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Preload My Drift Into Your Face!

By jakob187 April 17, 2010 8 Comments

IN THIS BLOG:

Pure
Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing
Kick-Ass

Hey, folks! It's been a little longer than usual for me to push a blog out. I know, I know...you missed me. T_T As it stands, there are two primary factors that have led to this delayed blog: paying more attention to my personal life instead of virtual space for once, and I've been working through my head how to reformat this blog for maximum organization and flair. That means you can expect a couple of changes coming, like A HEADER GRAPHIC and *gasp* TITLES TO SECTIONS! That's just the minor stuff. I've got a couple of ideas, but hell...with only 236 followers, it's not like I'm reaching some massive audience. LAWL

So welcome to jakob187's vastly improved, better organized, and more fluent blogosphere!!! Let's get this fucker started. NOTE: this blog will have a bit of length to it, as I have a few extra days worth of shit to fit into it.

Researching Black Rock's Last Game - Pure

I had not gotten the chance to play Pure at all, namely due to the slew of great releases we've seen since that game hit. I love me some racing games, and when you mix tricks into it, then it definitely tickles my fancy. However, I was skeptical of approaching Pure as I'm not very keen on ATV games. Want proof? Look at my achievements and realize that I started playing MX vs. ATV Untamed at one point...and quit very quickly afterwards. It's the necessity of preloading your jumps that kills it for me. And while I say this, I think it's necessary to point out that I was at one point a massive SSX3 junkie. Preloading a jump on that game, however, was intelligent and well-implemented.

I'm sure this won't result in negative repercussions.

In approaching Pure, I knew I was going to have to deftly conquer this one single aspect in order to enjoy the game. Luckily, Black Rock didn't make it a chore and a task, so I quickly realized that this was a game I could enjoy. By "enjoy", I mean "you move real fast, it looks real pretty, I can do insane shit in the air, and I'll hit restart the minute I fuck up on a track because I want to have a good run on a race rather than play catch-up". Believe me - I've hit that fucking restart option A LOT so far. Despite that, the game is pretty good. I don't like the fact that I've gotta fight against 15 other fucking people on the tracks, as there isn't very much room and you'll find yourself in a clusterfuck of mud and metal more often than you'd like. The online is still pretty active in terms of user base, which made me smile...until I realized that everyone is WAAAAAY better at that game than I am. The thing I loved the most? You can build your own ATVs from the ground up with any parts that you've collected from completing races! WHY is this not an option in more games? You physically see the ATV being built piece-by-piece, and it's fucking satisfying for me. It's interesting how you can come up with so many different combinations.

All in all, Pure has me excited about Black Rock's upcoming game, Split/Second. Well, the idea of toppling a tower into the track and completely changing it for the rest of the round already had me sold. Knowing that Black Rock is fully capable of making a fun racing game just added the icing on the cake. = D

Sonic Has A Good Game That Includes His Friends! MIND...EXPLOSION!!!

A good portion of my recent gaming time has gone into playing Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing. Little do many of you know that I was also a Mario Kart freak at one point, as me and my mom would always go over to my grandpa's house, sneak into my uncle's room, and play Mario Kart 64 on his N64 when he wasn't home. Sadly, so many miserable excuses for kart racing games have come out over the years (Crash Bandicoot...Banjo-Kazooie...WWE, I'm looking at you, fuckheads!) that I became incredibly discouraged. Did I seriously have to wait around for Nintendo to release more Mario Kart games? Lo and behold, Sega decided to jump into the arena and it turns out that Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing DOESN'T SUCK! As a matter of fact, it's pretty fucking good.

HEY! I DIDN'T FUCK UP THIS TIME!!! YAY!!!

At first, I was struggling to grasp all the mechanics in the game. I couldn't figure out how to turbo-boost off the line right away, which led me to the internet drastically searching for the answer. Sega, maybe that should've been in the tutorials? Hell, it probably IS there and I just missed it. Regardless, Sega does everything right. Drifting holds a massive purpose in the game, power-ups aren't completely overpowered, knowledge of the tracks and skill do come into play, but the most impressive thing for me is the ultimate fan service that Sega worked into this game. IT HAS ALEX MUTHAFUCKIN' KIDD AND CHU-CHU'S IN IT!!! Yeah, Big the Cat and Amy are in here, but whatever - ignore that shit. Shadow is actually a good character in this, and I've found myself using him a lot. Each vehicle feels pretty different in how it races, so there is a lot of room to play around and find someone who fits your style of racing. I spent a little time online as well, and that system is built pretty well. Any frame rate hitches (which do occur) were from the game, not lag. There didn't seem to be any overpowered characters either, as I saw different people jumping into first every time. The online mode also won't allow you to double up on characters in a track, so you can't have two Sonics or two Shadows running the track at the same time.

Once you hunker down and really spend some time with the game, there's a lot of fun to be had. Everything feels right, and it makes me smile. Also, IT HAS ALEX MUTHAFUCKIN' KIDD!!!

At The Risk Of Sounding Cliche, Kick-Ass Does Indeed Kick Ass

As a comic book fan, I feel a strong obligation to see new comic book-based movies whenever they come out. That doesn't necessarily mean that I go see them all, but it does mean that I feel that obligation. While many don't enjoy the work of Mark Millar (the mastermind behind Kick-Ass as well as Marvel's Civil War, Wanted, and American Jesus), I do. Why? He's over-the-top, vulgar, insulting, and above all else, he sees the world through eyes that I don't have. His stories typically focus on one major idea: take a normal, everyday loser and turn him into a badass.

Shit never gets this graphic in the movie...

I enjoyed Kick-Ass, both as a book and as a movie. While the movie does have its differences from the book (changing Big Daddy's origins and giving away the identity of Red Mist without a twist, Katie returning her feelings for Dave rather than having him beat up, changing Genovese's name to Frank D'Amico...the list goes on and on), they both serve their own purposes. The book was meant to talk shit about a medium filled with spandex-wearing muscle-bound superheroes, as well as point out that the good guys aren't always so good - they can also end up being murdering bastards. There's definitely a coming-of-age story somewhere in there beneath the profanity and the blood, but we really only care about two things: how Dave handles becoming a household name, and how Mindy deals with the mob.

While some may say that the film is a morally-deprived piece of trash (Roger Ebert), I found it to be quite tame in comparison to my expectations. The blood that gets spewed isn't nearly as graphic as the book. Then again, when you have an 11-year-old girl calling a bunch of doods "cunts" and cutting them up with the face of a stone-cold killer, teenagers fucking in a back alley, and profanity thrown out without question, then I would think that the blood needs to get toned down to hold on to your R rating. Nonetheless, the movie almost plays out as two films - the first half focusing on the awkwardness and struggle of Dave becoming Kick-Ass, the second half focusing on Big Daddy and Hit-Girl's revenge against mob boss Frank D'Amico. It's half Superbad, half Kill Bill...but it's all fun! I had already seen about 20-30 minutes of the film through red-band trailers, internet clips, etc...and all of those parts were STILL fun when I saw them on the big screen! It's rare that a movie can deliver that level of fun.

Did I mention that the movie is fun? Yeah, it's over-the-top and kind of dumb...but it's not meant to be an Oscar-winning flick. The acting is on par for what the roles require, the action is perfectly legit, the comedy will definitely muster some laughter out of your crabby ass. It's a movie. You know? Those things you go to see in order to suspend disbelief, have some fun, and enjoy the company of some friends? So do what I did - stop whining about how the movie isn't perfect and just enjoy it. = D

That's it for this week, folks. Until next time, piece.

8 Comments

Yeah, I'm a Mad Achievement Whore...

By jakob187 April 8, 2010 4 Comments

...so I'm making this blog for my Giant Bomb quest to be completed. Sue me!

4 Comments

My Coffee Told Me I Was Going To Write This Blog

By jakob187 April 7, 2010 76 Comments

Aside from the occasional night of Bad Company 2 and a little time with Just Cause 2 and NFS Shift over the last week, I haven't really been playing anything. Real life has stepped in and helped open my eyes to the idea of getting off my fat ass and actually doing things. Instead, I've been sitting back and watching as this microcosm called the gaming industry unfolds, seeing what crazy shit we're getting ourselves into.

Oh, and I've been watching the Endurance Run...like so many others. You know what it's made me come to the conclusion of? Some of you people are real sticklers.

Destructoid said it best. There are worse ways to spend $20.

Some of the comments that have been made over the last few days, specifically because of Deadly Premonition, just kind of sickens me. When the FUCK did we get so serious, people? Right, we didn't get serious, because we've all been unlocking achievement after achievement in Just Cause 2 where we've been tethering muthafuckers to streetlights and whipping them with a grappling hook.

However, you would almost think that we DID become too serious about our medium at some point. There's something that I love about video games that many of you may not agree with - the fact that you can be as fucking stupid crazy as you want...and you can get away with it.

An Italian plumber warps down tall green pipes and jumps on living mushrooms while collecting coins and stars? Top-selling franchise.
Big yellow pizza chomps down super pills so he can eat dark blue ghosts? Hot shit in the arcades.
Androgynous male is the only one who can save the world from complete annihilation with a rag-tag party of misfits...while riding a giant yellow chicken? Best-selling RPG franchise ever.

Now, I'm not saying that Deadly Premonition is on the same par as these classic franchises, but I am saying that ridiculous is not a reason to hate something. Our entire medium was FOUNDED on the idea that you can make games out of anything. Got a crazy idea? It'd probably make even a decent half-assed game.

How can you hate a character as quirky as York...or Zach?

So why is there really so much hate for Deadly Premonition right now? Is it SOLELY because it is an Xbox 360 game that looks like an early PS2 game? Is it because the controls feel like it's from 2001? Is it solely because of the fact that a company was given a very limited budget almost four years ago and they did the best they could with the budget they had available? The only comments I've seen are "it's a bad game".

Hell, Max Payne controlled like shit and was a completely weird fucking idea...and we hail that thing as being the goddamn messiah at times!

Maybe you people are right. This world should only be filled with God of War and Modern Warfare and Half-Life and Mass Effect and games that are super serious and have high production values. No one should take a chance on a wacky game that has a ton of charm and happens to be cheaper than both their cell phone bill and a tank of gas.

Seriously, it's $20. Hell, it's $15 on Amazon, and you can probably find it even cheaper than that elsewhere. You make it sound like it's a massive burn to buy this game and enjoy its zaniness. You know what was a real burn at $60? Brutal Legend. Hell, even Darkest of Days cost $60 brand new when it came out...and THAT is a horrendous game. I know, I've played it.

Look, folks - you can hate for whatever reason you want. I'm no one to tell you what you do and don't like. However, if you are merely going to shit on a game because a development team was given a minimal budget and they took a chance on doing something with their game that was completely out of the ordinary from what every other fucking development studio is doing nowadays, then maybe we should stick to the cookie cutter bullshit that you consistently seem to hail as being so goddamn magnificent.

I'll be grabbing my copy of Deadly Premonition next Monday, because if these guys were capable of making something this much of a phenomenon off a low budget...and then offer it at $20, then I'm more than willing to give it a chance.

Until next time, piece.

P.S. - I'm enjoying the hell out of the ER.

76 Comments

Do You Get Annoyed When People Ask If A Game Is "Good"?

By jakob187 March 18, 2010 100 Comments

I hear this question on a daily basis:

"Hey, is that game any good?"

Most people may not know me very well, but some might - I'm a G-A-M-E-R. I play all kinds of games, many games which the average person asking me that question have probably never heard of. People always seem to find it rude when I tell them, "my definition of good and your definition of good are totally different". I don't think that's a rude statement at all, as I also follow it with this statement:

"Ever heard of Katamari Damacy? No? I love that game. You roll a ball around and pick stuff up. That's it." They think I'm joking when I say this, but I'm not.

In my line of work, you see tons of kids on a regular basis that think the idea of a "good" game is blood, guts, gore, violence, guns, shooting, death, murder, maiming, dismemberment...and don't get me wrong - I love that stuff. I adore that stuff. However, it is NOT what makes a good game. There is so much more, and people are so unwilling to warp their senses just a tad bit and give in to F-U-N. Instead, they want something that cusses seven hundred times in a minute and acts macho.

...and when they ask me "is that game any good?", that's basically what they are asking...or so I assume.

So does it annoy anyone else when that question is asked of them, or is it seriously just me? Give us some of your experiences. I'm really curious to see how often this question comes up and what the typical replies are to it.

100 Comments

You Got Knoxx'd The Fuggout!!!

By jakob187 March 17, 2010 1 Comments

Last week, I blogged that I would be getting into The Secret Armory of General Knoxx. I've done so, and after dying about 30 times within 20 minutes...even WITH corrosive weapons...within the first two or three quests of the DLC...I can tell that doing this solo just ain't gonna fucking happen. So, as my title implies...I've been Knoxx'd the fuggout!!! The chances of me getting into this DLC in the near future is very slim, so sadly, I think I will give this simple review: IT'S FUCKING TOUGH!!!

Soooo...my gaming time has been pre-occupied with a catch-up game from last year as well as, you guessed it, more Bad Company 2. That catch-up title is Fairytale Fights.

Try heavy pads next time, Red.

In talking about Fairytale Fights, I think it's only proper to point out something before continuing on about it - there are just some times in your gaming life where you want brainless action where you cut some muthafuckers up and watch 'em bleed like a stuck hog. If that's not your cup o' tea, then Fairytale Fights isn't for you. If you do fit into that twisted and sadistic bunch, then you'll find more pleasure in it than that previous lot of prudes. The game isn't great by any means. It's essentially Gauntlet Legends with a cutesy art style, dynamic slicing, and volumetric liquids. You can cut some fools up like crazy, but the combat is incredibly basic. Everything is mapped to the right thumbstick, so those Too Human veterans out there already know what they're getting into. The environments are pretty cool, albeit the chapters are LOOOOOOONG and there's no save points or autosaves between the beginning and end of a chapter. Therefore, if you are planning on getting through and holding onto your monies and stats, then you need to at least plan about an hour or so out of your time to tackle the chapters...

...and THAT is where my biggest problem with the game is. The pacing is TERRIBLE! Had the areas been a bit shorter, offered an autosave setup within the chapters so you didn't lose progress, and offered up a bit more variety in the combat, this game could've been a really damn fine title. Instead, I feel like I'm drudging through shit that I don't want to drudge through. I'm all for extreme violence (I only wrote the page for it), but you cannot honestly make that the sole factor to sell your game.

The amount of blood in this game is INSANE!

The co-op play is something interesting, though. Since the game supports four-player local play, I hopped on with some buddies and we all started hacking 'n' slashing as four Naked Emperors. Shortly after realizing that we can't take the game seriously when we are capable of killing each other repeatedly with Friendly Fire on, we quickly stopped our massive blood orgy of slicing doom and switched that feature off. The game plays alright with multiple people on the same screen, but some of the platforming becomes increasingly difficult...especially when your buddies keep pushing you off the fucking edge and killing you.

I'd recommend the game for anyone looking for the occasional piece of fun with friends or achievement whores, as the achievements are definitely challenging in many ways. Other than that, just rent it or get it on the SUPER cheaps.

In the world of Battlefield, I've hit rank 25 and unlocked everything. I've also busted out 935 gamerpoints on the game, and it's been an incredibly fun journey. I can feel some of the fatigue already setting in, as there's nothing else to get for me other than skill level. However, the Xbox Live community has...well, done exactly what I expected would happen - found ways to make the game no fun at all:

Your own team throwing infinite landmines on the crates you are supposed to be defending, and then blowing it up to make you lose
Getting pissed that you are trying to PLAY THE GAME when they are trying to whore their squad score with attack/defend order and crate damage
Making no effort to actually do anything but snipe, leading to your team's inevitable demise

These are only a few of the many reasons that I've stuck with Squad Deathmatch so much. I ALWAYS have three buddies to roll with, and we rape in SDM. Last night, we had one of our tightest matches yet: a full server, and we won. The final scores?

It was fucking epic in all ways possible, and it really shows how fun this game can be when people actually play it and not act like fuckwits.

However, aside from the occasional moments with my buddies, I'm going to be putting more time into finishing out some other achievements and such. I'm just over 2k shy of 50,000. Any ideas of what achievement I could use to milestone it? I was thinking Dead Space on Impossible difficulty for an S-rank. If you've got something better, let me know.

Until next time, piece.

1 Comments

Breaking My Heart Like You're Breaking My Discs

By jakob187 March 9, 2010 27 Comments

Folks, I write these blogs week after week for a couple of reasons, some of which you may know and others you may not.

I like conversation. Being that I am a Gemini, it's in the stars for me. I'm a talkative kind of guy that loves to hold discussions, have arguments, debate issues, or just general random chit-chat.
I'm opinionated as fuck, and those opinions need to go somewhere. Whether someone wants to hear them or not, they can't just sit in my head all day long. It's one of the main reasons I spent three years running an independent game review website, wrote album reviews for the high school newspaper as a "freelance journalist", and am generally considered by those close to me as the most trustworthy source for an opinion on entertainment products.
I appreciate this community. Given that these are the only forums that I visit, as well as the only gaming website that I bother with, there is something about blogging on Giant Bomb that you just don't get anywhere else. I don't know what it is exactly, but it's there. Therefore, a big thank you to all the people who have continued to follow my blogs as well as comment on them.

The reason I point this out is because this blog isn't going to necessarily have to do with any particular games that I've been playing. If you pay attention to achievement tracking, you can tell that I've been playing the shit out of Bad Company 2, and most of my points from last week's blog still hold up this week...with the addition that Conquest Mode sucks royal ballsacks.

The recent bane of my fucking existence!!!

No, this week's blog is instead dedicated to a growing issue that I have with a particular part of the gaming industry: the game case. That's right, I'm about to write a complaint about the cases we actually keep our games in.

Game cases are a fine, delicate art. Recently, many companies have been moving to a "green" packaging, where about 20% of the plastic is not present (reducing the weight to 47g, down from 66g three years ago) in order to both save some money on manufacturing costs as well as provide the idea that the company is saving the environment (which the publishers say is actually because retailers have been complaining about packaging over the last three years). Now, maybe I'm in a very different boat with this because of where exactly it is that I work, but these new "green" cases have been leading to a lot of discs cracking in the middle, registering the game unplayable. The problem is the center piece that the disc sits on, which has very very very small pegs sticking out on the sides, which rubs into the disc itself every time you pull the game out.

Here's a total tally of games that we've seen cracks in at work:

Modern Warfare 2 - 3 copies
Left 4 Dead 2 - 5 copies
Guitar Hero 5 - 1 copy
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - 1 copy
LEGO Indiana Jones - 1 copy

As if these "green" cases aren't bad enough, there are also the three-prong centered cases. This has caused 3 copies of World at War and 1 copy of Fallout 3 to get cracked in the middle as well.

Ladies and gentlemen, we'll complain about a lot of things here on the internet. I know that I take good care of discs, and I make sure to apply the proper amount of pressure for the disc to come out of a case without these cracks developing. Hell, I'm one of the few people I've ever seen that actually holds a disc by its edges to place it into the tray!!! However, with these new "green" cases, even the proper amount of pressure will lead to eventual cracks in the disc.

Is this a practice we should stand for? These companies KNOW that they are casing their products in something that could potentially damage the disc. We pay a good $60 for each game, and THIS is what we are given? It's not a travesty, and it's not a shame - it's a goddamn crime!!!

Again, I'm aware that because of where I work, I have to switch out games on a regular basis, meaning that our copies will get far more wear and tear than the average household consumer's product will. Nonetheless, there are copies of Crimson Skies, Halo, and many other games that are far older than Modern Warfare 2 and Left 4 Dead 2 that HAVE NOT cracked, HAVE NOT become unreadable, and HAVE NOT had any issues on any machine at any point.

I know that I'm not the only one who is having these kinds of issues. What can the average consumer do to prevent this from continuing to happen? With more and more games getting put into these cases, when will it get to the point that we cannot have a game without it wearing and tearing over time because we are simply trying to get it out of the case?

Until next time, piece.

P.S. - One small point about games that I've been playing: THE SECRET ARMORY OF GENERAL KNOXX IS TOUGH AS FUCK!!!

27 Comments

I Tried, But I Just Can't Auto-Balance This Blog

By jakob187 March 2, 2010 5 Comments

Last week, I skipped doing a blog. Why? I decided to not play any video games and instead just get hammered every night after work. To be honest with you, folks, I just didn't feel like playing any fucking video games!

However, as of yesterday, I've picked up back up full force. >.> <.< Okay, maybe at 75% force. Fuck, fine...it's about half force, and that number will probably fluctuate a bit more over the weeks. As it would be, I found a social life last week, and it's kind of hard to let go of that kind of thing when you realize that video games are essentially just a way for you to STOP being social. It's interesting how gaming has constantly tried to work this idea of "social" into their infrastructure, and yet you can actually GO OUT and do something and say to yourself, "video games just aren't as social as I thought they were". But enough with the philosophy...ON TO THE GAMES!

Expect a full report about this dood next week...maybe...

I picked up The Secret Armory of General Knoxx for one of my favorite games from 2009, Borderlands. Sadly, I haven't gotten to even jump into it...because 1.66GB is a big fucking download, eh?! I did watch the Quick Look that the guys have up, and it looks like something I'll enjoy thoroughly. I was also going to pick up Underdome Riot...but I just couldn't bring myself to justify its purchase over The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom!

AND WHAT A LOVELY LITTLE GAME! If there were to be some form of "Portal" coming out this year, then Winterbottom is it for me. The art style is quite a nice change, the story is pretty funny, and the puzzles are definitely some brain-teasers! I'm up to the third movie right now, and the gears that it's been grinding in my noggin have been causing the smell of burning almonds to spew from my ears. I haven't gotten THOROUGHLY stuck on any of the puzzles yet, but then again, I haven't tried any of the shorts yet. From what I'm to understand, that's where I'm going to be sitting at my chair, scratching my head like a monkey, then probably saying "fuck it" and plugging in my copy of Battlefield Bad Company 2.

Big appetite for a short dood.

So yeah, there's going to be a million posts and a million blogs talking about it in the course of the next week or two, so let's get on with it. I love me some Battlefield, folks. I really really do. Having played the PC beta and the 360 demo for close to a month now, I've been NEEDING this game in my hands to wash the increasing taste of foulness that Modern Warfare 2 has left in my mouth. Don't get me wrong, I like Modern Warfare 2. I'm not going to be that guy that exclaims in a "from the rooftops" way that Bad Company 2 is somehow the same kind of first-person shooter experience as Modern Warfare 2 and that it is in some way "better" than Modern Warfare 2. I will simply be the guy that says "I really really like Bad Company 2".

I think we already know the main things people dig about Bad Company 2: no more bullet sponges, armor is more vulnerable, the general feel of the guns, the much improved hit detection and hit boxes - there are a slew of great things. Mix all that with full destruction and massive explosions, and I'm a happy dood. There is one thing, however, that goes above and beyond the expectations of a video game - AMAZING FUCKING MENUS! If Game of the Year awards were decided solely on the menus... DICE has done an absolutely stellar job of making my gaming time far less frustrating. Wanna know who is online and playing BC2? It's on your in-game screen. Want to start a squad and send some invites? It's on your in-game screen. You don't ever have to see the fucking Xbox Live menus! YOU DON'T HAVE TO SEE THE FUCKING XBOX LIVE MENUS, PEOPLE!!! It's all right at your fingertips. There's a fucking menu solely for the DLC content, and while it's not working great at the moment, IT'S STILL FUCKING THERE!!!

Game developers worldwide, may I have your attention? TAKE FUCKING NOTE OF THIS GAME'S MENUS!!! I haven't seen anything this slick since Grid.

HOWEVER...that doesn't mean there aren't negatives.

IT'S OUR GREATST ARCH-NEMESIS: HELICOPTER!!!

As me and a buddy were playing Rush mode last night and wondering how we were getting stomped so bad last night, constantly yelling "where the FUCK is our team at?"...we quickly realized that we WERE the team. The two of us as Attackers...versus seven others as Defenders. What...the fuck? Now, maybe it's just me, but auto-balance has always been a relatively common feature in Battlefield games of yesteryear. Therefore, why should I be fucking condemned because a bunch of shit-for-brains no-skill muthafucks decided to jump ship because they suck so bad that they can't even arm a charge on a box as big as them? The lack of auto-balance is bullshit, and it's not just something that you find in Rush Mode - it's in EVERY mode. There's also a lack of timer on Squad Deathmatch. I mean, don't get me wrong - I love the tension that can be found in this mode, as you never know who is sniping and who isn't, and there's no objective other than "kill some rowdy cocksuckers". However, when EVERYONE wants to snipe, it turns into a 45 minute snipefest of sitting around and doing nothing. Sure, you can decide NOT to snipe, but that's like deciding to use a cactus to perform a colonoscopy - it's gonna get you fucked up.

I also have an issue with these exclusive "limited edition multiplayer unlocks". It's not that they aren't awesome...because they are INCREDIBLY awesome. The Thompson is a beast while still not being super overpowered or anything. The problem resides in the fact that using those weapons fucks you out of getting pins and medals because they are not classified as submachine guns and whatnot. It's stupid. Don't tell people "hey, we'll give you cool shit if you buy the game new"...and then keep parts of the game locked up because you are using those exclusive weapons, DICE. Bad form.

Yeah, dood. Shit still blows up all pretty-like.

Other than that, the only other issue I have is the one I've continually bitched about since the first game: allowing the Rush crates to be destroyed by explosives. It was a major problem in the betas and the demos, and it continues to be something that chaps my hide. Here's this superbly envisioned game with so many complicated little mechanics to it, and you're going to make it as simple as sitting back in two tanks with repair guys behind them, shooting a fucking cannon at the crates and giving the defending team that much less of a chance to do anything? It's forcing people to play your game in a way that they don't want to play it. I don't want to HAVE to be an engineer all the time because I can't get close enough to C4 the fucking tanks. I don't want to HAVE to shoot seven hundred rocket launchers at a fucking tank because you have two guys in the back just playing "Repair the Tank and Whore Points" for the whole damn match.

DICE, may I have your attention? TAKE OUT EXPLOSIVE DAMAGE TO CRATES!!! If not that, as least make it an INSANE amount of damage. Don't build an objective-based mode...and then take out the strategy and objective portion of that mode. Force people to get in there, have a fight, and create war!!!

Anyways, /rant. I'm looking forward to the coming months of playing that game's multiplayer, and I'll be digging into the single player at some point this week also. Hopefully, I'll be able to get some time in with General Knoxx as well...

Until next time, PIECE!!!

P.S. - I forgot to mention - go see The Crazies. Excellent fucking movie that absolutely does the original justice while also being its own thing. Thoroughly impressed. Also, sorry for the lack of pictures lately. I'll probably start doing that again when I give more of a shit about getting it done. = /

5 Comments

Daddy, You'll Never Hurt Me......Right?

By jakob187 February 16, 2010 30 Comments

As you might've guessed, either I knocked a chick up and we had a kid that grew up enough to speak over the last week and need some parenting lessons...or I've been playing Bioshock 2. If you guessed the latter, then you win.

Let's get this out of the way: I know, you don't think the game needed a sequel, Ken Levine didn't work on it, and you refuse to pull that dick out of your ass that's causing you to be so close-minded. We get it. I was never one of the those guys for two major reasons:

The first game was cool as fuck, and more of that is totally welcome
...the first game was cool as fuck, and more of that is TOTALLY welcome

But I digress, folks. Let's talk about the game. It's pretty good. Actually, it's really good. You know what? Fuck it - I like it more than the first game. I haven't been through the entire single player yet (and in case you couldn't tell from the title, I'm playing it evil as FUCK), but so far, the story in it is pretty nifty and I'm really enjoying the environments quite a bit. Granted, the environments don't feel as memorable as the first game (trying to compare Fort Frolic to something like Siren Alley, however, is an apples-to-oranges comparison IMO), but they serve the purpose and the story quite well. Playing as a Big Daddy may seem a bit slow-paced and overpowered, but it most certainly is not. The variety of weapons you'll use are both creative and interesting in how they fill specific archetypes in the "pistol/shotgun/sniper rifle/machine gun" kind of way, and all the weapons feel damn good. You'll still be able to pick up separate types of ammo (such as anti-personnel rounds and armor-piercing rounds for your machine gun), and all this lends to the new research setup quite a bit more. Instead of just snapping pictures over and over, you'll now have a form of "video camera" that allows you to actively capture your fights with enemies, and you'll be graded based on your variety of attacks after the fight is complete. The only real bummer is that you'll have to actually equip your camera where your weapon is, which means that researching during big groups can be rather difficult, and you'll probably just say "fuck it" and kick some ass.

The story is pretty intriguing to me so far. It's definitely a bit of a side story to everything that occurred in Bioshock, but there is an interesting layer of depth there if you'd like to search into it. As Subject Delta, you are "decommissioned" about a year before the events of Bioshock at the beginning of the game, but then wake up 10 years later to find Rapture in shambles. A lady named Sofia Lamb, who you find out had quite the feud with Andrew Ryan, and it would seem she's restarted the Little Sister program. You are on a mission to find Sofia's daughter, Eleanor, as she is your assigned Little Sister...and without her, you'll die. Amidst all the audio logs and cutscenes and such, the real star of the story would be the moments of arguing between Ryan and Lamb via audio logs about their vision of Rapture. In short...you might change your point of view about Andrew Ryan after playing this game (as I know that I have).

I could try to go on about a million different things, like how the dual wielding feels right and the different levels of plasmids are excellently crafted, but let's face it - this is Bioshock with some enhancements. If you played Bioshock, then imagine that with more logical shooting mechanics and a more linear level design, and you'll get it. Big Daddies are still tough as fuck to beat, while the Big Sisters are pretty stout as well but rather infrequent to encounter. I have a feeling that I know where this story is already going, but regardless, I'm enjoying it.

The reason I haven't finished the single player yet, besides the fact that I keep exploring every fucking inch of every level for way longer than I should, is because of the multiplayer. Folks, whether you like the idea of multiplayer being added to Bioshock 2 or not...it's awesome. It holds a very basic structure: shoot the shit out of people while playing in modes like deathmatch, team deathmatch, CTF, domination, oddball, and Horde mode. However, the multiplayer actually has a story to it that serves as a literal up-to-the-last-minute prequel to Bioshock, where the denizens of Rapture are fighting it out in support of Atlas or Ryan. There are six distinct characters to choose from when playing, and each has their own backstory and significance to the world of Rapture that you can discover by listening to the audio logs in your apartment. This apartment serves as a central hub as well as a fancy menu for your basic customization menus and such. Aside from the story, there is a decidedly Bioshock feel to the way the multiplayer works. There are 40 ranks, and each will unlock something new to play around with, whether it's a plasmid or an augmentation for your weaponry or a gene tonic...hell, even new ways to make your character look. Certain elements come into play that serve a significant purpose, like researching someone's dead body for a damage bonus against that person until they kill you (and the bonus is definitely noticeable). There's also turrets scattered around each map that can be hacked, and in most of the modes, there's an opportunity for players to become the Big Daddy and wreck mad amounts of face. All the researching and hacking takes little to no time to complete, so it becomes a natural thing to do rather than feeling like a chore. You can also charge up plasmids for bigger effects, but your Eve will drain while the plasmid is charging and the end result will lead to a massive chunk of Eve taken away. Eve doesn't regenerate unless you have the tonic equipped for it, but there are hypos laying around everywhere on the maps, including in vending machines that can also be hacked and subsequently lead to blowing someone up.

In short, it feels like a mix between traditional FPS multiplayer with an insanity and craziness that seems a bit influenced by the early days of Team Fortress 2. Yeah, the multiplayer is good enough to make me bust to level 20 in the course of about 8 hours played time in it. Will I continue with it after I hit rank 40? Probably not, but solely because Bad Company 2 will be out by then.

To close this blog, I have to say that people need to start being a bit more open-minded about their sequels, and Bioshock 2 proves that in a big way. This game is in no way some form of disrespect to the original title, and for me, it didn't take away anything "special" that the first game had. I can understand the skepticism, but I cannot understand the outright "I will not play this, it should not exist, this is bullshit". People will drool over the next iteration of "insert military shooter here", but an original type of shooter with a unique concept offers a sequel and PEOPLE COMPLAIN? It just makes no sense other than placing loyalties in a specific person without realizing there are way more people behind that person creating the game.

Buy Bioshock 2. If you loved the first game, then you are getting more of that same excellence with much better gameplay mechanics. If you didn't love the first game, I don't know what to tell you. If you are one of the naysayers, play Bioshock 2 and tell me you didn't enjoy the shit out of it...because that's very difficult for me to believe after my time with the title.

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I Went To Hell And All I Got Was This Mediocre Video Game

By jakob187 February 10, 2010 47 Comments

Dante's Inferno is out. I know, I know...I was a strong supporter of this game, and in some ways, I still am. However, well...it's a rental at best. If you care to read on as to why, please do. If not, then just take that first sentence with you and move on.

Let's get something out of the way: yes, Dante's Inferno doesn't step-by-step follow the epic poem, and it is also a God of War clone through and through. You'll be going through a lot of context-sensitive battle sequences, exploring a relatively linear pathway through the entire game, collectibles are to be had, boobs are everywhere, and people whose names you are familiar with from ancient history are present. However, it goes beyond that...but we'll get to that in a second.

Visceral's interpretation of Dante's interpretation of the nine circles of Hell is the big stunner here, as it is very well-realized. In all honesty, Visceral has put a lot of work into creating one of the best game worlds in existence. Each circle is instantly distinguishable from any other circle, and many of them do follow at least a few descriptions from the poem. Fraud is made up of the ten rings of Malebolge, Violence is made up of the three rings of violent acts, Anger is a giant marsh that leads to the River Styx, and Treachery (or Treason as it's known in the poem) is a frozen tundra of solitude. Yes, I'm aware I just named off the lower circles outside of the City of Dis...which is little more than an afterthought in the game (and a slightly annoying sequence to be honest). Heresy was pretty forgettable, but the upper circles were anything but! Limbo and the role of Acheron were incredibly unique. Gluttony is easily the most memorable of them all, only rivaled personally by Lust (mainly because of all the phallic objects and boobs that make you think "I can't believe they got away with this"). Even Greed was an interesting place. In short, the environments are incredible to see and feel like...in some ways...like Dante's vision of Hell was realized in a competent and well-organized manner.

Unfortunately, that's about where it stops. From the small demo that had been released, we knew there was God of War-styled combat as well as some form of talent tree. That combat...feels exactly like God of War...the game released in 2005. It's stale, it's rigid, and it causes the game to feel archaic. This could easily be attributed to the recent playthroughs I had of Darksiders and Bayonetta, which was a great one-two hit of combat for the new decade. For being a company whose last game was able to rip off someone else's gameplay and make it BETTER (Dead Space in comparison to Resident Evil 4), Dante's Inferno is a step backwards. At higher difficulty levels, the combat isn't nearly as responsive and sensitive as it should be, leading to many frustrating deaths and moments where you feel like...well...you're in video game Hell. Even when the responsiveness and sensitivity feel right, there's little else to do other than either spam light attacks, spam cross attacks, or spam heavy attacks. The talent tree of Unholy focuses on your physical scythe attacks, but none of those moves are in any way logical to beating the game on higher difficulties. Meanwhile, the Holy tree focuses on magic and your cross...and none of THOSE even feel logical in the higher difficulties. Basically, Visceral made the combat...a primary focus of the game...thoroughly uninteresting. Yeah, the combat in God of War was a bit grinding as well...but there was also that sweet and brutal context-sensitive death sequence that you were building up to. You know, the one where Kratos was sticking his sword down someone's throat and then ripping out their eyeballs and skull-fucking them while cackling like a lunatic and then decapitating a dead baby. Dante's Inferno just doesn't have that kind of brutality to it, AND IT TAKES PLACE IN HELL! I guess sacrificing the blood and violence, the lamenting and pain of it all...was alright as long as there are tons of virtual tits? No me gusta, folks. No me gusta.

As for story, Dante's Inferno takes a poem wrought with detail and emotion and turns it into little more than a "bigger dick" contest between Dante and Lucifer...until the final moments of the game, where you realize the real intentions that come off like some sad version of Timothy Olyphant in Live Free or Die Hard saying "hahaha I'm a mad genius hellbent on world domination". Okay, sure...that wasn't Tim's intentions, but it's the general feeling I got when Lucifer uttered the words, "let us take over Purgatory and Paradise", thereby degenerating this game into a very generic category of storytelling. Up until that point, however, they had done a really good job of showing the emotion that Dante feels over Beatrice's soul being lost in Hell and his lament for it. There is also some interesting backstory given to him thanks to his escapades in the Crusades (talking about the game here, so don't start in about the book), as the cross in his chest is adorned with images of Dante having committed all sins that can put him in each one of the circles of Hell without a thought. Acheron delivers a great line at the beginning of the game upon meeting Dante. Dante says "My life, my soul for Beatrice", to which Acheron replies "You fool. Those already belong to us". The journey afterwards is a walkthrough of Dante's mistakes and shortcomings, and it really made me empathize with him. I'm far from perfect and have committed my own sins, as have many of you, so for a company to make me empathize with a sinner such as Dante was an amazing accomplishment. Then I was quickly thrown back into this "bigger dick" contest...and it just made me angry.

One of the things that Visceral received a million pounds of praise for in Dead Space was their sound design. Due to this critical praise, it was a heart-sinking feeling for me when the sound started glitching out upon restarts after dying. There were also some issues with mixing that just bugged me, such as the levels of fart noises in Gluttony and moans in Lust in comparison to the action that was occurring. These didn't impact me in any way other than "wow, that's loud and kind of unnecessary". The voice acting was well-done, although breaking up Virgil's commentaries into pieces that make you constantly have to push a button again to hear him talk more...was a stupid design choice. One of the best parts of the game itself is hearing Virgil's commentaries on the circle of Hell, who resides there, who guards it, how it's playing into this story being told, etc...and you want me to push a button up to three times to hear everything...rather than just playing it all out in one fluid piece? It just makes NO sense for anything other than an achievement in the game.

Much like Dead Space before it, beating Dante's Inferno unlocks a ton of stuff depending on the difficulty that you play on, including costumes, a New Game Plus feature called Redemption Mode, and a side thing called The Gates of Hell Arena. This puts you through 50 waves of varying enemies, and once you complete it, you'll get an achievement. Unfortunately, this doesn't work like the Challenges of the Gods in the first God of War. You can change the difficulty on-the-fly both in the Arena as well as any time in the main game, meaning that you can play through it on the lowest difficulty and BREEZE through it. There is a bit of a competitive side to it all, as you are given a timestamp of completion and other little features...but none of it matters.

That's my biggest issue with Dante's Inferno - it's just not rewarding. Going through Hell unlocks a couple of costumes? Bleck. Gates of Hell Arena? It's a throw-away Horde mode in an action game. The combat? It's unflattering and unvaried. Really, the only way I can enjoy this game is merely looking at it as I look at the poem: a tour through Hell. When you look at it in this light, it's actually pretty fucking awesome. Like I said before, there are few environments that have been as well-realized as Hell is in Dante's Inferno. That's just not enough to keep it in your library of games, though.

Take the trip to Hell, folks...but don't do it for more than a rental.

Hopefully, I'll finish these achievements out tonight...and then get Bioshock 2 sometime this week instead.

Until next time...a saddened PIECE to all...

P.S. -- Fuck the way they handled Treachery. I'm sorry, but Lucifer was a three-headed fucking demon that was gnawing on Judas, Brutus, and Cassius. I was okay with the liberties taken all the way up to that point...but the way that Lucifer was handled...and moreover, the general disregard of Lucifer being a pussy frozen in his own tears...THAT really pissed me off.

47 Comments

Bad Company 2 RAWR RAWR RAWR!

By jakob187 February 3, 2010 23 Comments

There's a lot that I'd LOVE to talk about this week, but unfortunately, I just don't feel like writing that damn much, folks. Given the recent change in my schedule at work to less hours per shift but still being full-time, it means I have less time for free roaming the interwebz. Nonetheless, I'll still deliver my blogs...but whether they will continue to be weekly or not is a different story. It doesn't really matter, as there are a total of...like...four of you that read it. LOL

I went "game crazy" this week, picking up three older games: Dead Space (to finish out the achievements finally for an S rank), Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts (because it was cheap and I wanted to play it again), and the first Mass Effect (because I've never played it).

This is the part where I'd give you a big, long monologue about what I think of Mass Effect. Frankly, I can't tell you what I think because it goes like this:

I've been angry with Bioware ever since my ordeal with Dragon Age Origins. In turn, I swore off of Bioware's products until they delivered a patch for Dragon Age Origins. However, with the release of Mass Effect 2, I realized that I had never played the first one, and I really just wanted to check it out. In turn, it was on the cheaps, and I figured "what the hell"...decided to give Bioware a second chance. I'm four hours into the game so far, and most of what I've done is walk around and talk to people. It's interesting, but not as interesting as Dragon Age Origins.

Other than that, there ya go. Chances are you've all played the game more than I have, so I really don't need to sit here and say anything more about the game, let alone give my opinion on it. I've merely done some light walking and staring at numbers on screens.

Crap, I think that's the first time I've ever said I'm not giving my opinion on it. LOL

What I WILL give my opinion on is the recent hoopla over a little demo that has recently hit - namely Battlefield: Bad Company 2. I've seen a lot of bitching on the forums lately about this demo...and more importantly, this game...being bad. For those of you who feel that way, here's a small checklist to go over and find out if your opinion actually matters about this:

Have you used the words "Modern Warfare 2" anywhere in your argument? If so, FAIL!

So...anyone see where I'm going with this yet?

Frankly, I find it to be incredibly silly that many of the arguments and negative opinions that have been coming up specifically note phrases such as "MW2 is better" or "it's not as good as Modern Warfare 2"...etc etc etc. Folks...this is Battlefield, not Call of Duty or Modern Warfare. This is not about deathmatches and low number team tactical matches. This is about massive maps and bleeding tickets. There is a much more methodical pace to a Battlefield game than Modern Warfare 2.

What it boils down to: if you have to use the words "it's not as good as Modern Warfare 2", taste gun barrel. Please.

With that said, the demo for Bad Company 2 guaranteed a pre-order out of me. Port Valdez is a well-designed map, with just as much focus on vertical and horizontal planes. The feel of the vehicles is well balanced in comparison to those trying to take out the vehicles. The turrets move just fast enough. The guns feel great, with just the right amount of recoil (aside from the Type 88, which has a bit too much for running a semi-auto silenced).

Wait, you can't go prone? Oh, poor babies. Grow up. Are you seriously going to let something as small as that matter WHEN EVERYTHING CAN BE DESTROYED? How good is that cover going to be when a fucking tank shell shrapnels your prone ass...and you aren't capable of getting out of dodge quick enough? Fucking STUPID complaint, people. You want a real complaint? The only one that truly matters? Explosives can STILL blow up the crates. THAT is a complaint to have, as it promotes sitting back and firing tank shells and RPGs at the buildings to collapse them as well as the crates to blow them up...rather than braving the open combat, planting that fucking charge, and defending the shit out of it. It's the one thing that DICE needed to fix BADLY with the first game, and unfortunately they carried it over. While it does take a bit more damage this time around, collapsing a building is almost guaranteed to knock it out every single time.

There ARE other problems I could bring up - such as how two engineers can roll behind a T-90 and wreck the fuck out of the defending team in the demo...but then again, it's only a demo and we haven't been allowed to unlock EVERYTHING. That's the biggest problem - people are trying to say BC2 sucks because of the very few things that are offered to the player right off the bat. They are saving the cool shit for the full game, and we're basing our tank-killing abilities on the ancient techniques of durka-bombing with a vehicle and some C4...or using an RPG without lock-on capabilities...and it's STUPID!

I understand that this is the internet, and just like me, you feel the need to express your opinion. However, can't you people JUST ONCE shut the fuck up for five seconds and listen to how goddamn asinine your bullshit sounds? Why are you going to rip apart a game because "it's not Battlefield 2"? That's right, it's not a five year old game! It's Bad Company 2, a game that was originally designed for consoles...with streamlined features instead of the micro-management found in Battlefield 2. Yes, God forbid someone focuses on the SHOOTING aspect of the game...and the TEAMWORK of the game...rather than offering a fucking Commander screen so we can all get artillery dropped on our fucking heads every five seconds.

It's a demo. Take the demo for what it is - a sneak peek. That sneak peek...was fucking excellent.

That's all I've got this time around. Tune in next week, where I'll be giving my impressions of Dante's Inferno.

Until next time...PIECE!

23 Comments

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