A Twisted Pile of Gaming

After living comfortably in a nice apartment for years I was given notice that the management had failed to pay the bank for its mortgage so I was given the notice relocate myself and my few belongings to somewhere that is not here.

Unfortunately affordable living space is limited but I was able to find a nice place to move into that was farther away from work and costs more for less, but when I only have one month to find a place beggars can be choosers.

Has me and my friend packed up six year’s worth of accumulated crap into the back of a U-haul, my friend came across a box of my old games. He rummaged through it for a bit and put aside four games and asked to borrow them.

I did not see the problem with it since I had even forgot the box of old PS, SNES, and Sega Saturn games.

After I got everything unpacked and set up we played some of these old games for a bit and we started with Twisted Metal 2.

Back in high school we used to play that game for hours. He would always choice Specter and just drive around all over the place trying to shoot me from behind walls and I would just bombard the map with has many bouncing bombs has I could, usually sitting somewhere safe waiting for him to fall into my trap.

Has we played the game for about an hour we had fun and memory lulz of sleep overs and all night game benders.

"Hey I saw Twisted Metal just got a reboot, want to go rent it?" He asked.

"Sure, a bit nicer graphics and cars would be cool." I responded.

After all I did enjoy Twisted Metal Black and the concept seemed to be keeping with the dark undertones of the series. So we get some food and rent it.

We put it in the Playstation and fire it up. Holy balls was this game terrible.

From the moment we started playing it we knew we were taken for ride into crap town.

We went to play a multiplayer game together, and we have to spend ten minutes just trying to decipher the fucking controls.

What the hell? They had controls on top of controls, there was text everywhere and it was more confusing than learning COBOL.

Finally we said fuck it and would learn has we played. So that’s what we did, we played, for 30 minutes until we were fed up with it.

What the hell happened? Were we both just too old and set in our ways to play these new games? Or had something else changed?

We noticed the first problem at the character select screen. Only four drivers? What the hell is that about? They did have a large amount of vehicles for those drivers to ride in but, it just didn’t feel right. It would have been like putting Mario Andretti behind the wheel of a BMX bike and expecting him to take the Daytona 500.

Twisted Metal 2 had twelve drivers and cars to choose from, without having to unlock anything, you get three more after unlocking through codes/beating the game.

Not wanting to waste the seven dollars I just spent renting the game I decided to give story mode a try while he fired up Breath of Fire 3 on my old VHS hybrid TV.

Ok, it’s been a long time since I have seen live action cut scenes, that ok, they were not that bad.... In resident evil.....

But what the hell is with this story. It was balls to wall terrible, I did not like characters, I couldn’t sympathize with them or hate them. I felt a greater emotional attachment to a cube with hearts panted on it than to anybody in this game.

Terrible Story: What story?

Terrible controls: Check

Lack of Characters: Check

How about Gameplay: Couldn’t even hold our attention for more than 30 minutes

Was there anything good at all: Yes actually, the people doing the live action acting were believable and the graphics were nice (When I start playing a game for the graphics I will stop playing games and just watch movies FF13 I am looking at you, you piece of horse shit).

Is this a worthwhile game: I will never tell a person not to buy a game or recommend one over the other. Until the day someone creates a game that transmits pure cancer into my brain, there will always be a reason to game. The game may not be fun for me or my friends but that does not mean you will not like it. All I can do is present you with my opinions and you can come up with your own.

Dollface Says: It’s time for Twisted Metal vs. Gundam