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I wrote this little thing (it's not actually a little thing):

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I Hate These Games.

Games I've had the misfortune of playing that are so bad they need to be destroyed in nuclear fire.

List items

  • This isn't a game as much as it is a torture device. Destination Software should be put on trial for this atrocity.

  • I refer to the DS version of the game specifically. Don't ask me why I played it, it's just a terrible, terrible soul vacuum of a game and a prime example of why games based on films are treated with utter disdain. If you should see it in the used section or bargain bin of your local games store, stay the hell away from it. It's like kryptonite for your will to live.

  • I was only able to tolerate this game for most of the weekend I played it because I was high on painkillers after having my wisdom teeth removed. Once those were gone, so was any notion that this game was even mediocre.

  • Another bad fighting game made to cash in on the success of Mortal Kombat. Other than that, a waste of arcade quarters.

  • Okay, I knew that this wasn't a good game going in. I actually started playing it as part of an online challenge to play through a crap game and then write about how painful the experience was. And yeah, it's painful all right. Dated graphics and music that wouldn't be out of place on the SNES, sadistic enemy placement that pretty much guarantees that the player will take damage no matter how practiced they are, and a Wii Remote pointer aim mechanic that just doesn't feel right at all add up to a mess of an experience and not even worth the $20 the game sold for.

  • This game is so bad on so many levels that I don't even know where to begin. The awkward, unnecessary jumping mechanic? Brother and his insufferable spazzing? The completely unnecessary "You must use a strategy guide" requirements for earning 100% completion? The fact that they completely took a shit on everything that Final Fantasy X was for the sake of having Yuna run around in skimpy clothing?

    No. No. A thousand times no.

  • This game isn't terrible by any stretch. I've tried playing through the game twice, but certain aspects of it, particularly certain plot points I find ludicrous, drove me away. This game would have been better off had they not tried to shoehorn elements in to make it a Chrono Trigger sequel and simply made it its own game.

  • Valkyrie Profile is probably my favorite game of all time. That being said, I was really looking forward to Valkyrie Profile 2. Conceptually, the game is well designed, looks stunning, and plays like an evolved version of the first, but there comes a point in the game where events in the storyline essentially undo everything that occurred in the first game. It was such a stomach punch that I couldn't bring myself to finish the game.

    Gee, guys, thanks for taking one of my favorite game narratives and trying to write it out of canonical existence. Just say no to Time Travel Bullshit!

  • This game is a textbook example of how bean counters can ruin a series. Xenosaga: Episode I was an excellent RPG that did an admirable job of setting the stage for what had been planned as a six-game science fiction epic. Unfortunately, the suits got their tendrils in Episode II's development, and severe changes were made to the game in an effort to expand the audience, making unnecessary gameplay changes and cutting down time spent on some of the important subplots. The game wasn't a horrible mess, but it did a lot of damage to what Episode I had begun building, the attempts to make it more accessible alienated fans of the first game, and the planned six-game arc was reduced to a hasty trilogy, ending with Episode III. A damn shame all around.

  • Hoo, am I glad I didn't actually have to pay money to play this one. The PS2 game based on Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex has a nightmarish control scheme. Not even its tutorial could do much to help when just about every single button on the controller is required and the layout is completely ass backwards.

  • I can't remember what game it was I asked for for Christmas back then, but my parents couldn't find it, so they gave me Dick Tracy instead.

    I know that not everyone is a fan of the Angry Video Game Nerd videos on Screw Attack and Game Trailers, but his latest video pretty much sums up my feelings on the matter: