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MrLandmaster

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The Giant Bomb Quoter

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Hello everyone, I decided to make something dumb!

The Giant Bomb Quoter is a website that rotates one-off Giant Bomb quotes (out of context) one after another. A quote appears on the page and remains there for ten seconds, after which it is replaced by a new quote.

I pulled most of the quotes from the wiki, but I'd be happy to involve the community in this. If you have a funny quote, I'd love to add it to the list! I'm sure there are others who find this dumb idea as amusing as I do.

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215 Comments

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TheLastNeo

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Edited By TheLastNeo

This is fantastic.. Well done sir!

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deactivated-63bbfc9f777ec

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I clicked through like 75 and I didn't see

"I could eat Dicks all day" - Ryan Davis

or

"THEY TALKED IN LEGO ISLAND!" - Drew Scanlon

apologies if they are there and I just didn't get them

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bacongames

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Edited By bacongames

"Should LEGOs talk?" - Jeff Gerstmann

"I wanna ride Dumbo..." Jeff Gerstmann

"Welcome everybody to this week's edition of Thursday Night Throwdown!" - Ryan Davis

"Vinny, press G!" - Drew Scanlon

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michaeldim

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Edited By michaeldim

@BaconGames said:

"Should LEGOs talk?" - Jeff Gerstmann

"I wanna ride Dumbo..." Jeff Gerstmann

"Welcome everybody to this week's edition of Thursday Night Throwdown!" - Ryan Davis

"Vinny, press G!" - Drew Scanlon

If we're gonna have that, you might as well also have "Hey everyone, it's Tueeeeessssdaaaayyyyy."

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Lazyaza

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Edited By Lazyaza

My favorite of Jeffs is still: "I put the baby in the microwave to make it stop screaming so I could play more World of Warcraft!"

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thedj93

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Edited By thedj93

fuckin awesome!

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ShaggE

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Edited By ShaggE

This is perfect for confusing people on FB.

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bacongames

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Edited By bacongames

@michaeldim said:

@BaconGames said:

"Should LEGOs talk?" - Jeff Gerstmann

"I wanna ride Dumbo..." Jeff Gerstmann

"Welcome everybody to this week's edition of Thursday Night Throwdown!" - Ryan Davis

"Vinny, press G!" - Drew Scanlon

If we're gonna have that, you might as well also have "Hey everyone, it's Tueeeeessssdaaaayyyyy."

I'm all for that.

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g6065

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Edited By g6065

Hahaha this is amazing. Great work. I

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Rasmoss

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Edited By Rasmoss

Fantastic stuff, duder!

Couple of suggestions:

"By the time I got back to the car, I wanted to kill that motherfucker" - Jeff Gerstmann

"Liquor in the front, poker in the rear" - Vinny Caravella

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michaeldim

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Edited By michaeldim

Hey, the PAX Panel.

"Dave Lang!" -Ryan repeatedly throughout the PAX 2012 panel

"People... Always eXcellent? No?... PAX? No? Fuck you guys then." -Ryan at Pax Prime 2012

"Does it look like an 8-bit Nintendo game, or a 16-bit Nintendo game?" -Jeff at PAX 2012

"I'm on TV." Jeff at PAX Prime 2012

"I don't want want to start out on a downer. I know we're having a good time. You know, PAX, hey, lets party. But there's some serious things we need to get to. Which one of you fuckers stole Brad's credit card?" -Jeff at PAX Prime 2012

"Don't be like Dave Lang." -Jeff at PAX Prime 2012

"The Giant Bomb Panel, the one time where you can come and see people who give a shit about fanny packs." -Patrick at PAX Prime 2012

"I'M AN ASTRONAUT! I'M AN ASTRONAUT!! I'M- OH GOOOooodd.." -Jeff at PAX Prime 2012

"The gloves don't smell great on their own, but when you are where the gloves live..." -Jeff at PAX Prime 2012

"Are you having stroke? ...Or am I?" -Jeff at PAX Prime 2012

"There is a horrific storm coming in from The Lang Zone, across the stage!" -Jeff at PAX Prime 2012

"Society is fucking crumbling, and it starts by eliminating pennies!" -Jeff at PAX Prime 2012

"I'M GONNA SLIT THAT MOTHERFUCKER'S THROAT! I'M GOING TO CARVE 40 CENTS INTO HIS CHEST!" -Guess

"Is this where it happens? Is this where he pulls out the knife and we all die?!" -Jeff at PAX Prime 2212

"Every hole must be filled. ...What?" -Jeff at PAX Prime 2012

"Were these people also Tipper Gore?" -Ryan at PAX Prime 2012

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white

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Edited By white

Is "No no no! Don't shake the baby!!" in it?

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Thrillhouse87

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Edited By Thrillhouse87

"The head is the opposite of the butt" - Ryan Davis

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RabidBadger

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Edited By RabidBadger

Dude, this is awesome.

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Winternet

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Edited By Winternet

Bravo, sir!

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Phatmac

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Edited By Phatmac

Great job sir!

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ArcadiaExeter

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Edited By ArcadiaExeter

this is easily one of the greatest things of all time.

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MordeaniisChaos

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Edited By MordeaniisChaos

This is awesome! My only suggestion would be to give context to the quotes.

Agh, I went to take a screen capture of:

"Seattle is actually Spanish for "taco." -Ryan Davis

and right before I hit print screen it changed to:

"Cunt." -Vinny Caravella.

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Dagbiker

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Edited By Dagbiker

That's why you spent that time in prison- Jeff to Vinny about being creepy in some Japanese side scroller.

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the_hiro_abides

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Edited By the_hiro_abides

"You're the illest, crazy drug trip eagle." -Jeff Gerstman

"Bitch, please." -Ryan Davis

From Lord of the Rings: War in the North quicklook.

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MordeaniisChaos

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"Soon, soon, you're a balloon!" -Jeff Gerstmann

From the Persona 4 Endurance Run.

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jeanluc

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Edited By jeanluc  Staff

"Then it turns out he's a Templar, and you hammer in the last nail!" -Jeff

"Lady, what kind of house did you buy?!" -Vinny (Phantasmagoria)

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wrecks

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Edited By wrecks

I could watch/read that thing all day. Great job!

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michaeldim

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Edited By michaeldim

Imma just saturate this thread with quotes. Fuck it.

"No. No I don't even know what you're talking about. I'm not even here right now." -Jeff in the Persona 4 ER

"This situation has been made... I'm actually really annoyed- Oh, CHRIST!" -Jeff in the Persona 4 ER

"Take your pants off and get in the TV." -Vinny in the Persona 4 ER

"Man, that is... This game knows me a little too well." -Jeff in the Persona 4 ER

"Take those pins off your jacket, they signify your desirably to become impregnated by the transfer student." -Jeff in the Persona 4 ER

"Now do you wanna see what Mr. Morooka looks like without his pants on or what?" -Jeff in the Persona 4 ER

"Who want's to make a little money with their too-damn-short skirts?" -Jeff in the Persona 4 ER

"Hey Vinny. GET BENT!" -Jeff in the Persona 4 ER

"Vinny... If your not here to push X... I don't know what I'd do." -Jeff in the Persona 4 ER

"I'M WEARING MY OWL HEAD!" -Jeff in the Persona 4 ER

"YES! THE FUCKING BALL!" -Jeff in the Persona 4 ER

"Dude! He's hot!" -Vinny in the Persona 4 ER

"That's cool, but HE'S IN OUR WORRRLLLLDD." -Vinny

This might be too vague, but:

"What." -Jeff at least once in more-or-less every episode of the ER

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mwjeffcott

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Edited By mwjeffcott

I don't know if anyone else did this, but I took a look at the source code behind that page. There are nearly 300 quotes. Damn fine effort.

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AlexWP

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Edited By AlexWP

Analog laser sucks dicks. - Ryan Davis

I'm gonna rip your head off and order a pizza. - Jeff Gerstmann

Yo bro, let's go. - Vinny Caravella

I tried not to shit my pants, but then I couldn't do anythn' - Brad Shoemaker

Fuck myNotebook Carbon - Jeff Green

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jakob187

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Edited By jakob187

1. Sliced bread

2. Giant Bomb Quoter

3. Sex

There's not necessarily a particular order to those, but they are the three greatest things ever.

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MrLandmaster

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Edited By MrLandmaster

Quotes have been updated! I want to thank everyone again for the nice words, and for the amount of hilarious stuff that you've been suggesting.

@michaeldim said:

This might be too vague, but:

"What." -Jeff at least once in more-or-less every episode of the ER

While this is funny and iconic in the videos, it unfortunately doesn't really translate well in this context. But seriously, your quote dumps have been fantastic, so thank you!

Edit: Oh no, I broke something. I'm looking into it.

Edit 2: And it's back!

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neurotic

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Edited By neurotic

My first one was this:

You're not gonna be delivering fucking pizzas! You're not gonna be strapping on fake dicks and fucking people with it. Oh wait -- STRAP IT ON! - Jeff Gerstmann

I approve of this quote generator.

EDIT: So many of them are Jeff quotes!

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Origina1Penguin

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Edited By Origina1Penguin

I totally forgot about "Suck shit from a lead pipe labeled 'shit delivery system'." Oh my God I needed that laugh. Phenomenal work, really. This needed to be done.

I don't know if it's already in or already suggested: "It looks like you're ruining your soul. Would you like some help?" - Jeff Gerstmann (from http://www.giantbomb.com/podcast/?podcast_id=303 at the very beginning)

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michaeldim

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Edited By michaeldim

@MrLandmaster: Word. You've done excellent work. Have a bunch more quotes, on me.

"Right in the wahacas!" -Ryan in whatever QL is at the start of this

"Look at the boobs! Moving like no boob has ever moved in the history of time!" -Ryan in the Dead or Alive: Paradise QL

"It's called ABC. Always Be Clothing." -Ryan in the Afterburner: Climax QL

"Fuck you and your medicine balls, Vinny" -Ryan in the Wipeout QL

"The billboard went from saying 'No Chewing Allowed', and then you freed it- you freed it from the shackles of The Man and turned it into advertising for Stride gum. This game is already the worst thing I have ever seen." -Jeff in the Shawn White Skateboarding QL

"I have to go... I have t-... FUCK you guys." -Jeff in the Multimedia Celebrity Poker

"We did name our guy 'Pig Sticker'. Maybe people are seeing that and being turned off by that." -Ryan in the Farming Simulator 2012

"That guy was high when they filmed that." -Jeff in one of those there skateboarding games (Tony Hawk?)

"Go from 'Off' to 'Britiain'." -Vinny in the DCS: A-10C QL

"It's right under the turney knob." -Dave in the DCS A-10C QL

"Let me poke her first." -Jeff in the Hot Shots Golf Vita QL

"Goal. I'm the greatest soccer player that ever lived. I'm like David Beckham. Times 9. You will be bending it like me, this holiday season, in theaters." -Jeff in the Fifa PS Vita QL

"Goal. Like I said, I am the best soccer player in the history of the world. I'm like Pele, if Pele was from space." -Jeff again in the Fifa PS Vita QL

"You're talking about sex, right?!" -Ryan in the Persona 4 ER

"Dad, put your pants on!" -Vinny in the Persona 4 ER

"We got kicked out of the Bad, Bad Bathhouse for bad, bad behavior." -Jeff from the Persona 4 ER

"Turn this fucking game OFF." -Brad in the Family Feud 2012 QL

"Jeff, I need to interrupt you. We are talking to a lamp." -Dave in the Giantbomb CBSi announcment.

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matthew

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Edited By matthew

@MrLandmaster: Sooo, there is this thing I did with the first 37 podcasts, including the Arrow Pointing Down.

Click here for the fun times. There's 8 pages worth of posts in there (pages 1-8), so carve yourself out some time to go through'em. If you feel like it.

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TwoLines

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Edited By TwoLines

"Maaaaaajiiiiick."- Ryan Davis, Harry potter QL.

"I work with ASSHOLES." Jeff G. Mario Bros. QL

"If I die playing Jackal, it's a life worth living!" Jeff playing... well... Jackal. (Game Room QL with Jackal)

"First place. First place Jackal player. Best in the world. I'm the best Jackal player that ever lived... First place apparently bronze medal." Jeff in the very same QL.

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michaeldim

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Edited By michaeldim

"That thing is poop that fell out of a butt." -Jeff in the P4 ER

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pleasedaddyno

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Edited By pleasedaddyno

have you added the one from an episode of DEadly Premonition ER where ryan says "i have no asshole. please don't feed me!" alluding to willie the dog?

"lets watch a pro" vinny

"just ask my magic hat!" jeff in ep 1 of Deadly Premonition ER

"something bad happened here." vinny in same ep of ER

"bad touch" ryan

also, the conversation from that one bombcast where they talk about defecating into a hand flinging it at people...

this is great, by the way. so many fucks, too.

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Draxyle

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Edited By Draxyle

I'm almost ashamed at how many quotes I recognize, even the highly esoteric ones.

Kudos, I spent a good ten minutes flipping through them. I'm sure there's a lot that the GB crew would prefer not show up in court someday.

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dietmango

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Edited By dietmango

"HAWWWWWW" - Jeff Gerstmann, playing Mega Man 9 and failing.

"It's totally OK." - Jeff Gerstmann's take on basically any game that's considered 'alright.'

"OH DUDE!" - Jeff Gerstmann Persona 4 Endurance Run

"Video game criticism just got critiqued!" - Jeff Gerstmann

"Jeff, you just creampied me." - Ryan Davis, Buzz! Quiz World Quick Look

"You guys are the worst company ever!" - Matt Kessler

"How do I hump the air?" - Vinny Caravella

"Grudge fuck." - Dave Snider

"It's like you want to give that bird the bird, amirite?" - Jeff Gerstmann

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michaeldim

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"Penguins are dope." -Ryan in the Cargo: The Quest for Gravity QL

"Tell Mr. Moustache I said 'Eat a dick, straight up'." -Jeff in the DP ER, more than once, actually

"Show me your biscuits." -Jeff in the DP ER

"Take that cop! TAKE THAT COP! Millions of dead cops!" -Jeff in the DP ER

"Poo poo. Poo poo pocket." -Vinny in the DP ER. Yes, really.

"CQB! Close Quarters... Butt." -Vinny in the DP ER.

"Lamp did it." -Jeff in the DP ER.

"Lamp's been up for three days. Lamp has the cleanest house on the street, if you know what I'm saying." -Jeff in the DP ER

"Here take Spiritual Map B and fuck off. How 'bout that?" -Ryan in the DP ER

"Now the piano I will play, it is up to you to decide if I'm gay. So says Mr. Stewart." -Jeff in the DP ER

"Sit on my biscuits." -Vinny in the DP ER

"We gotta get outta here, it's the cops! Wait, we're the cops!" -Jeff in the DP ER

"Yeah, let's party. Stick it in. Just the tip though." -Jeff in the DP ER

"I'm a dog. I've got no asshole. Please don't feed me nothin'." -Ryan in the DP ER

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jeanluc

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Edited By jeanluc  Staff

"TV POLICE, FREEZE!" - Jeff

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LaserLambert

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Edited By LaserLambert

"I have actually no less than 3 pieces of black velvet art in my house, so step the fuck off." Ryan Davis Giant Bombcast 02-17-2009

I love running this thing, and covering the bottom part where the name shows up and guessing who said what,

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pleasedaddyno

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Edited By pleasedaddyno

@Matthew said:

@MrLandmaster: Sooo, there is this thing I did with the first 37 podcasts, including the Arrow Pointing Down.

Click here for the fun times. There's 8 pages worth of posts in there (pages 1-8), so carve yourself out some time to go through'em. If you feel like it.

i went through all of sir Matthew's notes and picked out some for the OP:

On the other hand, I have a tremendous 8-bit boner. -Brad

Helicopters are still a threat. -Jeff

Foreign blankets are still a threat. -Jeff

Polygonal morphing is still a threat. - Ryan

PS2 is still a threat. -Jeff

Space is still a threat. -Jeff

It's not Afrika, but what is. -Jeff

When push comes to shove, if it's a question about your survival or mine, like, of course I'm going to kill you--why wouldn't I?" -Vinny

Waffle house is like a gunshot wound at three in the morning. Self-inflicted. -Ryan

If you have a ponytail, cut it off. -Jeff

That game is janky. Rated J for janky. -Jeff

Stick a shotgun into an anthill and pull the trigger just to see what happens. -Jeff

Don't milk a hippie. You won't like what comes out. -Ryan

Well, you know what's better than 200,000 blades of grass...653,000 guns. -Jeff

I bet a zombie invasion smells really bad. -Vinny

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MooseyMcMan

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Edited By MooseyMcMan

This is great!

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OsvaldoMoreno

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Edited By OsvaldoMoreno

nice job dude

btw in case nobody said it: '' Rider, meet Horse. Horse... MEET... RIDER !!'' - Jeff

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Philedius

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Edited By Philedius

I approve of this!

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michaeldim

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"Or just have a sick-ass knife party!" -Jeff in the Black Ops 2 QL

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Video_Game_King

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Edited By Video_Game_King

Have you added this one:

Feel the magic, catch the juice. Thundercats are loose. - Vinny Caravella.

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michaeldim

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Edited By michaeldim

"Right now! Dismiss class, go to the Emergency Room, and just point at your face, and go: 'HELP!'" -Ryan in the Prof. Layton and Miracle Mask QL

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FunkyHugo

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Edited By FunkyHugo

Oh wow. Fantastic work!

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napalm

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Edited By napalm

"I'm six foot three. Milk is OK!"

God, I remember that, and it was so long ago.

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MrLandmaster

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Edited By MrLandmaster

Quotes have been updated! We have now passed the 400 quote mark, which is totally crazy and amazing. Awesome work, everyone!

@Matthew said:

@MrLandmaster: Sooo, there is this thing I did with the first 37 podcasts, including the Arrow Pointing Down.

Click here for the fun times. There's 8 pages worth of posts in there (pages 1-8), so carve yourself out some time to go through'em. If you feel like it.

Holy moly, that's a lot of great stuff to dig through! I still haven't had time to properly look through all of this so thanks for getting started for me.