End Boss Month #9: No More Heroes

Henry. Alias: Sir Henry Motherfucker. Less a villain and more just an Irish-accented jerk and rival to No More Heroes protagonist Travis Touchdown, Henry actually doesn’t appear that often in the game. But when he does appear, he knows how to really make an entrance.

Henry’s first appearance comes roughly mid-way through the game as Travis is hunting down Letz Shake, a mysterious assassin that lures Travis out onto a highway in the desert countryside in order to do battle. Valiantly (or not), Travis charges forth, beam katana in hand, ready to cut Letz Shake and his giant brain-in-a-jar down to size.

And then Henry leaps in from out of nowhere and kills Letz Shake in one slice of his own beam sword.

In other words, he's a kill-stealing douchebag.
In other words, he's a kill-stealing douchebag.

Henry leaves just as quickly as he arrived, and he isn’t seen again unless the player manages to access the game’s true ending by acquiring all of the beam katana models in the game. Now that Travis has defeated his own half-sister and acquired the title of top-ranked assassin, he returns home to take a peaceful dump.

And then holy shit, Garcian Smith some dude that mysteriously looks and sounds like that one dude from Killer7 smashes through Travis’s bathroom door. Defenseless on the crapper, Travis is about to meet a humiliating end when he’s suddenly rescued by that mysterious Irish, kill-stealing jerk-off.

And then, after Henry insults Travis for letting his guard down while on the toilet, Travis pursues him outside, where they fight, man to man, laser sword to laser sword. Acrobatic, agile, and with blazing speed, Henry is seemingly an even match for our hero. And like some of the other bosses in the game, Henry is able to strike Travis down with an instant kill if he’s not careful.

That’s right. An instant kill. As in, no matter how much health you have left, you get hit by it, you die.

So protip. Don’t get hit by it.

But the crazier stuff doesn’t come until after Henry is bested in battle as he drops several ludicrous bombshells. First, he’s Travis’s twin brother (despite apparently being Irish). He’s also the husband of Sylvia, the woman that seduced Travis into this mess in the first place. Apparently, they’ve been married since college. Who knew? Also, who the hell reveals this kind of information when the game is just about to end? (The answer is Henry, of course.)

In short, Henry leaves a bag of loose ends for Travis to sort out, refusing to do any of the work himself because, in his own words, he’s not the protagonist. He’s just the cool, handsome foil who happens to be Travis’s twin brother. Unwilling to sort all of this insanity out, Travis continues his duel with Henry into a freeze-frame. The end.

No Caption Provided

Wait, what? What the hell is…oh forget it. There’s no way that I could possibly end this post in a way that could do the nature of Henry’s exit justice. So, toodles! So you tomorrow.