My Villainous Cronies

If I were to take over the world, I would need an evil crew to help me in my world domination. Here are the video game characters I would pick for my team:

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  • Position: Main Sponsor and Distributor

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    Purpose: Where my unlimited funding comes from.

  • Position: Main Headquarters

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    Purpose: My hometown. My main base. My sanctuary.

  • Position: Sidekick

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    Purpose: My loyal and trustworthy partner in crime. Has a thing for killing frogs and toads. Strange hobby but what the heck, she's mine!

  • Position: Personal Assistant (PA)

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    Purpose: Ensuring that my evil schemes are working according to plan.

  • Position: Personal Bodyguard

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    Purpose: To protect me 24/7. During his spare time, Andore enjoys choking random pedestrians to death. Now that's what I call taking the initiative.

  • Position: Personal Bodyguard

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    Purpose: To protect my beloved queen 24/7. The Witch is also a great scout who can buy pizzas and diet cokes in record time due to her speed. Tends to have mood swings and will often cry for no apparent reason.

  • Position: Base Bodyguard

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    Purpose: Protects my base around the clock. He was originally my personal bodyguard but due to his slow pace, the Pyramid Head is demoted into guarding my quarters.

  • Position: Evil Mad Scientist

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    Purpose: To help create the most diabolical and satanic creatures/ soldiers. A very high maintenance doctor due to his ability to only exist on a 16mm film projectile.

  • Position: Evil Mad Scientist, Researcher

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    Purpose: To build soldier robots with gay names and invent weapons of mass destruction.

  • Position: Head of Research

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    Purpose: My key researcher. Suffers minor brain damage and cannot pronounce certain words correctly. Very passionate with "the loyfe cycle of nature."

  • Position: Head Accountant

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    Purpose: Oversees my organization's finance, audits and salaries.

  • Position: Weapons Expert

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    Purpose: Provides supply of weapons and ammunitions.

  • Position: Military Advisor, Psychic Expert

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    Purpose: Advices on wars, battle tactics and prank calls.

  • Position: Head of Medical Dept.

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    Purpose: Acts as my organization's nurse, doctor and surgeon. Has the tendency of killing her patients. Naughty naughty.

  • Position: Druglord

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    Purpose: To obtain resources and connection from underground mob bosses.

  • Position: Head of Mars Division

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    Purpose: He's in charge of my base in Planet Mars. Yeah, that's right. I have a base on Mars too.

  • Position: Chief of Military, Recruiter

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    Purpose: In charge of the welfare of my battalions.

  • Position: Demonic Recruiter

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    Purpose: In charge of recruiting demons and monsters from Hell.

  • Position: Chief of Security & Extermination

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    Purpose: In charge of security and household pests.

  • Position: Warden

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    Purpose: In charge of my prisoners.

  • Position: Head of Humanoid Soldiers

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    Purpose: First-in-command, all soldiers obey his orders.

  • Position: Lieutenant

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    Purpose: Second-in-Command of my chaotic combatants.

  • Position: Head of Demonic Soldiers

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    Purpose: To lead the hellspawns from Hell.

  • Position: Dungeon Keeper (What a coincidence!)

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    Purpose: Takes care of VIPs (Very Important Prisoners) by keeping them in the dungeon, torturing them, starving them to death, and make them play awful games such as E.T., Superman 64, Plumbers Don't Wear Ties, etc.

  • Position: Sergeant, Soldier

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    Purpose: In charge of infiltrations and covert operations.

  • Position: Spy

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    Purpose: To obtain top secret information from the enemies. The Chameleon is a gifted master of disguise who can imitate anyone.

  • Position: Spy

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    Purpose: To misinform my competitors/ enemies.

  • Position: Scouts

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    Purpose: To create havoc to my competitors.

  • Position: Informer, Soldier

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    Purpose: Obtain reliable information from street gangs, soldier.

  • Position: Annoying bastards, Soldiers

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    Purpose: To be annoying to my enemies by chewing the crap out of their heads

  • Position: Soldiers

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    Purpose: Soldiers.

  • Position: Soldiers

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    Purpose: My unit of destruction.

  • Position: Soldiers

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    Purpose: My unit of destruction.

  • Position: Soldiers

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    Purpose: My unit of destruction.

  • Position: Fortune Teller, Witch Doctor

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    Purpose: Predicts my future and the future of my Villainous Cronies. If the future is not what I want it to be then she'll make it happen.

  • Position: Pet Monster

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    Purpose: To keep me entertain. Fluffy and cute, I treat it as my indoor cat. Loves to burn people into skeletons. Awww, isn't that cute?

  • Position: Pet Monster

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    Purpose: To keep me entertain, to guard my backyard and front yard. Its favorite food is faces.

  • Position: Chef

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    Purpose: To prepare meals for me and my evil units.

  • Position: Gardener

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    Purpose: To take care of my ginormous garden. His duty is to mow the lawns, trim the hedges and water the plants. While he's at it, he cuts trespasser's heads off with his big ol' scissors.

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    (Thanks to EightBitShik for the gardener suggestion)

  • Position: Slave

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    Purpose: Amusing me, fetching me a cup of tea and perform various labour works. She was originally my hostage but after her knight in shining armor got tired of saving her worthless butt repeatedly, he personally told me to do whatever I want with her. Heh, whatever you say!

  • Position: Jester

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    Purpose: A gifted clown and entertainer, his purpose is to amuse me and my beloved Queen with his cheap circus and magic tricks. Salary none.

  • Position: Former Advisor

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    Purpose: Was my military advisor. I had him executed for almost taking control of my leadership. Plus he was flirting with my Queen. THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW!!