THE WORLD IS FALLING APART.

What better time to talk about video games?

Some of you (read: none of you) may remember that I started doing in-depth monthly logs of all the games I was playing but at some point I just found the whole thing draining so I stopped. It's not like anyone was really reading them anyway (at least I got no feedback, so who's to say) and I felt like if I kept going I would want to ***** myself directly in the ****. So instead, we have a traditional GOTY list that is much more brief (and possibly something else coming down the line). So, here is:

WORST 2 FIRST

but before that…

A WORD ABOUT PLAYING CYBERPUNK 2077 on the LAUNCH XBOX ONE:

lol.

On with the list!!!

47. Omensight (PC)

Awful! There's an interesting conceit at the core of Omensight's story, but the wonky gameplay and uninteresting characters just don't merit the effort to see it through to the end. Also, I'm confused how a game with these graphics made my computer fan make those noises.

46. Horace (PC)

DISGUSTINGLY BRITISH. Too much focus on minigames, not enough on core gameplay.

45. No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle (Switch)

How could you go wrong with removing the horrible open world part of the first game? By replacing the jobs with irritating 8-bit "throwback" games. Much worse than the first game!

44. No More Heroes (Switch)

This game aged like garbage!!!

43. Kids (PC)

Plug and Play was funny and original, and this is just… okay.

42. Everything (PC)

I appreciate that David O'Reilly decided to adapt The Horse That Was Raised By Orbs, but there's not much to this other than that.

41. The Touryst (Xbox One)

Eh.

40. Ethereal (PC)

I barely remember this game. It truly lived up to it's name.

39. Brume (PC)

Someone made a souls-like game with minimalist atari-style graphics. Why did they do that?

38. Landstalker: The Treasures of King Nole (Sega Genesis Classic/PC)

Does the Sega Genesis finally have it's own Legend of Zelda? Maybe if it there was any sort of depth perception for an isometric platforming game, it would! Still, I enjoyed it to a point, but then my rage boiled over.

37. The Legend of Oasis (PC)

I expected a lot form this, as it's a prequel to one of my favorite games this year, but alas the focus on vertical movement really undermines it, and the two new spirit partners didn't add much to the gameplay. On the upside, the protagonist is more shirtless, so that's definitely a marked improvement.

36. AER: Memories of Old (PC)

Pretty chill, but not much beyond that. I like the idea of a game that focuses on exploration, but there just isn't much in the way of challenge to make your discoveries rewarding.

35. The Messenger (PC)

I played this before, I think, but at that point in the year time had no meaning so I did it again. Still good.

34. Spinch (Switch)

Colorful, fun, and hard as balls (I still haven't finished it). Also made by Jesse Jacobs, which means you should buy it because Jesse Jacobs is great. You can also pick up some of his other works like Safari Honeymoon and Crawl Space. Jesse Jacobs is great.

33. Bubsy 3D: Bubsy Visits the James Turrell Retrospective (PC)

A pretty good joke that doesn't overstay it's welcome.

32. Pikuniku (Xbox One)

Surprisingly funny bug-watching simulator. Plus it taught me the valuable lesson that I AM PERFECT.

31. Cave Story+ (PC)

Still slaps.

30. Wonder Boy: The Dragon's Trap (Switch)

I've said it before and I'll say it again: more of this please. Also, in this artstyle if at all possible.

28. Pink Hour (PC)

28. Pink Heaven (PC)

Fun free games from the Cave Story guy. What's not to like?

27. Woten (PC)

A promising start to a project. It's hard for me to evaluate it too much,a s I understand there's a longer game coming sometime in the future.

26. Kero Blaster (PC)

Challenging, yet pleasantly CHILL.

25. Tale's of Game's Presents Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden: Chapter One of the HoopZ Barkley SaGa (PC)

Still perfect after all these years. I'm still hopeful for Chapter 2, though I know I will not live to see it completed.

24. Dragon Ball FighterZ (PC)

This game brought me right back to when I was first watching Dragon Ball Z and was embarrassed to be have a crush on Yamcha. Then I got tired of the story mode and haven't played it since.

23. NieR:Automata (PC)

I found myslef moved to tears by Ending E for reasons I have trouble explaining. The rest of the game however, was just fine, and I'm not sure it was worth the effort to get the Ending E. I give it points for the philosophical questions about AI, but it didn't really blow my mind like I was expecting it to.

22. What the Golf? (Switch)

I also hate golf, so I appreciated this, even though the concept seems to wear a little thin by the end. Also, far too many "Covfefe" references for my liking.

21. Tetris Effect: Connected (Xbox One)

Passed the puzzle game test in that I found myself playing it until my eyes glazed over, my head hurt, and I felt like vomiting. Failed to captivate me much past that.

20. Kentucky Route Zero, "Act V"

As someone who bought this game when it was initially released, I enjoyed the closure this brought the the previous chapters, but I can't help but be a little put off by the drastic mechanical changes to the gameplay during this final act. Still beautiful and possibly one of the best written games I've ever played, and the ending was, if somewhat strangely paced, fitting. Plus it taught me the valuable lesson that Kentucky is kind of like Hell, only you're not allowed to leave.

19. Gris (Xbox One)

A very colorful game about a girl who can turn into a brick. Possibly a metaphor for something.

18. The Gardens Between (Xbox One)

Short, sweet, and intuitive. Hard to ask for more than that.

17. Cathedral (PC)

Hey, I really like this game but I don't think anyone else has played it. I think we're getting at the point where retro-style pixel games have left everyone fatigued, even when a solid game like this one shows up.

16. Gato Roboto (Xbox One)

Super Metroid with a cat? It worked pretty well, but I think could be better if you took out the part with the cat.

15. Hades (Switch): Game of the Released this Year!

You'll have a "hell" of a time playing this game! Get it? Because it takes place in Hades? Which is like hell. Kind of. The concept doesn't really map 1:1 to the greek underworld, but you get the point. It's good.

14. Yakuza Kiwami 2 (PC)

What if you took Yakuza Kiwami, took away the battle variety and made the story somehow even less coherent? You get this game! Hooray? It's not bad, but it is skippable.

13. Control (Xbox One/PC)

The best game based off a Cake song. Players will find themselves literally using a machete (read: magical gun from space-hell and Jean Grey powers) to cut through red tape (read: psycho-daemons)!

12. The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening (Switch)

This is the best Funko Pop game I've ever played.

[Note: I'm aware that this doesn't have anything to do with Funko Pops and looks much better than any of those, please don't be mad at me.]

11. Yakuza 0 (PC)

You mean to tell me there's zero yakuza in this game? Preposterous! There is Space Harrier, so that makes up for the blatant lies, somewhat.

10. Yakuza Kiwami (PC)

By far the best Christmas game ever made!

9. Hob (PC)

Really hits those sweet Castle in the Sky vibes I've been looking for.

8. FAR: Lone Sails (PC)

Who knew navigating a… car… train… thing, could be so engrossing? Probably the people who made this game, whoever they are.

7. Super Metroid (Switch)

They made a Gato Roboto without the cat. Finally!

6. Far Cry 5 (Xbox One)

I found this to be much more enjoyable than I thought it would be. It's a lot of shooting with a veneer of dumb guy political commentary; it touches on a lot of things without really saying much of anything. Sure, some of the cult an militia stuff seems distressingly realistic until you start to be gassed with magical dust that warps reality around you and let's enemies teleport all across the battlefield. It is not a particularly smart game. But hey, they really went there with the ending, and that's something that I can appreciate.

5. Slay the Spire (Xbox One/PC)

I fucking hate card games. Especially when I play something close to 50 hrs. of a card game. At the very least, I've gained a new appreciation for poison, and that's something I think everyone could use in their life.

4. Super Mario Galaxy (Switch)

I was thinking about putting a joke here about how UR MR GAY gave me the courage to come out of the closet, but I just couldn't work it out. I guess it wouldn't be too offensive, as I am a gay man in real life, but it just didn't seem like it would work. Oh yeah, the game is pretty good, by the way.

3. Burnout Paradise Remastered (Xbox One)

The best driving games are ones that reward the player for driving while pissed off, and Burnout Paradise does this with aplomb. Unfortunately, the game hits a wall when, at some point while trying to get the next best license, you run out of events that encourage running other people off the road.

2. Beyond Oasis (Sega Genesis Classic)

A blonde-haired idiot boy in a magical kingdom wielding a variety of swords, bows, and bombs that degradate with use: is this the Breath of the Wild? No, not really. Still damn good, though.

1. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Switch)

It's a familiar story, but one that still rings as classic. You play as Link, the most beautiful boy in the entire world. Zelda, the dorky scientist princess of New York City, decides to seal Link away in a magic coffin so that his magnificent beauty can be preserved to defeat a true calamity sometime in the future. 1000 years later, a magical gas leak has enveloped the empire state building, and it is Link's time to rise and plug the leak utilizing his intense beauty, the magical sword Excalibur, and all the ghosts from A Christmas Carol who have taken up residence in far-off places like Agrabah, Laputa, Atlantis, and Mt. Doom. However, Link has some obstacles to overcome on his way, like all sorts of edible animals and rocks hiding all of the Chaos Emeralds. Luckily, nothing can stand in the way of Link's magic bomb-generating iPad.

A true masterpiece of any age, and a clear winner for Game of the Year, like, 6 years or something after it was already released.

So that was the game of the year. Honestly the only thing motivating me was inaccurately describing Breath of the Wild. What will 2021 bring? God, I don't want to think about it.