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What the hell man?

I swear i'm cursed. It seems like every day is a fight for survival.

Take today for instance...

My car gets rear ended and we almost flipped on the freeway. I WASNT WEARING A SEAT BELT AND WE ALMOST FUCKING FLIPPED.

Though this may sound like some unlucky coincidence or whatever this type of stuff happens to me all the time.

Do you know how many times I have almost died throughout my short life? 10 times at least and this is really an understatement.

When I was a baby I was dropped by my aunt who happened to be walking down a large flight of stairs. I rolled all the way down.

When I was a toddler my dumb ass stoner cousins caught my grandmas house on fire and I was left in the burning house. I was saved by my father who remembered me just before it was too late.

I'm 7 years old. My parents and my uncle decide to take me to the beach and leave me on a floaty. The tide pulls me out and a FUCKING lifeguard has to step in to save me.. I was that far out.

I'm 10 years old. I'm at a neighborhood BBQ. Me and a friend jump in the deep side of the pool. My friend forgot to mention that he couldn't swim. He almost drowns me in an attempt to use me as a human floating device which worked very well for him. I was saved again by my father.

I'm 12 years old. I start to notice a very painful type of shocking jolt feeling in my back. After a few months of horrid pain I go to the ER to find out that I have this very rare and deadly (but easily treatable) disease known as Scarlet Fever. I was told if I waited any longer I would probably be dead.

I'm 15 years old. I'm riding in the backseat of my car with my sibling. We get rear ended and the other dudes car catches on fire. We barely make it out before both cars catch on fire.

I'm 16 years old. My mom is driving while i'm in the passenger seat. We make a right turn just before the light turns red. A dude who sees a green light from about 100 feet away continues to drive at a fast speed. He slams into my door almost killing me in the process.

I'm 18 years old. All my relationships end badly. I keep losing my job for indirect reasons (not my fault), My family for the most part is slowly falling apart, my friends are all fake... ALL OF THEM. I have not one true friend. I'm always finding myself in strange and or dangerous situations (robbings, homeless people trying to rape me), and I am always almost dying (getting run over, robbed, almost raped by the homeless, electrocuted by the toaster oven for sticking a fork in it). This isn't even everything.... There is a shit ton more I can provide, but you get the idea. I am fucking cursed by gypsies of something.

So yeah.. this is me asking you for help because Yahoo Answers only made me feel insecure about myself. Seriously... they are so mean. I mean.. you guys are pretty assey sometimes, but they are EVIL. Anyways..

Can anyone give my some advice on how to lift this curse? And please for the love of Edur don't you dare fucking tell me that there is no such thing and that i'm crazy and or paranoid. Someone, somewhere knows the answer and hopefully that someone is here...


Top 8 Hero/Villain Fights

8. Future Peter Patrelli VS Future Sylar (HEROES TV Show)

Fire? HA!... Ice Bitch.
Fire? HA!... Ice Bitch.

Heroes Season 1 was pure excellence. Anyone who has watched it from beginning to end will tell you that. It had the charm of a well written comic book while managing to keep a certain realistic approach that allowed anyone and everyone to sit down and enjoy it. Though the show lost it's edge after Season 1, and got pretty fucking weird if I may add, it still left us with some great fight scenes and battles. This is Numero 8.

Yup. That's it. Though we didn't actually get to see the fight itself, it still gave the fans what we all wanted. A fucking showdown between Sylar and Peter. The thing about these two were that they were so different they were alike. First you have Peter (The jackass with the fire powers and the super corny hair and scar). Peter is the boy scout of the series. He's a male nurse who's only goal in life is to help people and keep his family happy and he even does it all with a fucking smile on his face. Though originally he thought his powers were that of the flight variety, he later found out that his powers were to "mimic" the powers around him. Just like that. He doesn't even have to touch you. If you can spit acid and you even look at this guy, he will be able to too. Like the Kirby of Heroes except he doesn't suck... as much. Second you have Sylar (The dude with the Ice powers and the crazy eyebrows in the video). Sylar is the main villain throughout Season 1 and he has the power to literally take the powers of another. Sort of like Peter, but less subtle. This foo uses his telekinesis (which he also stole) to saw open the heads of those with powers, then stick his hand inside their brains like some sick, twisted sock puppeteer and VOILA! He has their powers... the only downside is that they're dead... unfortunately. So obviously they have some similarities and a show down was what was really needed at the time. The entire place and time for this battle is too confusing and complicated to describe, but that's not important. The importance of this battle is that it finally happened and boy ol' boy, does it look like some shit is going down outside that door. Stupid doors.

7. Batman VS Joker (BATMAN: ARKHAM ASYLUM Video Game)

I just want a hug... don't make it weird.
I just want a hug... don't make it weird.

What can I say about Arkham Asylum? It received massive critical acclaim from both fans and game critics alike, made a shitload of money, and even brought Superhero Games to a whole'notha'level. Following the graphic novel with the same name, Arkham Asylum gave us gamers a breath of much needed fresh air and even managed to spawn an even better sequel. Throughout the game, us gamers are provided with great action sequences and battles, but the most memorable has to be the finale of the game. The big brawl between Joker and Batman.

What the flying fuck Joker? Joker failed to beat Batman even as a giant venomous Bane-Monster. After drinking a serum that transformed Joker into this abomination, he challenged Batman to a one on one fight to end Batman's horrid night at Arkham as some sort of Cherry On Top. Batman also has the chance to turn into a giant Batman-Hulk, but refuses and takes the antidote instead. Joker, pretty sure that he has now won, attacks Batman with a hoard of his own henchman and of course Batman wins, because Batman ALWAYS wins. Though the fight was both embarrassing and hard to play because deep down we all wanted Joker to come out on top, it still makes it's way on this list for the simple fact that Batman being the pimp that he is, fly's off into the night in his Bat-Mo-copter (?) to not go home and rest, but to go find 2-Face and continue on being Batman like all that shit that just went down didn't even phase him. What can I say? He's THE GODDAMN BATMAN.

6. Sylar VS Heroes (HEROES TV Show)

Sexy pose in 3. 2. 1. *YA TA!*... Dammit Hiro.
Sexy pose in 3. 2. 1. *YA TA!*... Dammit Hiro.

Heroes shows up twice on this list because of how sexy it is. The finale of the show "How To Stop An Exploding Man" ended with a... "Boom". Throughout the series we get to see 9 (I think) different characters develop, fail and thrive on their own and in this episode we finally get to see them all fight together to defeat Sylar as well as The Company and Letterman (Those last two aren't really important, I promise). Sure half of them just watch in horror as Sylar goes apeshit on Peter, but a few manage to jump in to some degree and help out.... or get in the way, whatever.

(The actual fight starts at 2:20 and I apologize for the shitty music. It was the closest thing I could find on Youtube that had the whole battle in it.)

The premise is really complicated, but the idea is that their lives since The Heroes first found out they have powers pretty much led them here. Since day one they were mean't to be here and finally they end up here trying to stop Sylar... and Peter who is actually far more dangerous. Though Sylar has only killed a handfull of people, Peter is threatening the lives of hundreds of thousands. It's complicated, but i'll try to explain it the best I can without making you want to shoot yourself. Peter before this battle knows he's going to explode. He accidentally took the power of some atomic dude and now he has the power to nuke shit. The thing is he knew he would explode before he actually got this power. Some dude who Sylar killed had the power to paint the future and in doing so he figured out that Peter would in time nuke New York City and even warned him. Peter even fucking dreamed what would happen and even managed to figure out the day of the explosion and instead of locking himself away in some nickel bunker in the middle of the Pacific (he could have easily flew there...) he decides it's best to stay in the center of a hugely populated city to fight a dude who is Defcon 20 compared to him. With the help of a time travelling Asian, a super strong/psycho blonde chick, a mind reading cop who doesn't do shit but get shot and a normal guy with horned rim glasses, Peter finally defeats Sylar... well the Asian does, but still and Peter's brother flies Peter into the sky to kill nothing but the innocent birds and probably Canada from the nuclear fallout. This fight was short and not what it could have been, but overall it was a fantastic ending to a fantastic show. This is where Heroes ends people.... anything after this DOESN'T FUCKING EXIST, YOU HEAR?

5. Autobots VS Decepticons (TRANSFORMERS "ALL OF THEM" Films)

On your marks. Geeet set. Go! *TRANSFORMS*... Sanava bitch.
On your marks. Geeet set. Go! *TRANSFORMS*... Sanava bitch.

We should get one thing straight before we go any further. Transformers as a series sucked ass. The movies were all boring and I seriously still have no clue what any of them were about. Throw in a hot piece of ass, some explosions and BOOM! You have yourself a Bay Film. At first glance this may sound like a good thing, but the fact of the matter is 2 hours of slow-mo boob running in front of explosions is annoying as hell. If I wanted to see an ugly hot girl semi-naked, there are plenty.. PLENTY of other ways to do so that are far more rational. Then there's Shia Ladouche. To me, he will always be the half retarded kid from Even Stevens and no matter what he does he will never be able to change that. Now that I have gotten all that out of the way there is also one thing you should know. THESE MOVIES HAVE GIANT CAR ROBOTS FIGHTING TO THE FUCKING DEATH.

If that doesn't get your man card hard, get out and just give up on life. This is pure awesome sauce on top of friendship tacos. These fights... all of them.. are the only reason any of us actually go to see these shitty movies. I really hate to throw the word "Art" around, but ... ART. The way the creators can warp and twist the cars into humanoid robots right before it flings itself into the air and trashes all the other 'bots is pure art. Sure the characters (if you can call them that) are shallow and lack any depth whatsoever, but they still pretty much kick ass. I don't know much about this specific battle other then the realization that the trees from The Wizard Of Oz and the Lord Of The Rings still haven't found a peaceful place to live.

4. Hit Girl VS Goons (KICK-ASS film)

Googling "Hit" "Girl" "Cunts" with safe search off, is probably the worse thing you can do. Ever.

No other comic book film has caused more controversy. Apparently 10 year-old girls aren't suppose to call people "cunts" before shooting them in the face and slicing their friends up with a katana, but that's what made Kick-Ass so fun to watch. We forgave the cheese factor for the edge factor and that's why it as a film was a success. Unlike many other Superhero Movies/TV Shows, Kick-Ass answered questions that aren't usually answered or even asked in other superhero movies. Why? How? and What the flying fuck? Why would someone dress up in a costume to fight crime? How would they not die after going up against 10 armed dudes? What the flying fuck is Nicolas Cage still doing in movies? His shovel face should be far, far away from the big screen. Though the movie wasn't perfect it provided us with some great laughs and action scenes.

How kick-ass was that? That one fight alone made up for all the cons of Kick-Ass. The story is simple behind this fight. It's one that many of us have had happen to ourselves. Dad gets kidnapped and killed, so being trained in close deadly combat like the ninjas we are, we use our talents to help our costumed friend break into the crime lords executive building and slaughter all his henchmen before finally killing him. Simple enough right? PS Kristen Stewart can't act for shit. Sorry Joan Jett.

3. Andrew "Apex" VS Matt "Matt" (CHRONICLE film)

Heeeey Macarena!
Heeeey Macarena!

Chronicle remains the only superhero film to this day that I can watch over and over again because it's so gripping and relatable. We all have either met an Andrew "The disturbed guy who's socially dead" , a Matt "The cool guy who knows the socially dead guy, but is too much of a douche to even acknowledge him" , or a Steve "The Charming Black Guy" or can even see a bit of each of them in ourselves. What Chronicle does is it shows us the point of view of the villain. For once we not only understand the bad guy, but we actually feel sorry for him and want him to succeed. At least that's how I felt when Andrew "The Apex Predator" snapped after he accidentally killed his only friend in the world (Steve) and soon went spiraling into a vicious circle of both fear and hate. With Andrew's mom dying of cancer and his abusive alcoholic father beating him every chance he gets as well as his bully classmates, Andrew was already pushed to the point of no return. With this final battle we see what happens when you take everything from someone who had nothing left to take. Someone with mo'fuckin superpowers.

Ok... maybe it wasn't exactly all there, but you get the point. Dude goes apeshit on city after he finally snaps. What had happened is Andrew ended up in the hospital after a failed attempt to rob a gas station. Why was he robbing a gas station you might ask? To pay for his dying mother's medication, which she desperately needed. While he lay unconscious in his hospital bed his abusive father thought it would be wise to not only inform him of his mother's death, but to put the entire blame on him by telling him she died after he had left her alone to search for him. Then being the great guy that he is, he thought it would be a awesome idea to try and punch his own injured son to finish it all off. Andrew, now more pissed than ever stops his dad's attack and spontaneously blows a giant ass hole in the hospital building before finally tossing daddy dearest off the side of the building. Believing he has nothing left to live for and that every human is now beneath him he trashes the city and kills several civilians as well as armed police officers before finally being confronted by his cousin Matt "The douchebag". Matt had earlier saved Andrew's father from the fall and had tried on at least 3 occasions to end Andrews reign of terror peacefully, but had been overpowered by Andrew each time. While Andrew is distracted, he uses his telekinesis to take a giant spear off a giant statue and plunge it through Andrews chest, killing him instantly. The best thing about this fight is that Andrew is almost asking to be killed, but knowing no one is able to do so he continues on killing everyone who gets in his way of killing everyone. Though the good guy still wins, Andrew went beast mode and for that it's much appreciated.

2. The Bride VS O-Ren Ishii (KILL BILL VOL. 1 Film)

Why didn't I just bring a gun?
Why didn't I just bring a gun?

What happens when Tarantino makes any film ever? It blows your mind with both a killer sountrack and a killer cast. Kill Bill returned the golden age of martial arts films to current canon and for that alone this film is already a plus in my book (I don't really have a book).

If you haven't seen Kill Bill then you and I can never be friends ever. With a classic story founded on vengeance and betrayal how can this movie not interest you enough to rent/buy it? You have ninjas, samurais, hot ladies with swords, dudes who choke themselves while masterb--.... whoops. In this battle we see The Bride take on O-Ren, her best friend. We know they're best friends because they even have a little saying and stuff. So being the respectable bunch that they are, they decide to fight with both honor and courage to the death. With the great music and epic sword fighting this fight easily tops the Crazy 88 fight for it's sole badassery and finesse. The Bride gets cut and O-Ren being the bad bitch that she is, willingly allows her to recover. This of course comes back to haunt O-Ren for The Bride isn't so confident and forgiving. The Bride mercilessly slices the scalp off of O-Ren without a second thought and even takes her bloody scalp as a souvenir (Just kidding, but still. Bad Bitches up in here).

1. Superman VS Batman (Batman: The Dark Knight Returns Comics)

Dununununununununu FATMAN!
Dununununununununu FATMAN!

Not many people read comics, but for those of us lucky enough to throw away all our pride for that small sliver of entertainment, we get awarded a gem every once in a while. Batman: The Dark Knight Returns is one of these gems. Chances are if you read comics at all, you have read or at least heard of The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller. It's set in an alternate universe that tells the tale of an older Bruce Wayne and an even older Batman.

No Caption Provided

Gotham has slowly been clamped by a young, ruthless gang of teenage punks known only as "The Mutants". Being the badass senior citizen that he is, Bruce decides that Batman is still needed in Gotham City and picks up his cowl and cape one last time. This of course causes a wide variety of problems when both The Mutants and Joker himself comes for the Caped Crusader. A final showdown between the Joker and Batman results with Joker committing suicide by twisting his own neck and the police chasing Batman, thinking he is now a murderer. After joker's "murder" and an electric magnetic pulse in Gotham , Superman is called in by the U.S Government to put an end to Batman and his control of Gotham. After a tough battle between Batman and Superman, Batman defeats Superman with the help of Green Arrow, before finally dying from an old fart heart attack. After Bruce's death, Alfred destroys both Wayne Manor and The Batcave before having himself an old fart stroke. After Bruce's funeral, it is revealed that his death was staged as an elaborate ruse; Clark Kent (Superman) attends the funeral and gives Robin a knowing wink after hearing Bruce's heartbeat as he leaves the grave site, suggesting his silent approval of what will happen next. Sure neither Batman nor Superman kick the bucket, but it's still great for what it is. At first glance this may look like something to pass up, but what not many non-comic readers know is that this is one of the very few times Superman and Batman have gone head to head. It is also used by Batman fanboys like myself to reason that Batman can in fact destroy Superman if pushed hard enough. The entire book was epic and will be remembered for decades to come. Batman FTW.