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64 in 64: Episode 24

By Mento November 22, 2022 6 Comments

Not for the first time during this series I've been pondering Sturgeon's Law. That is, the informal law from sci-fi author Theodore Sturgeon that states that 90% of everything is crap, or in this case kusoge. I realize I talk about this every chance I get being the braggart I am, but I spent a very long time—cumulative, over several years—working on the Giant Bomb Wiki specifically for games released on the NES, Famicom Disk System, Master System, SNES, TurboGrafx-16/PCE, and most recently the Mega Drive/Genesis and doing something like that, or Borgmaster's current adventures in chronogaming with the PlayStation and Saturn, really makes it apparent how many games miss the mark and end up forgotten a year later. I'm not sure how you'd conduct such an experiment objectively, but I'm curious what kind of ratio of classics to crap the the Nintendo 64 has compared to its peers. I could say that it probably fares better than its overachieving rival the PlayStation: given Sony's system saw over 4,000 games in its lifespan and the most any of us could name with some affection is about a hundred on a good day, Sturgeon's Law might even be too generous. With the N64 only having around 388 games—give or take a few cancelled prototypes that have since resurfaced on the internet, most recently SimCopter 64—there's a much higher chance that it escapes the 90% trash event horizon on closer scrutiny. For instance, I'd put about half the games in the ranking list seen at the end of each of these blogs into the "good or noteworthy" category, and the twenty or so that are already on the Switch Online service constitute most of the system's highlights (with perhaps a few clunkers that I'm sure were easy for Nintendo to source). I suspect I won't be doing a 64 in 64 for all 388 games that came out on the system and in the event that I did that the end rankings will start skewing very negative, along with my mood, but I'm almost curious enough to follow through on that enormous undertaking just to see how close the system's library comes to escaping Sturgeon's Law.

My pre-selection this week afforded me two precious opportunities: trying out a 3D platformer I'd never previously encountered, and getting to dunk on Ubisoft some more. As for the randomizer pick, the only explanation I can offer is that like attracts like. The tool I use does not come in wheel form, but there's an obvious kinship it feels like exploring. I don't feel like exploring it, conversely, but then I don't suppose I have a choice.

What I'm always down to explore like it was a cave in a cliff on the way to a Lesser Erdtree (sorry, sorry, still Elden Ringing over here) are the rules I invented for this feature:

Each episode covers two N64 games. I've chosen the first from a shortlist of "pre-selections", so named because I picked them all out before starting 64 in 64. Of course, it won't be long now before I've moved onto games I've only discovered while researching others for this feature. The second choice isn't mine but that of my RNG buddy, the random chooser program. (If I call it buddy maybe it'll stop being so vindictive.)
Each game gets sixty-four minutes of play-time with four updates set sixteen minutes apart. I wanted to add one more update to properly chart each of the Kübler-Ross five stages of grief as they occur, but I couldn't get the math to work out.
I'm making sure we're getting some useful data out of this, so every game also includes a review of how well it has aged as well as my best guess as to whether or not it'll make it onto the Switch Online library someday. My current prediction? As soon as Nintendo's done adding all the N64 games they said they were going to add in that recent Direct the Switch 2 will be out and it'll be strong enough to handle GameCube emulation, so Nintendo will change their focus to that instead. It'll mean this feature will be dead in the water, but at least Mike "Mitch" Minotti will be happy.
Finally, we're not going near any game on the Switch Online service already or confirmed to be coming in the future. If this feature ever does come to an end, I swear I'll add as many of them to the final ranking list as possible for completion's sake. It might be unscientific to do so without the requisite 64-minute playthroughs for testing, but I think at that stage I'd be all for burning everything down.

Talking of burning, these previous episodes are... lit. I guess.

Episode 1	Episode 2	Episode 3	Episode 4	Episode 5
Episode 6	Episode 7	Episode 8	Episode 9	Episode 10
Episode 11	Episode 12	Episode 13	Episode 14	Episode 15
Episode 16	Episode 17	Episode 18	Episode 19	Episode 20
Episode 21	Episode 22	Episode 23	Episode 24	Episode 25

Tonic Trouble (Pre-Selected)

Ubisoft Montréal / Ubisoft
1999-08-31 (NA), 1999-10-24 (EU)
241st N64 Game Released

History: Ubisoft, though they'd been a presence in the European home computer market for a long while by this point, came into their own on the global stage during the N64's generation. In 1996 Ubisoft became a public company and raised enough capital from early stock purchases to found multiple new studios, spending the next decade making smart choices like purchasing Red Storm Entertainment for access to the Tom Clancy license and The Learning Company (formerly SoftKey, who at this point had acquired Brøderbund, Strategic Simulations, and Mindscape) to pick up Myst and Prince of Persia, while developing their own original IPs like Beyond Good & Evil. A lot of this early expansion leaned on Michel Ancel's comical creations, particularly Rayman but also to a lesser extent Tonic Trouble, which featured a purple alien janitor named Ed who accidentally drops a superpowered experimental potion on an unsuspecting Earth and is forced to tidy up the chaos that ensues. As is often the case with these big swings, it was the first project of one of those aforementioned newly-formed studios as a way to kick the proverbial tires: the Montréal branch, specifically, which of course would find much greater success with Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell just a handful of years later and then what feels like the company's current sole breadwinner Assassin's Creed a little after that.

So, this is a 3D platformer I've never bumped into before. I actually don't ever remember seeing it on sale even, which is unusual considering Ubisoft was relatively local to us in the UK. It apparently has its share of technical and gameplay problems to look forward to, but I was naturally going to be drawn to any 3D platfomer for the system that I'd originally missed out on and that novelty puts Tonic Trouble slightly higher in my itinerary than some otherwise known quantities like Earthworm Jim 3D, Gex, Glover, and the Chameleon Twist duo. If I'm being honest, this week's Ubi-fied pre-selection was a toss-up between Tonic Trouble and Rocket: Robot on Wheels, which Ubisoft published on behalf of a fledgling Sucker Punch. Time's going to tell if I made the right decision...

16 Minutes In

Ed turns into Chad Ed whenever he eats popcorn. I also gain a lot of body mass when I eat popcorn too, though sadly not like this.

Well now, I was expecting something way worse than this. Yes, it does have a few issues, but on the whole I'm probably enjoying Tonic Trouble more than Conker's Bad Fur Day at least. The game has something of Banjo-Tooie's flavor where you might enter a new region and only explore so much of it on that first visit, the rest blocked off either due to lacking the right progress-enabling power-ups (ooh, explormer tech, yes please) or needing to complete other levels first. Seems to have a more of a linear structure than its world map—which shows the world as a series of peripheral areas connected by a central hub—would suggest, though I've seen very little of it so far. I'm also going to take some amount of umbrage with making the first level one of those awkward sliding levels where there's collectibles scattered all the way down that you have zero hope of sweeping up in one go. I suspect it's meant to ease the player into the idea that they'll be backtracking a lot.

As the internal investigation team looking into accusations of Ubisoft's impropriety may have allegedly once said: this definitely has Ancel's fingerprints all over it. The character designs have those trademark Rayman exaggerated toothy expressions and curiously missing limbs, even if here they're geared more towards biting Rare's style a little. For an example of a typically Rare design, there's the mysterious "Resistance" member Agent Xyz who hides behind a newspaper so only his googly eyes are visible (he's one of several helper NPCs who have popped up so far to deliver exposition or meta tutorials about the controls and such). The level design's a bit plain, and the less said about this camera the better (more later), but I think I managed to escape a disaster this time.

32 Minutes In

I wouldn't recommend staring at these floor textures too long. Like, is that a slope behind me or isn't it? Did American McGee co-write this?

After saving "Doc" from his imprisonment at the end of the game's first proper world, I'm now tasked with helping him build a machine to stop the villainous Grogh, who is some kind of Viking (?) that found the can of experimental potion and has now become a supervillain. I'm not sure what the story is or whether or not it's worth following, but all the same our next task is to head to "Vegetable HQ" to procure six springs that the Doc needs for his machine. The hub's also opened up now with half a dozen new portals to visit, but I'm thinking I'll probably need the next power-up to progress anywhere besides where we've already been. Speaking of which, I have my first upgrade: a stick. Figured I'd be used to Ubisoft protagonists waving a stick around as a weapon after Beyond Good & Evil, but I'm still surprised by how quotidian it is compared to the wacky cartoonishness of everything else here. The stick can also double as a lever for certain holes in the ground, so that's how I've been using it to open up new areas.

The structure of Tonic Trouble is a little odd, though I'm guessing it's a way to keep memory costs down. The game is filled with these portals that drop you into a small platforming or action sequence, usually taking a few minutes each, before you walk into another to warp to the next similarly small area. The elaborate animations for entering and exiting the portals take almost as long as the platforming sequences themselves. The camera also likes to go fixed perspective a lot, which isn't always as helpful as you'd hope, but during the times when it isn't you can use the Z trigger to keep it locked behind you. Locking the camera this way also causes Ed to strafe when moving left and right, which can helpful against ranged enemy attacks. Thankfully, the C-buttons are also relegated to camera work and I can safely ignore them this time.

48 Minutes In

Suzy mostly exists to nag at you about story mission objectives and be that abstractly attractive '90s cartoon love interest who is way into leopard print. Or maybe space leopard print.

I was curious what it meant for the world design that it introduced all these secondary groups of story-critical collectibles, or criticollectibles, but for the most part it's pretty much the same as Super Mario 64 excepting that most of these collectibles have been placed on a linear path through the level. That is, you'll complete a few areas and just come across one of the collectibles before moving further along the path; like they're doled out incrementally just for making progress through the world as a whole rather than earned for completing certain goals and challenges within that world. There have been very few branches in the path so far, but again we're early enough in the game that it might be doing its best to not scare players away with convoluted mazes right from the jump.

Many N64 generation 3D platformers also have, I've noticed, a significantly higher level of abstraction in the level design than those that followed. That is, rather than tying everything together with a strong stylistic or gameplay theme—say, a world with challenges based around a volcano and dodging lava, or something—areas and sequences even within the same world don't really connect together too much nor have much to do with its ostensible theme. You can see it in that horrible Bubsy 3D game Dan is making Grubb play, where one of its many issues is that every level is more or less the same checkerboard plain with a random assortment of topographical contours, platforms, and enemies and very little sense of place or thematic distinction. The abstraction factor isn't wholly a grouse in this case, incidentally: that otherworldly vibe can often be part of the appeal of these older games, made this way in part due to how the 3D polygonal graphics of the era had a real hard time making anything look like anything, and with a style as Looney Tunes-esque whimsically bizarre as Ancel's it actually kinda works in Tonic Trouble's favor. Maybe that's why Rayman did so well jumping to 3D like few other extant 2D platformer heroes did. Yeah, that's right, I'm talking about Sonic. What's his creator going to do, break out of prison to come shut me up?

64 Minutes In

You would be forgiven for taking one look at that tie-dye British Petroleum disaster of a river and think it's no bueno, but it's perfectly safe to stand in. Maybe avoid having any open flames on you though.

Realizing it'd be pointless to start another full world with so little time left (the timer was down to about eight minutes once I'd wrapped up that vegetable world) I decided for the sake of my own OCD to see how tricky it would be to get the rest of the collectibles from that very first ice sliding level. That level also has a timer, so I was also curious to see if I'll receive any reward for getting underneath it (my best result was 1:38 in the end, three seconds from the target time). I'll get a little into Tonic Trouble's collectibles, because the game is heavier with them than most: There's twenty swirly "antidotes" per level, ten thermometers, and the world-specific sets of criticollectibles already discussed. The swirlies apparently contribute to the ending: if you have 120 of the game's 140 total you'll be immune to the mutation can that's causing all the ruckus, which I imagine will play a part in the final battle or epilogue. The thermometers, meanwhile, will grant a permanent health increase for each ten found: Ed's own health gauge is a thermometer too, for reasons I can't entirely fathom since temperature doesn't otherwise play much of a role. I guess it all adds to the surreality?

On the whole, I have a positive reaction to what I've seen. I'm sure I would've had a fine time with it back when it was new, provided I didn't pay too much, and even if it structurally feels a bit disorganized and loose there's a certain degree of unpredictability in that approach that encourages you to see what's around the next corner. Maybe I'll try it again someday with the Retro Achievements turned on and just have a chill time collecting weird shit.

How Well Has It Aged?: Like Day-Old Tonic Water. From what I played it seems like a perfectly OK 3D platformer in a busy enough marketplace of same. Maybe a smidge higher than a Croc: Legend of the Gobbos but short of a Rayman 2: The Great Escape (which I suppose was only as good as it was because Tonic Trouble was something of a trial run with the tech). The power-up system seemed intriguing—I never went back to the Doc to get the power-up earned from that first world, which I feel dumb about forgetting—and more than a few times did I encounter some collectibles I'd have to come back for later, which generated some of that explormer tracking excitement wherein I almost felt like busting out a notepad. Graphically, the strong sense of style helps the otherwise dated graphics hold up; even in the era of early polygonal 3D, a distinctive art direction goes a long way. It was also sorta hideous admittedly, but with a chaotic cartoon sensibility not unlike Ren & Stimpy or anything Klasky Csupo.

Chance of Switch Online Inclusion: N-Ubi-lous. Ubisoft have circled the wagons after their legal troubles and some recent critical wet farts like Ghost Recon Breakpoint and Far Cry 6, so I don't think they're in the mood right now to remaster (or reconfigure for Switch) any obscure, so-so games from their past. That said, I imagine at least one conversation happened between Ubisoft and Nintendo during the development of Mario + Rabbids: Sparks of Hope regarding their N64 library and giving it a new lease of life on Switch. Given Tonic Trouble had a PC port at the time, I wouldn't be surprised if that showed up on their own store for sale instead however.

Wheel of Fortune (Random)

GameTek / GameTek
1997-12-02 (NA)
61st N64 Game Released

History: Wheel is Fortune began airing in 1975 and quickly became renowned and beloved as America's Easiest Game Show, requiring very little in the way of general knowledge or judgement or skill beyond turning a big wheel and guessing letters in a game of Hangman. This naturally also made it very popular across the world and especially within the key viewer demographic of "people who are enthralled by big colorful things spinning around with lots of lights and loud noises", making it a particularly big hit with kindergarteners and those recovering from head trauma. Equally naturally, this lead to merchandizing home versions of the game: first board games, and then video games once that industry began to pick up. The video game adaptations began around 1987 under the tutelage of Floridian game developer and publisher GameTek, which also produced games based on Jeopardy!, Press Your Luck, Hollywood Squares, Double Dare, and Family Feud. They then went on to develop updated versions of Wheel of Fortune for every console that came after (a rare privileged few, like the SNES, also saw sequels). However, in 1997 GameTek was reeling from financial troubles and filed for bankruptcy at the end of that same year, just a few days after this game's launch. The interesting part is that Take-Two Interactive, yet to explode into the big leagues with their 1999 purchase of DMA Design (the future Rockstar North), bought most of GameTek's assets a few months earlier and didn't really feel the need to step in and rescue them: rather, they poached its best talents and let it die. At least, that's as far as I can tell, since nothing with the GameTek brand came out after 1998 and its game show licenses were eventually passed around to Hasbro, THQ, and finally Ubisoft. One of GameTek's last ever releases was, in fact, the N64 version of Jeopardy! so that's one last gasp from the former kusoge mill we might yet encounter on 64 in 64.

I've added or worked on various wiki pages (here I go again) relating to the GameTek quiz show adaptations across the 8-bit and 16-bit eras and, man alive, do they all seem equally cheap, awkward, and anodyne. Shovelware before shovelware had a name. I don't hold out much hope for this variant either, though I'm at least hoping that the interface is a little more pleasant to grapple with given that they'd been working on these things for a decade by this point. Maybe a faster text input feature that synergizes with the control stick such as Beyond Good & Evil's spiral UI, but I won't hold my breath. Still, though, if we're talking genre diversity this is the first game of its type on N64—both among those we've covered, and for the system as a whole—and there weren't too many other N64 trivia/quiz games besides South Park: Chef's Luv Shack and the aforementioned Jeopardy! tie-in. Usually you'd expect a few Japan-only ones too since the genre's more popular over there, but I guess they all fled to PlayStation and Saturn.