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Alternate Mass Effect 3 Endings

Since BioWare is now contractually obliged to change the ending to their recent trilogy-closing space opera by the indomitable will of the internet, I've decided to help out with some suggestions below. Hopefully we can then put this whole affair behind us and see about a Dragon Age 3 that ends that trilogy just as controversially. Maybe a light show that turns all the Darkspawn into puppies. But I'm getting way ahead of myself.

List items

  • "Let's see who Harbinger really is!" *Removes the top half of Harbinger's chitinous exoskeleton*

    "Diana Allers!"

    "AndIdhavegottenawaywithittoo (BEAT) ifitwasntforyoumeddlingAllianceandyourrobot."

  • The camera pans out from Earth, revealing it to be inside a snowglobe with the Reapers merely snowflakes. The dumb dead kid from the start stares at it intently. No-one remembers St. Elsewhere.

  • "Whuh, what happened?"

    "You were having a bad dream, Shepard. Murmuring about 'reapers' or some such. Now go to the ready room, Nihlus wants to talk to you about something."

  • A shot of an Earth city in ruins, with an enormous Reaper corpse slowly decaying a few miles away. Through this desolate scene runs Red XIII and several of his children. They survey the scene and howl dolefully at the stars.

  • "Thank you Shepard, but the Reaper kill-switch is in another Citadel!"

  • You reach the ending, but are told that you need a special holo-key found only on Eden Prime during the first game's opening mission to proceed. So back you go.

  • The team stand around a tombstone over an empty grave that honors the heroic sacrifice of Shepard to save the galaxy. But in the corner of her eye, Liara sees Shepard riding off into the distance on a chocobo. What could it mean?

  • Activating the Crucible releases a giant ball with studs all over it. Before anyone can react, the ball rams into each Reaper at high speed and picks them all up. The King of All Cosmos then remarks on how "Reaper-y" the Katamari feels before turning it into a new star at the center of the galaxy.

  • All the characters in the game, including the antagonists, sit at the Purgatory bar and sing about how great Shepard is in a catchy little ditty. The VA work takes a noticeable dive.

  • "Insert Disc 3"