Is it even possible to be disappointed by a game that was slated to be coming out years and years ago? Thanks to the magic of the borderlands first access pass, I was able to find out.

Duke Nukem Forever, from what the demo has shown me, is a mixture of old school and new school in ways that don't work. You have regenerating health, you have a 2 weapon limit (hello Halo) but ultimately you have it all thrown at you in a shooter that is too linear to really let you experiment with the weapons that you get. Ultimately, Duke Nukem Forever feels like the poorest hybrid of these two schools of shooter thought. Of course, I can just talk about the demo, I don't have any intentions of buying the full game after playing what I've played (and I couldn't even compel myself to finish the demo itself).

What the hell? Is this the game that gamers have been waiting for? I actually wonder who was waiting for the game? Maybe if you haven't been following the current trend of videogames in the last 10 years, this game would seem awesome. But maybe it's just the fact that I play a lot of shooters that has tainted my consciousness?

Okay, I should probably actually break down my feelings and actually try to articulate why I don't like this game.

1)I guess it doesn't feel anachronistic enough. Maybe if the entire game celebrated its anachronism the way that serious sam did I would like it better. Serious Sam was a game that felt fun because ultimately it didn't really try to be anything modern. If Duke Nukem Forever just put me in a level like the old days and said "here you go, have a couple of weapons and fuck around" I think I would excuse the fact that there's really nothing compelling.

2)Seriously? You're using fucking QTEs? I never really liked quick time events, and especially not when I could be doing something a lot more interesting to the enemy than hitting spacebar over and over again until I kill the enemy boss.

3)For a game that seems to be really into the whole halo experience, it didn't really do anything to add strategy to the encounters that I had. The regenerating health is way too fast for you to really care about whether or not you're in cover or not. I guess since it's a Duke Nukem game you're not supposed to care? But then again, you will unexpectedly die from the dumbest shit.

4)Does anyone care about Duke Nukem as a character? Throughout what I played of the demo, I couldn't not really muster up any feelings for Duke as he did cool shit. I didn't even care when he fucking destroyed enemies. Maybe it's because Duke Nukem as a whole is not a relevant character, especially considering that every Hollywood action hero that he is parodying has long since retired from the acting scene (See Arnold Schwarzenegger).

5)The interactive bits are interesting, but not in a way that really detracts from anything else. I don't want to say cliched shit like how the controls are not compelling enough, but the entire experience of playing the game makes me feel like I'm playing a version of halo that has a dude talking crass the whole way. And this is presented in a way that is not fun to me.

Ultimately, I'm glad I didn't waste my money on DNF. If this demo is a sign of what's to come, there is nothing in here that anyone that enjoys games really has to look forward to. It's too modern to be a throwback, and too poorly executed a nostalgia trip to actually be interesting enough to warrant playing any further. If anything else, playing this demo has made me realize that Serious Sam is a much more interesting series, and I am now actually looking forward to the continuation of that more than DNF.

(Edited to add (unfiltered) to the subject. This is really more of a rant than anything. I probably will never be able to muster up as much emotion for this game ever again.