if...

Suddenly, Emma is interrupted by Generic Soldier.

"S-sir! In the Robelia Ruins- A huge monster- A-a giant! A giant appeared! It seemed like it was under somebody's control... It went straight to attack the Athlum soldiers!"

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Whatever Emma was trying to tell Rush while restraining the urge to beat him to a bloody pulp, it will have to wait. We're going back to the ruined Robelia Castle! Guess David did put a patrol there after all, but the soldiers just suck at their jobs.

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Upon entering the ruins, we discover that there is a "second floor" to the castle. This is the game's way of telling you that no, the maps are really bigger than you first give them credit for. Now shut up as Rush faces his greatest adversary yet...The Ladder!

In my opinion, if you haven't been trolled by Hideo Kojima, you haven't officially immersed yourself in gamer haute culture.

Sorry, I got distracted by a better game. Where was I? Oh yeah. Anyways, Rush conquers the Rusted Ladder and gets up to the second level of the ruins of Robelia with Emma (which begs the question: how the fuck did the Athlumian soldiers get up there and get attacked in the first place? Nanomachines?). The wounded soldier taps you on the shoulder and continues...

Uh, dude? That's Rush, not Emma
Uh, dude? That's Rush, not Emma
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We tried to go find him - we heard yelling and sounds of a struggle, but never saw him at all. I hope he's all right...

Well, at least your ladder-climbing skills are better than your recognition, soldier!

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Don't know if I mentioned this before, but every so often in battle one of your units might find some loot that they want to enhance their own equipment. You can either let them have it or push the A button to take it from them for your own use. I decide to give let him cut open the monster and harvest its talons, as these things are pretty common among the enemies in this area.

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Also, another element pops up with the digging points of Mr. Diggs. Some of them will spray Rush with special effects, like a charming fluid that compels monsters to run around him with hearts in their eyes for a short time. Or in this case a sound that pisses off all nearby enemies and makes them all come at once. You still get the materials from a normal dig, but with this added bonus (or curse) of the monsters deciding they don't like you.

Anyways, Rush, Emma and co. slaughter their way through the wildlife that infests the ruins here until they stumble across this fellow.

In sum: guy in black is all "mwahahaha I am evil and I have a hostage and I will force you to surrender if you want him to live" and Emma goes "yeah, well fuck him and fuck you" and attacks anyway. Don't worry about the hostage, as you'll never see him enter this fight.

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The more bossy threat here is the Third Committee combat squad consisting of the mitra and the giant with the fuckoff hammer in the pics above, but you also have to contend with two giant Blackwing birds who will cast a Curse on one or two squads on their first turn. When a Union is cursed, it means there's a small chance that each individual unit in that Union will die on their attack turn until the curse passes or they are healed. It is one of the more annoying techs in the game, and this asshole bird isn't the only one that knows it.

As you can see in the screenshot above, the curse KO's Rush from this fight, which forces the Union into a Botched state because their Leader is dead. In this state, they will defend themselves if attacked, but you can no longer issue them orders. As if this "strategy" JRPG game needed to give you even fewer choices in battle. Arrrrrrgh!

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Still we emerge victorious thanks to David, Torgal, Emma and Blocter not dying from some pansy-ass curse. unlike Rush.

Emma wonders what the black-cloaked man's endgame was, then the ex-hostage apologizes for being so useless (even as a hostage. Seriously, neither friend nor foe cared about him during the battle!).

Later, in the shadow of the Valeria Heart back in Athlum, Emma tells Rush that she saw a traveler off from the city in that spot and wishes for her to one day return.

Emma: "...However with the increase in incidents outside of Athlum that need my attention, I can't very well spend all my time here. That brings me to what I wish to ask. If she returns and I cannot, will you be here to meet her? You'll know who I'm talking about at first sight. You may as well look forward to it. Here... payment in advance. Sorry for the trouble... I'm depending on you."

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I'm curious why she's giving this artifact to Rush considering all he did was die from a curse and then come back to life when the miniboss battle was over, but I guess the Valeria Heart just has a way of making you feel sentimental.

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Now that we've got our gear and our traveling party, we must get to Elysion. But first we must run through the Ivory Peaks so that our cartographers can mark it on the world map...despite David and his Generals supposedly knowing where it is already. That damned Remnant fast travel system must still be on the fritz.

Next Time on Endure This! Run!

  • The team arrives in Elysion! For real this time!
  • But thou must...or must thou?
3 Comments

Warning: Xbox Live's new TOS follows EA and PSN

Hey there folks. You might not have seen this when (if?) you were updating your Xbox 360 last night, but if you did it successfully, they included a new Terms of Service agreement. But buried within Section 18 of that agreement is a clause similar to that of EA and PSN that waives your right to join a class-action lawsuit and forces all disputes into arbitration if you live in the US.

Some relevant quotes from that section, though I suggest you read the whole thing (or at least the whole section if your eyes are about to glaze over):

18.1.6. CLASS ACTION WAIVER. YOU AND MICROSOFT AGREE THAT ANY PROCEED­INGS TO RESOLVE OR LITIGATE ANY DISPUTE, WHETHER IN ARBITRATION, IN COURT, OR OTHERWISE, WILL BE CONDUCTED SOLELY ON AN INDIVIDUAL BASIS, AND THAT NEITHER YOU NOR MICROSOFT WILL SEEK TO HAVE ANY DISPUTE HEARD AS A CLASS ACTION, A REPRESENTATIVE ACTION, A COLLECTIVE ACTION, A PRIVATE ATTORNEY-GENERAL ACTION, OR IN ANY PROCEEDING IN WHICH YOU OR MICROSOFT ACTS OR PROPOSES TO ACT IN A REPRESENTATIVE CAPACITY. YOU AND MICROSOFT FURTHER AGREE THAT NO ARBITRATION OR PROCEEDING WILL BE JOINED, CONSOLIDATED, OR COMBINED WITH ANOTHER ARBITRATION OR PROCEEDING WITHOUT THE PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT OF YOU, MICROSOFT, AND ALL PARTIES TO ANY SUCH ARBITRATION OR PROECCEDING.

[note: that last misspelled word is taken verbatim from the official website]

On top of that, they include a trigger mechanism for what will happen if this whole "preemptively stop you from joining a lawsuit" thing ever becomes invalidated.

18.1.10. IF CLASS ACTION WAIVER ILLEGAL OR UNENFORCEABLE. If the class action waiver (which includes a waiver of private attorney-general actions) in Section 18.1.6 is found to be illegal or unenforceable as to all or some parts of a Dispute, whether by judicial, legislative, or other action, then Section 18.1 and its subsections will not apply to those parts. Instead, those parts of the Dispute will be severed and proceed in a court of law, with the remaining parts proceeding in arbitration. The definition of "Dispute" in Section 18.1.1 will still apply to this contract. You and Microsoft irrevocably consent to the exclusive jurisdiction and venue of the state or federal courts in King County, Washington, USA, for all proceedings in court under this Section 18.1.10.

18.1.11. YOUR RIGHT TO REJECT CHANGES TO ARBITRATION AGREEMENT. Notwithstanding anything to the contrary in this contract, Microsoft agrees that if it makes any change to Section 18.1 (other than a change to the notice address in Section 18.1.3) while you are authorized to use the Service, you may reject the change by sending us written notice within 30 days of the change by U.S. Mail to the address in Section 18.1.3. By rejecting the change, you agree that you will informally negotiate and arbitrate any Dispute between us in accordance with the most recent version of Section 18.1 before the change you rejected.

18.1.12. SEVERABILITY. If any provision of Section 18.1 and its subsections, other than Section 18.1.6 (class action waiver), is found to be illegal or unenforceable, that provision will be severed from Section 18.1, but the remainder of Section 18.1 will remain in full force and effect. Section 18.1.10 says what happens if Section 18.1.6 (class action waiver) is found to be illegal or unenforceable.

18.1.11 gives you the "opt-out" option discussed before, as long as you mail it within 30 days to Microsoft Corporation, ATTN: LCA ARBITRATION, One Microsoft Way, Redmond, WA 98052-6399, give them your name/address and XBL/GFWL gamertag and tell them you wish to opt-out of this arbitration clause.

Caveat emptor, folks.

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Endure This! Run! Part 8

Endure This! Run! Part 8: Ninjas Can't Catch Me When I'm On Fire

Okay, I was a bit of a dick leaving everyone on that cliffhanger, but now we will see the battle of this boss. This boss battle, if you will.

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A handful of Third Committee Unions spawn out of fucking nowhere and we have to deal with them. Luckily, these guys are just annoying and are easily dispatched. I highly suggest you do dispatch them first, as this will be the first somewhat-difficult boss to deal with, especially when playing the PC version or at harder difficulty. Don't want to be stuck fighting against both him and these pricks.

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This attack, Phlegethon, is a just a fancy way of saying he's going to hit you with his stick. For reference: Phlegethon is also a river of flame that feeds into the river Styx. I don't know why they couldn't have just put Stick Strike or something like that, but I guess they had to keep with the whole "Fiery Idol" theme.

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Flare hits a unit with several fireballs for serious damage.

Rush has trouble breathing through the smoke, yet somehow is still alive.
Rush has trouble breathing through the smoke, yet somehow is still alive.
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Inferno Insignia is probably the worst one. A giant fucking explosive ball of fire capable of burning everyone for some damage, even if they aren't the intended target.

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Luckily, our heroes have not forgotten the time-honored strategy of having one unit heal the Union with herbs and the rest hit the Idol with their weapons until it dies. Look, we even took an Evil Charm of Fire. I wanted to make a Krod Mandoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire joke, but I think I'm the only one who remembers that show's existence (spoiler: it sucked).

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Wagram: It seems I underestimated you.

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Jager: Hey dawg, you seriously gonna kill a Marquis?

Wagram: I'm sorry, maybe you would love to narc, but I'm not going to jail. I'm way too pretty.

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Wagram decides to chant a spell and then cast some kind of black hole magic (or is that a white hole? I don't know) that sucks everyone in, while Jager is muttering "I never asked for this." But then Irina intervenes.

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Unfortunately, he just shoves her away and casts the same magic. Except this time, it reportedly causes a cave in (spoiler: it doesn't).

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Rush calls out Irina's name, but the rest of the Athlumian strike force drags him back.

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Later, the Marquis of Athlum delivers his report to the messenger from Celapaleis. The even higher-pitched bipedal frog thing on the right chews out David for not knowing anything. But after he leaves...INTRIGUE!

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Torgal: I noticed you didn't tell them about the possible link between the Academy and that white-robed mage.

David: Well, The Academy's got a lot of influence over this world, and if they knew how pissed off I was they'd probably bring the hammer down before I got to act.

Torgal: Any reason you would be afraid of the Academy?

David: Well, there was this one time where I was rushing Lambda Kappa Sigma and I might have puked on The Dean's chocob-

Torgal: psssst, not that SquareEnix universe!

David: Er, I meant his pack animals. Look, the point is we can't engage them until we know for certain that The Academy is behind us. Athlum's too damned small and it's not like nepotism is going to get me a job anywhere else if it falls.

Torgal: You never finished school, did you?

David: I think it's time to see how Rush is doing.

Rush has a sad
Rush has a sad

David: Hey there, what's up?

Rush: I couldn't save her...

David: Yeah, you really fucked that one up. Three times at least.

Rush: ...what am I supposed to do now?

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David: Dammit man, get a hold of yourself! Irina is alive!

Rush: How do you know.

David: Uh, well...(c'mon, think of something!)...my men saw the flying Remnant from before.

Rush: Really?

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David: Yeah, and uh...Pagus personally told me that he saw her in the Remnant's grip, so she's totally safe.

Rush: Well, that sounds credible. But damn, if only I had the strength...

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David: Pull yourself together! You're supposed to be the protagonist of this story, so grow a fucking pair!

Eventually, Rush is made happier by David's pep talk and exits the room just before Emma enters the scene.

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David ended up reminding himself to never be as whiny as that kid, so he orders Emma to do whatever she can to look up information on Wagram, even if it involves "shaking up The Academy." Oh man, they are so gonna revoke our charter for this!

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You can do sidequests or monster-slaughtering if you want, but it's still just you and whatever mercenaries you picked up. Eventually, you'll see one of these messenger guards strongly hint that you should return to the Athlum Castle to advance the story.

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David: So hey, me and the Generals here are going on a road trip to Elysion. The Congress is in session and the Academy happens to be there.

Rush: ...okay, and?

David: Remember that talk we had about the white mage and Irina?

Rush: So if I go to Elysion I can sneak into the Academy and find them? Huh Dave, that's absolutely MINT!

The entire room just fills with awkward silence for several seconds as they try to process what the fuck that even means.

Torgal: Well, that depends on whether or not David is asked to show up.

David: Wilfred Hermeien is the head of the Congress, and he might be a little peeved that I've been asking about the Academy.

Torgal: You might want to be a little more cautious with him, David.

David: Shut up Torgal, you're not my dad!

Torgal: Your dad is dead.

David: Alright, we're going to Elysion, I don't care if they invited us or not!

Meanwhile, at the Legion of Doom!

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That man with the slicked-back hair is the aforementioned Duke Hermeien, all around asshole. Before you ask, he doesn't have one arm, but his character model always has that left arm bent behind his back for no reason at all. Maybe it's a regal way of walking?

In any case, Irina calls him the Big Man In Charge.

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Hermeien will not tolerate any woman, let alone a teenaged girl, talking back to him as if women were equal to men. He threatens to feed her to some unpronounceable monster if she even thinks of speaking without being spoken to, then after an awkward pause says "Just Kidding." Don't worry, girls! He's not actually a r/boobies poster, just a lurker! So uh...will you sleep with him now, and will that be before or after you get him a sandwich?

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Hermeien then leaves, reveling in his victory over threatening a 14 year old girl. Will Rush save her in time before the machinations of these creepy old guys come to fruition? Find out, different Bomb time, same Bomb channel!

Next Time on Endure This! Run!

  • Rush Sykes has a posse!
  • Emma has her own mission!
  • The team arrives in Elysion!

Cutscenes!

Bonus Content!

Bros fo lyfe (via GIS)

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Never has a trio of assholes looked so tiny and cuddly before.

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