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64 in 64: Episode 47

By Mento October 22, 2024 4 Comments

Hoo boy, here we are at the penultimate episode of 64 in 64, unless I get so desperate for feature ideas that I just revisit this again. Really a case of "when" not "if". I'll just slap "new game plus" on the banner or something and pretend I never made a big show of concluding everything. That'll fly. What also flew, directly off the shelves (and into the bargain bin) are this episode's two N64 games: an apathetic obligation pick and yet another sports game plucked out by a randomizer almost as checked out as I am. Doesn't that just fill you with enthusiasm to read what follows? I know it does for me. I love low expectations.

But seriously folks, this has been a ride and a half going through the Nintendo 64 library and I hope when this feature concludes someone like the Mighty Gerst will decide to pick up the figurative trident controller and continue on in my stead, perhaps offering tidbits of what it was like to demo these games as a journalist active in that era. I suspect that, even without my assistance, the new Analogue 3D platform being sold to all those rich nerds with no sense—the type that would consider this kind of ad copy deeply profound somehow—will bring about a new wave of scrutiny to our little friend once more, and I can only hope it's a wave born of pleasant memories and a muted appreciation for the awkward growing pains all video games had to suffer when they became 3D. Nothing like waking up to discover you have cameras where there were no cameras before. OK, this is getting weird, let's just move onto the rules.

Rules? In a video game blog? You'd be surprised. Or not, since this is the 47th time I've iterated these. But hey, maybe I've hidden a secret message across all these blogs? One that could be assembled by taking the first word after every bulletpoint from every entry? I absolutely didn't do that, but it would've been cool if I had thought that far ahead.

I play two N64 games for 64 minutes each. I picked one, the other was picked for me by my neighbor who had been coming over dressed like a robot this whole time. I believed in you, Boxxo. I even fed all those cigarettes through the mouth holes like you asked for to get these random game choices. This is how you repay me? With lies? With betrayal?
Every 16 minutes, I pause the game, take a big inward sigh, and then get to jotting down my thoughts about the playthrough so far. The sighing step isn't strictly mandatory yet still I rarely forget it. We also have a bit of a history lesson and a mini-review for those that don't just skip past everything that isn't sarcasm humor. Joke's on you, I'm up to something like 94% sarcasm now.
For what I laughably call ethical reasons given the legality of everything else we're doing here, we're not looking to play any game that is presently on the Nintendo Switch Online service or has been announced as an upcoming addition. Very soon that will also include Banjo-Tooie, though I've already covered it on here so Nintendo were a little late. You snooze, you lose. Maybe if you weren't so busy building museums and theme parks we'd already have a better selection on there.

When I'm not mocking the hand that feeds, I like to construct tables. Spreadsheet tables, I mean, not actual carpentry that would be of use to anyone. Here you go, eat off this if you can:

Episode 1	Episode 2	Episode 3	Episode 4	Episode 5
Episode 6	Episode 7	Episode 8	Episode 9	Episode 10
Episode 11	Episode 12	Episode 13	Episode 14	Episode 15
Episode 16	Episode 17	Episode 18	Episode 19	Episode 20
Episode 21	Episode 22	Episode 23	Episode 24	Episode 25
Episode 26	Episode 27	Episode 28	Episode 29	Episode 30
Episode 31	Episode 32	Episode 33	Episode 34	Episode 35
Episode 36	Episode 37	Episode 38	Episode 39	Episode 40
Episode 41	Episode 42	Episode 43	Episode 44	Episode 45
-=-	Episode 46	Episode 47	Episode 48	-=-

Killer Instinct Gold (Pre-Select)

Rare / Nintendo
1996-11-25 (NA), 1997-07 (EU)
8th N64 Game Released

History: Killer Instinct Gold is a modified port of the arcade fighter Killer Instinct 2, which was developed in-tandem (mostly) with the original game as an intended launch title for the North American release of the Nintendo 64. Delays meant it missed the launch window (the N64 came out in the States in the September of 1996) but was still an early third-party champion for the platform and the first of many renowned N64 games from UK developers Rare. As a sequel, there are many roster additions and other tweaks to the combat of the original Killer Instinct though the FMV cutscenes, the fluid 60fps animation for its pre-rendered characters, and some of the voiceover clips had to be scaled back due to the space limitations of the N64 cart. This version of the game was later added to the Rare Replay compilation for Xbox One, along with several other Rare N64 games.

Right, Killer Instinct. I've spoken before on here that I'm not a particular fan of fighters at the best of times and even less so when they're trying to map the various kicks and punches to the C-buttons. However, this happens to be the very last Rare game I've yet to review on 64 in 64 (barring Banjo-Kazooie, which is disqualified as per the rules) and I would've felt a vague sense of dissatisfaction, like I left a job unfinished, were I to conclude this feature without it. It's right near the end here because I was hoping the random picker would choose it for me but we're just about out of opportunities for that to happen. So, here we go, a fighter game I sorta liked on the SNES (the OST was fun) that had its sequel become a slightly enhanced launch-window N64 game. I've taken on worse in this feature.

16 Minutes In

Quit bowing to my corpse, you asshole.

Well, if I've learned anything doing this feature it's that I have even less patience for fighters than I did before. That's what decades of internet usage will do your concentration and focus I suppose. The one thing I recalled from playing the SNES version of the first game is that I had the best affinity for the character Cinder due to his fast attacks and relentless combos, allowing me to just spam the opponent into stun-locked victory in much the same way the Eddie "I've no desire to dedicate myself to this game so I'll pick the guy who can win if you just keep pressing the buttons" Gordo mains were like back in the day. So, uh, Cinder's not in this one. That's normal, right? To remove characters from fighter sequels that may or may not have been someone's favorite? Good way to reward fans for their loyalty.

Instead, I tried the training mode with Fulgore (my alt) and went through the usual circle-motion + button combos until it got to the level where you were mixing up three moves at once. Thing is, Killer Instinct Gold is another one of these N64 fighters that assigns the harder punches and kicks to the C-buttons, which for me is akin to assigning jump to a button. I kinda wonder why anyone thought to port over fighters to N64 after this, since it made it clear that not even a huge(ish) deal like Killer Instinct could walk away unscathed by the N64's awful face button configuration. Anyway, sixteen minutes in and I've already lost all motivation to keep playing: always a sign that we have a good 64 in 64 entry in the making (and this is for the one I got to choose).

32 Minutes In

I get that training mode is like going to class but I don't need to be constantly graded while I'm still figuring out the controls. When I was a kid, I played video games to get *away* from schoolwork.

I've been tackling the default arcade mode but barely passing the third opponent—like they actually expect you to learn the game and improve before they'll reward you with the happy endorphins that come from making progress in a video game—so my next gambit is to find a character that I can excel at without needing the heavier attack buttons, since I'll never be able to remember which is which. That means back to the training mode to see what other options I have. Here's a semi-exhaustive list of who I've checked out so far:

Fulgore: I mean, pointy robot Fulgoraboudit's seems like an entirely fine choice for a newcomer like me. He's like the Ryu of this game, or would be if it didn't already have a humorless monk who lives for fighting in Jago. I must've forgotten how annoying his mechanical shrieks were though.
Glacius: Frosty's teleporting uppercut is cool and all but he seems a bit sluggish overall. Almost like he was completely made out of ice. Weird.
Kim Wu: One of the new characters. I totally get why they took my man Cinder out to put more half-naked women in here. You have to consider the priorities of this particular market. Kimpossible plays fine but most of her attacks involve getting real close first, besides an air fireball that's awkward to land—mostly because it goes sideways, rather than diagonally downwards, so you'd only need it if you and the other guy happened to jump at the same time.
Sabrewulf: Ah, here we go. All of Wulfy's specials are simple left-right-attack combinations so I could see myself easily chaining a bunch of these together despite my limitations. Will mean having to put up with the wounded puppy noises every time he gets punched though.

I'll stick with training for the next segment but Sabrewulf's my current pick if I feel like daring the arcade mode again. I forget if Rare put any more fighters in here named after their old ZX games but it wouldn't surprise me to fight Knightlore or the diabolical Atic Atac, if only as bosses.

48 Minutes In

I don't know if these are actually standard options. Like, what does 'high' music mean? Bob Marley and the Wailers? 'Random After' is an odd concept meant to punish players in versus games who keep winning, turning off throwing feels like an option for idiots who don't know how to hit someone who gets too close, and it's real telling of Nintendo's prior practices that 'Blood' was off by default.

Just to make it clear that I know what Killer Instinct is all about, since I'm sure some of you are worrying that I'm just hammering buttons without even watching the screen, but the big hook is that you can use basic "filler" attacks to chain together the strong hits and specials and by doing so can keep your opponent on the ropes for longer without giving them a space to retaliate unless they can bust out a combo breaker. This combo-heavy "if I've hit you once, the match is probably already over" approach is also popular in the MvC games too, I understand. These filler basics are called "auto-hits" since they'll take a single button press and turn it into a little combination of unblockable attacks: the idea being, I think, to give you a slightly bigger window to set up the next combo input. I'd liken them to using manuals to chain together the big scoring moves in the THPS series, but in fairness I mostly just wing it in those games too.

Back to the training grind, here's who I looked at this time:

B. Orchid: Back to a bunch of quarter-circle-motions again. The thing that sucks about these in KI is that they're all like "down-right, down, down-left", starting on the 45 degree angles instead of the 90 degree ones. I just find it easier to visualize a move if it looks like a right angle, you know? Anyway, "the B. Stands for Boobs" is like a mascot of this series almost so she has a fairly straightforward moveset to master that's perhaps a little faster than Fulgore's (the other mascot).
Maya: Leafbra is essentially a female Sabrewulf (ew) in that her moveset also uses a bunch of simplified left-right-attack combinations. One major difference is that she's a little bit faster and that one of the specials is this huge leap across the screen which is almost impossible to hit anything with. People may cast strange aspersions on my sexual preferences if I say this but I'm going to stick with the dog.
Jago: Jagoff is your typical monk albeit with some atypical laser tech for his swords (it's probably qi or something) and another one where all the moves have awkward quarter-circle motions. I'm sure he's highly valued in competitive circles but I'm not going to bother with anything that fiddly.
T.J. Combo: Our first (and only) charge character. Some of his charge specials involve holding forwards for a second rather than the usual hold back, which seems risky to me since you'll be eating anything thrown at you until you finish the special. Tug Job's a sturdy fellow though so maybe there's some extra defense he gets to account for this. Otherwise, he seems more like a character intended for experts.

The thing with the training mode, which makes it distinct from the one in Street Fighter EX Plus Alpha that I'm familiar with (which released about six months after KIG), is that instead of letting players take on the prompted combo at their own pace and feeling things out here you're instead given nine seconds to pull off what might be a three-stage combo and if it runs out (and it will) the game will halt everything you're doing, tell you that you suck, and then play the demo of the CPU pulling off the same move again because you clearly aren't getting it. I get that western fighters of this era had to have this whole aggressive attitude about them but all this negative reinforcement isn't improving my mood. Time to git gud before it yells at me again, I guess.

64 Minutes In

I punched a green lady until she fell over, I'm not really seeing how that's 'supreme' at all. I didn't even do a finisher.

Just two more characters to take for a spin in the training mode:

Spinal: I liked Skeleton Warriors more than most of the others I've tinkered with here. Quarter-motions again but they were all the proper right-angled ones and he has a neat little sliding tackle thing that's super easy to pull off and could work as the opener to any combo.
Tusk: I assumed Fabionan the Himborian was the game's other charge character given his size but, no, we're back to the awkward in-between quarter-motions again. Not my style. He does have this neat half-circle special which has him swing around to the opponent's flank, which seems handy.

Anyway, since I couldn't hold off on playing the actual game again any longer I decided to see how far I could get Wolfboy through the standard arcade mode. I was doing pretty well until I met my doppelganger, whom of course has all the same tricks I do. That only goes to proves the old adage true, "the only thing that can stop a werewolf in orange cargo shorts is a werewolf in red cargo shorts". The timer ran out before I could retry the fight and, let me tell you dear readers, I was entirely fine with letting it go.

How Well Has It Aged?: My Instincts Have Dulled. I dunno if I've mentioned this anywhere but fighters are entirely not my bag and though KIG is clearly one of the better ones on the N64 (like that's a competitive field) it's still not something I wanted to spend an hour with, let alone anything more than that. It's really that this genre requires a level of dedication I just can't find it in myself to summon, especially as the only reward to be earned for your hours of commitment is that you don't get maimed by teenagers online quite so often. That scene's not a fun place to be; if I wanted to read entire screeds where every third word was "skibidi" I'd just subscribe to the Scatman Crothers newsletter again. The soundtrack still slaps though.

Chance of Switch Online Inclusion: Ultra Unlikely. Rare did just recently drop another game on the service but given how the recent KI reboot has firmly made it a Microsoft property in the eyes of many (and their only fighter, I think) Rare might be a little more reluctant to stick KIG on there. I say that, but they did already put the SNES Killer Instinct on NSO back in February so I guess nothing's really stopping them. My one hope is that they instead focus on adding Diddy Kong Racing or Donkey Kong 64 or really just about anything else.

Retro Achievements Earned: 1 of 78. I got that one because I managed to land a 12-hit combo, out of pure luck. There are separate achievements for 10-hit and 11-hit but I guess they don't stack.

Kobe Bryant in NBA Courtside (Random)

Left Field Productions / Nintendo
1998-04-27 (NA), 1998-06-10 (EU)
=91st N64 Game Released

History: Kobe Bryant in NBA Courtside is a five-on-five basketball game exclusive to the N64 that included the various NBA licenses required for the proper team names and player names. Its titular star was one of the youngest athletes ever featured on a game cover in its day: Bryant was 19 at the time, having only recently joined the LA Lakers as their shooting guard yet still racking up enough noteworthy achievements to earn the honor of starring in his own N64 game. Developers Left Field Productions would later become better known for the reboot Excitebike 64, based on the well-loved NES motocross sim Excitebike, but prior to landing that cushy Nintendo gig they put out both this basketball game and its sequel NBA Courtside 2: Featuring Kobe Bryant (dang, relegated to a "featuring" credit). Building off their Excitebike success, LFP continued to put out biking games like MTX Mototrax and Dave Mirra BMX Challenge for the next console generation before folding sometime in 2011 after releasing the desaturated demo derby game Mayhem.

And so here we are, about to embark on an hour of trying to maintain my sensitivity filter and not mention anything about certain aircraft. That sadly means I'll have to focus all my comedic energy on basketball humor instead, so don't expect too many three-pointers in that regard. There was some part of me that hoped I'd continue beating the odds of not having to cover any more sports games on here but I was really just deluding myself: they do, after all, constitute around a quarter of all the games on the N64, as I did the hard math to determine a little while ago. Well, I suppose this is thematically fitting enough because if there's one thing the random chooser enjoys doing on this feature, it's dunking on me.