@slag: I get what you’re saying. However, I’m afraid she won’t understand my concern for secretly not wanting to have a child. I know her, I know that she will try to convince me that the odds of me passing down my bad genes could be very slim but I just don’t want to chance the odds. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if my child received all of my genetic baggage. It’s no way to live. I know they would hate me for it.
I understand your fear and I think it's rational to be worried about passing on what you have, but are you sure that you are properly assessing what's the greater danger to your relationship?
You are worried about a hypothetical problem (that you and your wife won't be able to reach an acceptable compromise on kids) in exchange for a severe problem that's happening right now.
Think this through. How does this play out for you if you continue doing what you are doing? I see 3 possibilities
If she catches on soon and discovers you lied to her, she'll likely be very hurt and feel betrayed in a way that she may never forget. She may leave you
If she catches on years from now, she may rightfully resent you (especially if she feels robbed of having a chance at having a child) and never trust you again. She may leave you
If she never finds out, your guilty feelings (which you clearly already have) will likely eat at you creating emotional and communicational distance that will cause your marriage to suffer and may cause your marriage to fall apart anyway
Ask yourself this is there any possibility , any possibility at all, if you continue to hide this from her that it ends well at all? Personally I think your odds are of saving the relationship if you continue with what you are doing. In the very "best" case scenario she never finds out and you are miserable with guilt the rest of your life. That's no way to live man
meanwhile if you tell her now, it's probably gonna be extremely uncomfortable and it may indeed go badly. Maybe even the worst case happens. But at least you've got a real chance of and your wife will know that you love and trust her. And that's the difference. Some chance of a happy endings is a lot better than no chance if you ask me.
I'm sure you are right, that your wife will try to convince you that you might luck out on genetics. I think you owe it to her to at least hear her out. Neither one of you probably honestly knows what the real risk is. It might be that you are wrong or she is or both of you. Go to see some specialists together and let the experts tell you both together what the actual facts are. The will make better decisions with better information.
It may be that once you've demonstrated that you trust her and you are still unwilling to conceive with her naturally after you've gone through that, that she'll be open to other options that you guys both find agreeable (donor sperm, adoption, something else). But you only get that outcome if you are honest with her now
the longer you keep this a secret, the more harm it causes to what you guys have. I implore you to reconsider before it's too late while you still have a chance to repair this.
If you need to , don't just take my word for it. Ask a therapist, a close member or friend who can keep this private until you decide and I'll bet they will tell the same as I have told you.
That's my last comment on this. I realize you didn't start this thread with this kind of feedback in mind and I don't want to badger you. But I'd feel horrible if I didn't at least try to help you fix this mistake while it's still possible. I can tell you are in a lot of anguish.
Best of luck man, I know this is scary. I'm rooting for you.
My wife and I have been trying to have a kid for about a year now. I just found out a few months ago that I’m infertile but never told her. At first she thought it was her, but I think she’s starting to get suspicious and wondering if I could be to blame. I love her a lot and I’m afraid she’ll leave me. But the biggest reason why I haven’t told her is because I’m too afraid to bring children into the world. I’ve had numerous health issues, learning disabilities, disorders, etc. Since the day I was born. I don’t want to pass on my genetics. Yes, just about everything that I have is hereditary. I couldn’t do that. I believe it’s selfish. Anywho, what about you guys? What secrets do you have?
If you are really worried about her leaving you, I'd be much much more concerned about her reaction if she finds out you've been keeping this from her than the fact you have a blameless medical issue. Especially given that you guys are actively trying
There are ways to deal with your concerns, but you can only have a chance at solving them if you guys talk about it and work together. You obviously love your wife very much, by that same token if you do truly love her you should trust her enough to be honest with her about your worries.
Let's back up for a second here. Ask yourself what is the real problem here?
You are not getting paid to play games (as far as I know). You won't be penalized for not starting or finishing something. Unless this is a job for you somehow, this should be fun not stressful. Why is it a bad thing in your mind you have these unplayed games?
i.e. which one(s) of these is it?
You worried spent too much money on games
You are worried about wasting money and thus feel guilty about not playing what you have
You wanna #jointheconversation about popular games and have fallen behind in keeping up
You've started too many games and now are overwhelmed about how much content you have left to play
Something else I didn't articulate
If it's the answer is 1. Sell back any physical copies of games you don't think you are going to play this month and reduce your spending.
If the answer is 2, as long as you are well within your budget of what you can afford on entertainment and are having fun realize you money has been well spent whether you finish everything or not. Not like a person who pays Netflix every month watches every bit of content they offer right? Slow your future spending of games if it continues to bothers you.
Every game you listed that you started and listed a concern about, just cut bait with them now. That means drop (if you aren't having fun, couldn't tell with that one). Be done with these games, take them out of the equation entirely just like you would a "finished" game. Most of what you listed you definitely already got your money's worth out of these games based on the hour counts you mentioned.
Doesn't matter what I or anyone else here thinks of them, you clearly aren't enjoying playing them atm based on your comments. Like @banefirelord said There's no shame in moving on when you are no longer having fun. Your time to play is likely more limited than your choices of what to play are these days.
Don't worry about , if you wanna only play it mp that's totally fine. So I'd just wait on your friend it take off the list until your friend decides. If your friend ultimately decides not to play anymore for good, well then you can decide if you wanna go back to it on your own.
Up to you on XCOM2, as you know XCOM games are kind meant to be replayed anyway. I don't think you'll lose anything worthwhile by restarting a 4th time. .
Then I suggest playing a few short games off the list. are 2 really good games in your list you can clear in well under 10 hours. You'll likely feel a little better if your list is smaller. Given how much like XCOM2 I'd say give Invis Inc a look. Subtracting the things you don't want to play more of and those two will shrink it a lot.
Then when you are ready for a big game I suggest starting with . What's unique about that game compared to other long games. is you can more or less decide how long you want to play it. You can play it for 20 or 200. You can really can. It's also widely considered one of the best games of this gen. You might enjoy deciding for yourself. And since you mentioned long length is a negative for you, this game gives you control over when to go to endgame so you can "end it" anytime you more or less want to (depending on your personal skill level).
After that I suggest checking howlongtobeat.com playtimes of what you have on your list and playing games that have a length you are in the mood to play. I'd suggest rotating between long and short length games so you don't burn yourself out.
may not be bad one to tacklesoon too, given that it's medium length and recently very popular.
p.s. I don't think it took me 25-30 hours to clear Arx (more like 15-20 and I did every sidequest), but everyone's playstyle is different
p.p.s don't feel bad about this, every gamer is dealing with this issue these days. Hope you have fun whatever you do!
@ginormous76: Well don't go crazy, Push too hard and it turns into a job and you could burn out. Plus as you mentioned you got a family.
I think as long as you meaningfully decrease the size of your backlog, that's a win.
Here's what I'd suggest you tackle off your list based off your comments
Since you are already midway or playing these, First finish (either credit roll 'em or drop 'em if so inclined) these would be my suggestion
Modern Warfare 2019
Final Fantasy 8 Remastered
Telltale Batman Season 2
Then I'd suggest only doing 2 maximum games at any given time. 1 for your Switch 1 for XB1/PS4. Dunno if your wife is into co-op plays, but a lot of what you have on PS4 are games I know a lot of couples like to play together (LiS, Walking Dead, Detroit). Might be worth considering
I'd suggest going in order something like this for your next switch games
River City Girls
Resident Evil 4
For your next PS4/XB1 games I'd suggest an order something like this
Final Fantasy XV
Walking Dead Michonne
Double Dragon Neon
Walking Dead Season 3
Taste is subjective but I'd suggest considering Bailing or at least tabling on these right now, can reassess after RE3 remake
To me your stated interest in the above games sounded half-hearted or your already played them and they are long. Just chucking them off your to -do list will help it feel more manageable. You can always add them back in later if you really feel strongly about them.
What I'm trying to here is give you a mix of stuff so you get to some of the longer games you want to play, but also get some easy clears so the stack decreases. And also frontloading the 2 biggest games so that you've got time to finish them before your deadline. If you get 10+ off your backlog with only playing 10-20 hours per week (ontop of playing MP games) I think you are doing great.
Hmmm well disappointment implies, expecting something to be good and then being let down. Most of what was mentioned already I was aware ahead of time going to be underwhelming before playing it. Honestly I'm generally so well informed in this era thanks to GB etc, that rarely happens anymore
There's so much about that game that really really works (the look, the tone, the level design, etc). So I get why it has such passionate fans and why Alex was so into it and why I was honestly surprised I didn't like it.
The early-mid game insane difficulty spike and sheer volume of recycled content (enemies, environs etc), just really soured me on it. Not to mention the game's systems seem inconsistently balanced. I'm not somebody who really believes in the "games that don't respect my time" argument, but this was definitely a case where I feel it to be true. I'm not interested in spending 80-100+ laborious hours on something that's clearly better off as a 20 hour experience.
Ngl, I was pretty upset when I heard Dan was leaving but now I'm excited for him after hearing his motivations on Minnmax.
All the best to you man, hope you get to tap into that creative impulse you've got. You've certainly got a talent for coming up with entertainingly goofy ideas. Your roller coaster video and Mario party shenanigans where some of my favorite content you made while you were here