So this needs to be put out in the open…

 …I love Dhalsim. Like any relationship, when I first played Super Street Fighter II on the SNES, I was all “Who the fuck is this guy, gettin’ in the way of mah Ken on the way to M. Bison?”

 
But then SFIV appeared, and Dhalsim entered my life again…

 
By then Ken had become stagnant. It was a dull relationship to begin with anyway. Oh sure he’d jump around the screen, mincing about with his jumping roundhouse into crouching, never mixing things up. His hadouken was a poor imitation of Ryu’s to begin with. Fast and cheap. I needed something solid.

 
And after much playing of random, Dhalsim finally found a place in my heart…

 
Dhalsim is unpredictable. Dhalsim keeps it fresh. Dhalsim will snipe with his jumping fierce punch. Dhalsim will throw you across the screen, fire a yoga flame, jump teleport and fierce yoga tower on your ass while you’re too fixated on the yoga flame. And you’ll worship every goddamn second of it.

 
You see, Dhalsim will never let you down, because he’s a man of peace. Even if he gets his ass whooped by an uppercut-happy Sagat, or a clothesline-spamming Zangief, he’ll just do his stretches and get back into it, because, y’know, he’s flexible. And that’s what every good relationship is based on – flexibility. Compromise.  He won’t always win a tournament, but he’ll always be one with the universe.
 
 
So that’s it. I love Dhalsim, and there’s not a goddamn thing you can do about it. Except ragequit. Ragequit, you motherfuckers. I dare you.

 
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