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Video Game Stuff I Wish Was Real And I Had The Only One Of

Here is a shoddy, thrown-together list of stuff I wish I had.

List items

  • Well, duh.

  • How awesome would it be to relive your ancestor's memories? Unless they were boring or assholes or something. Plus the needles in the back don't seem too fun, but ah well.

  • Man, how many times have I done something completely stupid that I wish I could take back. Like when I bought Too Human for full retail. REWIND PLEASE.

  • Alright so this is more of a comic thing, but it's in video games so it counts. Plus I wrote the article and I'm a whore. Also, it only does everything. Like a PS3 without the false advertising.

  • Shit yes, son. Invisibility. But nuts to that, I would just press up against the weirdest shit I could find so I'd have a crazy suit all the time. This would eventually get me mauled by a cheetah.

  • Alright so the game was kind of janky, whatever. But if you tell me you wouldn't be down with an electric guitar that shoots FIRE AND LIGHTNING AND EARTHQUAKES, well, you're a liar or just not very fun.

  • If I have to explain why I want a gun that fires sharks, I'm in the wrong place.

  • This is pure convenience. Shoot an orange portal at home, shoot a blue one at work, BAM, instant free transportation! I can sleep in! No more crazy bus people! Ah, but I have small ambitions.

  • Lame internet jokes aside, this would be pretty fun. And emasculating! "Dude, my wife has a higher power level than you."

  • Maybe it's rude to think of Rush as a thing, but he's a robot so deal with it. I knew I wanted something on here that'd let me fly, and I guess I really can't think of a better way to do that than to surf on a robot dog. I mean, yeah, jetpacks are cool and everything but ROBOTIC DOG SURFING.