The Sam Fisher Spy School Course Guide

   In my quest to become a better spy and receive fewer restraining orders, I recently enrolled at the Sam Fisher Spy School. Below is a list of some of the classes with a brief description.
    Interrogation 101--Learn the basics of interrogation. Course will cover how to speak in a growling voice, assault captives while striking a cool pose, and potential everyday objects to beat captives against.
    Interrogation 202--Upper division class. In depth study of making interrogation personal, through means of lost loved ones. Potential pitfalls of using non-immediate relatives, e.g. cousins, sister-in-laws. Further study of environmental attacks. What to do if captive does not speak the same language.
   Aiming 101--Study of different weapon sights and accuracy. Written paper due at the end of semester, stating how a close range weapon such as a pistol is more accurate at range than any other weapon, despite longer barrels on assault weapons. Bending of reality is allowed.

   Sonar Applications 105--Course covers best situations to use sonar. Tips on how not to vomit after extended sonar use. Study of possible vision ailments and relation to sonar use.
   Music Appreciation 101--Course covers best music to record for camera grenades. Use of Jonas Brothers music or Justin Beiber will result in failure and/or expulsion. Emo music may be subject to similar penalty.
   Ethics 378--Best situations to betray partners under. Course teaches techniques for managing stress after murdering said partner. Proper technique for standing or squatting over dying or dead partner. Prerequisites: Ethics 101, Ethics 202, and Ethics 344 passed with C or better.