May I start by sending my condolences to Anna his wife, his family, his friends, and his extended Giantbomb Family, you have all my best wishes during this extremely trying time.

This is my first time blogging and I hope it comes out alright, I have been a real rut since opening Facebook to see Rorie’s post on Monday, this has been a real hard few days and I have been looking for a way to express myself on the matter.

The 11^th of September last year was the first time I had lost someone close, my grandfather passed away at 88 years old, and that was the single most difficult point in my life, I was supposed to be on a flight from the sunny shores of the Cayman Islands (where I’m from and grew up) to Chicago to go Riot Fest and attempt to find the Cards against Humanity office (so that I wouldn't have to spend $40 to get the game shipped to Cayman) with a bunch of buddies on the 12^th. As I was leaving work, I received a phone call telling me to get to my grandfather’s house, I knew what it was but didn't want to accept it, and it wasn't till I got there and saw his body that it sunk in. It was the hardest few weeks in my life but I got through it with a few drunken nights reminiscing, a lot more internal reflection and a more than healthy dose of listening to the one thing I knew I could count on every week, the Giant Bombcast. This may sound a tad silly but for me having something consistent to fall back on was an extremely important thing, and I always had appreciated the whole crews ability to mix humor in with serious discussion, this was the time where I started listening to the week’s Bombcast multiple times during the week to allow me to have something other than work or whatever it was that I was doing to focus on, this group of people that I had never met had become very important with the way that I lived my life, I realistically spent more time listening to these 5 guys that I was thousands of miles away from then I spent with most of my family, and I was okay with that, especially as I felt that I shared many of the same interests as the group, and quite often especially Ryan.

I, like a lot of you don’t feel weird that I have been so shook up by this, but I do feel full of regret. I have been asking myself why I didn’t go to PAX East this year, who knows I could have had a drink with him and had some self-validation that I did share some of the same views as him. In hindsight it makes me feel even worse, as I feel like really selfish and idiotic, especially considering how his wife, friends and family must feel right now.

Ryan was a true role model, a man who put it all out there for the world to see and didn’t care what people thought, and his ability to embrace the ‘stupid’ in life and share it with the tens of thousands of people, who I count myself a lucky member of, was a wonder to behold. I hope that I can become more like him in my everyday life and that I can have the courage to do some of the things that he did, and not care what anyone thinks about it.

Ryan, you have touched my life and I know that it will never be the same again for a lot of us. Thanks for giving so much of yourself to us and for only asking us to just enjoy the ride, it will be forever appreciated.

-Josh