Endure This! Run! Part 8: Ninjas Can't Catch Me When I'm On Fire

Okay, I was a bit of a dick leaving everyone on that cliffhanger, but now we will see the battle of this boss. This boss battle, if you will.

A handful of Third Committee Unions spawn out of fucking nowhere and we have to deal with them. Luckily, these guys are just annoying and are easily dispatched. I highly suggest you do dispatch them first, as this will be the first somewhat-difficult boss to deal with, especially when playing the PC version or at harder difficulty. Don't want to be stuck fighting against both him and these pricks.

This attack, Phlegethon, is a just a fancy way of saying he's going to hit you with his stick. For reference: Phlegethon is also a river of flame that feeds into the river Styx. I don't know why they couldn't have just put Stick Strike or something like that, but I guess they had to keep with the whole "Fiery Idol" theme.

Flare hits a unit with several fireballs for serious damage.

Inferno Insignia is probably the worst one. A giant fucking explosive ball of fire capable of burning everyone for some damage, even if they aren't the intended target.

Luckily, our heroes have not forgotten the time-honored strategy of having one unit heal the Union with herbs and the rest hit the Idol with their weapons until it dies. Look, we even took an Evil Charm of Fire. I wanted to make a Krod Mandoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire joke, but I think I'm the only one who remembers that show's existence (spoiler: it sucked).

Wagram: It seems I underestimated you.

Jager: Hey dawg, you seriously gonna kill a Marquis?

Wagram: I'm sorry, maybe you would love to narc, but I'm not going to jail. I'm way too pretty.

Wagram decides to chant a spell and then cast some kind of black hole magic (or is that a white hole? I don't know) that sucks everyone in, while Jager is muttering "I never asked for this." But then Irina intervenes.

Unfortunately, he just shoves her away and casts the same magic. Except this time, it reportedly causes a cave in (spoiler: it doesn't).

Rush calls out Irina's name, but the rest of the Athlumian strike force drags him back.

Later, the Marquis of Athlum delivers his report to the messenger from Celapaleis. The even higher-pitched bipedal frog thing on the right chews out David for not knowing anything. But after he leaves...INTRIGUE!

Torgal: I noticed you didn't tell them about the possible link between the Academy and that white-robed mage.

David: Well, The Academy's got a lot of influence over this world, and if they knew how pissed off I was they'd probably bring the hammer down before I got to act.

Torgal: Any reason you would be afraid of the Academy?

David: Well, there was this one time where I was rushing Lambda Kappa Sigma and I might have puked on The Dean's chocob-

Torgal: psssst, not that SquareEnix universe!

David: Er, I meant his pack animals. Look, the point is we can't engage them until we know for certain that The Academy is behind us. Athlum's too damned small and it's not like nepotism is going to get me a job anywhere else if it falls.

Torgal: You never finished school, did you?

David: I think it's time to see how Rush is doing.

David: Hey there, what's up?

Rush: I couldn't save her...

David: Yeah, you really fucked that one up. Three times at least.

Rush: ...what am I supposed to do now?

David: Dammit man, get a hold of yourself! Irina is alive!

Rush: How do you know.

David: Uh, well...(c'mon, think of something!)...my men saw the flying Remnant from before.

Rush: Really?

David: Yeah, and uh...Pagus personally told me that he saw her in the Remnant's grip, so she's totally safe.

Rush: Well, that sounds credible. But damn, if only I had the strength...

David: Pull yourself together! You're supposed to be the protagonist of this story, so grow a fucking pair!

Eventually, Rush is made happier by David's pep talk and exits the room just before Emma enters the scene.

David ended up reminding himself to never be as whiny as that kid, so he orders Emma to do whatever she can to look up information on Wagram, even if it involves "shaking up The Academy." Oh man, they are so gonna revoke our charter for this!

You can do sidequests or monster-slaughtering if you want, but it's still just you and whatever mercenaries you picked up. Eventually, you'll see one of these messenger guards strongly hint that you should return to the Athlum Castle to advance the story.

David: So hey, me and the Generals here are going on a road trip to Elysion. The Congress is in session and the Academy happens to be there.

Rush: ...okay, and?

David: Remember that talk we had about the white mage and Irina?

Rush: So if I go to Elysion I can sneak into the Academy and find them? Huh Dave, that's absolutely MINT!

The entire room just fills with awkward silence for several seconds as they try to process what the fuck that even means.

Torgal: Well, that depends on whether or not David is asked to show up.

David: Wilfred Hermeien is the head of the Congress, and he might be a little peeved that I've been asking about the Academy.

Torgal: You might want to be a little more cautious with him, David.

David: Shut up Torgal, you're not my dad!

Torgal: Your dad is dead.

David: Alright, we're going to Elysion, I don't care if they invited us or not!

Meanwhile, at the Legion of Doom!

That man with the slicked-back hair is the aforementioned Duke Hermeien, all around asshole. Before you ask, he doesn't have one arm, but his character model always has that left arm bent behind his back for no reason at all. Maybe it's a regal way of walking?

In any case, Irina calls him the Big Man In Charge.

Hermeien will not tolerate any woman, let alone a teenaged girl, talking back to him as if women were equal to men. He threatens to feed her to some unpronounceable monster if she even thinks of speaking without being spoken to, then after an awkward pause says "Just Kidding." Don't worry, girls! He's not actually a r/boobies poster, just a lurker! So uh...will you sleep with him now, and will that be before or after you get him a sandwich?

Hermeien then leaves, reveling in his victory over threatening a 14 year old girl. Will Rush save her in time before the machinations of these creepy old guys come to fruition? Find out, different Bomb time, same Bomb channel!

Next Time on Endure This! Run!

• Rush Sykes has a posse!
• Emma has her own mission!
• The team arrives in Elysion!

Cutscenes!

• I'm not getting paid enough for this! + Dammit Rush, get yourself together!
• Welp, we're going to Elysion!
• The head of the world Congress vs. a 14 year old girl.

Bonus Content!

Bros fo lyfe (via GIS)

Never has a trio of assholes looked so tiny and cuddly before.

Huh? Krod Mandoon sucked? In its brief time, it was awesome. (Yes, I remember it, too.)