This is an ongoing list where I attempt to do the following: Play, Complete, and Rank every video game in the known universe in order to finally answer the age old question "What is the greatest game of all time?" For previous entries find the links on the attached spreadsheet.

Phil Here - My wife was excited to share her thoughts on Rune Factory 4 after some kind comments on the Stardew Valley write-up. Now I didn't play more then like 5 minutes of this game, so I don't think I can properly rate it, but we will temporarily place it on the list and then see if it holds up when it does get played. More on that after the review.

Hi everyone! It's me, Mrs. Unbeatable. I'm taking over temporarily because my husband relayed your recommendations to play Rune Factory and frankly I'm the virtual farming enthusiast in this family. It’s my time to shine.. At this point in my life, my gaming is limited to my phone and my Switch Lite, so I dove right into the deep end with RF4. I had no previous knowledge of this game, the concept, or the mechanics. I was a tiny little rune baby. Keep that in mind as you read this. Also, my parameters for what makes a good game are wildly different than Mr Unbeatable’s so buckle up.

So. The game started with my generic character flying in an airship holding a glowing…thingy… and then a real couple of dicks kicked me off the deck. I landed on a dragon, dusted myself off, realized I had no memories of my past life at all, then just kinda shrugged and agreed to take up residence in a castle and run a whole town because it’s not like I’ve got anything better to do. Look, the story is hot nonsense. I’m not going to get into it.

I do prefer games that let me pick between a male and a female avatar but I was bummed that was the only choice I could make. There was no customization whatsoever. One could argue that this is for art reasons, as your avatar portrait appears in conversations, but I’ve played at least one Fire Emblem game that gave you a few face and hair options even if the underlying person was static. You couldn’t necessarily recreate yourself but you could at least craft an individual to your taste. Here I was stuck with a pair that I’ll call the Rune Kids.

The Rune Kids were… not to my taste. They both look like 13 year olds who make eccentric glove choices. I cannot fully express my hatred of the weird leather halter with…boob… loops(?) that the female avatar wears. Why is it there. What does it do. Why are there a few chain links clipped to just one boob loop. WHAT IS HAPPENING.

My consolation was a clothing store that became available relatively early in the game. It had simple options like palette swaps of your regular clothes as well as specialty outfits like pajamas and mascot costumes. You better believe I spent most of my game kicking absolute ass in an adorable lamby outfit.

Usually I start a game like this as a female avatar, with the intention of going back and playing as a male if I like the Lady Friends enough to court one of them once I’ve gone through the Gentleman Callers. More on that later. The last thing I’ll say is that the selection mechanic for gender is mad dumb. You are up in your airship and how you remark about the altitude determines your swimsuit area. If you think it’s cool, you’re a dude. If you think it’s scary, you’re ladydude. Games, don’t do this. I hate it so much. Just let me say ‘girl’ instead of passing weird judgments about genders. Women be scared of heights, am I right bros???

Anyway, then you get down to the usual business of introducing yourself around town and turning your farm from apocalyptic wasteland to usable acreage. What I really liked about this town is that it was a manageable size to make my rounds. In other games, it sometimes feels like it takes your whole day to find and chat with your new buds but in this game, I could say hi to pretty much everyone right in the morning and still have time for farm maintenance and/or adventuring. It’s a nice change of pace because now I could get to know everyone rather than limit myself to a handful of people that are most easily located.

Also great is that the characters don’t have the same thing to say every day! This was a real novelty to me and I loved it. They’ll remark on the weather, talk about recent town events or story beats, unashamedly gossip about people standing in the same room, you name it. Even without the varied conversations, looking at everyone’s portrait during chats was very entertaining for me because whoever designed these characters had NO editor. They threw in every detail they could think of and it made me cackle with glee. Clorica alone seems to be wearing 15 outfits in one and I can’t get enough. Leg o mutton sleeves! Ruffles! Cummberbund somehow tucked into knickerbockers! Suspenders clipped to the cummerbund and therefore doing nothing to keep the shorts up but why would they even be necessary because the cummerbund has buttons so presumably that’s what’s holding it in place? A visual feast.

Farming was both simpler and more complicated than systems in similar games I’ve played. I liked that I earned new seeds by completing challenges, rather than waiting on a particular season. I also liked that I could grow crops year round, no greenhouse or other gimmick required. My yields would be lower, but harvesting a single turnip is better than staring at my frozen farmland and wishing I could do something other than collect various rocks for a full season. On the other hand, RF 4 threw in complications like soil quality and harvest reports. Some days are more auspicious for harvesting certain crops. Some crops deplete your soil more than others, while a few replenish it. The game implies you should be setting up a crop rotation system and regularly checking the harvest report, but I am not about that life. I was probably growing expensive rare seeds in a pile of dry rocks because compulsively checking my soil quality? It’s a no from me, dog.

The animal management mechanic was interesting and a fun divergence from the norm. Rather than acquiring them from a reputable livestock dealer, you take the stranger danger route and lure monsters to your home with treats. Once they’re in your clutches, you can ride them, take them into battle with you, have them perform menial labor on your farm, or just let them laze around producing resources for you. Different monsters yield different products (although some don’t produce anything at all). But… it’s not entirely logical. A cow-like monster I caught early in the game made milk but a nearly identical one with a different color scheme that I came across later produced nothing. Still, it’s kind of fun when your farm can claim things like fairy dust and wolf teeth as produce, and the monsters conveniently drop items every morning rather than requiring special tools to harvest.

The general adventuring was not what drew me to the game so it was basically just an annoying necessity for me. I kept the difficulty on easy and really only ventured out as the story required. I found that any weapons I was capable of forging on my own were woefully underpowered and the ones available through shops were prohibitively expensive, so I fell into a weird pattern of completing requests and doing favors for townsfolk in hopes of being gifted a decent weapon. Crafting and improving weapons also frequently required materials I just didn’t have, and often more energy points than I could even dream of having. To try and beef up my forging skills I was making and then just selling the low level items in my recipe book. In the end it was more bother than I thought was worth it. It was fun with low pressure enemy encounters but when I was spending weeks in-game trying to find something strong enough to actually beat a boss and clear a dungeon, I got real grump.

I also had trouble determining the actual urgency of the story. The game would constantly prompt me to complete a dungeon or investigate an issue, but even playing on easy I would often need several in-game days to get it all resolved. There was no apparent penalty for this so presumably it's a valid way to play. But then as soon as one quest was wrapped up, another would soon follow. It was an odd mix. I felt pressured to move the story along but then my farm would suffer, or else I'd focus on farming while pretending not to see the constant reminders that I had some hero-ing to do. Some breather time between story beats would have improved the balance.

Finally, let’s talk about what really matters: CUTIES. I love a game where I can get married. All games should have this option. If I have to play through a whole game without smooching some cuties then WHY WOULD I EVEN PLAY?

Like similar games, RF4 has an equal number of Lady Friends and Gentleman Callers for you to romance, depending on your gender. As I stated before, I like being able to play games as a girl but might replay as a guy because I usually find the female romance options more… compelling, I guess? Games like this always feel like the makers presume most of their audience will be male and put more work into the female love interests. The writing of this game in particular clearly has a male in mind because my character would sometimes leer at other girls in their bathing suits and the like, despite being unable to have same-sex relationships. I’m getting off topic. My basic point is: it’s slim pickings.

All in all it was easy to build relationships both with love interests and regular ol non-smoochable townsfolk, even if you stuck to talking rather than constantly handing out items. I liked this because in other games I would sometimes have to eliminate a candidate if their tastes were too expensive or outlandish for me to reliably get them gifts. Once I had wooed my favorite Gentleman Caller, I began what I believed were preparations to lock him down. Reader, I tried to marry him. I've played these games. I know all the steps. I could see the room expansions, the double bed purchase, the engagement ring crafting recipe. I was like “I got this.”

I did not, in fact, got that. This game has the most infuriating marriage requirements I have ever experienced. I proposed to my cutie so many times. I had ten hearts! Why was this son of a biscuit constantly turning me down? I gave up. I checked a guide. And I learned that as a lady, I had to wait for him to propose to me. And, to add insult to injury, the required events leading up to his proposal were triggered randomly. I just had to hope I stumbled into the right place at the right time. And I tried. I tried so hard. I spent maybe a month in-game, just hollowly going through the motions on my farm and ambling around trying to trick this game into giving me those sweet sweet smooches. Eventually, and I want you to understand that this would normally be unthinkable to me, I had to just give up the game without marrying. I know. It hurts me in my soul.

So, all in all, I found RF4 enjoyable, and I was happy to learn that the fifth installment will be out later this year. The game balances two very different vibes (farming and RPG) fairly well, even if the execution is not perfect. The story is silly fluff that can be safely ignored while you go about your daily business and explore the map. I would have enjoyed more customization options or at least an avatar that looks old enough to have a driver’s license, but that’s a small issue in the grand scheme of things. I’ll let Mr Unbeatable formally enter this into the books at whatever rank he finds suitable but I would give this game a solid 7. Not approaching the gold standard that is Stardew Valley, but above many of the Harvest Moons I’ve played over the years. Except you, More Friends of Mineral Town. You’re my OG and I’ll love you forever.

Is this the greatest game of all time?: No

Where does it rank: Phil Here - So the only thing i have to go on, is that my wife said its worse than Stardew but better then Harvest Moon: Magical Melody. That means realistically we are talking about any place between 6th and 67th, which is a huge gap. I think the safe bet is to place it pretty close to the middle of those games. So, tentatively I am putting at as the 37th Greatest Game of all time.It is sandwiched between "Super Mario Party" (36th) and "Streets of Rogue" (38th).

This game will remain on my randomizer until I have played it and then can offer my thoughts and see if they match my wife's, in case anyone is worried about the sanctity of this very official list.

Up Next

1. Gravity Falls: The Secret of the Gnome Gemulets (3DS)

2. Multiple "time wasters" (Switch)

3. Blazing Dragons (PS1)

Anyone looking for it: here is the link to the list and more if you are interested in following along with me (this is not a self promotion). Here. I added links on the spreadsheet for quick navigation. Now if you missed a blog of a game you want to read about, you can get to it quickly, rather than having to scroll through my previous blogs wondering when it came up.