I hate you. Most Likely.

There's been wars, periods of peace, and big, giant statues designed to honor those aforementioned things in such an arrogant "We are awesome!" way that it probably leads to wars in itself. These pale in comparison to this list - which is trully cooler and awesomer than the halocaust - and is probably arrogant, stupid, rash, and constantly hateful in such a way as in to inspire hatred towards myself. 

List items

  • Books are almost always good, boring I aggree, but entertaining and interesting nonetheless. Games based off literature is mostly an attempt to make those boring parts interesting by adding action. Making Dante's Inferno world interesting by adding action is truly a difficult task that requires alot of creative thinking. Then again if the game designer in question is ripping off literature from the fourteenth century they are not very creative to begin with.

  • I hate good sequels. Good sequels means there will bad sequels to come. "Wo-oh! Wizard Man!" You're saying, "I don't follow your logic!" Well stop calling me "Wizard Man" you quack and let me explain - when you get a good sequel or two, it logically must follow that a talented, creative studio must make nothing but that game until pigs can fly or James Cameron makes a good movie.

  • The problem with this is what excels in one medium of entertainment fails in another. For instance

  • So imagine shit. Fucking shit. Now imagine that shit digested and re-shitted. That is games based on movies based on games.

  • You know what? I love him. Loving him means I have to hate everything else; and that's my goal in life. As you will soon found out.

  • Bioware? Bethesda? Listening? Well, I really like charecter creation, and I don't want to sound rude or insensitive to the difficulties of game design, BUT I fucking hate this horseshit you guys put together! My French Lady with a Chinese father (But he represses the fact he is Chinese), who got a scar when she masterthief? You know what (dear idiotic reader that likes to call me Wizard Man), I would have come close to creating the above charecter if I knew what half the creation tools were for, or what they did exactly. Even once I figure that out,all it fucking takes is two or three ireversible tweeks to completely ruin my fighter pilot George W. Bush. Now he looks like a shaved chimpanzee, which in a way is quite realistic, but I don't want to fiddle around for a one and half hours until something good pops out.

  • You know what Kaim? I don't fucking fucking hate you, but you dress like a fucking girl. Seriously, would it be too hard to do a little character customization so I could make you look like the badass that you are. Or better yet why can't I just create my own badass from scratch . . .

  • Now that I think about you Lost Odyssey, I fucking hate this bastardized game. For all the time I sunk into it, all the time I spent thinking that I like you - I don't. This is a horrible conclusion to come to after a month of playing (I play games sporadically), and if this were a relationship I could just beat Lost Odyssey into being good; unfortunately, the longer I was in a relationship with this game the more I realized it just wanted to suck. Not the good suck. The bad, sharp toothed suck. And you know what? In that way I hate myself for liking you.

  • I hate myself. I hate myself for always turning the difficulty to the max because . . . well, I don't know why. Oh Forza Mortasports 3? I have never played a racing game before - how about I play it on max difficulty? Too hard? Just give it a little more time.

  • Where are you episode three? Unlike most people, I remember what the fuck was going on in the Half-Life universe. Hell, I probably have more an idea of what the G-Man is than the writers do - but even I am getting tired of waiting. I hate this game for not coming out yet.

  • And I hate this game for coming out. Also you should have been named Left 4 2 Long.

  • I don't know what this game is. What I hate is that someday some lonely ole hag is going to write a romantic version of our favorite gore-fest and teen girls are going to side with either Team Louis or Team Francis.

  • I also hate how they haven't done a Twilight esque story of two lovers who are train conducters. The love triangle will exist between the two conducters and the old three toothed bum that hitches a ride in their trains. A real moment in the romance come when the bum finally wipes away the drool that has caked all over his beard (Trust me, that happens) to impress the lady conducter, and it does for awhile, but when they eventually run out of cheep, stolen booze the lady leaves the bum and has a fat, steamy embrace with the male conducter. Turned on? I'm betting no, yet I am also betting that the only people who watch Twilight are fat, ugly, white trash mingers whose best friend is a cellphone that doubles as a vibrator. They will love to see a white trash Twilight.

  • I hate him. Mad? Good, because I actually hate you. No, I don't hate Jeff Gerstmann, but the people I hate are the fucking dick wets that defend, idolize, completely worship someone they never met. How about you guys go create your own concept page you stuck-up, arrogant, no fucking-fuckity good mingers.

  • I also hate profanity. It adds nothing to anything.

  • I also hate nudity (Partial and full) and sex. No, I don't belong in Cuckoo's nest because I love a good ole fashion epidermas exposure. However, what I hate is seeing some polygyzed version of what I am supposed to like. Those alien boobs in Dead or Alive? Yeah, thank you for reminding me how shallow I am and going on to embarrass me if any comes in and sees me playing with you. Worst yet, if this boobage/sexiness works, I would also like to thank-you for showing me a perfection that I will never be able to taste.

  • For stealing Bayonnetta's original name.

  • For not being a breast size.

  • For having even bigger breasts than 64DD.

  • For not releasing a particular game that I really like. I think Valve secretly has a number of games finishedm but is not releasing them because Gabe Newell is siphoning off money from the games operating budget to feed his oversized stomach. No, his stomach is not oversized, because that would imply that other organs exists - his body his simply a stomach plus two legs and a brain.

  • For not marketing Episode three in a way to ensue a frenzy that would demand its release.

  • For not coming up with an ending to Episode three.

  • For not having the balls to steal Laidlaw's job and coming up with an ending himself.

  • Same reason. He is lower on this list because he has a cooler name.

  • Hm?

  • I bet you are wondering what company this man works for?

  • Are you seeing a pattern?

  • Yes, it is because he fucking works for Valve? A company that's version of episodic content is an episode every five years!

  • He alse works for Valve. No, kidding. But he wishes he did; that way he can defend actually good games instead of parading around defending his sexual fetish for llamas and llama related games. I'm pretty sure you have to be high to understand his arguments, and I know you have to be high to understand Space Giraffe and story behind Half-Life.

  • (Add you have to be high to like this)

    Do you know what I hate about this game, is that I have to explain to you how bad this game is! It's not that Nintendo said they were making a more adult game, it's when they proved that their version of grown/growing up is long emo hair and glitter/pretty earings. It's like the twist at the end of original Metroid (Samus actually being a girl) - you find out by playing this game that Link is actually a girl as well. Add to that the corny, almost Native American esque tribes people, the other tribes that they just ripped from previous Zelda games and on a superficial level this game sucks. But if you didn't care about setting or tone, you also have to deal with god awfull gameplay. Let me prove how horrible this gameplay was - did any one here die when playing this game? Or get hit during bossfights? You know what Jeff Gerstman? I think I actually do hate you. This game deserves a lower score than 8.3.

  • love show, hate game, love means hating

  • Microsoft, I have mixed feeling about you. While it feels good to be your loyal fanboy, and as such a meaningless pawn, it can be unsettling to be exactly that - a meaningless pawn. I mean, I know how powerful you guys are. Buying companies for 32 times their value just so the competition doesn't get it (Truly, this is the age of evil corporations). Like any good child towards his father, I have dreams about killing you Microsoft - but I know you would just end up beating me.

  • Nintendo. You fucking suck.

  • Sony also sucks.

  • For occasionally making Sony look good.

  • For almost always making Microsoft look bad.

  • For making anime look bad.

  • For making Japan look good.

  • needs to be voice of mario when he rebels

  • choice

  • It's horrible when you enjoy playing a game but you can't in any way possible. If you don't know what I am talking about (and you should) then look up a match of this game on Youtube. Preferably between the pros. Did you? Back yet? Good. Yeah, I am never going to be that good.

  • choice

  • Peter molyneux needs to be a voice actor. more of salesmen, I want to kill salesmen so let me kill him. that will bring emotion out.

  • For voicing Alyx but not being anywhere near as cute. And no, she isn't so don't even begin straddling your dick.

  • For being far too attractive for something far too silly.

  • For existing.

  • For existing in only one medium of entertainment.

  • For being obscure.

  • For being in far too many goddamn games.

  • For not being a villian in a single game (look at the mustache). I know, a silly thing to hold aggainst a person, But maybe if Mr. Shoemaker if you learned how to make a game that had you as the villian, you would be so fucking terrible to watch. The pain that it is to watch you die in games is a enough of a reason to hate you.

  • For being the villian in a game. I think. Considering their is nothing to know about this guy (including his fucking name) I don't know what he is.

  • Why not?

  • I am not saying a little Megan Fox doesn't help sooth the eyes, but here the reason why I hate Megan Fox: (one) Megan Fox is hot and (Two) guys masturbate to fake nude pictures of Megan Fox. OF course some poor chap masturbate to pictures of Julia Louis Dreyfus, that's all well and good, but what I hate is that Megan fox lives and loves two things in this world. And I just mentioned them.

  • Cliff has all the exact same problems as Megan Fox but he also has a third - he's Cliff Blesziniski. "It's bigger, It's badder" - Okay Syndrone, I can only imagine how you are in bed. And if it seems like I am trying to hate him - I am. He just looks like an ass.

  • Speaking of people who are dicks, Apple's goal seems to be to polish the world asshole into something sleek and cool. The only reasThis is okay, as I myself am obviously an asshole. Apple fans, are hatred for each other right now is simply a professional matter.

  • I am the best, and on the internet that fact can always be true. However, when I apply that philosophy to anything in real life - automatically assuming I will win no matter what - I am never disappointed. I'm like the Lance Armstrong of the world, I win at everything and I hate French people (Except I have 4 testicles instead of Lance's one). In fact, I am so good that if you check my achievements you will find that I have over one million of them.

  • I don't hate the gameplay in this game - what I hate is living. That once threatening Big Daddy that I have circled with my last three shotguns shells, waiting for a moment to strike, that is what makes the game scary. Until that fight boils down to me repeatedly attacking it like a mad Swissman with my wrench (That referance totally makes sense).

  • playing this is one big minigame with no death

  • this game is one large dating sim

    What am I supposed to love in this game, it's large city? That's wonderful - how about more than three stores in this fucking large city. I mean it's nice that Rockstar made a couple dozen restaurents that I can visit with my date(s). For only God knows how much fun it is to drive around hearing repeated dialogue to eat virtual food that I cannot enjoy with virtual people that want me to do this mundane task every hour.

  • realistic dating sim

  • lying company mention valve

    Bungie! What a rebel company - breaking away from Microsoft and then making nothing but Halo games for only Microsoft.

  • I despise this game and I have never played it. I have heard rumors on boards that this game is ugly, ugly, and not very fun to play. I also hear about it alot. To this day.On the bombcast (January edition I think) It's a game people won't shut-up about because it's so uberlong, and if they are still playing this uberlong game it must be good? Right? I don't know. I don't want to be sucked into a game that takes three months (When I could be playing other games) to beat, especially when said game is not that fun to play. Yet, the cover looks so cool . . . .

  • These mobile bank accounts can be a real dick sometimes. The previously mentioned game is a testament to that.

  • Left 4 Dead, you are hard game to play solo (And yes, of course I play it on expert).

  • Samus I was with you. I had respect for you back in Metroid Prime from what I understand you were as much a badass in the earlier games. Unlike Master Chief or holy Gordan Freeman, your silence made sense. Your visor and gun did all the talking for you. I stood by you for a long while, even when you had mid-life crisis with Dark Samus, but then you'd thought it'd be cool if you took off your suit alot more often. You made friends. And in Metroid Prime 3 you showed the world how utterly uninteresting you are.

  • For not being as cool as Vinny Caravella.

  • For not being as funny as Ryan Davis.

  • For being both cooler and funnier that Ryan Davis and Vinny Caravella, but not being on Giantbomb.com.

  • Oh, this funny guy aptly named Joker? I love games that tell me what and whom to laugh at - because Joker is a genuine Robin Williams. I'm being sarcastic you savants, because obviously you are a Savant for having the brainpower to read this post and believe that Jack Moreau is a funny character. Believing that is to be retarded to what humor actually is, because Joker is certainly no Jester.

  • For making want to play Mass Effect one again.

  • And then playing it and realizing how fucking horrible it is.

  • I don't understand how anyone could love this game. Loving it implies that you enjoy being in first place only to get hit with a blue shell and end up in eighth in a matter of seconds. What kind person would let their child play this game, since it seems to condition people into believing that it is best to be in second or third place where they don't stand out. No Jimmy Boy, you don't want to be the best. Why? Because a fucking blue shell will hit, that's why kid.

  • There's no joke here folks, I just wanted my fucking ending.

  • Let me spoil the ending for you; after killing what seems to be the main boss you track down his minion who actually turn out to be the main boss. For a moment. Once you kill him you are the main boss! This is not a sales pitch for revolutionary concept. Once you end up killing Frederic Chopin to prove to him that this is not his dream (Or is it!) one of your party member throws herself off the edge of a cliff only to land in a grassy field as a much younger version of herself. These events are probably all very clever referances to Chopin's life,and I am no doubt butchering them with my brute rendition of them. I don't care. And by the end of this half hour sequence I couldn't care to follow this nonsense anymore.

  • I hate fetus's because it reminds me of my once futile state. I was never a futile individual so in a way I enjoy having them a final boss. Defeating them is proving how much better I am. Also this is a killer page.

  • I really hate these guys.

  • Fun fact; this is the original model of the Jockey. You can see it by pressing ALT L.

  • Sunglasses have the pretense of making you look cool, but when you end up walking inside with them you are not fooling anyone about how much of a douchebag you are.

  • Tycho Brahe's writing on Penny Arcade can occassionally be hard to follow, and I hate words which meaning is not prima facie.

  • (Just to be clear, I played a differant game growing up. I am too lazy to find it)

    I hear complaints every once and awhile that checkpoints are to spread out. That if you die you have to replay like fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes did you say Feser? Yes. Wow, because I fucking remember this game had some pretty drawn out checkpoints. Oh wait, this SNES game didn't have any. Or any save points. How fucking fun.

  • Why can't you be perfect puzzles? You either stupidly easy or stupidly contrived. "Look around until you find the right piece". No videogame, a one and a half hour scavenger hunt does not make me feel like Einstein.

  • Becuase you suck, yet I continually check to see if there is something good. Thanks, occassionally entertaining game that keeps me coming back.

  • Thanks, Xbox Live Marketplace for charging so much for your movies. Yes, I could ignore you, but your ineccesantly high charge maddens me at a service rendered useless by the aforementioned ineccessantly high charges. This is a call out to all online services that expect me devote more time and money to them than I honestly should. It's like if I created a 15 item list jus so I could get an achievement for it. Really? Who does that just to see a bar fill up?