Something went wrong. Try again later

gamebelongtous

This user has not updated recently.

109 0 33 7
Forum Posts Wiki Points Following Followers

gamebelongtous's forum posts

Avatar image for gamebelongtous
gamebelongtous

109

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

7

Followers

Reviews: 17

User Lists: 1

#1  Edited By gamebelongtous

I'd like to point out that I didn't say for you. I'm sure that a lot of people have a healthy relationship with games and even feel they have enhanced their lives.

To an extent I feel the same but theres also a large part of me that does not.

So as we established I'm to become 30 in a months time, this gives me a good chance to reflect and there's one striking thing that games have brought , a very conflicted life.

I've been playing games, console games to be more precise since I was 4 years old. Unlike some who's earliest memories might be of their mothers or food or even a smell or sight in the wide world mines of me sitting on a brownish carpet looking almost directly up at a crappy old 22 inch tv playing centipede on the atari 2600. This picture is the single strongest formative image in my head, it has helped define me.

Games and gaming are what I am and what makes me who I am but they are also shackles that in the grand scheme of my own existence have prevented my greater development and growth.

So ok how do I mean? On reflection i suppose the signs have always been there. My next earliest memory is of myself playing super Mario brothers and getting so upset with my in ability to complete harder levels in the game that I would break into tears. This frustration and self loathing would lead me to get so angry with myself I would hit or scratch myself... and continue playing. This sort of behavior is not entirely healthy as we all know, but this was untill quite a late point of my personal development. maybe even as late as 7 or 8 years old.

I bring this up because I still see the frustration that would have spawned that behaviour then In me when I play now. This time though it does not swell up due to playing solo but instead it develops during online play.

Most notably super street fighter 4 creates a conflicting set of emotional responses. Nothing as extreme as crying or hurting myself but no less as harmful i believe. This game, along with some racers and fps's, makes me feel totally inadequate.

The frustration comes from a slowly developing recurring thought "I know exactly what to do, how it works & how to make it happen, so why cant I ever do it!". Failure, coupled with expectation amplified by people with worse attitudes playing better then me.

I believe to an extent this is our fault. Not mine but all of us as a community. There is this strange community that has developed online across all games that states you have to be yay good at a game or your nothing and if you are nothing then we must all make sure to tell you. This also seems fed but achievements and gamerscores. We are more open now then ever before to judgements of our peers and that pressure can be crushing. To those of us that know how to be good and want to be able to play with others the disappointment of loss is enhanced and crushing.

I myself can become exceedingly depressed after a few fights online, only to become more desperate to do well sitting up late into the night playing on and becoming more and more down, almost hating myself and my own existence.Never feeling good enough. This is also not aided by the idea "oh it's just a game, it doesn't matter!" this leads only to a further depressive development. If its just a game and it doesn't matter then I must be really pathetic because i cant even do something as simple as this" confidence shattered faith in the ability to do important real life things is also shattered too.

This is extra sad because street fighter is something I've always played and loved. Oddly enough i was a looser growing up too, Didn't have friends and played all day alone in my room (hence the lack of experience and skill playing against others, although i did own street fighter alpha 2 on the saturn, so had the best possible edition of any street fighter).

The other issue I've had is with health, I feel no desire to do anything outside. Not anything like football or sports activity's. I cant swim, don't really interact well with others in a large group or sports environment and have developed a small dislike for the general populous. I'm poor from a poor street and a poorly educated area of town. have no money and few chances. The majority of people around me are the same, the difference is i was lucky to be born smart with an oddly above average IQ.

I see the way many people live their lives and how they turn out and I have no real desire to do the same. People say about the dole life. Have kids, get house, don't work, watch Easterners every night. That sort of life really depressed me and so the people whom live it also repel me. I have no interest in that life as a consequence Ive not gone out and met lots of people in my local environment, not developed relationships and not lived a normal healthy existence. Ive become more insular. Stuck to indoor activities and played games for 12 hour sittings. I have become a blob, a sentient mass and i realise now lazy both in body and mind.

Lastly I would like to also point out I'm poor but that it's not prevented myself from spending every available penny on games. hell I've even spent some unavailable ones on them. I now realise that I've become obsessed with obtaining them, I have 100s across many platforms, some I've not even began to play. Sometimes I buy games never to play them because i suddenly need money and sell them on for less then i paid for them.

I'm smarter then this but I still do it. I suspect I've developed an extreme habit or addiction. I've always bought games so its like a reflex action. I cant prevent myself from spending money on them and I'm sure its had effects on relationship. I'm not the boyfriend or partner I could be if I were able to focus on saving money, taking care of myself and looking after those I have loved.

I don't hold games up and blame them for the bad things in my life. They are and have brought lots of blessings to my life and continue to be inspirational and fun. Yet they are also something that helps to amplify the bad aspects to myself, they are a double edges sword and this is something I need to admit to myself if i am to improve my life. I want to be healthy, happy and a good person without completely removing games from my life but I'm not sure quite how possible that is.

- next time -

A topic that's wholly less negative.

really i do like games and all that, honest guv.

Avatar image for gamebelongtous
gamebelongtous

109

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

7

Followers

Reviews: 17

User Lists: 1

Avatar image for gamebelongtous
gamebelongtous

109

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

7

Followers

Reviews: 17

User Lists: 1

#3  Edited By gamebelongtous

it's important to note that although some of the traites of Asperger's Syndrome are the same overall each person whome has Asperger's is likely to have a quite vast array of individual trates and syptoms that would make them behave in an also quite individual or odd way but also quite different way to that which has been discribed here. 
 
But i agree, a very fine read.

Avatar image for gamebelongtous
gamebelongtous

109

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

7

Followers

Reviews: 17

User Lists: 1

#4  Edited By gamebelongtous

its not that people want shenmue 3... its more they just want the story to shemue to finally end somehow, especially after being left in such an odd place at the end of 2

Avatar image for gamebelongtous
gamebelongtous

109

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

7

Followers

Reviews: 17

User Lists: 1

#5  Edited By gamebelongtous

it says a ot about how far the games industry has come when you look at the stark contrast between this ( bioshock ) and the just released ( started design in the 90's  ) duke nukem forever. 
 
That games of this or any format can provide such a classy and interesting experiance can exist is a grand thing indeed. Its just a shame that the specters  of the past are still around bothering us all.

Avatar image for gamebelongtous
gamebelongtous

109

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

7

Followers

Reviews: 17

User Lists: 1

Avatar image for gamebelongtous
gamebelongtous

109

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

7

Followers

Reviews: 17

User Lists: 1

#7  Edited By gamebelongtous

its down for maintenance again already... at least right now it is. lol.

Avatar image for gamebelongtous
gamebelongtous

109

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

7

Followers

Reviews: 17

User Lists: 1

#8  Edited By gamebelongtous

sounds like beyond good and evil's jade ... i.e. like the same voice actress.

Avatar image for gamebelongtous
gamebelongtous

109

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

7

Followers

Reviews: 17

User Lists: 1

#9  Edited By gamebelongtous

whats a play-steh-zun sto-oor?? 
 
It's been so long since ive seen one i must have deleated all knowledge of what one is from my brain. Or recorded over it with pictures of kittens and puppys. awwww kittens and puppys.  

Avatar image for gamebelongtous
gamebelongtous

109

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

7

Followers

Reviews: 17

User Lists: 1

#10  Edited By gamebelongtous
No Caption Provided
the man himself. I know also he appears on the front of the uk official oxm magazine(i thinks), but ive not seen the pictures from that online