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64 in 64: Episode 30

By Mento May 23, 2023 2 Comments

Bienvenintendos, everyone, to the newest episode of 64 in 64: the surest way to convince anyone that the Nintendo 64 had many, many problems beyond its limited cartridge space. We've managed to reach our thirtieth episode so I've lined up something pretty special for the Pre-Selected game for the occasion. I have zero control over the Random game, of course, and nothing would make that more evident than scrolling down and seeing the nonsense it threw at me to deal with this time.

Before we get into any of the fun stuff, I've got some pre-amble to pre-ambulate. I'm a rare defender of the N64 controller: I think its three-prong design was a smart one, but like many Nintendo decisions regarding peripherals and console-specific features they never really communicated it well with the many third-parties they were looking to work with. I suspect this was the beginning of the end for them losing a lot of support from studios outside the Nintendo bubble, as they continued to alienate people by insisting they make games with two screens in mind, or with motion controls in mind, or a big dumb tablet in mind. The three prongs of the N64 controller were meant to create a hard distinction between 3D games, which would use the Control Stick, and the 2D games which could use the standard D-pad. The C-buttons, meanwhile, seemed like they were built specifically for camera management: having all four buttons look more or less identical but for their direction made sense for a camera-specific function but less so as four additional face buttons that can be put to whatever use the developers wanted. The Z trigger? That was a masterstroke for console FPS games. Odd to think the N64 was the first to figure it out (I don't count bumpers, since SNES got there first). It's remarkable to see Nintendo's first-party games use all these buttons in the smart and intuitive ways they were meant to be used, and then see a bunch of third-parties—many of whom had to develop with other consoles and their controller schemes in mind also—just take a big ol' swing and a miss at a logical set of control bindings. Maybe that's why a lot of N64 games outside of whatever Zeldas and Marios Nintendo was putting out feel a bit... off. Still, hard to say Nintendo's blameless in this; it's a little like inviting people over to your house to try out a video game only you know how to play well, and wondering why no-one can put up a fight.

Talking of unfair, we have some rules to impart:

We're looking at two games in this and most other 64 in 64 episodes. The first was Pre-Selected from a pool of notable games that I either have some affinity for or have been curious to try out. The second one got expectorated onto my shoes by a spiteful machine code that I wronged in a previous life, a Random pick in the truest sense.
Each game is played for sixty-four minutes exactly. Or, at least, whenever I remember to set the timer going. Not to worry however as my internal clock is pretty good, even this late in the day (wait, it's only 5pm?).
Rundowns follow the structure of an elucidating introduction, four progress reports taken sixteen minutes apart, a conclusive statement on how well it's held up, a furtive estimate at how likely it is to hit the Switch Online service with all the other N64 games of variable prestige, and how many Retro Achievements I inadvertently earned in the process, if any.
We don't cover games already on Switch Online or due to be released on there for what I laughably call legal reasons, as if anything I do here is legal. As if to lend a hand in this endeavor, Nintendo's been helping me avoid any embarrassing scheduling mistakes by choosing not to announce or release anything new for the library despite having many more N64 games in the can. Saints, one and all.

Previous episodes can be found in this contented table of contents:

Episode 1	Episode 2	Episode 3	Episode 4	Episode 5
Episode 6	Episode 7	Episode 8	Episode 9	Episode 10
Episode 11	Episode 12	Episode 13	Episode 14	Episode 15
Episode 16	Episode 17	Episode 18	Episode 19	Episode 20
Episode 21	Episode 22	Episode 23	Episode 24	Episode 25
Episode 26	Episode 27	Episode 28	Episode 29	Episode 30
Episode 31	Episode 32	Episode 33	Episode 34	Episode 35

(Also, be sure to check out my 64 in 64-adjacent feature, The Kobayashi Mario, which will be updated with part three soon! I'll be playing my least liked level! So... yeah. Fun to be had.)

Buck Bumble (Pre-Select)

Argonaut Software / Ubisoft
1998-09-30 (NA), 1998-12-18 (JP), 1998-12-18 (EU)
=127th N64 Game Released

History: It's the return of Bring Your B-Game on 64 in 64 this episode, as our curated pick is the Notorious B.I.G. (Bee Infested Game) itself: Buck Bumble. Yeah, the one with the "bump to the bump to the bass" title track. A bizarre chemical spill has transformed the micro world of insects into one full of monstrously tough mutants and only a bumblebee cyborg has the skills to prevent an all-out war with the rest of Earth's denizens, even though we're way bigger and probably wouldn't need to put up much of a fight. British studio Argonaut Software employs their years of experience creating 3D dogfight shooters here, switching it up with this uncommon format of a cyberbee patrolling a suburban garden.

Argonaut should be a familiar name to both '80s home computer fans and Nintendo fans alike—an odd Venn diagram overlap shared only by Rare—as their input was instrumental in developing the SNES's Super FX chip as well as the most famous game to use it, Star Fox (or Star Wing, depending on who you ask). Though they released a handful of other console games over the years, like the Mario-killer Croc: Legend of the Gobbos, Buck Bumble is the only involvement they ever had with the N64. I guess why try to improve on perfection? (I don't need to introduce Ubisoft again, but I will say that this the fifth game they've published that's shown up on this feature. They got around, even in their pre-Prince of Persia/Assassin's Creed days. It's also the last of their dozen or so N64 games I have any interest in playing, so if they show up again it'll be for a random pick or because I had some barrels that needed scraping.)

This has the stink of inevitability all over it, huh? One of the handful of lesser N64 games to achieve meme status thanks in a small part to... well, OK, entirely due to its garage theme music which links it to a very specific time and place. (Not a musical genre that was easy to avoid in late '90s UK.) Giant Bomb's played it at least once in a stream that also featured fellow N64 meme generator Glover (punting that thing's 64 in 64 appearance as far into the future as possible) so I'm sure folks are familiar enough with the game. I actually own a physical copy, after I made one of my characteristic lapses in judgment. I don't recall it being terrible, at least not in an infamously bad way like some N64 games that regularly hit the "worst" lists, so I'm sure this won't be a painful experience. Well, if it is, I'll just game over and let it idle on the title screen for the remaining time.

16 Minutes In

Those glowy whatsits add to your score, but they're worth 10 each and you need 10,000 to get any kind of reward so really their purpose is to be confused for gun pick-ups which look almost the same from a distance. Already I'm feeling the love from the developers.

Well, so far, so bee to the base. That is to say, I flew as a bee to the enemy's base and shot it up. For as perfunctory as the combat feels it's probably remarkable that a 3D aerial shooter made in 1998 can be as smooth as this game's been so far. As if understanding that this is still a relatively new genre for the console market, the game's full of handy conveniences like a radar that accurately displays both the range and direction of incoming foes. The reason that's helpful is because, like most N64 games, the draw distance can be detrimental to seeing anything that isn't right on top of you. Buck Bumble starts with a slow pistol, but can soon find a much faster plasma pistol and a grenade launcher, the latter useful for destroying slow-moving enemies or stationary targets like buildings. Most structures have a telltale weak point which looks like a blue ball of electricity (I actually thought it was a shield at first, and tried to aim away from it) which might mean maneuvering yourself to the right angle to destroy it.

As of writing I've completed the first mission, Shock Strike, which simply involved clearing the level of enemies. I'm most of the way through the second, Radar Run, which has me taking out satellite dishes that these irradiated bees and hornets somehow have access to, including one that's behind a "secret passage". Said secret passage wasn't all that secret so now I'm poised to head through it and destroy the last dish.

32 Minutes In

Or maybe I'll just procrastinate picking up score items like an idiot while everything burns to shit. You can't tell me what to do, you're not my queen.

And here we see the game reveal its stinger, so to speak. Buck Bumble lures you in with the promise of a gentle time floating like a bee but right after wrapping up the first update I went through the passage and ended up getting stun-locked to death by tank-weevils. Their artillery strikes are incredibly accurate if you aren't moving, so the usual tactic of hitting the air brake and positioning myself to target incoming enemies was less valuable here. It also, along with the third mission, drilled into me the important of not hanging around: you're best zooming to each objective and taking it out quick rather than sticking around shooting everything, in part because there's usually some kind of timer and in part because your special weapon ammo is going to run dry if you waste it on inconsequential small fry. I've since expanded the amount of special weapons I've found to include "Multi-Bombs" which work like cluster grenades and seem a bit too inaccurate to be all that useful unless you're completely surrounded by enemies (or the enemy's so big that half the bombs end up hitting it despite the spread).

I fast-forwarded through the second mission and am now struggling with the third, Return Fire, which as you can see has you racing back to the HQ seen at the start of the game before its health bar disappears completely. That's where the "speed is the essence" lesson comes into play, because that thing was on its last pixel by the time I'd systematically cleared the way on my first attempt. The mission then culminates with picking up a nuclear bomb (again, how do these common garden bees find the plutonium for a nuke? Maybe the "Libyants"?) and carrying it back to a defusing station without hitting anything on the way. Worth pointing out here that the missions have no checkpoints and the game has a lives system for some godforsaken reason: since my last save was after losing the only two lives I had, I'll get game overs every time I fail this third one. Big question is, if I can save after every mission and I have to start over anyway if I get KIA'd, what purpose do these lives serve? Maybe some video game conventions were harder to drop...

48 Minutes In

Here it is. My nemesis. A nuclear bomb that explodes the moment I look at it funny. And I'm supposed to cart this thing through multiple narrow tunnels?

With mission three complete the game resumes the same pace as before, letting me catch my breath and replenish some of my special weapon ammo by exploring the levels a little more thoroughly without the threat of annihilation breathing down my thorax. Mission four, The Sonar Tower, flowed much like the radar dishes in that I had to remove a group of buildings one by one. I'm glad I was able to stock up on some more grenade launcher ammo and multi-bombs, since they're effective against these durable mission targets. The fifth mission, Big Blips, was a mini-boss of sorts as I had to warp to a small pond and take out some tentacle-looking things. Not for the first time I was wishing for a strafe button, since the most effective strategy I found of "fly right at them while shooting" proved to be a little more internecine than I'd have preferred. I'm now in the sixth mission, Short Fuse, which has me blowing up another thing but with a small twist: I've got to pick up a bomb and fly it to the detonation point beneath the building's shields. Same deal as last time: if I hit a wall or the floor I'm dead, along with everything in a half-mile (or more like half-yard, or maybe half-backyard) radius.

I think I've adjusted to the game's fluctuating pace now. Some missions it wants you to go fast, others you're probably better off taking your time with and using long range and surprise to your advantage if those ambush weevils from the second mission taught me anything (besides what artillery shells fired from a beetle's ass taste like).

64 Minutes In

What is that? Is that insect blood? I hope it's insect blood. I pray it's insect blood.

I very carefully and gradually removed all the opposition between where I pick up the bomb and where I am to drop it off, just to ensure that nothing would tamper with it en route to its destination. I then went all the way back to get said bomb—the level is enormous for some reason, and involves flying through the sewer at one point—only for it to graze the platform I meant to set it on, causing it to explode and the mission to fail. Next attempt? I just grabbed that football and ran to the end zone in one mad dash. Ended up beating the mission and earning my first of the time-based Retro Achievements. I guess fortune favors the bumblebold.

After that, I got a little into the seventh mission, The Outpost, before my time was up. I picked up all these cool weapons on mission six and never got to use any of them (I skipped them on the second attempt). I think I saw an auto-crossbow in there (I really hope there aren't stealth missions), a homing missile launcher, and something called the lightning gun. Started to feel very Quake-like all of a sudden. At any rate, I'm done with the game now so those weapons will have to remain a mystery. Can you believe I got through a third of this game's missions in a single hour? I doubt I'd have kept up that pace though.

How Well Has It Aged?: The Buzz Has Worn Off. If you asked me "What about now? Is it time to rock with the Biggedy Buck Bumble?" I'd probably look at you askew for a moment and then answer that the game's not aged all that great, but at the same time it's hard to find games from its genre that really worked back in that era due to the limitations of 3D graphics. Argonaut's always been able to do a lot with a little in that department, putting out wireframe 3D shooters on Atari ST in the late '80s despite theoretically being a long way away from supporting anything like it (which of course led to all the Super FX business). Granted, this far from removed from both the late '90s and this genre alike, it's hard for me to consider what this game's contemporaries were doing besides obvious PC stuff like X-Wing vs. TIE Fighter, which is a much slower and tactical game over Buck Bumble's frantic bee action. It has my second favorite title screen music of any insect-themed shooter made by a British developer, if that counts?

Chance of Switch Online Inclusion: Du-bee-ous. If Ubisoft still has the IP kicking around then I'm sure they could do something with it, but unless they gave Buck a hood and some retractable wrist blades or could somehow turn its theme song into an NFT I can't imagine they have much motivation. Curiously, when Argonaut shut its doors back in 2004 many of its major figures went on to found Rocksteady Studios, which at this moment is putting their own finishing touches on a shooter game with lots of flying biomechanical enemies with obvious weak points. Time really is a flat circle, or at least a purple glowing one.

Retro Achievements Earned: 15 of 55. The game has twenty-one missions which offer two achievements apiece: one for beating the level and a second for doing so under a par time. Beyond that there's a freebie for every new weapon and a special achievement for listening to a full loop of the theme music (you better believe I earned that one).

64 Oozumou 2 (Random)

Bottom Up / Bottom Up
1999-03-19 (JP)
=190th N64 Game Released

History: 64 Oozumou 2, or 64 Sumo 2 if we're being a little less obtuse, is a sumo wrestling simulation game exclusive to the N64. Naturally, this is one of those games that never left Japan for cultural reasons, since we've yet to adopt the noble sport of sumo overseas. Honestly, I think Japan should've swung for the fences and tried to make it an Olympic event back in 2021 to see how many heavy-set dudes showed up. The game's story mode has you train a novice sumo wrestler from their salad days all the way up to their wagyu beef days by closely controlling their diets, exercise regimens, and professional bouts. There's also a less intensive mode for battling it out with CPU opponents in single matches. Bottom Up, the developer and publisher, was founded by ex-Natsume folks and along with the two Oozumou games also put out on N64 a card game compilation unfortunately named 64 Trump Collection: Alice no Waku Waku Trump World (I believe waku-waku-ing Alice is what got him into this recent lawsuit trouble) and Onegai Monster, a monster breeder game.

I'm more than a little intimidated by the idea of playing a text-heavy simulation game based on a sport I don't know in a language I only barely know. (And it's a sequel, so I won't know the story either!) Where the heck is VoidBurger when you need her? If it doesn't look like I can muddle through a full hour of eating dumpsters full of rice and slapping dudes on their asses I'll have to think of some alternative solutions, possibly even breaking 64 in 64's cardinal rule of seeking external help. Heck, if that comment about the dumpster rice is as ignorant as I'll get today, I'll consider it a minor victory.