So yeah, I was recently gifted the new Steam release Go! Go! Nippon! ~My First Trip to Japan~ (I'm only assuming the tildes are important) and who am I to turn down a vacation in the land of the rising sun? I can eat sushi, relax in hot springs and maybe even meet the anime of my dreams?
No seriously, what the hell is this thing? Why am I getting sent even more weird anime games? Well, I guess I ought to find out. Right? It's only polite.
Go! Go! Nippon! Part 01: Wakarimasen...
Welcome to Go! Go! Nippon! I'm probably going to get into all sorts of trouble. Both with the Japanese tourism industry and with the site administrators for uploading so many big screenshots. Oops! Gomen nasai!All right, what the hell is this already? I'm not actually planning out a vacation am I? If so, I'd probably be exchanging pound sterling anyway. I'm tempted to make the exchange rate super high so I can run around buying cars for fifty bucks, but then I wouldn't want to deal with all the suicidal bankrupt businessmen hitting the pavement while I'm trying to buy souvenirs.I'm tired, but I'm also too excited to sleep! Japan!At this point, we dramatically zoom in on those clouds in the background. I suspect this game might be stupid.I think someone mismatched the caption with the image. Or I really am controlling an idiot.So in case you hadn't cottoned on quite yet, we've flown to Japan and are sort of excited about being in Japan and doing Japanese things. What's hilarious, or hilariously sad, is that my character apparently knows fuck all about Japan despite all his 'studying'.Anyway, I'm keeping a look out for these two. They certainly look like anime sidekicks. Like, the left guy is the handsome sporty one, and the right guy is the stocky comic relief who likes food but has a heart of gold. Man I can't wait to meet them!Nope, bait and switch. By the way, I'm Goku. It's an ingenious sobriquet I've assumed for the sake of easier cultural assimilation.So this is Makoto. She's certainly, uh, realistically built. Goddammit, first Lady Sword and now this. What have I gotten myself into?This is Akira, a.k.a. the dubiously legal option. She's a tsundere! (No seriously, kill me now.)I'LL SAY! (*record scratch*) (Come and knock on our door... We've been waiting for youuuu...)Oh no.Let's... not do this.The girl on the right is clearly 14, let's please stop whatever this is from continuing further. Please.Phew, we've changed topics to an in-depth explanation of how Japanese transit cards work. I'm going to assume that the game's secondary goal, after ogling minors, is to teach would-be tourists how to get around Japan?This is going to be a common thread I fear. The fact that my character may have just flown in from a small town stuck in the 1950s.A brief stop at Tokyo Station and... wait, what kind of expression is Akira sporting here? Is there a panda behind me?You thought I was kidding about the 1950s thing? Who doesn't know what 24 hour convenience stores or vending machine are? It's possible I'm vacationing from Albania, but there was no option to exchange my lek.Being the informative game that it is, it tells me what tatami are and that you should never walk across them wearing shoes. This is important cultural information, I'm sure. I wouldn't even want to imagine the state of his other 'bad' socks, but it's distressingly easy to connect the dots with all the lascivious comments made thus far.For an obnoxiously Japanophile guy like me? Oh, for sure.Even she's like, 'All right, jeez, dial it down a notch otaku-san.'Oh here we go.Don't. Don't even.Then don't do or say or think anything to feel guilty about. I'm serious.BY DOING WHATTHINK ABOUT WHATAGH THIS GAMEIf there's some sort of mini-game where I have to hide my perpetual boner, I won't be pleased.Tsundere! So moe~! (She cooked me dinner, that's what's going on here.)Presumptive son of a bitch, aren't I? They aren't obsessed with baths, incidentally, just the idea of them.By the way, I started talking (and thinking, for some reason) in Japanese to help me get the hang of it. I'm paying very little attention to it though. Instead, I'm fixated on the entirely natural dialogue concerning Japanese plug adapters.This is a sentence I just said in my brain. I wanna go home...I can't even conceive of what fresh Hell awaits me tomorrow.
Boy, that was fun! I can't wait to head out into Tokyo tomorrow to see all the wonderful sights and sounds of Japan! I've retreated into some kind of denial-induced fugue of chirpiness and excitement!
All right, so I may continue my adventures in Japan in the comments, but with way fewer screenshots. I didn't realise how big these things were until I started uploading them, so if any site engineers are reading this... hey. This is an important cultural exchange of ideas and customs, so I'd say it's absolutely worth the bandwidth.
