Ouch man, sorry to hear all that.
FWIW - the hardest lesson I learned about relationships was that you can care about somebody very much, and they can care about you, but both of you together can be utterly incompatible. (Relationships are always about compromises - and sometimes, you can't find a middle ground.)
If you have unresolved feelings, you need to talk them out (if she wants - if she's already dating starting new, it's usually a sign she's moved on or is trying to move on), but also make sure you're not trying to breathe life into something that isn't around anymore.
I know this is kinda wishy-washy and vague, but each relationship is different, and what is right for one relationship is totally wrong for another one.
Good luck.
Thank you for your reply. You are right. We both cared about each other. But we just weren't compatible. We just didn't communicate well. I was hoping there was someway I can work on my communication skills so I we can understand each other better. But maybe it's too late for that.
The relationship didn't work for a reason. You both made a decision that seemed pretty reasonable to me.
While any break-up sucks, you should stick to your guns; your past self was right.
What if I was wrong? That's the question that plagues me. What if we could work it out and learn to understand each other?
OK, tough love. It sounds like your girl was looking for a reason to bail and used your work trip as the reason, honestly. If she wanted to make it work, she would've put the work in instead of arguing about petty nonsense.
"I don't know what I should be doing"
Sign up for that Tinder or whatever it is young people use to meet girls.
"and I really don't know if I still stand a chance"
You don't. She already moved on.
"but I'm thinking about asking her to meet me to talk things out"
There is almost no way this ends well for you.
"I don't want to lose her"
She's gone, bro. Sorry. It really sucks. You will not move on from reading my post, and that's OK. Take your time, and use it constructively. Get off the Internet. Work out. Learn something. Volunteer, it's a great way to meet people. Don't try too hard. You will not be able to completely avoid the pain, but the worst thing you can do is stew. Recognize that you are not trapped by your longing, that you really are free to find someone else, that your pain is fleeting and an opportunity for growth. Listen to The Cranberries. Hope that your ex-girl has a nice life, and be glad you're not part of it, she wasn't worth your time.
Your healing process will be a little rocky, but know that it's up to you, and you can start that process today, right now, by moving on. You. Will. Heal.
Thank you for replying. I know I'll heal. A part of me still wants her back. I think it'll take some time before I am truly over her.
If she's moved on to a new relationship then she's made her choice and you can't expect her to drop that relationship to be with you. Like the other posters in here, I'd echo that you should move on to something that works for you as well, but I also think that it's important to understand that in future relationships you can't brush other peoples' serious concerns aside for your personal plans. Taking a month-long stretch away from a person is going to put a strain on most relationships and your girlfriend understandably expressed that she was unhappy with that. Maybe you want to be in a relationship where you can take month-long trips away from another person and that's fine, but you also can't approach a situation in which someone might have a problem with that as some sort of failing or character flaw on their part. When you and a partner have a difference of opinion, you need to take care to listen to them and reach a compromise. You also need to consider that most relationships won't survive long periods of separation with minimal communication; that's not good for them, and that having regular arguments is not part of a healthy relationship. It sucks that this happened, but dust yourself off, find some activities to get involved with to take your mind off the breakup, and when you go into your next serious relationship, make sure that you are never dismissive when someone tells you they're unhappy with the way things are headed between you.
Thank you. I understood my mistake in the relationship. I didn't give her the importance that she deserved. She wasn't a priority. The long distance made it worse. I was hoping I can work on myself and reach out to her once to see if she wants to try again. I read an article on getting her back (https://getyourexbackpermanently.com/win-your-ex-girlfriend-back/) that basically said I should not contact her for a while and try again if I am ready. The article suggested I should figure out what went wrong in the relationship and improve yourself before trying again.
I think one of the main reason the breakup happened was because of my lack of communication. I could have communicated more effectively. I am thinking of reading some books on communication before contacting her.
Also, unfollow her on Facebook so you don't see her updates on your home page, and resist the temptation to go peaking at her profile. No good can come from that.
I must emphasise just how important this is. Not only must you accept that you need to sever ties physically, you also have to separate yourself digitally, too. She has moved on. Wallowing in the past, and potentially exposing yourself to emotional trauma through seeing photographs of her with somebody else is absolutely a worst-case scenario in the painfully raw short-term if you still have feelings for her. You can't hang your hat on the thought of her coming back--it isn't healthy.
It's a good idea to work on re-establishing yourself as a single, independent entity. Bring joy to your life by focusing on yourself. As others have suggested, this is achievable by doing things that make you feel good about yourself: exercise, organising something special (a trip; attending an event of some description; a party with close friends), and indulging in a hobby (or hobbies), new or old.
You may have low points, and everybody resurrects themselves post-breakup on different timescales, so there's no magic point at which I can guarantee you're going to be 100% 'over it', but it will happen eventually--you just have to put yourself on a healthy coping programme in the meantime until it does.
Thank you for your advice. It's hard to get back in the dating game. But I am feeling better slowly. I am feeling a bit of freedom but I still miss her everyday.
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