Fuck.

Tribes Assend:

Legal Legends:

Devil Survivor 2

Also I got 400 Followers

What am I doing with my life.

Okay bitches, it's that time of year again. Time to rob the 1% of their delicious products by exploiting ignorant retailers to get shit at ridiculous prices.

LET'S GO!

(Not covering hardware, you want that shit go find it yourself.)

BEST DEALS IN BOLD

Walmart - Sales Start at 10 PM (Bring other stores' ads into Walmart and they will honor the deals)

Yakuza 4 - $10
Skyward Sword Limited Edition - $60 
Dance Central 2 - $15
Infamous 2 - $28
Arkham City - $28
Gears of War 3 - $28
Battlefield 3 - $28
Forza 4 - $28

Best Buy - Sales Start at 12 AM

3 Months of Xbox Live Gold - $8
Dance Central 2 - $25Once Upon a Monster - $25
Deus Ex: Human Rev. - $30 
Gears of War 3 - $30
Forza 4 - $35 
Assassin's Creed Revelations - $35

Target - Sales Start at 12 AM

BABYSITTING MOMMA - $5 
Dance Central 2 - $27
Gears of War 3 - $37
Resistance 3 - $37

K-Mart - Sales Start at 5 AM

Metal Gear Solid HD Collection - $35 
Battlefield 3 - $35
Enslaved - $10
RAGE - $30 
ICO & Shadow of the Collosus HD - $30 
Gears of War 3 - $40
Forza 4 - $40 
SKYLANDERS STARTER PACK - $50

Gamestop - Sales Start NOW

All Used Games Buy 2 Get 1 Free
RAGE - $30
Forza 4 - $40
Street Fighter IV: AE - $20
Rocksmith - $50
Rayman Origins - $40 
L.A. Noire - $20
Sonic Generations - $30 
Battlefield 3 -$40
Okamiden - $20

If I missed anything good feel free to point it out and I'll add it to the list.

And as always, mother fuckin' Amazon and Steam.

Okay listen up, because I have something really important that I’ve wanted to share with you guys for a long time.

It will take some time to explain, but, this is just really important to me, so if you would take the time to read through this I would really appreciate it. I know it’s a lot, but please, just give it a chance.

While Sonic Adventure 2 may seem, from the outside, to be just another middling 3D action game with a tacked on story, this is hardly the case. In fact, it is just a shell whose hard candy center is one of the best kept secrets in gaming. If the Sonic Adventure series, if it can really be called that, is remembered for anything it is its ridiculous music, and voice acting, and really pretty much everything about it is. Few people, however, know that some of that music, namely the themes accompanying the Knuckles levels, were written by long time Sega audio producer Tomoya Ohtani in association with rapper Hunnid P. Even fewer are aware that, right under Sega's nose, he penned a veritable opera for the little monotreme. Hidden within each of these seemingly incomprehensible songs is the tale of a very confused soul, lost in a reality of its own design, that is struggling to come to terms with the profound realization of its utter powerlessness in the world. It is, in a word, beautiful. Perhaps this is somewhat unbelievable claim, but let me assure you of its authenticity.

I've created a write up delving into, in detail, this tale of epic proportions. But first, some explanation.

Foreword

Before I begin, I'd like to establish a few things so that we are all clear on what this actually is.

First off, you have to realize that this is not, completely, Ohtani's original vision. Because he had to make his true intentions as unnoticeable as possible in order to get his songs approved, and since Sega ultimately had the final word on everything, his work has been obscured to some degree. Everything had to be contextual to the levels in the game, which had already been finalized before Ohtani was brought in, but thankfully Ohtani left behind song titles to serve as additional clues the original meaning of each piece. I will be examining these as well, and as such I have included them alongside the name of each level.

With that out of the way, let me clarify one more pressing issue that is most likely at the forefront of your mind. I'd imagine that, right now, some of you are thinking "Why haven't I heard of this before?" That's a very good question, and one that deserves an answer. Honestly, I do not know and would very much like to know why this is so rarely discussed as well. It was in 2007 that I first stumbled upon a MySpace post by Ohtani, linked to me through an IRC chatroom, nearly six years after the game's original Dreamcast release. I assume Sega must have ordered the post taken down before it caught mainstream attention as I have yet to find the original or a duplicate copy. Perhaps it was simply out of a fear that they would appear (more) ignorant to their customers, but I can think of no other reason as to why this sudden information would suddenly disappear from the net without a trace.

You can find his MySpace profile here.

I was quite shocked to find that there is virtually no information left on the net regarding this astonishing, and admittedly hilarious, misappropriation of resources. So, naturally, I decided that I should chronicle this story somewhere before it was lost forever.

I hope it was worth the effort.

Prologue

Ohtani's story was basically that of a man torn to pieces by the realization that his entire life is a self-fabricated monstrosity. Basically, Ohtani is implying through his lyrics that the world of Sonic the Hedgehog is actually an illusion, formed under the aide of hallucinogens, that Knuckles has created to shelter himself from the harsh realities of the real world. It's basically story of utter defeat by one’s own self and a glorious revelation and rebirth. The classic tale of a man becoming more than himself only when he is at his lowest. It's quite a remarkable story, and one made all the more so by the medium through which it is told. There are a few things essential to understanding this story to the fullest.

1. This is a monologue. Every song is quick to remind us that this is an account of Knuckle's thoughts in the first person in the beginning of every song. This is a tale told by its narrator, and as such there are things to consider. Is Knuckles being completely truthful to the audience? Is he even being completely truthful to himself? There are implications made by the narrative style, and it is best to keep these in mind before continuing.

2. Ohtani never had the final say on the music for each song. Although he did have a generally idea of what the music would be like for each track before he composed the lyrics, he never actually had any influence on the final pieces of music his words were performed over. He would often be forced by Sega to completely redo a song, giving him very little time to fix the lyrics for each new master. As such, the meaning of the lyrics and the context the music places into hem may seem to clash at times, but keep in mind that in most cases these are two separate bodies of work.

3. The final level in which all the characters team up is not canon to Ohtani's story. He had no creative control over the music in this part, and thus, it should not be considered part of his work. I should be quite easy to dismiss this considering that there are no actual lyrics to the music in this section of the game, but it is worth noting all the same.

4. There was a song cut from the game. Early in development there was going to be one more Knuckles level in the game, a snow level. This was actually the last Knuckles only section, and thus it was originally the final act of Ohtani's epic. I do not, as previously stated, have a copy of the original blog post in which Ohtani revealed the true meaning behind his lyrics, however I will attempt to recount the final chapter's general overview as best I can. With that out of the way, let's get on to the part you've all been waiting for.

Chapter 1 - Kick the Rock (Wild Canyon)

Kick the Rock is the first and most unassuming of the Ohtani tracks. It's a very light-hearted, very fun song. It is meant as a reintroduction to the world of Sonic the Hedgehog and what it, and Knuckles, is all about. Basically, it is a set up for things to come. However, don't be fooled by the upbeat rhythm, there is darker subtext work here. The first thing we notice is the use of the word "Echidona" in the line 1 of the second stanza. Not only is Knuckles not an "Echidona," but Echidona is not actually a word. Knuckles is an Echidna, and for Sega to have made such a slip up with their own character would normally be inexcusable. However, this was no slip up, this was intentional.

Here we see Ohtani begin to play with the idea that Knuckles is beginning to realize that he isn't sure who he is anymore. This is further implied by the line "Never seen a mic hog spit like a menace" as Knuckles is also not a hedgehog. This line, specifically, may be one of the early warning signs that Sonic, and the rest of the cast, are all actually Knuckles himself, drug fueled personas created by a desperate imagination trying to hang on to the illusion. There are also some other mature themes briefly glanced over in this song like sex, Knuckles's often rash and violent nature, and of course drug references.

Although Ohtani never specified what, exactly, Knuckles may have been consuming in reality, the popular consensus at the time was crack cocaine. This is implied by the title "Kick the Rock," as well as Knuckles's constant paranoia regarding the safety of his "Master Emerald.” Although this would not explain the extreme level of hallucination he is experience throughout the story, it is never implied that Knuckles is only taking one type of drug so he could, in fact, be partaking of multiple substances.

Chapter 2 - A Ghost's Pumpkin Soup (Pumpkin Hill)

Here we begin to see Knuckles slowly begin to succumb to his paranoia as the once wistful valleys of the Wild Canyon are twisted and contorted into the nightmare realm now known only as Pumpkin Hill. The important things to recognize are the metaphors Ohtani is using with the ghosts and pumpkins. Basically, the ghosts represent the few remaining scraps of Knuckles's conscious, waking mind that realize the truth of his situation where as the pumpkins are the hallucinations, created by his subconscious in self-defense against recognizing reality. As Knuckles comes closer to the truth of his dream world's fabrication, they begin to transform into horrifying abominations in an attempt to ward him away back into their comforting embrace.

This is further expounded upon in the title, "A Ghost's Pumpkin Soup," that denotes the fact that this wretched dream scape in which Knuckles now resides was, originally, a creation of his waking mind attempting to escape its frustrations with the world. This is also the first song in which the true nature of the Master Emerald is revealed. The Master Emerald is, in actuality, Knuckles's mind. Every time it comes close to completion it is broken apart as he suffers yet another mental break down, further isolating him from the reality which he so feverishly denies.

The two most interesting lines here are those of 8 and 9 in the second stanza. Knuckles explains that his "graveyard theory" is that a ghost tried to approach him but "got leery." Let's look it at from the perspective of the ghost as a metaphor for Knuckles's waking mind. Knuckles's conscious mind, the one that is aware of the falsity of the illusion, approaches him attempting to bring him back into reality. However, it gets "leery" before it is able to do so. Now what does leery mean? Well the traditional definition is a caution brought about by completely rational fears, realistic fears. Think about that, realistic fears. This is just another example of the masterful word play at work here. The ghost is not afraid of being harmed by the corporeal Knuckles, it is afraid that he is not capable of handling reality without doing irreversible harm to himself.

Knuckles then begins frantically climbing, the menacing anecdotes issuing forth from the pumpkins corrupting his every thought, trying to find any semblance of rational behind the events that are beginning to tear his world apart. He then jumps off and begins flying deeper. Deeper not into darkness, but into his own consciousness, desperately searching for answers.

Chapter 3 - Dive Into the Mellow (Aquatic Mine)

This is the first track whose music really detracts from Ohtani's lyrics, although that may not initially seem to be the case. The problem with the song, and really even the title "Dive Into the Mellow", is that it implies that Knuckles has lapsed back into hallucination and is farther from the truth than ever. In actuality, that is not the case, at least not yet. The use of "mellow" in the title is meant to invoke a feeling of almost reaching that point of clarity. Basically, this is the point in the story where Knuckles reaches out towards reality, almost manages to finally, after so long, touch it, but inevitably falling back into darkness as is evident by the next song, "Deeper."

The music here is meant to be a bit more erratic, to convey the idea that Knuckles is frantically searching but also very much confused with the concept of who he actually is and why the world around him is shifting into a dark, antagonistic nightmare realm.

This is when we begin to see Knuckles questioning the world around him. He begins to question why things are the way they are, even somewhat resenting it as is evident in the lines:

Makes you wanna sit back, enjoy the life

And do the things you like doin', get to shine

It sure beats fighting with the foes all the time

But I gotta do it, they always stay out of line

But there is also a profound confusion ailing Knuckles. He feels lost in his own home, in his own mind, and he is still plagued by demonic visions, his subconscious still mangling itself into an ever-darker form. He feels trapped, like he is drowning in it all with no hope left of finding a way out. But there is still one light left, miniscule though it may be. He remains determined. He has no goal, or even any way of knowing exactly what it is that he is searching, but he refuses to back down. It is that trait that defines Knuckles, but also leads him to his eventual downfall.

Chapter 4 – Deeper (Death Chamber)

And here is where we finally arrive, the breaking point. This is the climax of the story and where everything starts to fall apart for Knuckles. This is where Knuckle’s darkest fears finally take over and drop him into a terrifying realm known as Death Chamber. He breaks, almost instantly. The visions he is confronted with prove to much for him to handle and his mind finally snaps.

It is in this piece that the construction of the Sonic Universe as a lucid hallucination is brought to bear and the truth of Knuckle’s situation is exposed in full force. The lyrical aspect of this song is actually incredible minimal, and as such almost every single line is packed with meaning.

From front to back all I see is stones

I'm glad that I don't call this home

This is the beginning of the song when Knuckles starts to panic. He knows that what he is seeing isn’t right, but he is still apprehensive. He is actually starting to realize what has been going on, but he doesn’t want to accept it. We can see this apprehension specifically in “I don’t call this home.” This statement wasn’t prompted; in fact he had no reason to say it at all. Except it IS his home, it is his mind, but he wants to believe above all hope that this is just another horrible hole in the earth that his emerald somehow fell into.

Eggman wants to steal our soul, keep the Emeralds and build a throne

Now this is very interesting and really brings to bear the crux of the story. Eggman wants to steal our soul? I’m pretty sure that has never been Eggman’s MO, and notice the wording. He wants to steal “our” “soul.” Not “Our souls” or “My soul”, “our soul.” This is further confirmed by the reemergence of the idea of the Master Emerald. Once again the idea of the emerald as the pieces of Knuckle’s mind is brought up again, with Eggman, who we can only assume at this point is the ultimate manifestation of Knuckle’s damaged psyche, wants to build a throne out of the emerald so that he can gain control of the Echidna and keep him safe from reality once and for all.

Not if I can help at all

I will not let him take it over

Need I say more?

And it is then that we come to what may be one of the most simultaneously beautiful and terrifying pieces of music every created. The Argument.

"Sonic, what are you doing here?"

"I heard you were on a quest for the Master Emerald"

"You know me and you don't get along"

"I don't think that's the point right now, Knuckles

I know how much that emerald means to you and I wanna help get it back

Stop bein' stubborn and think"

"Well, I guess you're right"

"Ya damn right Knuckles"

"I know Eggman's secret station's here somewhere All we have to do is find it"

"I know we'll need a key to get inside

That's our only way to find it So let's go"

It is here that Ohtani really shines as both a lyricist and a storyteller. So much struggle, so much anguish, and then that release.

This part can be a little difficult to follow, so allow me to break it down.

Just as Knuckles is about to give in, perhaps even opting to commit suicide, Sonic appears out of nowhere and urges him to go on, to not give up and keep charging ahead. Obviously, if there was any doubt, this pretty much seals the fact that Sonic is just another personality created by Knuckles, but there is more to it than that. It was generally a consensus at the time that, much like Eggman, Sonic is the avatar of the remaining pieces of Knuckle’s waking mind and most likely always has been. It is in this time of need that Knuckle’s conscious mind finally refuses to obey the rules of this warped reality and sends a messenger in the guise of one of Knuckle’s own creations to guide him to the truth, to guide him to the key to escape his self created prison.

And it is with this that the final battle commences.

Chapter 5 – Space Trip Steps (Meteor Herd)

There is, surprisingly very little to this track in terms of narrative. There is certainly a little development here, but the main focus was to be on the music carrying the flow of the battle with Eggman. Sadly both the story and music of this level were changed rather late in the development of Sonic Adventure 2 when it was decided that the final section of the game would feature all the characters rather than just Sonic and Shadow. This was a major blow to Ohtani’s work, but it was so late in the game’s life that he could neither alter or abandon his magnum opus even if he wanted to.

While the original brilliance of this track may be lost to the ages, we can still at least garner some info of the final confrontation between Knuckle’s and Eggman from the song’s lyrics.

Obviously the first thing most listeners will notice that Knuckles and Sonic are now in space and, as Knuckles puts it, they “left from our home.” This is not to imply that they have physically left home, as I’m sure you are all already aware, but they have left the realm of Knuckles’s subconscious completely. They have ascended to a new plane, perhaps even some kind of spirit dimension, to finally confront and kill Eggman.

As they dodge meteors to reach Eggman, it was speculated that the meteors were probably the subconscious finally resorting to physical violence against Knuckles, perhaps even causing him to harm himself in real life, Knuckles notes that he has a crazy look in his face. This is not actually because Eggman looks weird, but because he is no longer Eggman at all. He has adopted a new nightmarish form that is the true avatar of Knuckles’s delusional state, but Knuckles himself fails to notice has he has become overwhelmed completely with determination.

The rest of the song consists of consists of a repeated chorus that was most likely added after the fact to fill up space as the original track was, as previously mentioned, supposed to be almost entirely instrumental.

It really is a shame.

Finale – Find Myself (Snow Bank Mountain)

In the original version of Sonic Adventure 2, Knuckles would defeat Eggman only to fall to earth, landing a top a gigantic snow covered mountain, which he would then snowboard down, much akin to the first Sonic level of the game. This was intended to be a reward for the player and a break from the normal gameplay of the Knuckles levels; it is assumed there were to be more than 6 levels in early development. Further into development it was going to serve as an interactive overlay for the credits, this was when Ohtani got a hold of it.

Snow Bank Mountain was cut relatively early, so while Ohtani never was able to complete a finished lyrics sheet for this section of the game, he did in fact have a finale written out.

Ohtani did give some idea of what he had intended to do with the ending in his MySpace post, but he was never explicitly clear about some major details, hoping that each individual could draw their own conclusions to the story that would satisfy them.

The two most popular theories at the time were as follows.

The Fall:

A majority of people believed that Snow Bank mountain was, in fact, a mountain of drugs and that having been exhausted in the final battle with Eggman that his subconscious took the opportunity to take back control of Knuckles and send him, quite literally, spiraling down into oblivion. It is assumed that the ride down the mountain is paranoid Knuckles who has lost all control on a deranged drug spree and that the final black out to credits is, in actuality, meant to represent his death.

In this version of the ending the title could be considered black humor or even ironic as Knuckles’s true self turns out to be the animalistic, impulse driven drug fiend he had been all along and there never was truly any hope for a release for him other than death.

The Rise:

Many were unsatisfied, including myself, with such an obvious and, quite frankly, disappointing twist to what had otherwise been a masterful crafted tale. Many believed that Ohtani was far better than this and sent out to dig deeper into the previous entries to derive the true meaning of Find Myself.

The biggest clue was when Ohtani mentioned that he had made a major revision to Find Myself upon learning that it would become a credits stage. Now why would that be? Ohtani had, up to now, made no concessions for Sega’s bull shit. He had kept true to his story and refused to let his superior get in the way of telling it.

And that’s just it, it wasn’t in the way at all. In fact, it was just what he needed.

The credits themselves would be the multiple personalities of Knuckles, the friends he had come to love and cherish over the years he spent with them, slowly disappearing from him as he slipped more and more back into reality as he cruised down the mountain. Knuckles would never face the camera, he would never look back until the game was over. There, in fact, most likely were NEVER to be any lyrics, an eerie silence juxtaposed next to nearly two hours of nonstop monologue.

The game would end with a cut to black and complete silence as the Sonic Team logo came up for one last time and simply hung there, waiting for the player to provide input for the game to continue.

The player themselves would have to cast away Sonic, not only a character that gamers around the world have known and loved for decades, but also the last and only true friend Knuckles had ever had, even if he was imaginary.

The player themselves would have to pull the final plug on Knuckles’s warped reality and finally set him free.

Truly a masterpiece of modern media.

You know, a lot of mother fuckers have been writing blogs recently. And I mean a lot of mother fuckers. I'm not sure what the deal is, but everyone seems to think that they have an opinion on things and that they matter.

Well guess what, world, I matter too and I have opinions, probably more opinions than everyone else combined, and it's time that I had a blog too.

But if there's one thing that pisses me off more than anything else, it's that all these blogs are about video games. Who the fuck even cares about video games anymore, I mean really? Video games? When was the last time anyone actually cared about video games? I'll tell you when.

NEVER.

So I'm turning this shit on it's head. I'm going to write the world's first, greatest, and only video game blog that isn't about video games.

Am I making waves yet? Well sit your asses down and strap your life jackets on tight because we're just in the eye of the storm, the storm of change.

Not only is this blog going to cover a wide range of controversial and thought provoking topics of discussion on a weekly basis probably, but it's also going to be about how much I fucking hate video games. I have a lot of things to say about video games, and most of them are not good. In fact I would go so far as to say they are rude, foul, unwarranted, offensive, and above all both crudely conceived and written.

So let's get the revolution train underway with today's topic.

Mother Fucking Waiters and Why They Don't Deserve My God Damn Money

So I want to start this blog off with a somewhat controversial topic, and that is all these fucking waiters stealing my god damn money "because."

Okay listen up, society, because I have a bone to pick with you. Why does this jack ass 16 year old that just happens to have the shit job of couriering food to my table deserve a fucking tithe just because "it's hard." You know what a lot of jobs are hard. I haven't exactly had the best working experience, but no one thought to ever thought to just hand twenty bucks when I was a jack ass 16 year old, why is it that I have to pay this asshole just because he has to interact with me, a paying customer who doesn't want to give this jerk my money?

You know I hear a lot of bull shit arguments for why you should tip, so instead of trying to justify common fucking sense I've opted to demolish all of these one by one, gladiatorial arena style.

Overwhelmingly the biggest advocacy I hear for tipping is because waiting is apparently the hardest fucking job in the world and they deserve our extra cash for all the bull shit they have to deal with. Well someone fucking explain to me what it is their doing that I couldn't do myself? I came to this god damn restaurant to eat nice food I can't cook, not to have some fucking high school kid pour a coke in my lap and forget my order. To further illustrate my point I've constructed a detailed list of things a waiter can do that I could not do myself.

I tip my barber because I can't cut fucking hair, they provide me with a service that I could not perform on my own. They earn that shit. Waiters are a fucking disservice, they are actively making my life harder than it needs to be with their fucking bull shit. Pretty much any place that uses a fucking ticket system gets this shit right. I order food, they call my god damn number, I got get the god damn food, and I got eat my god damn food. Tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication.

Bringing up this counterpoint usually results in the fucking waiter white knight brigade playing that "this is the only job they can get and they really need to money card." Well you know what, fuck you. You know who else needs money? The people in the fucking kitchen. I've talked with people who have been waiters in their past lives and again and again what I hear is that with tips they make significantly more money than anyone in the kitchen. Yeah these aren't fucking 5 star gourmet restaurants these assholes are working at, but that's still pretty fucking sad. The people doing actual work are getting paid just above minimum wage for literally standing within the bowels of hell for eight hours a day, I've seen those fucking kitchens that shit is crazy, while these fucking cunts waiting tables are getting paid out the ass in tips they don't even have to pay taxes on.

I read a wikipedia article so I know this is fact.

And whenever someone actually thinks to rewards those cretins making their food for once it's "Send my compliments to the chef." Yeah real good job their money bags, I'm sure those compliments will help the guy grilling your fat ass a 12 ounce steak will appreciate your charitable donation while Johnny dip shit is toking up with his friends behind Wal-Mart with half your fucking bill.

So the short of it is if you tip, fuck you. Tipping is fucking stupid and you should feel ashamed.

Go give your fucking money to charity if you have so much extra cash that you can just throw it at some dumb ass whose just going to go spend it on Madden and blow.

The ONE Video Game I Actually Enjoyed Playing

I was going to write something about Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines but I can't be assed to go boot it up and take screen shots so guess what you get to hear about Battlefront II instead.

It's a good game and you really should have bought it while it was on sale.

I'm going to go play Planescape now, here is a screen shot from Animaniacs on the Gameboy.

Until next week.

Probably.

First Off

How do I get new weapons?

How do I learn a class?

Training

The Basics

Easy Classes:

Medium Classes:

Complex Classes

For starters, you should always Stab and Sap Engineers if possible, not Sap and Stab. The SG turns slow enough that this should be possible the majority of the time, and is (arguably) easier than sapping and then trying to get behind the Engineer. Further, I'd argue that if you need to sap first, you're better off shooting the Engy than you are going for the stab, as it helps avoid a face full of crit wrench AND will usually get the Engy to come after you and leave their equipment to blow up.

Also, the revolver and it's variants are good for more than just knocking off razorback snipers and escaping. Ignoring the advanced strata possible with the Ambassador, the basic revolver can be used to execute fast classes with low health (Medics that are close to ubering, Scouts), and can kill Pyros fairly easily if you can land your shots.

The biggest mistake new spies make is underestimating the usefulness of their gun; at least a third of my kills are typically from shooting targets of opportunity or nailing Pyros and Scouts that come after me, and it is a very important skill to learn to boost your survivability.

Learning New Weapons

We'll be back shortly

So I don't have a lot of time to write this because I need to go play more Terraria so let's just get this shit done up front.
 

Minecraft is fucking boring.

YOU DON'T GET TO COME ON THE SERVER ANYMORE. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEHAVED.

Fire no longer spread indefinitely

I have never actually played in a TNT before, that was actually quite fun. 
 
In any event, it was probably one of the better matches I played. It literally came down to the last second when a whole dog pile of maybe five dudes all got wrapped up in someone's smoke bomb and cluster fuckery ensued. I even got to brutally murder a Ubisoft employee. 
 
Also, let's not forget that i get to immortalize this little gem on the internet for all eternity. 
 
  

WHAT IN THE MOTHER OF FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

But now let's get to the part you all came for.

My first Xbox 360 that I have had since October 2007 has just died at a weeks past it's third year of commendable service. 
 
It seems I've come into the fold of the majority of Microsoft's consumers, seeing as it's like 99% likely your console is going to choke even though the goddamn NES in my basement still works like it was fucking 1985, at a most opportune time. The 360 Slim is now on sale, the Kinect is set to launch on November 4th, and it's going to cost $100 fucking dollars minimum to get this fucker fixed considering my warranty is expired. 
 
It isn't a red ring by the way, it should have been though. Just a few weeks off from 3 years, that shit would have been hilarious.
 
Why do you care? Because I need someone to help parse out my options. 
 
The way I see it this can go down in one of five ways.
 
1. I send it in for repairs (No.) 
2. I try to fix it myself (Might do it anyway and just sell the fucker online for a quick buck if I don't completely ruin it.) 
3. Buy a new Arcade used for $100 or less. (It's not like it will be any more fucked up than the refurb they'll undoubtedly send me.) 
4. Buy a 360 S 250GB at $300 (I'm aware there is a 4GB version, but I need some fucking breathing room.) 
5. Toss it out a fucking window.  
 
Now, honestly, I don't really give a shit about Kinect right now. Kinect is not even on my radar. When it comes to Kinect we don't. 
 
Connect. 
 
On a demographic level. 
 
I do like new hardware though, and I like having my options open to me. Is Kinect going to be worth purchasing in the future? Yes, at some point a good game is going to be made using Kinect and then it will be worth purchasing. Is it worth adding $100 to the price of my movie ticket when it will surely see a price drop in the next two years if nto sooner? No, no it is not. 
 
But I do like new hardware. 
 
This is basically the route I've taken when buying updated consoles, and for some reason it ALWAYS happens not to long after said updates are released. 
 
I guess I'm just super lucky. 
 
It's the reason I have a DS Lite and only a DS Lite, because the only way Nintnedo would ever get me to buy a DSi is if they knocked me to the ground, ripped it out of my hands, and threw it off a fucking bridge. 
 
And then I still wouldn't get one because that's a dick move. 
 
So while ponying up $300 dollars seems a bit like the extreme end of the spectrum, I consider it more of an investment than anything. For all intensive purposes, the Move and Kinect are basically console generation 7.5. While the hardware is essentially the same, or exactly the same in the PS3's case, the games we will be playing on these devices is certainly taking a bit of a radical shift. Let's just look at it this way: The Wii was not especially graphically superior to the Gamecube, yet we still consider that part of this generation of console. Yeah it's kind of a weak argument, but that's really what I see the 360 S as in a lot of ways. A Wii to the original 360's Gamecube. 
 
Enough of that bull shit though, you guys need to get on the ball and help me figure this shit out.  
 
Come on, chop chop. I needs the opinions and I needs them now. 
 
Short Version: 360 S for $300 or original 360 for $100. Debate.