The Ranking of Yakuza 6 Gangsters *Minimal spoilers*

Welcome. This is the very accurate and official Ranking of Yakuza 6 Gangsters. Starting from the worst possible gangster and ending on the bestest of gangsters, this list explores the cornucopia of the Japanese gangsters introduced in Yakuza 6. For those of you who haven't played Yakuza 6 yet, firstly, I have tried to keep spoilers to a minimum and secondly, why haven't you played Yakuza 6 yet? Go and rectify your error and treat yourself a vacation in the vibrant Kamurucho and in the beautiful Onomichi. If you think there are some people missing from the list, then I just have to say not all people qualify as gangsters. No matter how hard they try.

Also, I have excluded series mainstays Goro Majima, Taiga Saejima and Daigo Dojima as they appear only briefly. And because they would be on the top of the list anyway.

List items

  • Sugai is just the worst. He is not even the fun kind of bad. Honestly, I have trouble putting into words just how lame Sugai is.

  • Masuzoe is either being a dick or extremely worried. A worried dick is still just a dick though.

  • Someya hits women and is made of smugness. He is not completely worthless, but he has a weird way of showing that he cares. And on top of it all, this bitch didn't even get any cool tattoos when he had the chance. What a complete moron.

  • Ed has mastered the art of table flipping. I wonder if it comes handy at dinner parties or family meetings? I wish this aspect of Ed had been explored further in the game.

  • This handsome creep tries to balance between being extremely nice and forgiving and being a complete weirdo.

    ..he is, oh, so handsome though.

  • Yuta is an idiot that is very good at whining and crying. He mans up at certain points though, but never gets rid of his lameness. Case in point, he ends up running on the streets of Tokyo trying not to shit his pants after eating a parfait. That last bit is a little too relatable.

  • Tagashira has the worst haircut. And he is the young SNS guy from the Hirose family. I know, I rolled my eyes too. However, at certain point of the game he just out of the blue happens to know where decade old secret is located. He must be so smart, because he hangs out a lot with Matsunaga. There is a direct correlation there.

  • This gangster daddy is surprisingly reasonable. Despite his very, very shady businesses and son-issues, he is pretty alright.

  • Koshimizu wears a cool red suit. Let's just say that he gets a lot cooler than what initially seems.

  • You don't think that Haruka is a gangster? Well, watch this clip and then come back here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV9RrdIUpTI

    ..admittedly, that didn't really happen. Still, you can bet your ass that Haruka has learned some yakuza moves from Kiryu.

  • Date has been hanging out with gangsters so much that he might be one himself. Despite this he's one badass of a cop and friend.

  • Akiyama is not really a gangster. But somehow he always ends up kicking a metric ton of gangsters in the face at every possible turn. He also buys drinks for homeless people, because at various points he has been homeless himself. You can't find anything bad to say about Akiyama. I dare you to try.

  • Nagumo is an intense and a hilarious man. He is loyal to the core and he likes to fight. Some of the best scenes of the game involve Nagumo. He wears a bellywarmer like an old man. Nagumo is devastated by the fact that the woman who he likes has been married and has kids. So in turn he treats this devastation by immediately going to a soapland and has sex with a prostitute. Ha ha, whoopsie.

  • If you want to fuck people up, Hirose is your man. He knows pro wrestling moves and the fact that if you wear a mask, you can beat up people from the main family and they will be none the wiser. Also he is played by Beat fucking Takeshi.

    Minus points for the horrible monster that is supposed to be young Hirose in the flashbacks. I will never sleep again.

  • This gentleman wears a tracksuit that has a picture of a cat and says 'Cat'. Clearly he is not an evil person. Also, he likes to build model ships. Also also, despite people calling him slow, he is surprisingly knowledgeable. He very much knows how to use a condom, unlike certain idiot someone.

  • Kiryu has no time of your bullshit. He has to help his family. This is emphasized in many scenes. Despite this, he gets drawn into many different ridiculous and time consuming situations. The serious Kiryu is perfect for all of this nonsense, and the man just can't not help a person in need. Yakuza 6 is a perfect sendoff for the series' longstanding protagonist. We will always miss you dearly.

  • Don't let this motherfucker's kindly smiling face fool you. This guy knows no fear. NO FEAR I TELL YOU!