Something went wrong. Try again later


This user has not updated recently.

25 205 2 2
Forum Posts Wiki Points Following Followers

My Laziness is Tough to Beat

I can't imagine there is anyone in this country as lazy as I am. Think you might be lazier? Than beat this. I once lost the remote control for my TV and instead of going out and getting a new one, I managed to survive four months changing the channels with a pool cue. When a light bulb burns out, a normal person will automatically run down to the store and get a new one. When my main kitchen light burnt out, I popped open the microwave and used its limited light as a makeshift kitchen lamp -- for half a year. I have a horrible habit when parking of putting the "Club" on my steering wheel, and not bothering to search out its key to actually lock it. Really, how's the thief to know if I actually locked it or not? When I went to the movies as a kid, it was quite common for me to attach half a dozen straws together, stick them in my drink, and place the cup on the floor. Then I would enjoy my Mr. Pibb without ever having to do all that heavy lifting that goes along with partaking of a beverage. I remember during a pretty bad flu a few years back I manage to drag myself to the pharmacy to get some much-needed meds. On the way out, I caught a glimpse of a product on the shelf that had my name written all over it: a pee bottle! I'm not sure what the medical term is, but it was the same bottle they give to hospital patients. How exciting! It was a real lifesaver, especially since I was so ill. I figure it would cut down my exhausting bathroom visits by a whopping 80 per cent. The problem is when I got better and all my energy came back, I still had the pee bottle. Weaning myself off the bottle was ridiculously difficult. Memo to all toddlers: I know your pain. I figured about a month went by and still the bottle remained part of my world. I had made this mistake of bragging about my 80 per cent reduction in toilets visits to a friend of mine, who was, to say the least, not impressed. I believe the word animal was used in his response to my statement. As it turned out it was just the talk I needed. After all, the last thing anyone needs is to be centre-stage in a pee bottle intervention. I'm proud to announce that I've been pee bottle clean now nearly 4 years now. One day at a time.